To break is all I know Chapter 16: A distant memory, a bleach fanfic

I do not own Bleach … :) and I do not earn any kind of money from this snippet.

This chapter had been beta-ed by Cittyno2 (thank you very much). If you find any mistakes, it is her fault (not mine).I wish you pleasant reading.

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To break is all I know

Chapter16: A distant memory

"I had no idea of the existence of Antique cultures before stumbling upon an interesting book called Hypatia.

I was barely 10 when dad threw that book in the trash saying something about useless junk and, as any good child, I was able to steal it right from under his nose. It didn't matter anyway because after two pages of erratic reading, my sudden burst of energy transformed immediately into a heavy boredom. Therefore, the book found shelter in an obscure corner of the room I shared with Yuzu, where we used to deposit useless things dad bought for us.

Three years later in another bad mood induced by Yuzu and her infinite love for furry animals, I found the same book I had neglected for so many years. Only then, I realized what it contained … the life of a woman that gave up everything for the sake of science and knowledge. A woman I began to admire and study in my spare time. What could a middle scholar like me do apart from soccer, occasional homework and reading?

I guess the one thing that really attracted me at her was the stubbornness and cleverness radiating from her actions throughout the whole book. At first, I didn't understand why the church accused her of witchcraft. All she dared to do was study math and the star's position in order to decipher the true shape of Earth and its elliptic movement around the sun … but later I found out about the woman's role in society during those times.

Such an act of devotion and love towards culture coming from a woman was rarely seen in those dark times. For some reason I cannot blame them for thinking ill of her, because she was an interesting creature and one of the few that dared to cross the line drew by society for women.

However, part of me is still an incurable feminist.

Now that I think about it, everything sounds ironic. Who had heard of a feminist tomboy?"

Kurosaki Karin's diary

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Another eventless month dragged Karakura into the beginning of a yet another frizzy winter. It wasn't still any snow or temperature below zero degrees, but the whole town was submerged in a laziness of some sort, giving a vague impression of stagnation. Lifelessness seemed to have taken over the mass population of Karakura and none knew how this happened, not even the Shinigami.

Karin blamed the early start of winter and her family agreed since it was rare to see such coldness in the first part of December. Over this little aspect, window shopping seemed to be women's main occupation now that winter had official been installed in the little town. The mall had been assaulted by frenzied people that found their clothing stash unable to sustain the sudden weather change. Not even Karin had been spared from this atrocity, because Isshin found the perfect excuse to drag them at a nearby shop and buy boots and other stuff necessary for the cold season. Of course going to a shop was Yuzu's biggest weakness and Karin had been forced, not only once, to ask her sister to abandon the embarrassing drooling over a pair of leather boots.

Still … even Soul Society seemed to be affected by this sudden paralysis, because every single party involved in Aizen's search was screwing it up big time.

To say that nothing notably happened in the one month that had passed since Karin's last encounter with Renji and the crew was obvious enough. The three Shinigami, Renji, Yumichika and Ikkaku, rarely accompanied by Byakuya, visited the Kurosaki household only to give a detailed report to the two thirsty males inhabiting it and sometimes to make fun of Ichigo's unfortunate demeanor. Not even Byakuya could contain the sarcasm from flowing out in waves that tumbled over the teen, especially when Ichigo was beginning one of his usual speeches about sibling love blah, blah and crap. However, none spilled anything about Toshiro's possible return in the Human Word, probably fearing another panic attack or maybe something worse than that.

The red pineapple head was the only one that eased his pain by inventing something about a clue they found related to Aizen's disappearance, even if, in the end, it was all a lie.

They hadn't found anything that could lead them to Aizen or Hueco Mundo, which vexed every single one of them, because it gave an aura of helplessness to Gotei 13, Central 46 and Soul Society in general. Infinite studies and debates concluded in something plainly obvious, but just as useless: he had vanished, taking with him even the slightest trace of reiatsu. Some even cheered happily, thinking that Aizen was probably dead, rotting in the human world, but the others knew he was hiding in the dark, waiting for a chance to strike back.

All of these were aberrations from Urahara's point of view, who was sure neither of the theories was even close to the brute reality. Aizen hiding was probable, yet a strange tactic coming from someone with an ego of that horrific magnitude, but Aizen dying was just impossible. In one of his rare spats of anger, the ex well-known captain blamed Yamamoto for taking the complex situation so lightly and not strengthening the seal around Aizen's cell.

If he was right or wrong, didn't matter, because Aizen was out in the open, free and in a place, none thought he would dare to hide.

Yamamoto had commanded a rapid search that shouldn't have taken more than two weeks, since Aizen was freshly out of prison and weak (or so they believed), but even after two months nothing beneficial had been discovered. For once Gotei 13 desired to give up and leave it like that, because they were all tired of long patrols around Seireitei's white towers and interminable night shifts that ended in tragedy, because they were too tired to fight against the Hollows that attacked them mercilessly.

However, what scared them more than anything was that Aizen has yet to make a move. What was his sick mind boiling this time?

Moreover, if it wasn't enough, Central 46 was getting bored with Gotei's predicament and they were even considering a retreat of forces from the Human World back between the safe walls of Seireitei. They didn't know that this kind of decision was like falling neither right into Aizen's trap, nor did they care; after all, it won't be the first time that happened either.

Soul Society was like a volcano waiting for a signal to go KABOOM!

Meanwhile, throughout Soul Society's struggle for finding Aizen, Karin had been busy with other things, like evading (at all cost) the same Aizen they were looking for; pretty ironic.

Therefore, Karin had tried, countless times, to ruin his chances of cornering her in the locker room or any other private place, which could become a hindrance when there was no escape route (apart from the main door). For example he had almost caught her in the boy's bathroom (what was she doing there will remain a mystery), but luckily for her the windows proved to be large enough to squeeze through. After this peculiar incident, the young Kurosaki noticed that maybe she was just being a little too paranoid about Aizen. After all, it's normal for a guy to go to the toilet … in the male section.

However, at the next soccer practice Karin was reminded, by a lustful gaze owned by none other than the red haired goalkeeper, why did she run away from him like a demented woman. It appeared that soccer had become a living nightmare, rolling in her schedule weekly and screwing with her sanity. For the first time, she wished there was some way of bypassing soccer, and implicitly Aizen.

On the other hand, Aizen was being a prick, as always, staring at her whenever he was getting the opportunity. The others didn't notice the man's sudden interest in the team's captain, but Karin was continuously feeling his gaze on every part of her body, burning like fire. This whole situation was driving her in a pool of insanity, being aggravated by stupid teammates, incompetent fathers and Ichigo-dumbness.

With very much effort on her part, Karin finally noticed a strange reiatsu, the same she had felt that day in the laboratory, but its source remained unknown. As that day,it was accompanied by a tingling sensation, but held something more dangerous and deep inside it … something not even Karin could name, or maybe didn't want to.

In total opposition with Karin's erratic state of mind, Aizen had calmed down (noticeably). He was acting as usual, apart from the staking game around the school, on the soccer field and in the locker rooms. Not once had he stopped laughing at Karin's uncomfortable pose, or at her failed attempts of evading him. The only reason of why did she escape so easily from the traps he had created especially for her, was because he let her do so; and the fact that he was able to see the little Kurosaki squirm for something else than a win in a soccer match, has something to do with it.

Even with the support of his intelligent mind, Aizen still cursed himself for that outburst of instinct, but became aware of its necessity later. It was all for the better since he had found out Karin's little secret. His usual talk companion, and one of the only woman who did think before forming an opinion, was the sister of not only the one he despised above anything else, but also the one that crushed his ambitions under a façade of confidence and power. Never had he hated anyone as much as he hated Ichigo, but raping his sister wasn't the type of revenge he had in mind. There were some other ways, far more appropriate and painful with which he could torture the Substitute Shinigami.

There was something else that bothered Aizen throughout this long period and it remained unresolved. He didn't understand why he had forced himself upon Karin, when it wasn't his style to do such an outrageous thing. In fact, maneuvering, modeling and manipulating ones feelings, turning him into the perfect puppet, was what he liked to call his specialty.

So why did he do it?

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It was the 7-th of December when Karin finally decided it was the perfect opportunity to visit Urahara. She wasn't anywhere near eager to meet the obnoxious ex captain, who was also the one and only supplier of Shinigami stuff she could find in Karakura, but she was in grave need of a new anti-Hollow pill and he was the only one that could provide it. In addition, it had something to do with Jinta's matutinal phone call, ranting about Urahara demanding her immediate presence at his Karakura headquarters; as if he had any other shop.

'Lucky me' thought Karin.

He might have added something else, but Karin had hanged up on him with the excuse of being too early for a serious talk. It was nine o'clock … and Monday. Calling a Kurosaki at that hour, Yuzu being the exception, was insuring a straight path to hell, helped by a kick in the ass delivered by the hurt party.

Karin sighted when she approached a park arranged for little children and adorned by colorful were two more blocks and the shop would come into view.

A child ran by her, stumbling just beside her and kissing the ground after an acrobatic fall. Karin watched in awe as the little creature stood up and continued his path like nothing had happened, even if his knee was bleeding enough to hurt a giant. Not once had it crossed her mind that he reminded her of another child she used to know … herself … playing on a soccer field with a gang of middle scholars, accompanied by her dear geeky friends and an epic-entry Toshiro.

One tiny part of her conscience cried after the beautiful days of her childhood when innocence and love were being used in conversation as point of reference, when the world was painted in white and black, when … life was simpler. And it was okay to cry after that, but not dwell on it too much. Time passes and nothing can stop it, but if she was lucky, Karin could make it bearable.

The girl's steps hurried down the street, while her mind instinctively crossed over the impossible barrier of time, focusing on a distant memory, forgotten in a corner of her conscience, left there to rot for eternity and not be remembered. If she was already aware of the triggered memory, she didn't show any distinctive sign of distress. Only a silent moan passes through her parted lips as a long lost discussion surfaced above all other mind processes and took over ... everything.

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On a tiny patch of fresh green grass, the only one left by the destructive force of autumn, two figures were longed, looking quite relaxed. The tallest was reading a book, its title being hidden by an old overcoat, while the other was peering the horizon, probably looking for something interesting to observe.

"Samaki?" Asked Karin, resting her head on the elbow as she angled it at the right side of her body.

"Hm?"

"Did you ever think that women should stay at home and become housewives instead of going to school and being equal to men?" Attacked Karin, not bothering with an introduction like the one she used to when talking with the demure male.

However, Aizen raised an elegant eyebrow, knowing that it will annoy Karin above anything else, but answered reticently closing the book with a snap and rolling closer to the girl. His chocolate orbs were at the same level as Karin's curious gaze and it took all of her self-control not to blush or show any sign of weakness. If she did such a thing, there were 100% chances for Aizen to use it against her, or if she was lucky, just mock a little, leaving her alone after that.

"All the time, but nobody listens." Smiled the man with that usual expression of smugness glowing on his white marble face.

Gritting her teeth in annoyance, but being in a good mood, which happened rarely, Karin decided to leave it alone. She just snapped at him with not too much fervor.

"Sexist bastard" after an Aizen pout, or something struggling to resemble it, Karin continued "Now seriously … I demand an answer"

"And I shall not give it to you" came back the reply "What have gotten into you that made you start such an unusual topic of conversation?"

Karin struggled to find an appropriate answer, or at least another than the one she had in mind, but in the end she failed. Accompanied by a painful sight, the girl declared in a low voice, almost praying for Aizen not to hear any of it.

"I want to know your opinion since you are a man and all that crap that comes with it." Her tone came back at the usual number of decibels as her eyes made contact with Aizen's "When I was little I found this book called Hypatia … a novel that had been written by an obscure author, who had no idea how to link two words without sounding awfully ridiculous. His writing skills could have easily rivaled mine, without adding that I was 13 at that time."

Aizen looked impatiently waiting for the rest of the story. "And?"

"I read it, but I didn't care about stuff like literature skills, because there was something more captivating than that in those pages." She had noticed the curiosity mirrored in the man's eyes. It seemed to be the only emotion he was capable of feeling in those few days they had spent together. Finally, she answered, sparing him of another torturous question "A woman, a philosopher who lived in the 4-th century. I wish I had known her. A powerful woman that didn't fear religion, men, swords and over this … she didn't fear God."

Aizen snapped back in a sitting position, unbalancing the girl sitting next to him because of his unexpected reaction. He turned around slowly, but Karin was already prepared for the horrifying eyes meeting her own, being used to Aizen hypersensitivity over the god topic. There were limits to his obsession, but when gods were involved, nothing seemed to matter.

"Humans that do not fear god, or at least something above their condition, which is usually called divinity, are very dangerous." He stated seriously.

"And why is that, all mighty king of the seen and unseen?" Mocked Karin, as she rose from the ground, finding a good spot to rest on just by his side.

Aizen eyed her again, not even trying to scare her away. She was too accustomed to his temper and creepy attitude to run away. If she had felt threatened by his presence, she would have run away a long time ago or maybe immediately after meeting him.

"Because, all mighty queen of sarcasm, those humans cannot be stopped on the path of ascension" replied Aizen, shifting closer to her.

"You're telling me that such a human, if left alone, can become a god?" Aizen nodded, not bothering to explain his theory to someone that didn't listen to others opinion anyway "I thought you were the one with blasphemy crap and humans DO NOT equal god. What happened? Did you have a sudden revelation or did your human mind find a solution to break the limitations of human-hood"

Aizen frowned as the wrinkles drawn between his eyebrows furrowed further into the skin. This only made Karin happier, as a beautiful smirk flowered on her lips. Still, she didn't stop from the rabid attack, continuing to ask question after question, realizing that Aizen won't be able to answer to all of them at once, but seeking for a genuine answered.

"Do you think we may be able to surpass the human condition and travel beyond it into a totally new level of knowledge? Do you think we can become like Hypatia, geniuses for our era?"

"I do not think it's possible!" Stated seriously Aizen, stopping her in time. Only to be assaulter by another wave of unwanted questions.

"Why? You have said just yesterday that …" she tried to continue, but was rudely interrupted by the man standing by her side.

"I'm not eager to become like Hyatia because she was a woman and believe me … no man can be happy to transform into a woman."

As a natural reaction to Aizen's words, Karin stared for one minute, processing the proposition. When their meaning dug in …

"You're an asshole, Aizen!" She screamed, poking him in the eye with a sticky stick she had found on the ground in her search for a good attack weapon "I was being serious here. No need to get all defensive with your masculinity"

Karin finished talking while striking him with the same stick she had previously used. This time Aizen defended his face from the mercenary woman, deflecting her attacks with elegance and easiness. In fact, it looked like he was not even putting effort in his defensive, just enjoying the little quarrel they seemed to share.

"I'm not defensive" he said, avoiding a supposedly dangerous punch in the face "And your punches are pathetic …"

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"I miss those discussions. He always had an able tongue," stated Karin, checking out a sheep-shaped cloud, traveling on the blue cover, tailed by a horde of pigs and cattle clouds. Losing her focus for a second, Karin dreamed on whatever was possible and impossible, only to burst in a fit of laughter a moment later "It really sounded bad …"

She was defiantly pulled out of the flashback when she arrived at the little shop located between tall buildings, still holding a fresh air of superiority over them. The shop's architecture wasn't overstepping the boundaries of richness or poorness, but reminded Karin of the lost age of Samurais and Ninjas fighting for supremacy; and it didn't look remotely old. Still the banner on which four Japanese symbols were imprinted gave up its real intention. Something that didn't relate, apparently, to samurais, swords or any unnatural aspect.

Urahara Shoten.

A name that lacked imagination, but was definitely better than "The Silver Dragonfly". This was also the shop from where Renji persuaded her to buy a pair of glasses. She had regretted it the moment she had seen the bright pink, heart shaped, shiny glasses chosen by none other than the shop's owner, Shirogane Ginjirō. To say that she had thrown them in the trash would be redundant, but she did it after smashing them in a death grip and stuffing them down Renji's throat. How did she get them back in order to dispose of them? Only Renji will know for the rest of his Shinigami life, but the conclusion was: since then, neither of her brother's Shinigami friends had tried to give her glass-related gifts ever again.

However, this little building held one of the grandest businesses between the Shinigami and the convicted captain. From this point of view, Urahara's little shop was above any other in Karakura or Soul Society. It was the only shop from where Karin didn't fear buying anything, because Urahara had the best articles in both worlds and didn't care for consequences, because everything was safe proof. Well … anything but a product named Kon.

Karin sighed loudly, puffing away an annoyed groan, when she remembered Kon's lastattempt of cornering Yuzu … in Ichigo's body …

"Stop dreaming Kurosaki and come inside!" Screamed Jinta from the porch, or the place where a porch should have been assembled "He has waited for two hours. He even began singing and hasn't stopped since" continued the boy, pointing angrily at the opened door "Hurry up. I'm sick of his shitty voice and Tessai's always bickering."

Suddenly thefigure of a tall, broad-shouldered man shadowed the boy's fragile form and Jinta raised his head watching in apprehension as Tessai approached him. A long shadow was slowly covering his eyes, but the murderous intent was radiating from his being like an artificial sun. Even Karin felt it from 10 meters away, so it was no way Jinta wasn't expecting the torture that was sure to come.

"Jinta-dono…" whispered the tall man.

Jinta froze when the husky tone reached his ears. He turned around, facing his walking nightmare and trembling like the coward he really was.

"Karin-dono … he's in there" said Tessai politely, pointing at a crack left in the front door.

With a smirk attached to her lips, the girl bowed, this being her way of thanking, but threw a sardonic glare at the witnessing boy. After she was done with the pleasantries, she reached for the handle but not before mocking him with her usual (not funny) sarcasm.

"Good luck, sucker" she whispered in Jinta's ear "See you after you get pwned"

"Kuro …" yelled Jinta, but a hand covered his mouth, squashing him in a tight embrace.

Karin rolled her eyes and left the two males with their unusual bonding. She could swear she had heard Jinta muffled screams, possibly from repeated blows in the sensitive area of a man's body, but he should have seen it coming when talking bad about Tessai.

"Kurosaki-san" sang the shop's owner as she opened the door "With what can I serve you today?"

Karin scowled at the shop owner, preferring to do so instead of showing the surprise and scare he had given her when he appeared before her from a static shunpo. Urahara should have known better than doing such a thing to a non-Shinigami, but the man was well-known for his unethical behavior so everything was unexpected when being around him. She pushed her lips in a thin line, deciding that sarcasm was the best solution.

"I would like some pizza, a cup of coffee with four cubes of sugar and a sweet desert"

After a long contest of staring at one another, Urahara gave up and opened his fan, hiding the lower part of his face under it without covering the two deep eyes shaded by the strange hat resting onto his head. Maybe it was his method of protecting himself from outer attacks, but the man was too complicated to be understood in the little time they spend together (once a week when she came to refresh her supplies). She could dare to state that he was almost as complicated as Aizen, but only the thought of him gave her the chills, therefore she abandoned the topic.

"You tell me, since Jinta seemed so stressed at the telephone" when he didn't respond, Karin continued "Will you tell me what's the problem, poker face-san?"

"Did you ever think of becoming a Shinigami?" Karin's gaped mouth answered his question. Never had she thought he would approach her so directly; it was highly unusual "I know you must have …"

"If you are so sure, why ask in the first place?" Remarked Karin, eyeing him strangely.

The blonde man smiled slightly, lowering the fan for a moment. He took a seat at the round table, crossing his legs in an odd type of Indian style. She wavered when he invited her beside him, but her legs already hurt from the strenuous way from home, so she accepted his invitation, knowing that she'll need all the rest she could get before going from here to Karakura High School.

"I've never understood you. Sometimes you remind me of Ichigo-san" his fan snapped shut in his opened hand "Sometimes you're the spitting image of your father, when he's not goofing off of course" added the shop's owner, noticing the dark aura surrounding his dear customer "Sometimes you try to outsmart me and that's when I do not know who's the source of this distinctive trait"

"You are the one that's playing mind games and maneuvering bullshits" smirked Karin evilly "I'm just ensuring my safety"

"Beautifully said, Kurosaki-san" smiled Urahara, tilting his head forward as a sign of praising.

"Please tell me, because I don't have all day. What do you want?" asked Karin rapidly.

Urahara didn't look pleased with Karin's directness, but being used to it at a certain level helped get over his usual conduct and begin the real conversation. After all, he was the one that bluntly asked her about being a Shinigami, so it was natural for the girl to fire back. He groaned and placed the fan on the table, being already too stressed to use it. Silence seemed to envelop the little room, but Urahara dispersed it with his next serious statement.

"Your reiatsu is going to get Soul Society's attention sooner or later, but the worst part is if it gets some other party's attention, like …" he scraped his chin "a Hollow's for example"

"What do you mean?"

"I felt an interesting energy one month ago in the region you had fought that Arrancar, but I had to process it with my new invention, that wasn't … err … perfected at that time. But now it's ready and I can sell it to you at the amazing price of …" babbled Urahara, being rudely stopped by his customer.

"Spare me!" Commanded Karin.

Urahara apologized with an awkward head bow for the short divagation he had unintentionally added in his epic discourse.

"And I found out that it was a Hollow's" when Karin's expression didn't falter, the man smirked slightly, uncovering his eyes from under the hat "it had a level of reiatsu above anything I had seen. I don't know who was there, but its power was comparable with the Primera's"

"You do not mean the First Espada, right?" Asked the girl rapidly, in a rush of fear.

If the first Espada had been in Karakura, or spied on her, the human population was in grave danger, and implicitly her. Still she waited for the owner's response before panicking. Maybe it was a term he used for freshly born Arrancars.

"I'm afraid that's exactly what I mean. That's why I advise you to accept my next proposition. It's your choice of course, but please do understand that you're putting your sister and your classmates in grave danger just by denying this simple truth"

Karin gulped, listening closely to every world leaving his mouth "I'm listening."

"You have to learn how to control that huge reiatsu you seem to posses, because from now on even the slightest spark can light up a forest." Sang the man, humming happily

"What do you want me to do?"

"I'll teach you, but combat isn't contained by out deal, because I do not want to enter in an altercation with your father. He is a good customer of mine" Karin rolled her eyes at Urahara's antiques "I'll show you some harmless reiatsu controlling and if you're going to be good, maybe some kido. However I do not expect too much, since Kurosaki-san is a walking disaster at controlling his spiritual energy."

Karin tried to complain about this deal, but a rough glare stopped the words that were about to be spoken. Not wanting to upset the one who will be her sensei, Karin accepted, but didn't linger too much at the shop after that. There were other things that required her presence and bickering with Urahara wasn't one of them.

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A sneeze echoed in the dark and gloomy cemetery. Karin covered her mouth, muffling the puffing sound, but not enough. A bird that found shelter on a three's branch, flew away in a rush when the strange noise reached it.

The scene was reminding Karin of a bad horror movie Isshin forced her to watch, saying something about Movie Family Night. And the long shadows spared by funeral tombstones witnessed the last ray of light, emphasizing the resemblance between being in a graveyard at night and an old horror movie.

Karin watched as the winged creature left behind a trail of white feathers, not being even remotely bothered by the nightfall's closeness; her mind was occupied with other things, important things.

White … the color she loved so much, but didn't dare to wear because of its intensity. There was also the distant memory, which apart from giving her the chills, spread a tingle of uneasiness regarding the dissimulative power of this flashy color. Once upon a time, in her long lost childhood, a teacher said something about white that marked her for eternity. She had said that it is a tricky color, since it describes purity and innocence, but can also be the perfect disguise for evil because it can hide underneath it the blackest of things.

She finally reached the tombstone of her mother's grave. After she had changed the flowers with fresh ones, which were accidentally white roses, Karin took a solemn pose in front of it, with her legs underneath her body and her hands crossed over the chest. Maybe it didn't seem like a usual position someone would take at her mother's grave, but this was Karin's way of paying her respects to the one that created her from mere atomic particles.

"Mom" she began, smiling sweetly at the stonewall and at the name written on it "We are fine. Dad is as energetic as always, goofing around like an idiot, praying at your poster like it's god reincarnated" she made a pause, remembering the scene he had made the morning after the freshman's ball "Yuzu wants to be a doctor, so she began studying chemistry and biology two years ago. I'm sure she'll accomplish her dream. Ichigo isn't his usual self, but I cannot blame him after losing most of his powers in the Winter War" her eyes fell on her backpack "And I … I'm having this predicament that cannot be shook off easily."

She shifted slightly on the spot, recollecting her voice. One of her heads sneaked onto her neck.

Karin had been able to conceal the dark bruises on her neck for one week and a half, until they were partially healed, and after that Yuzu's makeup made wonders, covering them completely under a thick layer of woman dust. Luckily, for her, neither of her siblings had noticed the dark dots decorating her neck and after another week, it did not matter anyway, because they were finally healed. So only, she and Aizen knew of the red scarf's secret and both of them decided, instinctively, to keep it under the dirty little secret label.

"There is this boy, Aizen Samaki. I think I hate him, but I'm also too attracted to him to distinguish between hate and … love, want; don't know how to call it." Karin clenched he hands hard, until her nails were digging into her fragile skin. "I knew that teenagers are supposed to have these contradictory feelings, but I don't want them. I like him or I do not like him; there's no middle way." She relaxed her hands, hanging them by her sides. "Am I crazy for still being attracted to him, even after what he did. I think I forgave him a long time ago, but I still bare the scar of his rash actions. He has this totally alluring personality and he isn't the usual type of boy … he's something else, mom"

She bowed until her forehead reached the cold surface of the tombstone. "I'm such a fool" whispered the girl, talking more with herself than with her mother.

Heavy steps attracted Karin's attention as four figures approached her. Judging their size and the absence of any trace of elegance in their rushed movements, Karin could easily deduce they were boys and, over this, they were, possibly, bullies from her school. She didn't dare run, being too proud to do such a disgraceful thing. She knew there was only one way of dealing with the high-school delinquents and it was through punches and well-aimed kicks, not kisses and hugs.

"Look what we found here." Remarked a tall boy with tattoos all over his left arm. "If it isn't Kurosaki Nr. 2" he cracked his knuckles, being copied by his other three goons "I'm feeling lucky tonight"

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I began school, so from now on I'll try to update every two weeks, but I make no promises. If it's more than that I give you my sincere apologies, but I have projects, homework and other problems I do not want to detail. Anyway I'll give my best and hope apologies won't be necessary *snicker*. I gotta go finish my "custom made" web page.

Maybe many of you may ask how can the Shinigami (plus Urahara) avoid the Aizen-subject when being around Karin. There will be an explanation, but later. I also have to be careful, because if any of them spill it, Karin will make the connection …. Aizen Sousuke equals Aizen Samaki. Karin's relationship with Renji is strictly platonic. They have a sibling-like relation and nothing more.

Over 300 reviews o_O… I cannot believe it! And I got 2k+ hits last month. Hurray! Thanks to Sweet And Deadly, my 300 reviewer.

Starting from now I'll try to picture Karin's relationship with Toshiro (in the journal part). Till now I have written only Karin's feelings after Toshiro's departure but I didn't detail the actual facts that happened between them. Btw I began watching One Piece (Luffy is the only anime character that can be compared with Naruto's stupidity and Black Star's confidence) and I also love when Zoro calls Sanji "king of retardia" or "ero-cook" – they are absolutely hilarious.

You're right …. Karin and Aizen do not act like two people in love and it's too soon to say they're in love. Just like you said … it's only need so far, but the "need" can become something more if I pull the right strings (which is obviously very hard). I do not usually enter in the touchy subject of religion, and I hope I won't do it again.