A/N: Thanks to all the amazing reviews! I apologize for not getting to all of them! I love each and everyone of them! Especially the ones bursting with hate. No really, my favorite ones were the insults. They were awesome. Anyway, I had this dilemma: answer all the reviews OR write the chapter that everyone was clamoring for. I chose writing. I hope you forgive me!
Major thanks to twicrack83 and MarchHare3. They are amazing betas. Really, they stepped up when I really needed them. These lovely ladies are doing an excellent job making this mush presentable for you. And they don't even know how well they work in tandem. *special presents from Edward*
Thanks to nowforruin!
Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** You may want to skip the italics.
Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie
xoxo
Chapter Eighteen: Comprehension
"Edward, I'm pregnant."
"What?"
My mind finally cleared, and I was ready for action. I was stung by a poisonous scorpion. I had to get to the hospital immediately. Even if I would be okay, it could harm the baby. I had to get there now.
"I'm pregnant."
"What the hell?"
"I'm preg—nant." Rolling my eyes, I moved as quickly as I possibly could, the pain flaring up now that my sudden breakdown was over. "We need to get to the hospital now."
I limped to the trail, using my hands to hold on tight as I rushed down the rock face. My calf muscles began to seize like I was having a charlie-horse.
My face scrunched up in anguish. "Edward, do you have something to use as a tourniquet on my leg?"
Edward stood silent, and frozen behind me. "Edward!"
He shook his head, but his eyes stayed wide like he was still locked inside his mind. He gave me a bandana from his bag. I tied it as tight as I could directly below my knee. I didn't know if this was the best thing to do, but you're supposed to keep snake venom from spreading, so it couldn't hurt.
I flew down the trail, motivated but wincing from the pain. We made much better time down than on the way up.
Edward didn't say a word the entire way down, and I wasn't up for making polite conversation.
This probably wasn't the best way to tell him of my predicament.
I began to feel woozy after we passed back over the dry creek bed. Fortunately the yoga-ists were gone. I stumbled but Edward caught me in time. Instead of letting me keep walking, he swept me up in his arms and began jogging to the car.
"It's okay. We're almost there. You're going to be fine." I tucked my head underneath his chin, trying not to cry, barely containing a whimper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella."
He set me down in the passenger seat of the car and buckled me in. The pain grew, my entire leg throbbing like I was having an allergic reaction. Darkness began encroaching on my vision.
The driver's door slammed and Edward revved the engine, peeling out of the parking lot.
The darkness was beginning to win. "Edward, my baby. Please take care of my baby."
Just before it all went dark, I heard, "I'm going to take care of you. You're both going to be okay."
I may have been mistaken but it sounded like his voice broke a little at the end.
OoOoOoOo
I drifted in and out of consciousness. I'd wake up only to be dragged back under by the pain. Before I knew it, my door was being opened and Edward was lifting me effortlessly into his arms. I leaned my head weakly against his shoulder, utterly exhausted.
"I need help here!" Edward hollered. "She's pregnant and was stung by a bark scorpion."
The scurrying of ER staff came bustling to his shout, and I was set down on a gurney. Our separation woke me up enough to be cognizant of the situation.
"Don't let them touch me!" I said desperately.
I looked around frantically, blinded by the bright ceiling lights. I couldn't find Edward anywhere and I began to panic, the anxiety taking over my body. I was going to bring on a flashback without anyone else's help.
"Edward! Don't let them touch me!"
A nurse with a condescending scowl leaned over me. "Lie back and be a good girl. We need to touch you to make you all better."
"Please, don't," I whimpered.
She ushered a male doctor to my side and gestured to my leg. I tried to get up, but the nurse gripped my shoulders, holding me down. Shocked by her aggression, I didn't have time to react before the doctor snapped on some gloves and grabbed my leg.
Jimmy squatted down in front of me and gently moved my hair out of my face, holding his hands to my head. He forced me to look up at him, tugging my hair in the process.
"I've been looking for you everywhere, Isabella." He smiled. "I always find you."
My adrenaline peaked and despite the drugs I was able to smack Jimmy's hands away from my face.
I wasn't just terrified. I was angry.
I struggled to pull myself to my feet, focusing on the steadiness of the floor. Floor was down and ceiling was up. Even if my body forgot, my mind still remembered.
Jimmy leaned back against the pool table seemingly amused with my effort. He crossed his arms over his chest and crossed his ankles like he was relaxing on a yacht, not watching his ex-girlfriend struggle to stand.
"Isabella, you know better than to fight back. Come now. You know I always get what I want." He didn't reach for me, which boosted my confidence.
"Except me." I glared. "You won't ever get me."
"That's where you're wrong, Isabella. I get everything that I want. Everything."
I looked around the room, as much as I could without losing my focus, but there was nothing within reach that could use as a weapon. Across the room pool sticks hung on the wall, but I would have to get past Jimmy first.
I tried to call his bluff. He said that he loved me; he wouldn't hurt me. "Whatever, Jimmy. Just take me home."
He walked towards me taking slow deliberate steps, forcing me back against the wall. Without warning, Jimmy slammed both of his hands on the wall on either side of my head. I jumped, fear flowing through my veins.
He leaned his face close to mine so I was breathing his air. I could smell alcohol on his breath, strong and rank. His eyes flickered from mine to my lips, before he licked his own.
I turned my head away from him before he could kiss me.
My obvious rejection caused him to slam his hands down again. This second shock forced me into action. I placed my hands on his chest and tried to push him away.
It didn't work.
Jimmy grabbed my shoulders and forcefully banged my body against the wall.
"You. Will. Be. Mine," he growled, then he forced his lips on mine, crushing my mouth.
"Bella! Bella! You're okay. I'm here. Everything's going to be fine," Edward mumbled into my ear as he rocked me in his arms.
Somehow Edward was on the gurney and I was in his lap. I looked around to find several nurses and doctors standing paces away, staring in a mixture of concern, fear, and consternation.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. They wouldn't let me stay." Edward was still rocking me. I moved to show that I had come out of my flashback, that I was here and present.
"Edward?" I asked.
"I'm here." He moved so that he could see my face. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I should have told them, but everything was so flipping insane."
"I'm okay."
"Miss Swan?" one of the doctors asked. He held up a syringe.
"Uh…" I faltered.
"Can a female nurse or doctor administer it?" Edward interjected for me.
The snotty nurse from earlier stepped forward and took the syringe from the doctor. Edward hopped off the gurney and held my hand as she injected the antivenin directly into my leg. I winced at the pain, which reminded me why we were here in the first place.
"My baby! Is my baby okay?" I looked frantically around.
The doctor who had tried to help me earlier answered me, "Our obstetrician was paged as soon as you arrived. She should arrive at any moment to do a thorough checkup as a precaution, but the antivenin should not adversely affect the baby. Your regular doctor will need to keep a close eye on you in the next week."
"I have an appointment tomorrow with my OB/GYN."
He nodded. "That will do."
Edward held my hand while the nurse cleaned the wound and bandaged the area. Every few moments he looked like he wanted to say something, but it seemed like the nurse's presence held him back.
When the obstetrician arrived she introduced herself as Dr. Maggie Sullivan and kindly asked Edward to wait outside. His face got hard, but before he could open his mouth, I squeezed his hand.
"It's okay. I'll be fine," I said.
"You sure?" I nodded. "Holler if you need me." He left the room with one glance back at me, studying me with a kind of sadness. I didn't want to think about what I saw in his face. I did and didn't want to know what he thought about my secret… which wasn't so much a secret anymore.
I turned my attention to the doctor who was calmly setting up the ultrasound machine. She was petite, my height or smaller. She had a well proportioned body, not too skinny or too fat. Her hair was dark and curly, frizzing around her face. She smiled at me when she caught me observing her.
She pulled up a rolling stool and sat next to me. "Hi Bella, I'm Dr. Sullivan," she reminded me. "And what I am going to do is put a little gel on your stomach and we are going to take a look at your baby. Let's get started, okay?"
I nodded.
She lifted up my shirt, exposing my bump, and squirted some warm, clear gel on it. It made a squelching noise that made me want to giggle, but I held it back. I needed to maintain some dignity.
Dr. Sullivan hummed quietly while she moved the ultrasound stick on my tummy, watching the screen and checking off things on her chart.
I sat quietly, not wanting to disturb her.
"I heard there was quite a scene in the emergency room," she broke the silence.
"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry about that." I wished I had something to distract me; it was awkward enough without talking about it.
"No, they should have gotten your history before treating you. But I heard that your young man was quite adamant about getting to you."
"He's the only one who can touch me."
She cocked her head. "The only one?"
I tried to explain, using my hands. "Well, the only man."
"What happens when a man touches you?"
Closing my eyes, I studied the back of my lids before answering. "What happened earlier, I have flashbacks," I said, disheartened.
She switched subjects, like she knew I was uncomfortable. "So, is he the father?"
"Who?" My eyes flew open like I expected Jimmy to be in the room with us.
"Your young man." She smiled. "The one who threatened poor Dr. Garcia's life."
My eyes widened, I would have to ask what happened while I was out. "Oh."
"Is he the father?"
"Oh, no. He's not the father," I murmured.
"He's quite protective of you." I nodded. Though now that he knew, I didn't know why.
"All right, Bella, everything seems to be fine. Do you want to see your baby?" she asked kindly.
"Yes," I agreed as I felt myself get excited.
She turned the monitor around and moved the ultrasound stick on my belly, searching for the right angle.
I gasped as I looked at the little black and white figure. The picture was fuzzy, but as she moved the ultrasound stick I could see the head, torso, and little legs. Unintentionally, I reached my hand toward the screen to touch the picture, like I needed more proof that it was real.
It was my baby.
"Is this your first ultrasound, Bella?" Her forehead wrinkled up.
"I have one scheduled for tomorrow, but yeah, this is my first."
"By the development of the baby, I would say you are around 20 weeks. Why have you waited? Don't you know that it's dangerous, especially with a high risk pregnancy like yours?" I couldn't tell if she was upset or concerned.
"My mom didn't take me because she was hoping I would get an abortion. And I just recently moved to Phoenix to live with my dad. It took me a little while to tell him about the baby." I avoided her eyes as I gave my excuse.
Because that's what it was, an excuse.
"You need to take better care of yourself and your baby." I nodded meekly. "I'm also going to give you the card of a friend of mine in Phoenix. She's a psychologist, and I think she can help you with some of your other problems." She raised her eyebrows to make her point.
"Uh, thanks. I'll think about it."
"Bella, I'm going to be straight with you. You're going to need to do more than think. You have a baby on the way and that will be enough to deal with," she said sharply.
I shut my mouth, knowing better than to retort back. She didn't know that I'd tried and nothing helped. I wanted to scream.
"Now, do you want to know the sex of your baby?" she asked, returning her voice to its pleasant tone.
I gaped at her. "You know that? You can tell?"
She smiled. "Yes, I can. At this stage of development, although the genitals are still growing, we can tell through the ultrasound the gender of the baby."
I hadn't even thought of the possibility yet. I'd wondered whether I was going to have a little girl or boy, but I didn't think anyone would be able to tell so soon.
I guess it wasn't that soon. It had been four months. Time had really gotten away from me.
"Um, so do you know?" I bit my lip.
"Yes, would you like to?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
OoOoOoOo
Before I exited the examining room I gave Dr. Sullivan an impulsive hug, thankful for her kindness and advice. Though we didn't know each other she set me straight. She told me to get help, if not for myself for the baby. And I think I might have heard her.
Dr. Sullivan rolled me out in a wheelchair, and we found Edward waiting impatiently on the floor outside the room. He never went back to the waiting room. The scowl he was giving every staff member that went by probably was what allowed him to stay.
"Hey," I said softly.
His head snapped up like he was surprised I was there. He jumped up onto his feet, brushing off his pant legs.
"Are you okay?" He looked me clear in the face, before letting his eyes drift to my middle.
"Yeah," I replied and placed my hands protectively on my child.
Amid all the chaos of the evening, I hadn't once thought of Charlie. I guessed I couldn't be faulted. He hadn't been part of my life until recently. But the guilt started coming at me in waves.
"Does Charlie know?"
Edward ran his fingers through his overly tousled auburn hair. "I kinda called him from the car on the way here. He's in the waiting room."
"Shit." My nose scrunched up in disgust. This wasn't going to go well.
"Sorry."
I shook my head. "Not your fault. I'm the one who got stung by that damn scorpion." I let out a disparaging noise. "Well, might as well get this over with. Wheel me out."
Edward pushed me away when I heard my name being called. Dr. Sullivan was hurrying toward us. "I almost forgot to give this to you." She handed me a card. "Please give her a call." She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"Thank you, Dr. Sullivan. I really appreciate it."
"My pleasure, Bella," she replied. "Take care of yourself and that little one, okay?"
"I promise."
She looked up at Edward. "You take care of them too."
"Yes ma'am, I will." He nodded curtly.
We watched as she marched back down the hall, heels clicking. Edward turned my chair and began pushing me towards the waiting room.
"Edward?" I asked, hoping he would stop. He'd been so quiet, and I didn't know what to do. I'd thrown so much at him.
"Hmm?" he grunted.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've thrown all this at you. I would completely understand if… you know, you didn't want to be friends anymore," I almost whispered.
He stopped the wheelchair and came around to the front, squatting down in front of me so his eyes were at my level.
"Is that all we were? Friends?" His eyes were calm, a muted green.
"But I'm pregnant!"
His eyes hardened. "Obviously."
"But Edward…"
"Tell me one thing." He reached up and placed his hand on the side of my face. I couldn't help but sigh quietly. "Do you like me?"
I blushed. "Uh, of course I do."
He rolled his eyes. "You know what I fucking mean."
My cheeks heated up even more, burning at the curse and the implication, but I didn't answer, shyly looking down at my hands.
His hand drifted away from my face, down my shoulder, stopping at my hand. He gently squeezed it.
"Yeah," I whispered, barely audible.
"That's all I need to know for right now." He got up and began pushing me down the hall.
I didn't understand him. But I reveled in it just the same.
OoOoOoOo
We found a haggard Charlie pacing the waiting room. The poor guy looked like he was going to blow a gasket. I didn't think that the purply vein in his forehead could pulse any bigger.
The moment he saw me he rushed forward, ready to swoop me up in his arms in what I imagined would be the best daddy-daughter hug this side of the universe. I flinched back into the wheelchair.
Ever aware, Edward held out a hand keeping Charlie from touching me only inches away.
Charlie's face ashened and he backed up a few steps. "Bella, honey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Dad." I tried to reassure him. "Just a little insect sting. The doctors patched me up and checked me out. Everything is fine."
"I'm sorry Charlie. I've been up Cathedral Trail dozens of times. I never expected something like this." Edward's face dropped, etched in guilt.
I reached out and grabbed his hand. "It's not your fault. It was beautiful. I'm just a disaster zone. Anything bad in a ten-mile radius is bound to find me."
Edward glared at me, not appreciating my attempt at humor. "I really am sorry, Charlie. If I had know about Bella's…" he sighed, and I noticed the skin around his cheekbone whiten as he clenched his teeth. "If I had known, I would have never..."
I huffed, annoyed at his male machoism. "I'm not an invalid! I made it up and down that trail just fine. If it wasn't for that damn scorpion it would have been perfect."
"It was a scorpion!" Charlie yelped.
I winced at his volume.
"Was it poisonous?" He looked to Edward for his answer.
"Bark," Edward replied.
Charlie groaned.
"Guys! I'm fine. I got the antivenin. I got an ultrasound. Everything is all good. The baby's fine! If you want to double check with Dr. Sullivan you can." I proceeded to roll my chair to the checkout counter. "As for me, I'm going home. It's been a long day."
It took only a second until both men followed me.
"Bella, everything is already taken care of. I gave them my insurance as soon as I arrived. As long as you're discharged we can go." Charlie stopped me and pushed me towards the discharge counter.
We had to wait for the crutches that the ER doctor ordered me to use for a week. I had to stay off my leg and use crutches… while being pregnant.
Lovely. That made my night even better.
Edward handed me the crutches. "Come on, Xena. Let's get you out of here."
"Har har," I replied. I stood awkwardly, favoring my right leg. I leaned onto the crutches almost immediately falling over. Edward moved like lightning, catching me before I face planted.
Charlie winced as he watched me try to maneuver forward at a snail's pace. "I'll pull the car around and take you home."
"Dad? Can I ride with Edward? We kinda need to talk."
He looked from my tense face to Edward's serious one, like he was debating whether he would let me go, or try to protect me from myself.
I pleaded with him silently and he finally agreed.
"I'll see you at home, Bells. Edward, you take care of her."
Edward replied, "Yes, sir, I'll try."
OoOoOoOo
The drive was awkward. Actually, it was more than awkward, it was excruciating. Every time I tried to start a conversation he shot me down. The only replies I got were a series of grunts. It was like he devolved back to a Neanderthal.
An hour into the drive, I began fiddling with the radio. I was exhausted. It was after midnight, but I didn't want to fall asleep.
Each time I stopped on a pop song Edward's face twisted up and he glared more dedicatedly at the road. I knew I should be sympathetic. I just dumped all this shit on him. He already had enough of his own to deal with, but honestly, it made me a teensy-weensy bit happy that every song I chose ticked him off.
Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" came over the radio, and I couldn't help but turn it up. It was ironic. That was exactly how Edward was acting. He held me and took care of me in the hospital, but now that I was in the clear, he was silent and taciturn.
He had the right to be pissed. I knew he did. But it still didn't make the song any less ironic.
I sang quietly along, trying not to snicker as Edward's fingers got whiter on the steering wheel. I even bobbed my head a bit to the music. Every few seconds he would sneak a glance at me. His face got progressively tenser as the song went on. I didn't know what I wanted to do… force him to say something, or hope he stayed quiet.
"What the hell, Bella?"
My head snapped up, finding him gritting his teeth as he kept his eyes on the road.
"Uh?" I grimaced. "You're gonna have to be more specific."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did," I replied, annoyed.
"Were you going to keep me in the dark forever? String me along like I didn't matter?" He took both hands off the wheel, tangling them in his hair as he groaned in frustration. A second later he slammed them back down on the wheel.
"Am I completely untrustworthy?" He grabbed my hand gently and held up our laced fingers. "Is this all I am to you?"
I didn't know what to say. I extricated my hand from his and tucked it into my lap.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
He exhaled.
"I planned on telling you. I just didn't want to mess things up." I stared down at my hands, letting my hair become a wall between us.
"Ahh!" I moaned. "I'm already so messed up. I know this isn't fair for you! But no one has ever been so kind or gentle, and I didn't want to give it up until I had to."
"Bella! You don't have to give anything up."
"But I do! Do you want to help me raise this baby? At eighteen? You should go to college and parties and do something with your life."
I stared out at the darkness, the stars barely poking through, like the sky was a mirror of the obstacles in my life. "I've made my choice. My mom wanted an abortion, did you know that? She wanted me to go to the father. But he doesn't know and I plan on keeping it that way.
"I really didn't mean to keep it from you, but I just told my dad." I snorted. "Only after Alice forced me, and she had to pull teeth to find out herself.
"I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't found out like you did. I wish I had told you earlier. But I didn't, and I understand if you need space…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He had been quiet through my entire ramble. I felt on edge for what he would say.
He sighed. "Bella, you are the bravest person I know."
I turned in my seat, surprised. He looked at me through the corner of his eye, and I shook my head at him in confusion.
"I have this terrible feeling. This ripping feeling in my gut that everything is tied together," his voice cracked. "The flashes, how you flinch even when you don't realize it. How you skirt around everyone, and bite your lip. Whatever happened to you…" his voice broke again.
"You don't have to tell me and I won't be mad…" He left it at that, leaving the air wide open for what ever I wanted to tell him.
I didn't know what I should say. Should I tell him everything? Or should I tell him the bare bones? Charlie couldn't handle what I barely told him. Would Edward be able to handle any of it? I wrestled with myself for the remainder of the drive, and I was sure he thought I wasn't going to say anything, but I finally decided.
He deserved to know.
Part of me felt, for some reason, he deserved the truth more than anyone. I'd only known him for a couple of months, yet I felt like I knew him better than myself. I didn't know if it was the soul mate feeling, if such a thing even existed, but he deserved to know.
When we arrived at home he helped me out of the car.
I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Can you come inside?"
He looked at me through his lashes, surprised. "You sure?"
I nodded.
I hobbled to the front door, and Edward helped me inside. He let me lead him to the kitchen. I chose it because I felt most comfortable here. I was my domain, where I thrived.
I offered him a glass of water and directed him to the glasses. After as much stalling as possible we were both sitting at the kitchen table sipping our water.
I took a deep breath and dove in head first. I told him about Jimmy, the entire relationship, more than I'd told Alice, or my mom, or even Bree. He took it as well as he could, but I was concerned. His hands were so tight.
I paused to take a drink and give us a break. Then I told him about Homecoming and the trip to Seattle. I told him how everyone talked me into forgiving Jimmy. I told him about finding him with that girl, and how I broke up with him. I told him how Jimmy didn't accept our break-up and the abuse I received at school.
Not thinking, I charged ahead, explaining why I went to that party. I could tell he was holding his breath as he watched my face in horror. Once I told him what Jimmy did, he flew into a fury.
Before I knew it, he'd gotten up from his chair and threw his fist through the closest wall.
After he removed his arm from the giant hole in the wall, Charlie ran into the kitchen ready with his gun in hand.
"What the hell is going on? Bella? Edward?" He frantically looked back and forth between us.
I twisted my fingers in my lap. "I just told Edward."
So, what do you think? Did he respond the way you imagined? Feed the machine.
Rec's
Hit by Destiny by ocdmess
I've been following this one avidly since it was begun. Amazing. I love Birdward and Sparrow. And Renee is evil. She and I should get together and have a "die-Renee-die-party."
Summary: Bella wants to die, and almost gets her wish fulfilled when she gets hit by a shiny Volvo. She is left with serious injuries, and the only thing keeping her from dying is the person who hit her. AH, OOC, rated M for dark themes and lemons.
Beyond Repair by GreatEscape
I love this vampire Bella. She is so broken and yet so drawn to Edward.
Summary:When the Volturi arrived in Texas to put a stop to the warring vampire armies, Bella was only able to escape with her life by the skin of her teeth. Her search for a better life was not successful. When the Cullens find her many years later alone and seemingly unconscious can they help her to find the peace she once sought or is she damaged beyond repair?