A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews, they are what keep me writing sometimes. If you would like the recipe mentioned in this chapter please PM me and I'll send it to you. It really is good!

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Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **

Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie

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Chapter Nineteen: Confounded

Before I knew it, he'd gotten up from his chair and threw his fist through the closest wall.

After he removed his arm from the giant hole in the wall, Charlie ran into the kitchen ready with his gun in hand.

"What the hell is going on? Bella? Edward?" He frantically looked back and forth between us.

I twisted my fingers in my lap. "I just told Edward."

Edward leaned his head on the wall just above the fist shaped hole, his back to me. His shoulders rose and fell erratically.

Charlie lowered his gun, his face immediately stark white. "Oh."

All in all, it went much better than planned. Edward put only one hole in the wall, not two. And he hadn't said much other than strings of unintelligible swear words. I think any sailor would have been proud.

I watched as Edward's shoulders rose and fell, too quickly at first and then more slowly. He kept his hands braced against the wall with his forehead resting between, like he was too tired to move.

I was exhausted.

I jumped in my seat, my adrenaline spiking, as Edward punched another hole in the wall, directly adjacent to the first. It was like two hollow eyes staring back at me. Nothing was behind them, only darkness.

So much for only one hole.

I wonder if Emmett knows how to fix drywall?

Charlie walked forward placing himself between Edward and I, like he thought anything more than the wall was in danger. I was kinda jealous of Edward. I should have thought of damaging a few household items, or structures… it would have probably helped. Now it was too late. Breaking something would only steal his thunder. Darn.

"Dad, sit down. He's not going to hurt me."

Charlie gave me a skeptical look and appeased me by sitting in the chair next to me, but still between us.

I rested my head in my hand, tired. Too many problems, too much emotion, too many times I had to spill my guts about my screwed up life. I had to live it. Wasn't that enough?

Edward turned around haltingly. I couldn't help but notice the tear tracks down his cheeks. He sniffled and roughly wiped his face.

"What are you going to do?" he whispered.

I waited until he sat down next to me, opposite of Charlie, and gently took my hand in his. "I don't know." I shrugged. "Have a baby? Do my best?"

He tried to smile but didn't succeed. "Yeah."

Charlie cleared his throat, calling our attention to him. Awkwardly rubbing his neck, he said, "Everything okay now?"

I glanced covertly at Edward. He nodded succinctly, closing his eyes. I quietly smiled at Charlie to show my assent.

"Then I'm going to head back to bed. You need to as well, Bells. Long day today and you have that appointment in the morning."

"I will, in a second."

He stood up, scraping his chair across the linoleum floor, but stopped at the doorway. "Uh, Bells? Do you need me to take you?" He looked like he didn't know whether he should ask or not.

I shook my head. "Alice said she'd take me."

"Okay then," he replied. "Goodnight."

We mumbled out goodnights and waited until we heard Charlie's door click shut.

I turned and watched as Edward played with my fingers, so focused. Amidst my story I'd forgotten that I wanted to know what happened when I was out of it earlier. I hesitantly asked Edward to share.

He released my fingers to run both hands through his hair. Leaving them tangled in his auburn locks, he leaned forward on his elbows, resting his head on his arms.

"It was awful, Bella." He shook his head. His eyes were dull and his face slack. "I don't think I've ever driven that fast. You wouldn't wake up in the car. I kept calling your name, but you were out cold. I was so worried that you were dying." His voice cracked.

I reached forward and pulled his right hand out of his hair and took it in my own, gently stroking it back and forth.

"You were still breathing, but I've heard stories from my dad about allergic reactions to scorpion venom. There was a guy who was brought into the ER who went into cardiac arrest from a sting. Dad barely revived him.

"I called Charlie, but I didn't know what to say. All I told him was that we were going to the hospital in Sedona. And he needed to come." He looked up into my eyes. "His first question was if the baby was okay."

I quickly inhaled surprised at Charlie's devotion. Biting my lip I urged him to go on.

Then something dawned on me. If I hadn't told Edward, he would have found out from Charlie anyway.

Holy crap. That would have been bad.

"I parked at the emergency entrance and carried you into the waiting room. They ushered me in immediately. I told them that you were stung and pregnant. A nurse immediately called for the OB/GYN." He shook his head. "They kept asking me questions. How far along you are? What happened? I was barely able to answer. I didn't know what to say. But as soon as they knew I wasn't the father, they pulled me away and stuck me in the waiting room.

"I should have stayed with you." His eyes were tight and they were begging me.

I reached up with my spare hand and placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes, shutting out the piercing green and sighed.

"It's not your fault. You did the best anyone could do. You saved me… us," I replied.

"When I heard you start screaming I couldn't stay away. They obviously didn't know what they were doing. An asshole doctor tried to stop me, but that didn't go so well for him."

My eyes widened. "Dr. Sullivan said something about you threatening a doctor."

He had the decency to look sheepish. "He didn't listen to me at first. That idiot doctor wouldn't take his hands off of you." Edward's face lit up in anger, no longer guilty. "I kept yelling that he was causing it, but it wasn't until I got in his stupid face that he let go."

I squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

"I may or may not have called him a flaming dick head."

I couldn't help but chuckle.

He gritted his teeth like he was grinding them. "I should have done more. This shouldn't have happened to you in the first place."

I rolled my eyes. "It was a scorpion, Edward. You can hardly be held accountable for that."

He dismissed my response. "No, I mean everything. This shouldn't have happened! Where was your mom? Where was Charlie?"

"Don't blame Charlie. He didn't know anything," I said sharply.

"But your mom! Did she do anything?" he continued, still adamant.

"She let me come here." I felt defeated. "It was probably the best thing she could have done for me. I don't know why she didn't do more. She thought I was unreasonable."

"Unreasonable!" his voice rose in volume and octave.

"He had her fooled. He had everyone fooled."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "How could this guy have gotten away with this!

It was my turn to sigh. "I don't know. I don't know, Edward."

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. It read 3:02 am. Holy crow. I had an official doctor's appointment in less than seven hours. This could not be good for my health, or the baby's.

"Hey, I need to go to bed." He looked up at the clock, and the shock on his face showed his surprise at the time.

He nodded vigorously. "You definitely do. Especially after today."

I stood up, wobbling slightly until Edward grabbed my elbow. I smiled at him, but he returned it with a look.

I tried to put weight on my leg but it wouldn't hold. The pain didn't help much either. Edward handed me my crutches, and I glared at the dang things. Noticing my distain for them, Edward looked at me guiltily.

Argg, I thought. It really wasn't his fault.

"Do you want to crash on the couch? Or can you make it home?" I asked as he yawned widely.

"Would Charlie mind?" He nodded towards the couch.

I was surprised he wanted to. After tonight, I thought he would want to get as far away from me as possible, no matter how accepting or nice. Because really, what eighteen-year-old boy wants to get involved with a pregnant rape survivor?

I shook my head speechless.

I really just asked to be polite.

He walked me to my room, like I was incapable of walking myself. Okay, I kinda was. With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he told me he'd crash on the couch for a little while, at least until he felt up to driving.

I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

OoOoOoOo

Ripping, tearing, shredding of fabric. A blow against my face, whipping my head to the side smacking it on the floor. Grasping, shoving—penetrating

It was just as vivid as before. And today's episode made it ever more so because I could remember more clearly what was happening next.

I couldn't escape. I couldn't wake up because in the midst of that room, I knew I was dreaming. I knew this had happened before. But my mind kept telling me it was real, that I would never get away.

The violence, the rage, the victory in his eyes. He won.

I woke up screaming.

"Bella! Bella!" Edward came flying into my room with Charlie right behind him.

"Are you all right? What's going on?" Edward said frantically.

I scooted up against the headboard and tucked up my knees, wrapping my arms around them. I shook my head, trying to tell them I was okay. I leaned my head against my knees and closed my eyes. My heart was pounding, but I tried to regulate it by breathing slowly.

I think that Edward kept talking, but I couldn't focus on him. I had to calm down. If I didn't it could throw me back under.

I reentered at the end of Charlie's explanation. "… every night this week." I looked up to see Charlie shaking his head. "It's only getting worse, Edward."

Edward was white as a ghost. His mouth hung slightly open like he didn't know what to say.

"I'm okay," I finally forced out.

This is just dandy. It's—I looked at the clock—flipping five twenty-seven in the morning. I'd had two hours of sleep, and… Holy crap on a stick!

Edward didn't sleep with a shirt on.

Or pants.

He was in is boxers.

In my room.

Sweet niblets, I could die a happy woman.

I tried to nonchalantly wipe the possible drool off my chin. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I was pretty sure my face was tomato red, but hopefully they thought it was from before, not lusty embarrassment.

Edward turned to me, more composed than before. "Bella, are you okay?"

Uh….

My eyes widened. Did he know what I was thinking? Was he a mind reader on top of everything else?

I let out my most articulate grunt, "Uh."

I couldn't help but run my eyes up and down his body.

Golly, I wish I could touch it.

With my tongue.

Bad Bella! Pregnant teenagers do not think this way!

My mind stopped for a second. Or do they? Most girls pregnant in high school didn't get impregnated like I did. It happened because they willingly sexed up the boys that grabbed their asses too tight. In fact, they probably liked it.

I definitely had to adapt my thinking. An overtly horny mind was most likely the norm for pregnant teenagers.

I could get used to that.

"Bella?" He turned to Charlie, waving his hands. "Is she having a psychotic breakdown? Did I do this?"

Poor Charlie was frozen, but I snapped back into action.

"I'm good." More than good.

"But your nightmare?" he asked incredulously.

Nightmare?

Oh, that nightmare. Right. Yeah. Okay.

"Sorry if I scared you. It's kinda commonplace for me now." I shrugged trying to make it seem less important. Because honestly, in light of Edward's current state of undress, it was definitely less important.

He had no idea what I was thinking. Edward ran his fingers carelessly through his hair. "It shouldn't be commonplace."

"I know." He pulled me down from my ogling high.

Okay, I got in one more good ogle before he really deflated it.

"You need to get some help."

"I know, I know." I repeated. "I promise I'll do something." My voice grated annoyed with the pressure from Edward on top of what I had been heaping on myself. Didn't I know that I needed to get better? What kind of life could I give my baby if I had flashbacks, nightmares, and remained untouchable for the rest of my life? I might as well live in a bubble. I knew I was a freak, but I didn't like Edward pointing out my obvious faults too.

"You know what, Edward? I need to get some sleep." I curled over on my side, effectively shutting him out by giving him my back.

I didn't need this now.

I shut my eyes tight, like it was going to keep him away. Edward stood there silently for what had to be five minutes, but I refused to open my eyes to check the clock. A few seconds later, he exhaled and quietly let himself out. He had no idea what I'd been through. He had no right to give me advice. Just because I told him what happened did not make him my boyfriend, or anything else to me.

I'd done the boyfriend thing once and look where it got me.

I opened my eyes once he was gone and rolled over onto my back. I lay there for a long time before I finally fell back to sleep.

OoOoOoOo

"Good mornin', good mooorrrnin', good mornin', good mornin' to you!"

I woke to Alice singing an overtly cheerful Broadway tune in my ear. Well, it only felt like it was in my ear because she was singing it at the top of her lungs.

I groaned.

"Up and at 'em, Sunshine! It's a beautiful day!" She giggled as she pulled the comforter off my feet. I tucked them up closer to my body as I held tight to the top of the blanket.

"I made you breakfast!" she said in a singsong voice. I smiled. She knew just how to get me. I rolled over with a moan, hopefully signaling my general displeasure, but I couldn't turn down the prospect of food.

I literally ate as much as a hippo every day.

Time seemed to be governed by my eating schedule. I ate… a lot, all day, but I'd been waking up ravenous.

I didn't even bother changing, but followed Alice to the kitchen.

She had a spread that would've shamed my mother on Christmas morning. There were fruit and eggs, muffins and sausages.

"Oh my goodness, is that a French toast casserole?" My mouth watered at the sight of baked bread that had been soaked in eggs, vanilla, cinnamon, and so many other decadent things.

Alice smirked. "Yes, would you like some?"

Speechless, I nodded.

After I loaded up a plate, I was surprised to find Edward eating at the table. I'd been so absorbed by the food that I didn't even realize he was still here.

I blushed at the thought of my actions last night. First the lust, then the bratty-ness.

I ducked my head, peeking up at him through my lashes. He watched me with unabashed curiosity.

I guess it was my turn to give his head a spin… not that I hadn't been doing that all along.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey to you too. How're you feeling today?" He squinted one eye, looking me over.

I didn't know, so I did a general inventory before I answered. "Fine, I guess. Tired. My leg's a little sore. My back hurts, but that's pretty normal. But fine over all."

He nodded once before returning to his breakfast.

Alice flitted over. "Okay, so we have an hour before we have to be at the doctor's. Just enough time for you to get ready."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "Ready?"

Edward tried to muffle a laugh into his plate. I glared at him.

Ali just rolled her eyes, not even deigning to answer my question.

Without further ado, I dug into what had to be one of the best breakfasts in the history of mankind. Literally. I kid you not. I even sprinkled walnuts and syrup over my French toast. I definitely learned to appreciate the small things in life.

"Mmmm," I moaned.

Edward smiled halfway. "Good?"

"Yes, you have no idea."

He laughed as he raised one eyebrow and pointed to his own plate of French toast.

I shrugged. "Well, maybe you do. But get back to me when you're pregnant and always starving."

Alice snorted, obviously enjoying our playful banter. I was surprised by her quietness. I kinda expected her to be always bouncing off the walls, but she seemed content to sit with us as we ate.

It didn't last for long. Alice was planning her latest clothing drive. She must have run out of room in her closet. I had a feeling that she was going to clean out my closet too. Not that any of it would fit soon. In fact, it was already beginning to feel tight. I was getting what my mom called a "ghetto booty." She always griped and complained that hers was too flat, and all the boys wanted a girl with a JLO butt.

I guess I finally got one.

After I finished eating, having helped myself to a second serving, Alice ushered me off to the bathroom. I barely got to tell Edward goodbye and thanks for everything.

For some reason, I didn't think it would be long until the next time I saw him. He'd seen me in some of my worst moments, and yet I hadn't run him off yet. Either he was vying for sucker of the year or hero of the year. I couldn't decide which one.

OoOoOoOo

I shifted awkwardly in my seat, waiting for my name to be called in the doctor's office. Part of me felt like this was unnecessary due to my ultrasound last night at the hospital, but I knew this would be important as a check up after my eventful night.

Damn scorpions.

Alice sat next to me flipping through the latest Lucky magazine. Whenever she found something particularly great, she'd give me a list of the pros and cons, then told me how she could attain it for half the listed price in the magazine. Who knew she was a bargain hunter?

Honestly, I only listened to her with one ear; I was too caught up in my head. I squirmed again in my seat.

I hated doctors' offices. There was a reason I avoided this for so long. I just didn't want to think about it.

I sighed. Just one more thing I didn't want to think about. Pretty soon the box that held all the things I didn't want to think about would out weight the box of things I did. It made me feel like Scarlet O'Hara. "I'll think about it tomorrow" was her catch phrase. Ugh, I hated that book and her. She was an awful vile character.

Great. All I needed was for Edward to become Rhett Butler and tell me he didn't give a damn.

I nervously twitched each time the door opened. It was like I didn't have control over my body.

Alice kept giving me weird looks, but refrained from asking. After I told her what happened Friday night, she'd soundly smacked me with a pillow, and then proceeded to demand my promise that I would call her immediately from then on, no matter the circumstance.

I tried to explain that I was unconscious and Edward didn't know to call her, because he didn't really know much at that point.

"Isabella Swan," the nurse called my name.

Once again my mind took control and a memory forced me back the last time I had heard my name called. Without forewarning I was in a different doctor's office, but even more uncomfortable than I felt today.

I squirmed in my seat, sneaking glances at my mom every few minutes. She sat stiller than I'd ever seen her. She didn't bother to pick up a magazine and pretend to be interested. She never looked at me once, but sat with her back wrought iron straight, and her hands clasped in her lap.

I'd never seen her so… conformed to society. She was always the embarrassment, the life of the party, the match ready to be ignited.

Mom wasn't wearing one bright color. I didn't even know she owned earth tones. Her traditional clothing was neon tops and flimsy skirts. She was perpetually stuck in the eighties. But today she wore a light brown skirt suit and tan heels.

I didn't know why she'd dressed up. It wasn't like she had to go anywhere other than this waiting room. I was the one waiting for my name to be called.

I looked around the room. I wasn't the only young girl. There was a girl not much older than I who was holding her friend's hand. She had long dark hair, stick straight, but it offset her skin tone making her look slightly green. She was further along than I was. And she was wringing her hands.

I wished I could comfort her… Then again, I needed that comfort too.

On the other side of the waiting room was a woman at least ten years my senior. She was with her boyfriend or fiancé or husband. Her face was determined, hiding all outside emotions. The boyfriend on the other hand had sad eyes. He would periodically pat his girlfriend's hand, but he didn't look like he wanted to. She ignored him as if he wasn't even there. I watched as she was called and she didn't look back when she left the waiting room. The boyfriend put his head in his hands seemingly defeated.

I twisted my hands again. I'd been doing it so much they were tinged red.

"Mom, I don't think I can do this."

She sighed. "Isabella, we talked about this. It's the best possible choice."

"How can adding wrong on top of a wrong create a right? The logic doesn't make sense," I whispered, trying not to call attention to ourselves.

"There is nothing wrong with this. You deserve the right to control what is happening to your body."

"That's right, Mom. It's my body."

"Isabella." Her voice hardened. "Do you want to ruin your life? Do you want to end up like me, with someone, yet always alone?"

I got angry. How could she compare herself to me? We were nothing alike. "I'm not you, Mom. And I didn't choose this in the first place, remember?" My voice rose. I couldn't help it. She never listened. Her version of the events was much easier for her to handle.

I wanted to use her logic against her, she was such a hypocrite. "So why am I here, mom? If your life is such a mess. You had control over your body."

"No, I didn't. Charlie wouldn't hear of it." She snapped.

I froze, my mouth suspended in a little "o."

"Oh, Isabella, I didn't mean it that way!" she continued, immediately contrite over her heartless comment. "You are the best thing in my life. That is why I want you to have the choices I didn't."

I turned to her, trying to get her to see my way. "But I do have choices. I just choose different than you."

She clenched her teeth. "Don't expect my help if you want to ruin everything, Isabella. I'm not going to help you destroy your life."

"Isabella Swan?" the nurse called out.

I grabbed my purse and held it protectively against my chest. But instead of following the nurse back to the doctor's office, I exited through the front door.

I made my way silently to my truck, ignoring my mother's calls behind me. My glorious red truck roared to life. I needed to call Charlie, I couldn't do this anymore.

I turned out of the parking lot not giving a second glance behind me. If I had, I would have seen my mother standing alone in front of the abortion clinic.

This baby is mine. I've made my choice.

You keep me chugging forward.

If anyone wants to set up a 'die-Renee-die' party I'm pretty sure there would be high attendance. Also, check out the Twilighted forum to speculate over the sex of Bella's baby! A link can be found in my profile ;)

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