A/N:

Dear Fantastic Readers,
I humbly apologize for the erroneous delay in this chapter. I had a nasty case of writer's block. The doctors assured me that the only way to have it entirely cleared was massive doses of reviews. I concur with this diagnoses. Your reviews have healing powers. *Poof* magic. Once you finished this little piece of Bella's topsy-turvy life click that little button and give me the magic.
Sincerely yours,
Elspeth

PS: Many thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83 for their amazing doses of sanity in my insane world. *muah*

PPS: Thanks to nowforruin who rocks twilighted validation-ship. woot.

Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **

Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie

xoxo

Chapter Twenty-two: Courage

Praise the Lord for the Cullens. When we arrived Saturday evening Esme had dinner on the table for us and an extra plate already set out for me.

She rushed for me as soon as we entered the house.

"Bella! How are you darling?" She gave me a tight hug, patting my back. My belly pressed firmly into her.

Pulling away, Esme gave me a knowing smile before she gently touched my stomach. I raised my eyebrows at her, which made her smile only blossom.

"I'm okay, under the circumstances." I alluded to, but didn't confirm her obvious suspicions. I didn't think that anyone would have broken my confidence, but for some reason I think she just figured it out.

"Oh yes, Charlie called! You poor thing, you've had quite the weekend." She led me into the dining room, patiently waiting as I hobbled after her. Edward followed us close behind.

"I'll put your bag in my room! Ooo and I need to prep the hot wax!" Alice said behind us. I looked over my shoulder and watched her skip off to her room.

I didn't choose to hold in the groan.

"Come right back. Dinner is ready, Ali!" Esme called. "Edward, can you set out drinks for everyone?"

He was standing close to me. Esme reached over and put her arm over his shoulder. She leaned in and motherly pecked him on the cheek. He rolled his eyes, but went about the task.

Esme angled towards me, "How are you really doing?"

I looked up to see Edward keeping his eye on me, but he was obviously out of earshot. He squinted one eye and cocked his head waiting for me. I nodded, and he continued filling glasses with water.

"I'm okay. I understand Renee, but I don't get her."

"I don't mean to pry, but why is she here?" She took my hand in her own, placing her other on top.

I looked away, anywhere but in her inquisitive eyes. "She wants me to live my life by her rules, and I couldn't do it anymore."

She patted my hand. "I can't be sure without knowing the details, but as a mom, we're not perfect. We make mistakes."

I nodded. "I know. She wants what's best for me. But sometimes what she thinks is best for me isn't what I think is best for…me."

She smiled, rubbing her top hand over mine. "You?"

I extricated my hand from hers and placed both protectively on my middle. "Not just me anymore."

"Then, my dear, it is up to you. Take counsel, but in the end it's your decision." She stood up, brushing her hand along my arm, heading into the kitchen.

I sighed. I knew this. It was why I left.

OoOoOoOoO

I found myself sitting in the dark in the living room late that night. I'd fallen asleep on her bed in the middle of Alice's beauty treatments. I was sure I'd get an earful tomorrow for not letting her adequately finish.

My nails looked great, actually. I was surprised I didn't have black or hot pink or crazy smiley faces or flowers. Ali must have picked the color and polished them after I konked out because I really didn't remember choosing one.

I'd woken to another nightmare. Somehow I'd kept myself from screaming. It was a plus—you have to accept the simple blessings. I couldn't fall back asleep, the memories haunting me. I'd moved restlessly to the living room hoping action would lull me back to sleep.

I had been in that room again. The one with the spackled walls that felt like knives and the peeling posters. One was a vintage poster of the Beatles. It had John, Paul, George, and Ringo, each with their own headshot in a group of four squares. The famous title "Let It Be" was posted in bold above their heads. The edges were curling.

I had no idea that Mary Jackson had good taste in music. Or maybe it was someone in her family.

It's funny the things you focus on when you can't deal with the immediate situation. The whirl of a fan haunted my dreams. A thousand knives always cut into my back when I felt terrified.

I hate the Beatles.

I'd woken up in a start, sweaty and nasty. I tossed and turned for a little while trying to get back to sleep, but it didn't work.

Ali slept like the dead. She was sprawled over an air mattress on the ground, while she let me have her bed. It was amazing how much space such a small person could take up.

The baby woke up when I did, ready to do gymnastics in my womb. Goody. I couldn't wait till I was bigger and the room in there was tighter. I was never going to sleep.

I leaned my head back against the couch, sighing dramatically. I was tired. I wanted to sleep; I just couldn't.

My stupid mind wouldn't shut off. I had so much to do. I needed to contact that therapist. I needed to talk to Renee. Okay, not in person, but at least on the phone. We didn't see eye to eye but she did care and flew all the way to Phoenix.

I needed to figure out how to get in contact with the social worker and maneuver my way around all those options I had to help me in the next few months.

I needed a nursery. Though I had a feeling that Alice would take that burden from me.

"Hey."

A deep voice broke me out of my internal pity party. I looked up to find a sleepy Edward standing in a T-shirt and pajama pants in the dark.

Well, I was sitting in the dark, so that wasn't really new.

"Hi."

He clodded over sitting on the couch next to me. "Hi."

He wasn't very coherent when he was tired. I had to admit it was adorable.

I smiled. "You already said that."

Edward rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Yeah."

"Can't sleep?"

My familiar friend "non-verbal" Edward nodded.

"I hope I didn't wake you up."

He shook his head. "No, it wasn't you. Alice started snoring again. It's like sleeping with a bull horn going off in the next room."

I giggled. "She wasn't snoring earlier."

He shrugged. "She must have turned onto her back. I used to have to go and turn her to her stomach every night when we were kids." Yawning, he continued, "She normally wears some weird nose thing now."

"Ah, she must have forgotten. She let me sleep in her bed."

He nodded slightly, like it was expected.

Edward rubbed his hands on his pajama pants, like they were covered in sweat. He smiled shyly at me. "We haven't really had a chance to talk."

I bit my lip. I should have known this was coming. "Yeah, it's been a bit hectic."

"With the trip to the emergency room, our talk, and then your mom showing up," he said quietly, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair.

"How are you doing?" I asked. This was a lot to take in; I knew that more than anyone.

"Eh." He shrugged his shoulders. "I've pinched myself to make sure I haven't gone crazy."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, been there, done that."

His eyes widened, suddenly unsure with himself. "Bella, I don't mean to belittle it all, but the past few days have been a rollercoaster. You know?"

I nodded, reassuring him. "I get it. Edward, if you need time, a break, whatever. I wouldn't think less of you for it."

He glared at me. "That's not what I meant. You're stuck with me. Like I'm sure you're stuck with my overly peppy sister. And Emmett now—you know, he's been texting me all night, asking questions."

"Oh, I didn't." I paused a moment. Emmett asking questions, that should be interesting.

"Then what did you mean?"

He threw up his hands in exasperation. "Nothing, I dunno, thought you'd want to know what I'm thinking."

"O-kay. Gotcha." I pursed my lips and tried not to laugh. Poor guy.

"Anyway," he rolled his eyes, "what really happened with your mom? Why doesn't she believe you? All you told me last night was that the evidence disappeared," his voice hardened, ominous, "and no one believed your claims."

Mom. Renee. Mom.

I logically knew why she didn't believe me.

"Well, I didn't deal well… afterwards." I sneaked a look at his face, lightened by the moon and street lights pouring in the window. The shadows moved as his face changed. "I was having nightmares and flashbacks."

I shook my head and impulsively grabbed his hand to ward away the memories.

"I refused to talk about it for weeks. The only information that she had was from the so-called witnesses and from the mugger's confession." I used my fingers to quote "mugger."

I then ran my fingers through my long hair pushing the loose strands out of my eyes. "I thought he would hurt me if I told."

Edward growled, squeezing my hand, "That little fucker."

I squeezed back. "Once I finally told her, she thought I was, I don't know, causing a scene?"

"How can someone not believe their own child? Even though you did wait, why didn't she see it for what it was? An elaborate ruse to get you to keep quiet!" His voice was rising with each word.

"Shh... we don't want to wake anyone up," I reminded.

"I just don't get it…" He moved closer, releasing our hands to place his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"Me neither."

I inhaled deeply. I could've stayed there forever.

"So how are you doing? With her showing up and everything?" he mumbled, his breath hot on my forehead. Edward's thumb methodically began rubbing my arm in slow even circles.

I snorted. "I'm great." My face scrunched up remembering. "Except for the dang crutches. I'm probably going to fall over and break something because of them!"

His brow furrowed. "Bella."

I pulled away from him so I could look him in the face, as much as the semi-darkness would allow me to see.

"I'm doing really good actually." I smiled. I set both hands on my belly. "In the midst of all this psycho craziness, I received some good news. Dr. Sullivan told me last night, but it was confirmed this morning."

"News?" he asked.

I smiled secretively at him. "Yeah. Only Alice knows, and I'm sure she's bursting at the seams." I leaned forward. "I found out…" I quickly looked around the dark room, then pointed at my baby bump. "There is a little girl in here."

My smile threatened to rip open my face.

Edward's eyebrows rose almost up to his hairline. "Wow, really? Congratulations!" He hugged me tightly to his chest, and I breathed deeply of his manly musk.

We stayed that way, his arms tight around me. "It's all so wild. It feels so real. Not just a bunch of nightmares and an uncertain future."

"I'm really happy for you, Bella."

Silently we sat. I contemplated all we discussed and the impending future. It was all changing, and more change was on the way. Nothing would ever be the same, but I had the best consolation prize.

"For what it's worth, I think you're gonna be a great mom," he whispered before he kissed my head.

He was so comfortable. He was warm. I felt safe. I couldn't help it but my eyes refused to stay open and I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

OoOoOoOo

We woke up the next morning with the sun in our eyes. Fortunately, we woke up before the rest of the house. The Cullens were great, but I was pretty sure no matter how much they liked me, they wouldn't really like their teenage son with a bright prospective future sleeping with the pregnant girl on the couch, even if it was just sleeping.

Just sleeping means something, right? I hoped that just sleeping meant something. And really prolonged hugging, and kisses on the head.

Because my lady parts just buzzed at the thought of more than just forehead kissing. Like real kissing… it gave me tingles all over.

Surprisingly, waking up in each others arms wasn't awkward. It felt normal, right. Though we had only slept for a few hours before the sun woke us, I slept better than I had in a week, ever since the nightmares returned.

While I was going through my morning routine I got a text from Charlie asking for my presence at breakfast. He'd promised Renee that we would talk before she left. She already had a flight at noon to return to Washington.

I groaned the moment I read it. I had no desire to talk to her, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I texted him back hoping I could just talk to her on the phone, but it was a no-go. We had to do it face-to-face.

Alice popped her head into the bathroom, "What's up?"

I balefully looked at her reflection in the mirror and held up my phone. "I have to go home for breakfast. Renee wants to talk to me." I returned to brushing my teeth.

Alice's face clouded over. "That bitch. Can I have my chance?"

Confused, I asked her through a mouthful of toothpaste, "Chance for what?"

She walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her and sat on the toilet seat. "To tell her off," she said like it was obvious. "Edward got his turn yesterday. It's only fair, as your best friend, that I get a chance too!"

That was great yesterday. I wished I had a picture or video of Edward giving Renee a piece of his mind. I didn't even care that he was being all overprotective and macho. In fact, thinking about it really turned me on. But if anyone was going to let Renee have it, it was definitely my turn. I was the one who suffered when she refused to believe me. I should have spoken sooner, but I was her daughter. She owed it to me.

I spit my toothpaste into the sink. "If it's anyone's chance, it's mine. You can have next time."

Alice held her pinky finger out at me as fierce as she could in Hello, Kitty pj's. "I'm holding you to that."

I hooked my pinky with hers, solemnly promising the most sacred pinky-swear vow. I'd love to see Renee's face when the munchkin took her down. I kinda hoped that Alice literally tackled her.

OoOoOoOo

"Izzy!" Bree screeched across the Forks High hallway. "Oh, my gosh. We so have to talk!"

I hid my face in my locker wishing that everyone would stop staring. Her yelling had called everyone's attention to her… and me. I had enough attention to last a lifetime.

The whispers and snickers followed me everywhere I went. I was surprised that Bree was actually speaking to me. I never knew what day she'd treat me like a pariah and when she'd be friendly. Either she wanted something or she'd been sent by Jimmy.

I'd had enough of that creep. I'd wasted enough time in the last two years with him.

Every time I'd seen him, a vision of that redhead moaning and his banging into her in the janitor's closet blasted into my sight. Who knew high schoolers used the janitor's closet for sex? I'd thought it was an urban myth.

"Izzy! Are you coming to Mary Jackson's?" Bree said loudly enough for the entire student body to hear. She looked around, tossing her hair over each shoulder.

"Uh," I mumbled so only she could hear. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"But it's going to be so much fun!" Bree announced to the whole hall again. I was getting truly annoyed with her need to be the center of attention. Why couldn't she go be the center of attention somewhere else?

"Yeah, but you know that isn't my kind of fun," I rushed, trying to quiet her down.

"But Izzy!" she whined.

I grabbed her arm, slamming my locker shut and pulled her into the closest classroom. Fortunately, it was empty.

I dropped her arm, furious. "What the hell are you doing, Bree? Do you think going to a party is going to make things better? Do you even know what it's like for me now?"

Bree's face fell and she twisted her hands nervously. "You can't go, Iz."

"What?" I asked incredulously.

She turned around peeking through the little window in the classroom door making sure no one was eavesdropping. "Jimmy's more pissed than normal."

She came over to me, looking up into my face with her dark hazel eyes. "You haven't been returning his calls, and he's been going on and on to everyone. It's probably why they've been worse to you than normal."

"Yeah, thanks for that." I rolled my eyes. The heads up would have been better a week ago when Jackie Patrisch decided to dump her entire lunch on my new jeans.

"I'm not planning on going anyway, Bree. I have no desire to be around Jimmy more than I have to. He can have his red-haired bimbo and bang her all he wants."

I pushed past her, tired with the drama. She grabbed my arm stopping me. "You can't go, Iz. Promise me you won't."

Pissed, I yanked back my hand. "Why do you care? You've made it clear where your loyalties lie."

Bree scowled. "Fine. I was just trying to help."

"Well, don't. I don't need anyone's help," I said angrily before opening the door and slamming it behind me. The kids in the hall all looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head.

Great, just what I need.

I turned to go to class, but not before some freshman bumped into me making me drop everything. By then Bree had exited the classroom, she looked down at me picking my stuff off the ground, daintily stepped over, and walked away without a second glance.

So much for best friends forever.

OoOoOoOo

The talk was not going well. I really hoped that Renee's genes would not be passed down to my daughter. In fact I hoped that none of Jimmy's genes would be passed down either. I sighed. It wasn't her fault who her father was. Just like it wasn't my fault who my mother was.

Renee glared at me. My sigh must have been much louder than I thought.

I couldn't yell at her. I couldn't make myself hurt her like she hurt me. I wanted to, but I just couldn't do it.

"Mom, for the last time, I am not going back to Forks with you. I have a home here. I have friends, a support system. I don't have any of that in Forks."

"But you have me!" she whined.

"You don't believe me. You've been manipulated by that bastard like everyone else. I will not bring a child into that world. I got out, and I don't ever plan to come back."

"Isabella, how could you do this to me? I am your mother."

I rolled my eyes looking to Charlie for help. We'd been going back and forth explaining to her that I wasn't coming home.

I'd even gone as far as trying to explain to her one more time what happened that night, showing her how wrong everything was, and why I couldn't come back. Poor Charlie had to excuse himself to get collected.

I was past begging her. I only had one last request.

"I'm sorry, Mom. But no matter what you say it isn't going to happen." I reached for her hands, hoping to force some kind of connection. "Please don't tell Jimmy anything. Stay away from him. He isn't safe."

Renee pouted, refusing to agree to anything when she wasn't getting her way. I could only hope that she would follow this one request and rest in the fact that Charlie would keep me safe.

OoOoOoOo

After Renee left, life went on as normal. Well, as normal as possible for a pregnant girl and her overbearing friends. Edward was protective enough. But it was just funny how Emmett felt the need to coddle me in everything I did.

I couldn't carry my books to class or my empty lunch tray to the trash. I barely had to avoid the male population because Emmett forced them to give me a wide berth. I literally had a three-foot wide diameter on my way to class. The only time I felt normal was walking with Angela to Pre-Calc.

I hadn't told her anything. We would shrug off the idiot boys in the courtyard and carry on our merry way just like we did that first day. I did get a few inquisitive looks over Edward's and Emmett's attentive behavior, but more than anything she thought it was funny.

I still had homework and grocery shopping. I still had to avoid the skank brigade in the bathroom. Edward wouldn't let me go pee without Alice. Ironically, Ali was surprisingly chill about it all. She looked out for me but didn't feel the need to do everything for me. Now that she wasn't the only one who knew, I could tell that a lot of the pressure to make sure I was okay was off her shoulders.

I wasn't a complete invalid. It was nice of her to let me act normal.

On Thursday, Edward took me to my very first therapy appointment. Dr. Young was very professional if rather brusque. I couldn't tell if she liked me or not. Dr. Sullivan from the Sedona hospital recommended her so I knew I should make an effort. Plus I'd promised my new OB/GYN to get help for my baby if not for myself. I would have enough hardships as a single teenage mother without the PTSD.

Edward dropped me off promising to pick me up in an hour when my session was over. He gave me his lopsided smile and squeezed my hand before I hobbled out of the car. I was still on those damn crutches.

I expected a chaise lounge like the doctor in Port Angeles. I thought she would want me to pour out my story yet again so that she would have the details that no real file could give her.

Instead she asked about school, Charlie, and my friends. She asked about my plans for the baby.

I couldn't help but talk with my hands as I explained the shopping trip that Ali and I had planned for this weekend. We were going to go looking at Ikea for the furniture we'd need. Charlie had promised to clear out his "office" that collected clutter more than provided a space for him to work. If he ever worked at home he spread it over the dining room table. Emmett and Jazz were going to help him clean out the room.

She arched her left eyebrow. "It sounds like you have plans."

I nodded, suddenly shy.

"How does the father figure into your plans?"

"The father? You mean the rapist?"

She smiled sardonically, "It sounds like you have no illusions about the truth."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, not a problem. I get to relive it every night."

"So you're not sleeping well."

I scoffed, "That's an understatement. I've woken up Charlie every night with the screaming. Which sucks because he can't even shake me awake."

"Your aversion to touch even applies to your father? Why do you think that is?" She jotted a few notes down on a pad of paper she had written on occasionally in our time together. I wondered if she was actually taking notes or just doodling.

"The only time he touched me, I was sent back under."

"Under? Interesting word choice."

I cocked my head. I felt like we were all over the place.

Dr. Young set her notebook on the side table, taking off her oval glasses and lying them on top. "All right, we've gotten off to a good start. You know that you have some PTSD to cope with and you have a raise a baby. What I'd like you to do for next time is come up with a plan for the next time you meet Jimmy, because whether you like it or not you will be seeing him eventually."

I looked at her with honest shock. "What?"

Dr. Young clasped her hands together seriously. "Since you plan to keep the child you will eventually have to see him for custody proceedings and child support hearings. Since the rape charges haven't stuck and the father is a prominent member of his community there could be a very fierce fight if he wants the child."

Well, firetruck.

Getting into Edward's waiting Volvo, I was still struck silent in shock. He leaned over, gently taking my hand in his. I stared forward at the road moving past us, the brown ground and intermittent fruit trees flying past.

"How'd it go?"

"I don't know."

"Hmm," he grunted.

"Yeah."

"She's kinda manly," I continued. "If she wants to make me butch… stop me."

He laughed. "You haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Uh…" I snorted, "I guess not."

Edward's fingers tapped on the steering wheel. "I've been wanting to ask you…"

"Yeah?" I turned to him, squinting my eyes. Inside, I was squealing. Oh my gosh. Is he? He is, isn't he? Bad Bella, don't wish that! You'll only get your hopes up. He's your friend… who holds you, lets you sleep in his arms, and kisses your head. And O, almost kisses you during the sunset on a Sedona plateau.

Mumbling from Edward's direction didn't make it as words to my ears.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" he repeated.

My cheeks heated, "Yeah, I am."

"You wanna hang out? Ali might have told you but we're hanging at Emmett's"

Dang it.

"Sure, that sound's great." I forced more enthusiasm into my voice than I felt.

I sat back in the seat and let my eyes glaze over as the outside world rushed by. My life was becoming a pop song or one of those really long and drawn out country songs. I was a mess but it was high time to put it to rights.

Edward would be here for me. I wasn't sure if it would be in the capacity I wanted but we'd cross that bridge when we got to it.

Ali, Emmett, and even my Dad were on my side. They couldn't be manipulated by Renee or Jimmy or anyone else. Like Edward said, I was stuck with them.

As for Jimmy, over my dead body would he come near my baby girl. She was mine.

Now is the time...

Rec's

Let Love in by KekahJ Really great flip-flop. Twilighted.
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The Unexpected Lady by JosieSwan I've always been E/B all the way, but this unique Austen-esque Fic of Bella/Carlisle has me dying to see how they change the future. Twilighted.
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, a wish sends Bella to Jane Austen's England, where she meets a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen, whose control is not what it was in 2010. Knowing his secret, will she be the end to his loneliness?