After I lost my mind and all my courage, sakura took me to tsunade. I was dead inside and I she couldn't fix that, until now. I was undignified last night, and I still am now. I was sitting on my bed as naruto kept a close eye on me from the kitchen. He knew I was a emotional mess as well, he was upset as sakura. She stayed with me for the whole night as I went dead silent and remembered all the times I killed or hurt others. Why did she have to be born so late? I wanted her so much it tore me apart and drove me over the edge of the pit. People say I just lost it, its normal for a ninja of my age. Yah of my age, that just makes me even more sick. Nobody understood they watched as I screamed or cried every once and a while. They thought they couldn't leave me alone, I might kill myself. The truth was I needed to be alone, I was used to the solitude that these people couldn't help me. Sakura was one of those people, that didn't help either. She speak gentle words to me and try to keep me in this world, the sad thing was I was in this world. What I was seeing now happened, no matter what it was it happened. My dreams were real dreams only they were nightmares. Sakura she wasn't just a innocent crush she was torture. I sat up and stood hardly able to stand. Naruto at the counter waiting for me to do something reckless. I walked over to the door and leaned in the entrance way. I didn't even notice he was here, truth was I couldn't even tell I was wearing a mask.
"Sakura said you shouldn't move to much"naruto said sadly. I took in consideration what he said and decided the voice outside of my thoughts shouldn't be trusted. I continued to wobbly walk over to the voice. Another started to break out from the outside.
"How is he, has he done anything drastic?"asked tsunade. All I could tell was that a sternly sad voice joined the more male like voice. Something touched me and all I knew was I was walking through a unknown space with the memories of being a ninja surrounded me. They echoed into my ears and told me the things I didn't want to here.
"Tsunade-sama I told you, kakashi isn't like that even if he did lose sanity"he stated while sturing his coffee with his finger. I could smell it each time he swirled his finger in it. I started to piece together what the male voice said. Tsunade was in the room, I figured that much out. Her hand laid on my shoulder and she sighed. I guess when I recognize the person I can at least tell what their doing if it involves me. You see how much I think don't you, isn't horrible. I want just to be a mindless child again, but even as a child I was emotionless and empty. I've never noticed the degree of emptiness I had, now it was actually doing what is supposed to. Have you ever had those times where you can't even see whats in front of you? That's how it was now only there was a chance I would be like this for the rest of my life. The pain of this, it made me scream in horror and relentless sorrow. Did they do anything to ease this pain? You may be asking this question and no they couldn't. I went beyond the line and now I was left to rot.
"Naruto I want kakashi to be as comfortable as possible, for his last few years of life"she said with a sniff of what I thought might of been a sadness. I was slightly brought back just to tell who was talking and tell that they cared. I didn't even know tsunade cared for me at all, the way everyone acted hid their feelings for me. Maybe they were like me in some way, but not this way. Tsunade walked over to naruto and tried to beg, but knew she was correct, I was done for and he knew that.
"No!"I shouted while grabbing my head and falling to my knee's. I didn't want it to end this way without me telling her how I felt. The two looked at me only thinking I was screaming from the incident in the ally. "Sakura, please"I pleaded before hitting my head against the floor.
"Kakashi sensei, what are you"naruto said while running over to me. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear half of what he said. I hated it and I wanted it to be the end right there.
"Gah~!"I shouted lifting my head, the memories were taking it to far if that even makes sense. Their voices repeated around me and the blood dripped from them. I would tell you what it looked like, but it was so detailed and the scenery changed ever few seconds. My messy hair flipped back and hit my neck. "Go away, no I don't want to hear it. I want out, why is it my fault?"I screamed to the illusions. Tsunade walked over to me and stuck the syring in me. "Please I don't want this, tsunade-sam-a j-u-s-t k..i.."I said as each word became slower and I fell into a medicated slumber.
"I'm sorry kakashi, but I can't"tsunade told me while walking out the door and instructing naruto to put me in bed. Another terrifying dream filled my night and I screamed in my sleep. I woke up sweating and crying again! I wanted to be dead, my mind was screwing with my hearing, sight, and sense of touch. I couldn't walk straight, my friends and family felt bad for me. The nights were long and dreadful. Tsunade thought when I was asleep I felt better, boy was she wrong. In my dreams I could be in sakura's presence and see that fiance of hers over and over again. Granted I can do the same when awake, its not as real. I can tell the difference between reality or illusion when I was awake.
"Kakashi, kakashi are you here!"shouted a feminine voice. The best was it was real, I reached out falling over and out of my bed. I knew I fell by the sound, sound was the less screwed up sense. Sakura came running in my dark old room. Her face wide with terror.
"Is some one there anyone, please"I begged. Sakura smiled and jumped down to my side. She brushed my hair again, wish I could of felt that.
"I'm here for you, its sakura"she said cheerfully. I followed the sound a little and grabbed her shoulders, I couldn't even tell I was touching her.
"Sakura I-I-I want you to kill me"I requested with a tear. She fell back and whimpered.
"I knew it, hatake kakashi wasn't gaining sanity, it was just naruto's own little prank"she said sadly. I put my arm out and hoped to find her face or shoulder again. I hadn't realized she fell all I could hear was that whimper.
"Sakura, I'm scared, these things I see there... there torture, please!"I pleaded falling over while reaching for sakura-chan. She let a tear slip and grabbed my hand.
"Kakashi, I'm sorry, I can't. You'll get better trust me"with the last word I slammed my arms on the ground. She backed up a little and she she screamed slightly. I felt like I was blind and vulnerable.
"I understand, please go"I said calmly. I wanted to see her terrorized face and comfort her. This screaming of the dead and illusions filling my sight was getting old.
"Just one second, how is it your so wobbly and can't even see me, yet you can find me?"
"You see sakura I'm in a hell of some sort, I've adapted to the screaming of old enemies and the blood I see in my everyday illusions. The strongest sense is hearing for me, so I fall back on that one. I only have enough resistance for one sense and sound was something I wanted to hear." She leaned in listening intently. I grabbed her shoulder and my illusions started to act up. "No, not again!"I shouted grabbing my head in tears. Sakura didn't understand any of it, after all she was so used to calm prepared kakashi. She wanted him back and so did I.
"Kakashi whats going on?"she asked me as I buried my face in the floor. Another one of those blood filled illusions of sakura, just why did life hate me so much.
"Sakura didn't I tell you, you couldn't help him"said yuki in the door way. I would tell that voice anywhere, its such a horrible voice. I immediately stopped and turned my head to the sound.
"Hi yuki, wish this was you"was the only thing I said before sakura herself stuck me with the syringe. I felt betrayed, my student not only student but the one I want to love forever had put me into a state of instant hell. I fell in a unconscious like state in her lap and yuki chuckled.
"What's so funny?"she asked quietly. He laughed even more.
"Well shouldn't we always laugh when good oh I mean bad things happen?"he said with a mischievous smile. Sakura stood up and wiped a forming tear.
"No, yuki I was hoping you understood why he was like this." He gave her a questionable look. "I knew it, oh poor kakashi my closest friend became this way, because... because god damn-it he loved me"she said before brushing past him crying. That was the last thing I heard. I was only out for a few hours. I soon woke up in a unfamiliar place. The sounds of decorations chiming wasn't there, not even naruto making coffee and swearing because he couldn't find the instructions. I sat up, I was at least in a bed. This was a water bed though, I could tell by the splosh inside the mattress.
"Is anyone here, where am I"I asked only to be pushed down to the bed. If only I could see and have my old mind, I'd make a great dirty joke out of this.
"Stop moving, listen I don't want to fight you. I'm going to be talking with you for a while, its good for your sanity if the one you love talks to you calmly"sakura said while sitting in a chair by the bed.
"Sakura-chan, then what is with the water bed?"
"It's harder for you to climb out of it"she stated. This might of been the worst thing to happen to me yet. I was closer to her and my illusions were acting up.
"Sakura, whatever you do, please don't put me under like a dog"I pleaded. She grabbed my shoulder and leaned in by my ear.
"Trust me I won't"she whispered. This sent enormous chills down my body, so horrible. After hours of talking and her forcing many words out of my mouth I started to see clearer. I could at least tell she was sitting in front of me.
"Sa-sak-sakura-chan!"I shouted with much joy. She cocked her head and eyed me curiously. "I c-can see you"I said with a bright grin. I looked down and saw the mask on my nose, few I had been worrying about that forever. Sakura smiled and smashed her hands together and I could see it happening! Sorry for the over excitement, but when you lose you sight and can't figure out anything you can come whining to me. She slid and hovered of me with a grin.
"Yay your going to be ok, told ya"she rubbed in. I didn't care though, I could see her face. She dragged a leg over mine and hopped on the water bed. That's when I became quiet frightened, it was probably another illusion. She leaned down and hugged me and squealed in joy. It was kind of awkward if you know what I mean. She brought her face up to mind and her nose touched mine. Sakura giggled and kissed me. I was flying in the sky, but the illusion wasn't going to trick me, no matter how real.
"No, I can't, an illusion is a fake and I can't fantasies like this"I said shaking my head furiously. She looked at me confused and sad. This illusion was all to real and I didn't want to fantasies about her like this. Sakura was sad because it was real and I had told her it was fake, how rude I was then. If only I knew her thoughts then. I pushed her and she got off.
"Kakashi sensei I don't understand"she pleaded. With that word sensei I knew it was fake, my mind knew all the correct way to torture me. After loads of silence I went home and I was let free from personal care because of my insanity. I immediately went to rent a new apartment, my old home held to many memories.
to my chatting buddy halliday'n'inuzuka 4ever