After another nightmare I woke up and screamed. I hadn't had any improvement since the sakura illusion. I was so amazed by the realness of it. I stood up and wobbly went to the kitchen. I wanted that illusion to be real so badly, that I almost believed it. If only sakura was really like that then I wouldn't suspect it of being a illusion. The only thing that got better was my sight and the terrible illusions. They slowly died and retreated into my dreams, so now I at least have the day. I'm still haunted by those things I saw and there's a good chance I'll never be a ninja again.
"Sakura, why do you follow me from illusions to dreams?"I asked. If only they understood my position. They still think I'm insane and I wouldn't blame them after I told them a ninja wasn't something I could be. The truth was I hated that fact as well, it made me sick. I've always lived to the ninja code, never show emotion until now. I had died inside and I understood that, but sakura didn't. I wanted her to see me and know everything I thought. Now that I can't be a ninja, I can't be anything and want it to be a lie. If only the real sakura loved me, like I loved her.
"I can hear you know"snapped a odd voice from kitchen. I pounced up and looked around. I was wearing a outfit a lot like the one I wore when I first you know went insane. I grabbed a remote by my bed, maybe I could I throw it at the mystery person. If this was a enemy ninja or even sakura I wouldn't be able to handle it or if sakura, myself.
"Is this a illusion, say something I could never know"I requested.
"Sakura loves you"the voice said. I knew it was illusions, like I said sakura's a bright child that doesn't deserve a old creep like me.
"Your lieing, you are a illusion, shit. My hearings gone, I didn't want to be completely insane"I said in anger. If this was illusions I would be in another tortures long year. Yes I said year, I found out I was in that scary hell for a year. Turns out I blocked out the last hundred days before the sakura illusion. I don't want to do that again, I don't want to dream about her and never be able to touch her.
"If you call the author of icha icha paradise a illusion I guess so"the voice said with a chuckle. Wait jiraiya-sama was there I thought now I needed to do was get answers. He was older and knew my issues, maybe just maybe he would listen. All I really wanted though is for him to stop using my love life for his new book, he probably wouldn't now though.
"I want to talk"I stated while coming into a more relaxing stance. I walked out to him and he wasn't there, I grabbed my head, please let this be real I begged. If it was happening again I was going to be gone and I wouldn't be able to return. Sakura made me angry some how now and he should be the one I can get advice from.
"The kitchen closet idiot"he mocked. I opened the door and hoped that he would be standing there talking about his normal smut. Even if it was jiraiya I just wanted to see his face and feel his nasty presence for proof. I looked in and saw him. He gave me unexpected hug and I backed away from the gay situation.
"What the h-... was that?"I asked not even able to say hell, I couldn't do many thing and it frustrated me.
"I came, here to see if that sanity was actually coming back"he stated. I flopped my head down and walked back to my bedroom. "W-what did I say?"he questioned me.
"Nothing, you just proved that I can't talk to you either"I said before slamming the door shut. He walked over to it and slammed on the door repeatedly.
"Just listen, I went through the same thing, I just want to talk."
"You what!"I shouted before opening the door. He smacked me and I nearly grabbed his throat in a angry rampage.
"When I was around your age I fell in insanity for quiet a while, longer then you. It was over a dead lover, I was going to ask her to marry me. But when I went to find her, s-she had been killed by orochimaru. Her death had pushed the last button and I went insane. Illusions covered my sight and touch was connected to the hell. My pain was undeniable and scary." I choked, it was just like mine and he found a way out.
"How did you gain all of it back, you know sanity?"I asked looking down. God at that moment I felt like a child.
"I faced my fear and stopped hiding. Which means, what are you afraid of?" I turned around and grabbed my head, the illusions still came and go.
"I don't want to tell you that"I said with a tightened grip.
"I said face your fucking fears, not hide behind the excuse that it scares you"he said while pulling out his giant scroll and leaning on it. I grabbed the entrance edge and tried to spit out the truth.
"I'm frightened that sakura will be taken, that I'll miss my chance. I'm scared she might love me, I'm scared from every thing about her." I fell to my knees, that was something I hadn't told anyone.
"Now lets see if we can fix that"jiraiya said sternly. He grabbed my shoulder and sighed.
"Jiraiya-sama how do women do this to us?" He chuckled and walked away. I confusedly turned around to find him pointing the scroll to my forehead.
"You need to kiss her, its the only way." I'd hate to admit it, but I was starting to believe that kiss was real.
"So you kissed your dead girlfriend corpse?"I questioned.
"No,no we were already lovers so I just needed to admit to myself that she was dead, jesus you sure the illusion didn't make you stupider?" I smiled slightly before frowning in terror.
"I can't kiss her, she's to innocent I couldn't do that to her"I explained.
"Stop making your excuses and get your ass over there"he said before leaving my home.
"Over where?"I asked myself. I knew what he meant and didn't really want to listen to his words. Is instructions were so risky and scary. Sakura-san was my pride and joy, but I can only admire her from afar. I let a small cry out and answered the door to another knock. Tsunade-sama walked in and grabbed the scruff of my neck line.
"I-I-I don't know how to tell you this, but your going on a mission to find n-n-naruto-kun"she commanded while dropping me and falling to her knees. I fell on my ass and watched as she started to cry a lot like me.
"What happened?" She looked up at me and chuckled to try and lift the sad feeling.
"He went after some bandits, but before he left h-h-he asked hinata to marry him. Its been a week now and it's just right at the edge of the sand village, he should be back by now. I can't let the two lovers never know each others answers."
"Wait what, their lovers, I missed a lot"I said with wide eyes. Wow hinata didn't die of shock if me and sakura, wait no no this isn't the time to fantasies. But then I realized what she was asking. "Lovers or not I can't fight, I'm useless in battle. Don't forget I'll probably just get others injured." I didn't want to say it, it took me all the courage I had. I stood up and placed a hand on my face.
"Kakashi your going to get your ass out there weather you like it or not!" She stood up and smacked me, was everyone going to do that today. I grabbed her hand and tried desperately to bring my face close and up to hers.
"I can hardly keep a grip on your arm, how can I even stand against a enemy? I can't even summon my dogs." It was true, the only chakra I could use since was used trying to walk.
"That's the thing, I don't know why, but your chakra amount is soaring higher then naruto's"she said with a unexplainable face. If I have chakra that could only mean that my own body doesn't want to be a ninja. I then realized I would hardly see sakura if I'm not a ninja. I hate her, I love her, I want her, I can't be near her. What was wrong with me I couldn't even say what I was thinking because I didn't know myself.
"Wait, are sakura and yuki married yet?"I said quickly running and changing. She didn't quiet understand what I was doing. I was changing into clothing that would look decently better, so that I could meet yuki.
"No sakura kept her hopes up for you to gain sanity for you to go to their wedding"she said glad that I cared. I knew if that I wasn't there for that wedding, I would regret another thing in this world. And we all know I have way to many regrets.
"That's great I thought I would miss my precious students shining moment"I said while coming out in my regular jounin uniform. She smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me outside.
"Ok you and sakura are going, yuki might come haha"she continued to laugh for a couple of seconds. "Oh sorry, I just can't believe yuki used to be a ninja." Used to be a ninja, but he couldn't be any older then sakura. We went off to the hokage's tower to get the rest of the group. We walked a path for away and soon had to take another route of our own.
"Yuki please I'm tired, it's like 11 at night"begged sakura while hanging from her fiance's pack. I walked behind them and found it hard to believe sakura loved this moron.
"Honey I know that if I let you stop here and naruto was dead when we got there you would never forgive me"yuki responded. I rolled my eyes and hoped we would camp soon. After the two fought for a long amount of time we found a clear area to set up tent. Sakura and yuki slept in one tent and I kept watch by the fire. I was so amazed by the couples companionship it made me sick and so happy for her at the same time. As I watched the flames change shape over and over and tell a horrible yet dastardly sweet tail of hate. It let little red pieces of the tail fall by my feet and try to tell me why it was so horrible. I always over looked things like this tell now. That year of insanity really made me think, you know what I mean.
"Kakashi"said sakura as she came out of her tent. I looked away trying not go to that place in my head again. She sat down on the log I was propped on. She started blushing to the fullest and I thought the three words I wanted to say to her for a long time, I love you. She started moving closer and closer tell her hand was on mine. I looked over just to make sure that it was happening. She looked away and I realized that this wasn't just a illusion. I reached over and grabbed her shoulder. She looked at my hand then me and I nearly choked.
"Don't start that teasing of yours"I said while pulling my hand from underneath hers quickly. The hand that held her shoulder held me up as I stood. She looked at me sadly and looked down.
"How could I be teasing you I thought you loved me"she said softly. I went wide eyed, she knew the truth. It wasn't that big of a surprise, I did act like a idiot after all. If she loved me too though, that would mean she technically was having a affair. I walked to the tent and pulled a kunia out.
"Sakura, I can't tell you if I do, but if I did it would be a tease because you don't love me." I wiped a tear, not loving her, not hating her, so confusing. She walked up to me and sat beside me.
"I do, didn't that kiss tell you anything"she whispered in my ear. God she was so close, I wanted to take her in my arms and ravish her, wait she loves me! It took me so long to figure out it happened.
"You mean that was real!"I shouted looking down to her. She placed a finger on my lips and made a shushing sound.
"Be silent, yuki is sleeping you know"she said and turned my face away. That name that word they came up like bad food. I got up and went back to the log.
"Sakura don't play with my heart, it's cruel"I stated knowing I'd probably keep up the insanity, but as long as sakura-chan was happy. I almost hand her in my hands, but I knew better then that.
"I want you to admit it, I did and now it's your turn. You went insane because you couldn't have me and I don't want to go through that, when you can. I hate saying it, but its true, so just tell me you love me damn-it!" She became piss at me after telling me what was wrong with myself. I didn't want to be here where sakura would most likely make the worst mistake of her life at this moment. I got up and she came up from behind me. I turned around and captured her lips. She was so startled she fell and I landed on top of her in a very awkward position. She tried to gasp as I continued to kiss her, I wasn't letting this perfect accident go to waste. I grabbed her head and the moment went on.
Later In The Morning...
"Mmh, sakura-san where are you?"mumbled yuki as he woke up. He climbed out of the tent. He found none other then me and sakura holding each other in front of the camp fire. The sleeping bag that held us within it was quiet wrinkled after our little incident. Sakura in my grasp on the ground and she laid comfortably in my arms. I went to sleep easy that night and now yuki had caught me, maybe that would get him to fuck off. I wanted him to have a good look and see his precious sakura belonged to another man. I wanted him to go away and never come back. I wanted to stand up laugh in his face and tell him she was mine and would never be his. I pretended to sleep as his blue eyes watched over us.
"Kakashi-san we should probably separate"sakura said, boy was that late. She had just woke and didn't even notice the silent dead inside empty yuki lol, boy was I happy. I continued my fake slumber, so I could act as if surprised when sakura shook me. I watched this scene as sakura quietly slipped on her clothing under the covering. Yuki hated every little fact about this. He watched intently as she covered herself after taking her innocents and giving it to her kakashi-kun. I said only one statement that would piss him off.
"Be happy for us"I said pretending to wake up. He lifted his hands up and tightened his grip in a deep growl. He was pissed, just like I happily planned. He wanted to punch me and take sakura back.
"You fucking bastard!"he shouted angrily. Sakura looked up and her eyes went wide, not exactly her bestest of days. I tried all I could to hold back a slight chuckle, but it was still heard a by yuki and it outraged him.
"Yuki its not what it looks like"she said while quickly standing up.
"It's exactly what it looks like, a perfect mistake"I stated just to watch him fume. He jumped at me, punching me in the face. I flew back and landed in the burnt wood. Thank god the flame had died a while ago. Sakura's face frightened me, but it only made me want to keep her even more. So I kept up the old attitude I had.
"At first you were just in the way, but now you can't keep your dick in your pants!"he shouted. He normally didn't talk like a drunken ino, but he did just find his "soon to be wife" with another man. He grabbed sakura's arm and got nice and close to her face. "Did he force you into this?"he questioned with grinding teeth. She closed her eyes tight and started to cry, he never yelled yuki was always a calm, gentle, sweet, man. I got up popping my back and watching things to make sure they didn't get out of hand.
"Y-yuki your scaring me"she cried. He knew what he asked wasn't true and yelled.
"Oh fuck me, why the hell does it always happen to me!"he shouted while throwing her aside. I ran and caught her before she hit the ground. But just barely I was standing on my knees with a sakura in my lap. "You stupid women, now the crazy ninja of the village will get the girl and me well I guess that doesn't matter now does it sakura!" Poor sakura began to cry again and I hugged her trying to sooth her.
Hope you liked.