Pre-notes: I have changed writing styles. I will now be writing past tense due to the messages requesting it. I hope you forgive me for being unprofessional. For now, please enjoy a bit of foreshadowing.
Mistress of Kickassery, I love that name.
Warning: this chapter is dark.
"Be strong my love," my mother had once said...
"Your first?" a voice asked, echoing through the void. The whisper seemed to mock the original question the pirate asked all of those years ago. She could hear the malice behind the question- practically feel the batarian's wicked grin gazing down upon her broken form. It disgusted her. She struggled in the darkness, kicking and crying out in frustration as an all too familiar pain shot up into her stomach. She screamed as it seemed to burn her from the inside out. It grew and grew and when her insides were filled with the fire, it started to seep out if her pores and onto the skin, searing away the pale flesh. Infecting it- tainting it. Shepard screamed again and struggled against the shadows. They held her down and hissed in amusement. The pain slowly ebbed away as the pirate spoke. "What do they call it again?" he asked.
"Hair or some shit," the shadow responded.
"Hair, huh?" The pirate turned back to her, an interested look on his face. "This Human's got nice hair," he said as he grabbed her long blonde hair by the roots. The girl cried out in pain as the alien leaned down and bit into her neck, leaving smeared traces of blood and saliva as he pulled back. The batarian stands up, bringing the girl with him. She screamed as he dragged her by the hair. They passed through the burned roads and singed fields of ash. Each step is taken to deliberately walk over the corpses of her old friends, each turn is to show how completely destroyed her home was. She had tried to close her tear-filled eyes but found them unresponsive- in fact it seemed like they were more focused now than ever before. She stared at each body they had passed. She knew every single person they'd pass. Burned, torn apart, ripped- it didn't matter; she recognized all of them. Each face brought back memories of warm summers and mild winters; sixteen spent with them. She had wished for more...
The girl hits a cold metal floor. The man behind him gives her a scoff and leaves, slamming the door behind him. Her dreams were always intense but they were never this real; this was different. She was never in a prison on Mindoir. A light giggle echoed through the chamber. Shepard jumped to her feet, instinctively grabbing for her gun and cussing to herself when her hand found no means of protection. The laugh came again, louder than the last.
"Who's there?" Shepard asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"You don't remember?" A light, mischievous voice asked in reply, pretending to be hurt.
"I don't know you."
"Not yet, you don't."
"Who are you?"
The darkness in the room seemed to shiver in anticipation. "Who am I?" the voice repeated. The shadows moved from all corners of the room, sliding closer to Shepard. The blonde backed up as the shadows began to merge. The darkness grew until the misty shadow measured up to Shepard's height. Two glowing eyes appeared on its silhouette, an impish grin followed soon after. "I'm your best friend, of course!"
Shepard scoffed at the idea, "I don't have friends," she said.
The shadow's grin turned into a scowl. "I don't really need you to believe me now," it said, "but if you want to get out of here, I'm all too happy to help!"
"And how could you help?" Shepard asked, expecting to wake up soon.
The shadow flowed around her, stretching to the locked door. Shepard turned and saw the mist flow through the bottom of the door. "What are you...?" Shepard asked.
A loud clicking sound echoed through the dark metal room. The door slowly began to open, shedding a blinding light upon the girl. The shade grinned wider than before, "Someone who can open anything," it said.
"...Father," Logan said, feeling out the word. A man who takes care of their children. Role model. Responsible.
"Yes," the doctor said as she closed the book, "We reached the F's and it seems like you read perfectly. Should we move on to poems or books?" she asked.
"...poe..ms" he said with difficulty.
"Alright, I'll get one out," the woman said as she flipped through her book.
Logan adjusted in his seat. "...okay."
"Oh!" Chakwas exclaimed, "how about this?" She handed him the thick book. "What is it called?"
The boy pulled the book closer.
Our Deepest Fear, by Marianne Williamson.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our fear is that we are more powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
The boy looked up from the book and gave the doctor a sheepish smile, "...Big," he said.
"That's alright, Logan," Chakwas said, "Do you want to go back to what we were doing before?" The boy flushed with embarrassment and nodded. "Don't be shy, there's no rush," she said as she picked up the rolodex-like book from her lap. She smiled and flipped the page.
"...Fire..." he said. Red; hot; destructive; beautiful... Hot... Incredibly hot. Too hot...
It's hot- unbelievably hot; so hot the skin starts to crack and peel, revealing the pink and sensitive layer hiding underneath his pale skin. The boy jolts up from his sleep, screaming in fear as the sunset-dyed room shifts around him. The shriek echoes through the dimly lit room. He tries to stand but something holds him firmly by the hips. He reaches down and finds chains wrapped securely around his midriff. His hand traces a foot of scalding metal to what seems to be a crate attached to the end. The boy pulls and with no success, hesitantly leans back on to the hard metal floor and looks around the room for anything useful in freeing himself. A vent hangs open at the far end of the dark room. If he could just get free, he would be able to escape through there.
'Caution: Protein Vats are now active, all staff must vacate immediately to avoid injury or death.'
The boy's eyes widen as the room begins to heat up; bright red running lights illuminate the dark room.
The doctor leaned forward in her chair and reached her arm out to the sleeping boy, "Logan?" she said as she lightly shook him. The boy flinched when her hand touched him, but remained unresponsive. She started to feel concern rising up from her stomach. It was an incorrigible feeling as a doctor. She gave him one last shake and sat back, watching as the boy's eyes fluttered in his sleep. Maybe I'm worrying too much. I'd be tired if I was in his position...
The door to the lab opened and Chakwas jumped as a large Krogan in a dirty jet black armor stormed into the room with two women slung over his shoulders- one human and one asari.
"You don't trust me, do you?" The apparition said as it clung to her shadow.
"No." Shepard stepped through the twists and turns of the metal hall. The area had changed drastically since she was locked in her cell. Her home had been replaced with darkened corridors made of the hardest metals; each turn brought her into an even darker corridor. More than once she had stumbled into the same passage she had been in earlier. Recognizing the current hallway, she bit deep into her thumb and squeezed the blood to the surface. The shadow seemed to watch intently as she smeared the letter 'A' onto the smooth, metal wall.
"What's the letter for?" the shadow asked, making Shepard jump- she had momentarily forgotten the shade was following her. She didn't know how she forgot- the shadow's glowing eyes and equally glowing grin were the only source of light she had in here.
"...Alliance. It's more creative than just a nonsensical streak of blood," she explained.
The shadow's grin grew larger and more troublesome, "Are you sure it wasn't because your name starts with an 'A'?" she questioned.
Shepard grimaced and turn towards the shadow hiding in her own, "How do you know my name?!" she demanded. The creature just smiled wider, an impossible width. "You said you were my-"
"-Are," the ghost replied proudly.
"-are my best friend... Did I tell you my name?" Shepard asked.
"Nope!"
"Were you with me on Mindoir?"
"Nope!"
"Then how do you know? And more importantly; I don't have friends- how do I have a best friend I don't even know about?"
"Knowledge is out there, Shepard, you just have to look. And like I said earlier: I'm not your best friend yet," it said nonchalantly.
"So... What, are you from the future or something?"
"Of course not! You're dreaming."
"I figured as much," Shepard said, turning and stepping down another hall. "Though I've never had a dream where a shadow claimed to know my future."
The grin disappeared from the mist, replaced with a thin line of light. "I never said I was from the future, did I? Nope. I never said that this will happen- it's just a possibility of your future."
"That still doesn't explain how I'm dreaming about a 'possibility' for my future."
"Minds work in mysterious ways," the shadow said, smiling once more. Shepard stopped and sighed. The woman leaned against the wall, feeling her now short hair. She didn't remember when it had shortened in her dream- it just... did. Her eyes flicked down at her body. It had grown too. "...Are you lost?" the shadow questioned. Shepard gave it a withered glare and slid down the wall. The shade smiled impishly as she sat upon the floor, "Well instead of trying to find a way out, why don't you just leave?" Shepard gave the mist an inscrutable look. "You're the only way out!"
The doctor pulled at the hem of Shepard's jumpsuit, peeling away the layers of hardened rubber and light plating. She slipped her patient's arms out and then tugged the rest from her legs. Without a second look, she turned on her heel and tossed the scum-covered armor onto her chair. She felt the urge to take it down to the sanitation level but she pushed aside those thoughts. There was a patient in her table and she'd be damned to make her a second priority to laundry. She scoffed at the thought and turned around to the unconscious woman. Her face contorted in confusion; as expected, the woman was covered from neck to toes in wires and other sorts of mismatched circuitry. She approached, curiosity growing with each step. Finally, she stopped at the side of the girl, leaning over to see the symbol on the breast of the suit; the symbol was that of a fiery yellow sun enveloped in black flames. The insignia looked strikingly similar to Eclipse's... But... Shepard wasn't a part of Eclipse... Was she?
The doctor shook her head and pulled down the suit until it was off completely.
Shepard woke to a cold, wet feeling on the lower part her abdomen; an equally cold, smooth piece of metal pressed and prodded around in the gel-like substance. Her eyebrows furrowed in pain as her body finally registered the pain from her earlier activities.
The sides of Shepard's lips turned down into a frown when a voice breaks the comfortable silence she had just gotten used to. "Awake now?" the distinctly female voice asked. Shepard nodded, still clinging on to the remnants of sleep. "...You're lucky, you know? You took quite a fall back on Therum-"
"What happened to my squad?" Shepard asked, ignoring the doctor's statement. "Did they make it out? All of them?"
Without skipping a beat. The doctor replied. "Yes. They're in the cargo hold now, filling the holes of their armor."
"What about Dr. T'Soni? Did they get her?"
"Open your eyes and look to the right," Chakwas said.
Shepard did so reluctantly; she opened her eyes and saw herself- she was naked and bruised. Chakwas stood at the end of the slab, an ultrasound tool in her hand. She slowly turned her head and saw the asari laid out on the neighboring slab, an IV inserted into her cyan wrist. "Is she okay?"
The doctor flicked her eyes towards the alien, "Well enough. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink for who knows how long. She'll need some time to recover."
Shepard let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. "Good... Hope is okay, right?" she asked, afraid of the answer.
"Shaken but fine- just like you. I was saying you were lucky. They didn't always have inertia dampeners- especially in armored suits. If this had happened twenty years ago, you would've lost your baby instantly. In addition, you'll be eligible for duty in a matter of hours, remind me to give you medication for your sores."
Shepard turned her head back towards the doctor; from this angle she saw how her stomach had grown. It was noticeable but subtle at the same time.
The doctor lifted the tool from her stomach and wiped the gel off of her. "You need to be more careful, Shepard," she said as she crossed the room to grab Shepard's clothing.
The commander nodded mutely, not entirely paying attention. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. She looked towards back to the neighboring slabs, past the asari... They were missing a patient. "Where's Logan?" she asked.
The doctor pointed to the chair in the far corner of the room, "He's over there. I think he..." She stopped; the chair was empty, and the boy was nowhere to be seen. The doctor gave Shepard a worried glance and paced to towards the door. Shepard eased herself off of the slab and stretched her stiff and aching muscles. She limped towards the table with her casuals. She gingerly slipped the clothes on and stepped from the med bay. She looked around the empty mess hall. It must've been sleep hours- no lights were on. She heard Karin's voice coming from the right; far behind the sleeper pods in the hall jammed between the med bay and the captain's quarters.
"Chakwas?" Shepard called quietly enough to not disturb the crew members in the sleeper pods. She came closer and saw the doctor prodding at the boy- Logan. He was laying in the indent of the wall. The terminal for the distress beacon would light up in times of emergency. From the dense sweat forming on the kid's brow, it'd be easy to assume he was having a nightmare.
"Can you hear me?" She heard the doctor whisper into the boy's ear, "I need you to wake up now, okay?" She watched as the boy slowly cracked an eye open and then the other; soon the boy sat up with his head in his hands. He mumbled something into the palms of his hands. Shepard leaned forward to hear him say something about a... vet? "What did you say, Logan?" the doctor asked.
The boy lifted himself off of the ledge, leaning tiredly on Chakwas. "Protein vats," the boy said.
On behalf of the Council, I thank you for report, Lieutenant Alenko, however, Shepard will need to host a video conference at her earliest convenience.
-Ambassador Udina of the Alliance Parliament.
Kaidan scoffed and tossed the datapad onto the workbench. God he hated politicians. Ashley flinched as the datapad skittered her work area. He quickly grabbed it back and uttered a sheepish apology; Ashley on the other hand looked positively gleeful at her superior's outburst. He knew where this was going.
"So... brooding over politicians now?" She said as she slowly trailed a line of chame-gel into a thin, fissure of a scar on Garrus' armor; the line of the pasty clear substance sizzled and bubbled. It began replicating the material around it, effectively filling the hole like it was never chipped in the first place.
"I don't brood, Chief. But, yes, Udina is pissing me off."
"Surprise surprise. I think everyone has been... Oh.. Ah! Dammit!" The Chief groaned. Kaidan looked over and saw the gunnery chief and impromptu armor custodian trying to claw off a small amount of chame-gel that had flooded over the sides of the crevice she was working on; the gel quickly hardened and attached to the surface, "Aw dammit," she said. She stared at the small bubble standing from the armor. "Do you think he's gonna see it?" She asked with a sideways glance.
"He's a sniper."
"Aw he won't see it," she said, ignoring him.
"I'm pretty sure he will."
"Nope. Not with those tiny eyes."
"Those 'tiny eyes' help blow the heads off geth, you know that right?"
"Oh well," the chief said with a shrug. She grabbed the armor, walked over to the row of lockers and shoved it into Garrus's. Ashley sighed and leaned against the small plastic bins, "You should've seen the way Tali glared at me when I was fixing a chip in her mask. I swear to god she was getting ready to strangle me with her bare hands if I messed up."
"Yeah. No. I honestly doubt killing a crew mate is what she calls a good idea," Kaidan huffed. "She's a little too smart for that." He bit his lip, realizing how affectionate that sounded- he saw a devilish smile begin to creep along the woman's face.
"So quick to protect."
"Look, Ash, she's a good girl. That's it. She and I are just crew mates that have nothing but respect for each other's abilities."
"I guess you're right- scuttlebutt says that you're into blonde women anyway."
Kaidan winced, he could feel the blood in his veins turn into ice as the woman crossed her arms and chuckled. "What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?" he asked, feigning innocence.
"Seriously? There is one blonde woman on this ship, Lt, and it's obvious you like her." Ashley's troublesome expression turned into one of general interest, "What drew you to her in the first place? The reputation?"
Kaidan sighed and pinched his brow. It was a wonder her former superiors didn't promote her just for the sole purpose of getting rid of her. "And who started this rumor?"
Ashley shrugged her shoulders, "Dunno. Just heard it- anyway, if it wasn't the reputation that sparked your interest, was it her mystique? She doesn't tell just anyone her name," the girl cooed.
Kaidan narrowed his eyes at her, "You make it sound like you know her name."
Ash scoffed, "You think she'd tell me? I'm pretty sure she hates me."
"She doesn't hate you, Ash. She's just not one for companionship."
"And you like her."
"...Yes."
Ashley opened her mouth to say something but was cut short when a loud screeching sound reverberated through the cargo bay. The two looked towards the cargo hold's door. The huge metal panel started lowering outwards, revealing a sea of darkness dotted by millions of stars behind a thin blue curtain of concentrated dark energy. Ashley's shocked expression quickly melted into one of annoyance, "Ha. Ha. Very funny Joker," she said.
Kaidan, on the other hand, couldn't shake the feeling this wasn't some idiotic prank the snide pilot was pulling. "I don't think this is Joker, Ash..." He looked back and saw her face fall in concern.
"You think it's a technical problem?" she asked seriously.
"I don't know what it is, but I think it's be good to head to the drive core. Just in case." The Lieutenant walked by her and motioned for her to follow. Ashley nodded and slowly followed him. He gave once last look to the emptiness of space; a set of stars seemed to move and grow. He shook his head- wouldn't be the first time exhausting an L2 caused hallucinations... If you could call it that.
Post-notes:
I apologize for the massive delay. My sister, who acts as my go-to-girl, is in Costa Rica. She's studying abroad and I'm so proud of her. We barely speak because the service is terrible there but I sent her a few paragraphs and she enjoyed them. It's just a little bit harder because she is like my helper, y'know? Logan's syndrome was going to be nameless but she actually looked the symptoms up in her psychology book and introduced me to Broca's... Something... I can't remember... Dystrophy? Oh well. She's such a huge help so I'm dedicating this paragraph to you, my sister who I will not name! I love you and miss you!
I'm genuinely surprised that this chapter will be split into two parts. I've been working on this for a really long time and I feel like I've really made it back on track with writing. I'm really proud of this chapter and I was happy to give you some insight into Al- Shepard's life. Sorry. Almost spoiled it. I really enjoy the messages you guys send me, even the ones telling me to hurry up XD
So... I need your help now. I'm planning out ME3's story and I'm having Shepard interviewed. I want you to send me questions you would ask a random Shepard (doesn't have to be mine) and the ones I like most will be asked. Please just send a PM with the subject: "Interview" and I'll be sure to read it immediately.
I am so happy that I've gotten to where I am in just a few short months. It really means a lot to me. Really it does...
Review. Follow. Like my page on Facebook (Mass Effect by Celestiallight) so you can see my inspiration and concept art I leave around there.
Well... I guess that's enough of me rambling!
-CelestialLight*