AN: It has been brought to my attention that I made a mistake. I said Bella and Jake have been married for 9 years and it is a typo they have been married for 6 years. Yes Bella was dating Jacob when she was married but she had already filed for a divorce and had James out of the house. This chapter will explain all you need to know and hopefully clarify things for you. I apologize for any confusion if there are any more questions feel free to message me and I will be happy to answer them.

I know a lot of you are excited for Edward to come in to play but please understand it will take time and Bella is weary of her own feelings right now, so it will take a while before Edward is with her.

Ok now that that is done I need to thank my Beta JigsawRose she is truly amazing.

On to the story now….

Chapter 5

BPOV

Jacob shows up right on time as expected. He lets Billy out and my little boy runs to me yelling about how much he missed me. I wonder if Seth will be the same way, or if he will want to see my dad more so than my best friend and father of one of his younger brother. Jake walks up to me, he looks so tired.

"Hey Bella I have a question or two…"

"What?" I look at him confused.

It's only been one weekend, what could be the problem?

"Well we went shopping and bought a few toys and then went to the grocery store…"

I couldn't help the smirk that shows up on my face.

"You took a five year old down the snack aisle alone didn't you?"

"Well yeah."

"Jake, never do that unless you don't have a choice. If you do have to do it keep him in the cart, or you will pay for it every time." I can't stop the laughter in my voice. "As for the toy aisle…keep Tylenol handy. That's all I can suggest."

"Wonderful." He looks to the ground.

"It's okay Jake; you will come up with your own way to deal with this. We all have our own routine and strategies. You just need to find yours, it will happen."

"Oh I don't know about that but if you say so." He looks back up ay me. "Is that why you always made sure to have pain killers in the cupboard?"

I laughed out loud. "Yeah, pretty much."

We go inside so he can see Seth and plan out the next weekend and wish the boys a good week at school, then he leaves no doubt a nap is planned for the afternoon. As the boys chatter on about their weekends including fishing trips, and let's just say men are not the only ones with 'whopper' fish stories. It makes me smile and shake my head as I go in to help my mother. We laugh about how my father is an over grown child when the boys come around. When that is over I suck it up and ask her if she and my father can watch the boys during an appointment I have tomorrow, leaving out the detail that it is a therapy appointment. Of course she agrees without asking any questions, parents are great. We enjoy our supper talking all the while about nothing of importance; school, my new job, and dad's job, like I said nothing of drastic importance. After supper we bath the kids read stories and head them off to bed with kisses and songs from me of course. I start to think back to the weekend and how when I called to tell Billy goodnight he asked for is song and requested I teach Jake how to sing it for him, I have to laugh.

Who doesn't know twinkle, twinkle, little star?

I return down stairs to visit with my parents some more. My dad thinks it's good I'm moving on, my mother on the other hand thinks I should slow down a little. Sometimes I think she would be happy if I lived there with my boys till she dies. After reassuring her I will be okay and that I am an adult and cannot live here forever, and a few words of advice thrown in from daddy I head off to bed myself kissing them both as my boys do, and as I did as a child myself.

I sleep restless as usual; sleeping alone has never really been my thing, when my alarm goes off. Mentally I go over my to do list today; get the boys to school, go to work, and therapy after that, then come home and call Alice to tell her if I will be joining her and my friends tonight. Then do it again tomorrow. I smile at my mental joke as I get up and shower before I wake the boys.

At breakfast we chatter again about what the boys are expecting to do in school today, and I tell them that grandma will pick them up after school because I have a doctor's appointment. Seth, of course, gets worried. I calm him by telling him I'm fine and I won't be getting a shot. That kid hates needles. Billy just asks if I'll be home for supper, and relaxes when I tell him I'll be home right at the time we all sit down. The boys kiss mama and daddy and we head out the door - goodbyes flying all around from everyone. I drop the boys off kissing them and telling them the usual.

"Bye boys, have fun, have a good day, I love you."

In unison I get, "okay, love you too mama."

On my way to work, I worry how my appointment will go with go with Susan, my therapist. Arriving at work I see a group of men standing around outside the door. I park and walk up to them seeing Ben, Angela's fiancé, and wonder if they are all supervisors.

"Bella, long time no see."

"Ben, how are you?"

"Good."

"Good, why are you all out here?"

"We are waiting on you."

"Why?"

"Well this is part of your crew and they have never met you so I thought I would introduce you guys."

"Okay."

Now please don't ask me their names because I forget each one as he says the next name. I am so horrible with names it isn't even funny. Work goes smoothly for the most part, I find the only thing I have any trouble with is people looking at me funny when they ask who to go to for the paper work, but I think that's only because I am new. After work it's time for therapy. I walk in and there is a young girl for a receptionist. I walk up to her and inform her of my name and who I am here to see.

"Hi my name is Bella Swan and I have an appointment with Susan."

"Oh hi, Bella, I'm Emily." I instantly decide she is way too perky, unnaturally so as she hands me paperwork.

What the hell. Who needs this mountain of paperwork to get information? What are they going to ask…My blood-type and what color my pee is in the morning? Ugh. I mentally roll my eyes as I sit down with the clipboard with the novel of information they need, and start to fill it out.

I am just finishing up as a female voice calls my name.

"Bella?"

"Yeah." I get up and follow her to her office."

"Can I get you anything coffee, soda, water?"

"Actually, coffee would be a dream." I smile.

"Okay, one second." She leaves and returns a few seconds later with coffee and hands it to me.

Oh sweet lord, there is a heaven!

"So Bella tell me about you?"

"Well where should I start?"

"Wherever you want to."

Is this a set up? What does she mean where do I star?

"Well I am a mother of two amazing little boys," She nods "and I have been divorced twice."

Nice Bella just jump right in, what are you thinking?

"Go on."

"Well I don't know what more you are looking for..."

"Well let's try, why are you here?"

"Well…Because I'm a train-wreck and I'm only twenty seven..."

"What makes you say that?"

"I married a hard working man to man only to divorce him three years later because I was not 'in love' with him." I use air quotes to emphasize the in love part. "I mean I even have a son with him, but I just… I don't know sometimes I think I have this messed up notion on what I believe the words 'in love' mean."

"Why don't you explain to me what your version of being 'in love' means?" She now used the air quotes like I did.

"Well, it's… it's… okay let me explain it this way. Do you know when you see that person and you get butterflies in your stomach, and you just can't seem to be away from them, and how you feel complete with them, and their happiness is your happiness… that's what I think."

Great Bella now you're rambling to a stranger…You do need help. Commit me …Party of one right here!

"Well yes but you are aware that no matter what you do, you have to fight, right?"

"Yeah but when your 'in love' you don't go to bed mad, sleep separately, and be content with it. In my opinion anyway."

"Mmm humm." And she writes something down.

What the hell does 'Mmm humm' mean?

"You said you divorced twice, why did you leave your first husband?"

"Well, your brain can only be rattled so many times before you get tired of it."

"Umm… can you explain that please?"

Are you kidding what don't you get he was an asshole.

"What do you mean explain? He was an asshole that through me around whenever he felt like it and decided he needed every woman to fulfill one need, rather than one woman to fulfill his every need."

"I see."

"Look I get I wasn't enough for him but Jake, my second husband was a good man. Still is. But I just couldn't fall in love with him. I know there is something wrong with me but I just don't know what it is. Can you tell me?"

"Well Bella, I think you are just looking too hard for a man. I think if you relax you will find him in the most unexpected place. I don't think it's you and what you are going through is completely natural."

Natural…Rriiiggghhht. I don't concur. That's the term doctors use right, concur? Oh hell what do I care? This was a bad idea. I should just leave now. But I have to work this out - my boys deserve better than a nut job for a mother.

"Bella, Bella…" Susan's voice rakes into my thoughts. "What are you thinking?"

Lady you so don't want to know trust me. Oh well here we go, both feet right, got to have pain before you heal. Why not - she is a professional, one that can put me away or take my kids because I am a crazy idiot that just hurts people.

"Bella I can't help if you don't open up. I need to know what you're thinking before I can lead you in the right direction, and I'm no dentist so if I have to pull teeth it will get more painful than it needs to be."

Okay lady you if you don't separate me and my kids then fine I'll share my crazy mind with you!

"You won't take my kids away will you?"

"Bella, I'm here to help you. Do you think your kids are in danger with you?"

"I would never hurt my babies I love them more than my own life!" I raise my voice slightly.

"Okay then so help me help you so you can past this for them."

"Okay what do you want to know?"

She takes a deep breath. "How old are your boys?"

"Seven and Five."

"What are they like?"

"Well, Seth is more of a sufferer in-silence type, if he talk to anyone he has to trust you beyond this world, however he has a tendency to act out if it becomes too much. He is my oldest and unfortunately I have dragged him along if my craziness but he has been a real trooper. He knows he can't see his father and that's for his best interest, he seems to accept it well enough, but he has Jake to fill the void I think so that had to make it easier. He is so intelligent and when you look in his eyes I swear sometimes you can see the world." I feel the warmth roll through my body. "Billy…How do I begin…He is his brothers opposite he tells you what he thinks and isn't afraid to ask questions. He is only five so he is still a little wild child but I hope he never loses that because it just suits him, and when he's happy his whole face lights up. Out of the two of them I think I worry about him more because he is just up for anything and jumps in without looking back. The only thing I think they share is this light about them and right now Seth's light is gone, and I think it's because of me. I brought Jake in and let him show him a certain path and now for my own selfishness I pulled the proverbial rug out from under him and he is lost. I just want to get that back for him."

"Well, that natural…"

"What the hell does that mean? Is it really natural to flip your child's world upside down - he should be happy about not having to carry my baggage with me?"

"No what I mean is you have been through a severe hardship with him so, naturally his will indivertibly react to your unhappiness. Not that you did anything wrong we all are entitled to our emotions and children are sensitive beings they pick up on things easily."

"So what do I do?"

"Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit."

Okay this lady you have lost her mind. I roll my eyes.

"Let me explain, I want you to come and see me once a week for now, I want you to go out and meet people…" I raise an eyebrow towards her, she holds up her hand. "don't bring them home but meet people and not just at the store or dry-cleaners, I mean there is a really popular club I hear a lot about…Go there…'Ladies nights' we all need them and just because you're a mom doesn't mean you can't move on and have fun like you should."

Alright how much did Alice pay you to say that and how do you know her. I vote for a new shrink who's with me - damn no one?

"Okay but what if I don't fall in love?"

"I'm not saying fall in love. I'm saying meet people. Have fun and live single but as a mother would."

What the hell kind of cockamamie shit is that.

"What the hell kind of cockamamie shit is that?" No way was that one staying in my head, that was some kind of contradiction and it just confused the hell out of me.

"What I mean is go out have fun but be responsible about it, don't drink till you vomit and bring every guy you meet home to sleep with then have them leave."

I don't do that anyway!

That one is coming out too because now I'm on the defense…I'm no slut.

"I don't do that anyway."

"Relax I didn't say you did, I just wanted to clarify my last statement. Bella you need to have fun and be happy. Kids may be sensitive but the plus side to that is they are resilient. They heal fast a thoroughly in most cases. You just have to show him the way."

"Okay so see you and go out, that's it?"

"Pretty much, I want to hear how it goes – the going out- next week when you come back. Oh and I want to discuss the Jacob/James thing too."

"Okay…" I roll my eyes.

"Well our time is up so…next week?" I just nod trying to work through this whole thing.

"Relax Bella you just lost your way a little and have made a few mistakes I will help you fix it." She rests her hand on my shoulder as she speaks.

On the way home mind is just rolling with information but it all rounds back to one thing unparticular she said…

"Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit."

I decide I will call Alice after supper and let her know I will be joining them on Friday night. I let out a sigh of defeat at my decision and groan. I have been out of this dating thing for too long. I worry about being good at it.

Stupid Bella - she didn't say date she said meet people. Say hi and walk away. Stick to the plan just you and your boys. My boys…

I shake my head, and push on the gas pedal, eager to get to them. Yes even though my father is chief of Police I still gain a little rebellion and speed at times.

I walk in just as everyone is sitting down and get greeted by my boys screaming together.

"MOMMY!" I crouch down and rest one knee on the floor as they rush into my arms. I see my mother smile over their shoulders and Susan's words ring in my head as Seth chokes me…

"Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit." Damn it why can't I stop hearing that?

I pull away "Alright boys' mamas home lets go eat, before Grandma's food gets cold." Seth takes my hand as Billy bounces away and back to his chair. Seth and I sit down and we all dish up our plates. After we all say grace I ask the boys how school was and get bombarded with all kinds of things. Seth caught my attention quickly though because he said something about a pretty girl that won't stop following him around even after he asked him to. I told him to talk to Jake or Grandpa about that because I know I wouldn't be the best person. Then I heard about the ride in the police car and how totally cool that was. I look at my dad and smirk. He is just something unexplainable and I love him so much. When I look over at my mom I see her looking around the table with glossed over eyes and think about how her heart must be beating to ten times it normal size with happiness, so I look around and that damn phrase came back into my head and it still sounds like Susan…

"Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit."

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have something like that stick in your head…well I'll tell you it damn well blows! I look over at Seth, who is looking at me now, and smile making a vow that if Susan is right and my happiness will make him happy then I will do it to save him from a world of heartache because he deserves that.

After supper and putting the kids to bed, I go into my room and call Alice to tell her I will be there.

"Oh my, gosh, are you serious!"

"No Alice. I'm lying. Yes, I'm serious."

"Awesome I'll be over at three to get you ready."

"Stop, Alice. First of all I don't get home with the kids until three thirty then, if it's like last week Jake will be here to get the boys, and I can dress myself. So just relax."

"Bella, I saw the coolest dress for you I am getting it tomorrow and I will be there by three thirty too, then."

"Alright look I'll compromise. You can dress me up like some stupid doll but come around five thirty, okay, I don't want to explain why aunt Alice is here with new clothes to my boys, I don't want them to even know I'm going out."

"Bella I don't think they'd care."

"I don't want to take that chance." There Susan's voice is again, why I have no clue.

"Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit."

"Okay they are your boys Bella. I just think they should see you happy."

I knew it she paid off my shrink. I laugh at my mental joke.

"I suppose you think you using me as a doll is fun…Fun for who you or me?"

"Both Bella, you just aren't on my page yet."

"I don't think I ever will be Alice but okay. I have to get some sleep I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Alright, goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Ali."

After hanging up from Alice I check on the boys they are sleeping so peacefully, thankfully. I watch them for a few minutes with a peaceful smile on my face. I turn around to go to bed and there is my dad he looks at me with reminiscing eyes letting me know I am not the first parent to do the watching thing. I just smile and nod and he does the same in response before we go to our rooms for the night.

Ok guys let me know what you minds have in them by pressing the review button.