I own none of the twilight characters, crying shame I know.
AN: I will not be updating as much because mine and my beta's lives are getting a little busy, but we will be doing the best we can. Hope you can bear with us. From now on I will not be flip flopping between Bella and Jacob's POV anymore, there are too many characters, now to keep going the same way, I will continue to label them so you know who is talking.
And not forgetting JigsawRose, my beta she works hard for me, thanks hun.
Chapter 7
*BPOV*
I really hate that damn alarm clock. Why does it have to be so rude? Maybe I should invent something that wakes you up nicely. I wonder if that would sell. Huh…
I get up after my crazy mind stops rolling. I shower just like any other day, the only thing different about today is the fact that the two guys I met this last weekend; Scott and Jas, are on my mind. As I leave the bathroom I plow right into my oldest son. We stumble to the floor together.
"Oh I'm sorry baby. Are you okay?" I asked him worriedly
"Yeah, jeez mama didn't you see me?" Seth was clearly irritated.
"No baby, I was a bit…distracted."
"By what, nothing is here?" He looks around on the spot.
"No with my thoughts, sweetheart."
"What were you thinking about that you couldn't see me. I'm so big?"
"Nothing baby, I'm sorry. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah just try to be more careful please?"
"Yeah."
We get his brother and go downstairs to have breakfast. Everything goes as routine; breakfast, taking them to school, work, and to throw things off I call Jas to set up a lunch date for tomorrow and Scott on Thursday. I know what you are thinking and casual lunch dates with friends is okay, I mean I am having lunch with Alice on Wednesday. After work today, though, I have to go see Susan.
Shit I have to call my parents. I pull out my phone and call my parents to have my mom get my kids. Of course without question she agrees.
Work goes smoothly as possible, I have to admit I am a little nervous.
What will she say, maybe I should cancel. Well cancel on at least one but which one they are both so nice and cute, too. I'll talk to Susan see what she says.
I finish out the day and head over to see Susan; of course the overly perky Emily is here. I sit down and wait for Susan to let me know she is ready, just like last time she is out in minutes. We head back to her office and she remembers my coffee. We sit down and she just jumps right in.
"So Bella tell me…Did you do as I asked?"
"Actually yes, I did and I have a lot of fun. I met these two guys and got phone numbers and I have lunch plans with both of them….On two separate days obviously." Wow nice word- vomit there Bella. "Do you think that makes me a slut?"
"No, I think that is doing as I asked getting to know people. Although I have to admit I thought it would be harder to get you to do it."
"Well see - when you have my friend Alice on your side, she can be kind of persuasive. She thinks you are a good thing for me. So with Alice in your corner I figured I have already lost so I might as well give it a shot."
"Well I wouldn't call it a loss Bella; I would call it a helpful nudge."
"Well anyway I had fun, and I did meet people."
"Good … now let's talk about James and Jake." Ugh there goes my good mood! Was great while it lasted!
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"I want to start with James, what was your marriage to him like?"
Here we go…
"James was an ass. He would get mad at me or something, and toss me around the house. He broke a glass table I had right after Seth was born and a few months later he threw me in the fridge and it hurt pretty bad so I stayed with friends and filed for divorce."
"That's it…Why did you marry him…Why did you stay with him for so long…There had to be something that kept you there?"
"In the beginning he was a Casanova at his best. I fall for the sweet words and continuous, fawning every time." She writes something down. "I married him because I was pregnant and I didn't want my son labeled. I stayed with him for my son, but then he became a danger to him too. So I left and never looked back."
"And that led you to Jacob, how?"
"Well Jake has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and when I fell, Jake picked up the pieces. He made me feel loved and adored; although he is simple he is sweet."
"Simple, what does that mean?"
"It means Jake is sweet because he is caring and honest but when it comes to romance he hasn't a clue. I love Jake I really do and I think that's why I am okay with having his son. I'm just not in love with him and if I'm not in love with him that means that someone else is or is meant to be and I don't want to take that from him and staying with him would only take that away from him. Who am I to do that…I know it sounds like I am being selfish and just downright mean but really I'm not trying to be?"
"No I see what you are saying. So you and Jake are still on good terms?"
"Yes, he takes both the boys on the weekends. I know he loves them both equally and will never see Seth as anything but a son."
"That's good."
"I trust Jake."
"How do you think he would handle you meeting someone new?"
"I don't know I don't think I've really thought about it. I mean he asked me about my weekend and I told him about the two guys from the bar." She nods writing again. "He seemed okay with it, no he was fine I know Jake. He was happy for me just like I would be for him. And he told me he is still here if I ever need him."
"Good, and do you think he would be supportive if you actually chose to marry again?"
"I won't marry again."
"Not even if you fall in love?"
"I won't, I have accepted that."
"I see." And again she writes something down.
"So, back to these two guys…"
"What about them?"
"How do you feel about them?"
"Well, they are nice and all but I know I'm not going to stay with them, maybe be friends with them but definitely not with them, with them."
"You don't think either of them are 'the one'?"
"No I know they are not. I don't feel what I want to feel to actually be with them."
"I see."
"They are nice though and my gut says they are good people, and I have learnt to listen to that."
"Oh okay. Bella I don't want you to close yourself off okay, I want you to continue to meet people and have fun. How did the boys take to your going out?"
"I didn't tell them. I don't want them to be anxious. Maybe in time I will tell them but not right now. They see Jake and I happy together and they trust him and I think right now they still believe in me and I don't want to ruin that. I'm trying to lessen their uneasiness. Although I think I shot that one in the ass today." I huff out a laugh.
"What do you mean?" She gives me a confused look.
"When I got up this morning I took my shower like usual but when I got out I was so consumed by my own thoughts that when I walk out of the bathroom I ran right into Seth, we both fell to the floor in a heap. It's funny now but at the time I thought I hurt him. He asked why I didn't see him and I told him I was distracted. He looked around and didn't see anything and questioned me, so I explained how it was in my head. I think I confused him to the point he let it go."
"Bella, do you ever plan on telling your boys you want to go out?"
"Why should I…I can do it on the weekends when they are with Jake?"
"Do you remember what I said last week?"
"How could I forget it pops into my head all the time and in your voice too…What is that?"
"You need to explain I don't understand."
"When I contemplate anything I hear you in my head and it's in your voice telling me; Make yourself happy and then he will follow suit." I repeat the words for her.
"That's a good sign your heart is open to happiness."
Okay now you definitely sound like a quack!
"So, now what?"
"Now you keep going out except this time talk with the boys about it, use whatever support system you are all comfortable with but you need to talk to them."
"Who the hell sold you the stupid…I am not doing that!" I am shocked she suggested that in the first place, stupid woman!
"Bella it will be alright. They need to know you are happy."
"I don't know about this…Seth will flip."
"Use Jake, he could help."
"Why do they even need to know?"
"Because Bella, you are happy having fun and meeting people, they need to see that. Besides Seth as already falling victim to your dreaminess." She smirks at me.
"I will think about it, this one is a little tougher to do."
"Okay, I see your point but I assure you they will be fine." I nod slowly.
"Our time is up Bella."
"Okay, so just talk to the boys this week." I take a deep breath. This can't end well at all.
"Also, go to lunch with both of them."
I nod again as I leave.
I get home just as everyone is sitting down again. The boys run up to me and I kneel down to hug them.
"Mama, are you sick?" Billy asks me
"No sweetheart why do I look sick?"
"No, Grandma just said you had another doctor's appointment. Why do you need a doctor if you aren't sick?"
"No, Little Bill she's pregnant again." And he walked away, upset or hurt by me.
My dad shoots his head to the side to look at me, my mother drops the glass in her hand, and Billy looks at me.
Umm where the hell did he get that? I know what that entails and believe you me it isn't possible.
"Seth, baby, why did you say that?"
"Because when you were going to have Billy you went to the doctor a lot."
So that's where he got that leap. Wow, kids minds are truly something.
I look at my parents clearly this made sense to them too.
Wow, are they all thinking this. My parents look like they are awaiting a response. Oh for the love of all that is holy. I roll my eyes at them. My mother relaxes and starts cleaning up the mess and my father just stares. So I clear up most of the situation.
"No I'm not having a baby." I look pointedly at my dad. I swear you could see him visibly relax, but now Seth is concerned. "I just have some things to do and that is what my appointment is for." Billy walked away sick of my being cryptic, Seth just watched me closer with doubt in his eyes. I know he thinks I am having a baby because I always tell the boys when there is something wrong and when I am evasive he knows something's up. Dinner is quiet, and awkward. Seth wants dad to help him get ready for bed, heartbroken I allow it. While dad helps the boys I talk to my mom.
"So, Miss Bella, where are you on Mondays?"
"Way to ease into that one mama."
"Well are you going to tell me?" Now I hear the concern, and stay quiet for a minuet. "Bella you know you can tell me and it will change nothing on how much I love you."
"You'll think I'm nuts literally." I huff a laugh through my nose.
"So you have gone to see a therapist. Okay and how is that going?" That's right, mamas the only one who can make a leap from having a baby to seeing a therapist.
"Well it's going well. I think anyway. She thinks I should tell the boys I am going out."
"I agree."
"What, why, shouldn't I be protecting them?"
"Well Seth told your father that you look different, and after running into him this morning because you where distracted by your head." We laughed together. " I think you need to tell them everything. Seth is freaking out right now."
"I know that mama, but what will he say if I tell him I'm going to a shrink and going out a partying with my friends while he's with Jake - That is too much for his little mind?"
She stops and looks at me. "Isabella that boy is so much like you. It's almost like you in a little boy form. With raising you, I have a feeling he will be tough on you at first and then he will work through it and before you now it he will be the happiest little boy ever created, again." She looks right into my eyes. "And I think him and his mother will get that light in them back. The light I haven't seen in weeks, since before they entered my house from yet another hit to the heart. Bella you might have left Jake, but he didn't leave you," she holds up her hand to stop my protest. "I know you have your reasons but you need to understand when you make major decisions like that with children involved, children like Seth, you will have a lot of extra stuff to deal with. Stuff that wouldn't be there if you didn't have children, in order to not have that bull shit would mean; you would have had to miss out on all the other stuff, all the good stuff. I know James was an ass, I knew that before Seth was even born. I saw the fake smiles and the false loving father crap, but you are an adult and I knew you would handle it as you saw fit. Maybe… not as soon as I would have liked, but it was dealt with. I saw it with Jake too.
Bella I watched you grow, I know you better than what you think and I knew you where not in love with him. I let you do things you way because when your mind is made up there is no changing it. You get that from you father. Now that oh so lovely trait is handed down to Seth." She rolls her eyes. "When it comes to Seth I think you will need to be honest with him and tell him everything, that what I had to do with you."
"Oh mama I just don't want him to hate me."
"Bella he will hate you, he is a kid. When you do something he doesn't like, he will hate you. You need to do what's right for him not by him. Don't be so damned afraid to piss him off. I saw the look in your eyes at the table when you looked at him, and I know you think he doesn't believe you and I agree with that. But so what, if you where having a baby. He would get over it and I know damn well he would do the same for that child as he has for Seth. You will upset him, you will do the wrong thing intending to do the right thing, and you will be the super hero sometimes. One thing I can assure you is you will mess up and you will do it a lot, because there is no instruction manual for kids. Its fates way of having a laugh at your expense, but the joys you get from them outweigh any heartache you get, and all the hell you are dealt and when he grows up into the wonderful man he will be, you will look back and see that. But for now keep in mind he may be smarter that most seven year olds but emotionally he is only seven, he needs you to be okay to be okay within himself."
Okay why am I paying a shrink I could be saving a lot of money and talking to my own mother!
"Will you and daddy be there to help me talk to them?"
"Always honey, always."
We finish the cleaning and she goes in with daddy, I follow but kiss them good night instead of sitting to chit chat. I walk upstairs and stop at the boy's room before I go to my room.
I watch them for a minute, when I turn around I see my dad standing there.
"Bells I need to talk to you..."
Okay really how much can I take?
You can't possibly find this fun! I mentally curse the fates my mother was speaking of.
"What is it daddy?"
"Let's go to your room I don't want to wake them." He puts his hand on my back and leads me to my room. When we get inside she shuts the door. "Bella, I know being a parent is hard. You need to understand something; Seth is not your average seven year old. He can take a lot, kind of like someone else I know." He gives me a pointed look. "Bella I don't know what is going on with you exactly but I do know you are struggling with something and that little boy is to." he points to the room next to mine. "You need to come clean."
"Daddy I'm fine."
"Bullshit Bella you ran that kid over this morning. That's not like you. You know where they are at all times, you know every mark they have on them, and you know what they are feeling every second of the day. Now you are being shady and leaving that boy confused and feeling lost. Bella, ever since that boy was born you have been all about him, for fuck sake you didn't leave him with anyone besides you mother and I. When Billy came along you made sure he was okay with it. There is just something with you two and now he feels like he is losing you. Bella whatever you are going through do it fast or your children will suffer, and I know that will kill you in the end, and I don't want to see that."
"Daddy I am trying…"
"Bella the trying is dying - get it done."
"I am." Now I am getting mad!
"Where were you today and last Monday?"
"I had an appointment."
"With an OB?"
"No daddy I am not having a baby."
"With who or what then?"
I take a deep breath and ready myself to be yelled at some more. "I stated seeing a therapist."
"Why Bella you can do this without a professional, you are stronger that what you think?"
"I need this right now daddy." I bow my head in shame.
"Well then you tell them boys, they are worried sick about you. Seth need you Bells, he has a lot going on and he can't find you."
"I know and I planned on telling them tomorrow after work. I talked to mama already and asked for your guys help."
"Bella we are here for you, always."
"I know daddy thank you. Look I am all over this I promise, but right now it has been a hard day, I need to rest okay?"
"Okay, goodnight baby."
"Night daddy."
I am so run-down from the day I fall asleep fast.
Okay guys, you now know how others see Bella. Press review and tell me what you think. You know I love to hear your thoughts.