A/N: I updated twice. In a week. Oh em gee!
"Look at Tobi and his fucking orange head!" Hidan chortled, stuffing a Jashin-shaped cookie into his mouth. "It looks like a big, fat, swirly-"
Deidara gasped. "Shut up, un!" He shook his head wildly. "We don't talk about that here!" He dragged Hidan up and shoved him out of the kitchen, where Tobi was baking muffins.
"What the hell was that for?" Hidan glared at Deidara menacingly. "Why, if Jashin didn't outlaw the killing of transvestites, I'd-"
"No!" Deidara frantically shushed him. "Now, do you wanna hear the story behind Tobi's head or not, un?"
Hidan's eyes widened. "You mean there's a fucking stor-"
"It was a long time ago, un," Deidara began, eyes darting nervously for any sign of eavesdroppers. "By the way, I heard this story from Sasori, so it-"
"Just get on with the fucking story," Hidan snarled.
Deidara flipped his hair. "Gawd, un, you're such an impolite... er... ANYWAYS, Tobi had apparently created a jutsu that could grant him any wish he had, anything in the whole world, un."
"Are you fucking serious?" Hidan sighed dreamily, already imagining all the maiming and torturing he would have wished for. "Yes, Jashin-sama, I'd love to hack Kakuzu into-"
"MOVING ON, un," Deidara continued, ignoring Hidan's gory fantasies. "He wished for wealth first, and the next day, he won the Fire Country Lottery, un."
Hidan dismissed the idea immediately. "Pft. Dumb wish."
"Then, he wished for ultimate power, un." Deidara glared at Hidan. "Very soon, he was unbeatable in both taijutsu and ninjutsu, un."
"..." Hidan pondered this wish. "Better." he nodded, ignoring Deidara's evil eye.
Deidara sighed, giving up. "'m hesitant to tell you this, un, but finally, Tobi wished for a giant orange head."