I'M BACK, BABY!

As am I.

Only because I am not "trustworthy" enough to write to MY mate alone. Sheesh.

James, there is no way I am trusting you to write ALONE. At the least, I have to supervise.

Oh come on. You are cramping my STYLE, mate.

Somewhere at a gay bar, there a guy decked out in "Areopostale" waiting to buy you and appletini.

You would know.

JAMES POTTER. At least when I use a- YOU ARE RUINING THE SUPRISE.

Now, my inmate of a mate, you may be asking yourself...

"What suprise is my ridiculous mate spoiling, oh powerful Jamie?"

Or, more sanely, "When you use a what, Remy?"

Well, fear not my good chap. I have to answers to ALL of your questions.

James, just tell him.

WE HAD A PICK-UP LINE CONTEST!

To clarify, whilest you had a detention on a Hogsmeade weekend, James and I put together a little contest to see who could get the most- you are going to ADORE this Sirius. Just picture little shy Remy stuttering through- Shut up, James. Anyhoo. We were seeing who could get the most phone numbers off of pick-up lines, and pick-up lines ALONE.

Oh Sirius, it was great! It took all of my power not to explode and tell you all about it all that very NIGHT!

So.. before we waste anymore time, lets proceed.

I get to start! WHOOPIE!

So little Remus enters Madame Rosemerta's and makes us PROUD.

His eyes smolder as he turns to the prettiest thing in the bar. His face is perfectly straight as he talks.

"I-I need a pensieve, b-because my head is filled with thoughts of you." He stutters a bit, but his adorableness shines through. The girl smiles sweetly.

"Look." She whispers, with a little giggle for appearances. "You are gayer than the maypole. But I see James Potter over there, so here's my number- she scrawls it on the napkin- you can call anytime, darling." She raises her voice at the end, fooling Jamie.

YOU LIAR. I CANNOT BELIEVE ALL THE GLOWING THINGS I WRO-

I stole James' pen. I figured I should move this along. Before I get stabbed.

So, James walks through the door of the bar (again, 'you have to make an entrance!') and slings his jacket across the stool.

"I'll have a butterbeer, Rosie." He winks like the sly-dog he is. He then turns to the second prettiest girl (myself having claimed Luann earlier) and says...

"You know, the sorting hat place me Gryffindor. I think that it is because, like Godric Gryffindor himself, I have a truly MAGNIFICENT sword. If you know what I mean." he winks.

"Jamie-boy... What have you been doing- THAT IS ENOUGH REM.- looking at Godric's "sword"." She laughed and strutted off.

Then ever kind Remus struts off to rub it in farther. 'OH! Jamie got rejected? Let's go snag ANOTHER hottie. Just to make him feel bad.'

So who does he go up to? That's right. THE BIRD THAT JUST REJECTED ME.

"Hey... Y-you know... I'm not an animagus... but s-sometimes I c-can be a r-r-real anim-mal." This time the stutters weren't nerves, just barely contained laughter.

"Okay." She says with a wink. "Call me!" The crazy bird writes her number on a scrap coupon that had expire and kisses lil' Remy on the cheek. OBVIOUSLY she knew Remus was gay to.

So Remy, what deal did you strike for her?

None, Jamie. I had never seen her before. I did call her though- just to explain... I felt bad.

What? You TOLD her you asked her out just on a dare?

And she really seemed interested in my "smokin' friend- he's not gay right?' but you REFUSED to talk on the phone. Nope, wizards chess was far too important.

Remy. I hate you.

I know. :3

Shall we move on to your next "conquest"?

This time, Jamie had his mind set. Surely EVANS wouldn't resist the lure of a perfectly executed pick-up line!

He walked up an said...

"Hey Evans! You know what this is?" he gestures to his body, and manages to subtly emphasize his... privates.

"Microscopic?" Brigid, Lily's friend asks quickly.

"Nooo! It's a port-key" A silent DUH goes here. "One touch, and it can take you some where you ain't EVER been before."

James' day was cut short as he had to go back to the hospital ward.

Obviously Remus was conspiring against me the whole time.

Obviously. (Note- Sarcasm)

Well, anyway- By the time I got patched up (Day-um! That woman is drop dead gorgeous when she is anger. And even MORE dangerous..) you were out of detention, and there wasn't time to head back for round two.

That comes later. When Remus the Mighty proves his sex-appeal in a new and exciting environment.

Aka- a gay bar. I can't even remember how we pulled that off.

You have a horrible memory. Anyway, you are returning from a special beaters-only practice in a few minutes, so we must pack the "Hello Kitty Diary of Awesome" away before your surprise is ruined.

Bye Mate! See tomorrow! Peace-out, as the ghetto-muggles say!

No muggle says that. Unless they are on drugs.

Good-Bye, Padfoot. Stay strong!

Cough gay cough.

Cough captain obvious cough.

A/N- ahahaha! Flame away homo-haters. If you didn't get it from earlier chapters, yes. Remus is a wee bit gay. :3

What is the :3 face anyway?