Another bump or two in the road. My thanks to those who have read this.

The Dawning of Faith

Chapter 21

Dawn thought it was pretty perfect too.

"I need to go get cleaned up and changed for breakfast, love," Faith said softly, "thank you. Thank you for holding me, thank you for loving me, just… thank you." Faith kissed Dawn very gently, and stood up to put her pants on.

"I have a shower here; we could help each other with those hard-to-reach places…" Dawn suggested. Faith grinned.

"Baby, if I got in the shower with you we'd miss more than breakfast," she said.

"I don't care," Dawn said flatly, "Amanda can make me run wind sprints all day; it would be worth it to me." Faith's face clouded, and she sat on the edge of the bed and took Dawn's hand in hers.

"Dawnie, I know this is gonna sound strange, coming from me, but… I'm just not ready for that yet. I can't really explain it any better. I love you without limit, and every little bit of me belongs to you without reservation. But I'm just not ready for that. Can you understand?"

"Sure, love," Dawn assured her, "take your time, I'm not going anywhere without you." Faith's eyes filled with tears.

"If you keep making me happy I'm gonna drown," Faith told her. "There are no words to describe how wonderful you are. Now I have to go put on my work face. Have a good time studying with Willow; I'll see you on the field."

"And tonight?" Dawn asked.

"You pick where, but I never want to sleep without you again. I'm not sure I could. I never have before." Faith kissed Dawn once again, and left.

"I understand," Dawn thought, "you don't want me. You love me, but you don't want me…"

"That doesn't even make sense to me," Dawn said aloud. "I know she wants me, even I can see that on her face, feel it in her kisses. I don't understand, but I think I know who might, and I'm not going to beat my head against a wall over this, it isn't fair to her." Dawn rose and headed for her bathroom.

The group at breakfast was once again in good spirits, the memory of Sunday morning had been sufficiently fresh in all of their minds to enforce discretion even in the face of free drinks. Mike had been most favorably impressed with the whole lot of them, although he did hope that they'd loosen up when they were buying their own.

There was much whispering and giggling over Buffy's appearance. She had her shirt on backwards, had only combed one side of her hair, and she kept nodding off with a piece of toast in her mouth, all the while sporting the goofiest grin ever. Willow looked sleepy, but as contented as a well-rubbed cat. She however, could go back to bed after breakfast and sleep until time for her lessons with Dawn. Even Kennedy thought they were cute, since Candace's consolation had been exceptionally thorough and effective.

But the table fell silent when Faith walked into the room.

She glowed, she shone, her feet scarcely touched the floor, and the beauty of her smile broke every heart in the room. Dawn invoked a similar reaction, although Willow thought that she saw a slightly thoughtful coloration to the joy on her face. Buffy sat up straight, and her eyes focused.

"Holy mackerel," she breathed, "they're perfect together." Willow took her hand beneath the table.

"Any takers for the Elixir of Fire this morning, Will?" asked Faith cheerfully as she sat and helped herself to pancakes.

"Nope, not a one," Willow told her.

"Good job, ladies," Faith told them. "PT with a hangover is less fun than you'd think. Pancakes, Dawnie?" she asked as she held the plate towards her.

"Sure, thanks," Dawn answered her. Dawn knew without being told that the breakfast table was no place for love names, because the business of the day had begun, and the business in this room was as serious as things got. Faith glowed with pride, and so did Buffy.

"Giles," said Faith, "you were kick-ass last night."

"He was awesome!" Rona enthused.

"Thank you, I must admit that I had rather a good time myself. I never thought to find a Scotch of that quality at a club in our little town. I thank you again, Rona," Giles said. Rona beamed. Willow kicked Giles under the table.

"Okay girls," said Amanda as she rose and cleared her place. "See you in twenty. And if any of you feel like you can pass me like Faith did, I invite you to try. I'll do your chores for a week if you can pull it off. Speaking of that, Buffy, you and Willow and Dawn and Faith are off of the chore list until Monday. Just a little present from the rest of us, it was Kennedy's idea."

"That's sweet of you all," Buffy told them, "thanks girls." Buffy was relieved, it looked like the new matches were endorsed by the others, and she had been afraid that there would be some jealousy and resentment. "You're a great bunch of people."

"This is still a workday, girls," Kennedy announced as she too stood, "see you on the field, free pushups to anybody that's late." Candace winked at her.

There was a general exodus, and Dawn made her way over to where Giles and Willow were talking, Faith smiled and waved as she left the room.

"Giles, can I see you in your study this morning? It's kind of important," she asked.

"Of course Dawn, if we go straight away you might escape the pushups," he answered with a smile.

"I can do pushups, but thanks," Dawn replied, Giles looked searchingly at her, nodded, and led the way to his study.

"What do you suppose that's all about?" Buffy asked Willow.

"I dunno, we'll hear if we need to." Willow looked around and determined that no one was present, kissed Buffy on the cheek, and said, "there are still lots of parts left for you to learn to love, you know."

"You're gonna kill me, aren't you Will?" Buffy said.

"Over and over and over again," Willow confirmed.

"I should take a vacation," Buffy decided.

"Good idea, but right now you have to run. Hope that works out for you…" Willow drew her fingertips down Buffy's cheek and headed back to her room.

"Ohhh yeah," Buffy muttered, "I'm a dead woman. Oh well, not the first time." She headed for the field, straightening her shirt as she went.

"Please sit down Dawn," invited Giles, "what can I do for you?"

"It's about me and Faith," she began hesitantly.

"I thought it might be, is there something bothering you?"

"I'm a little confused; it's kind of hard to explain. Well, not hard, more kind of embarrassing, I guess."

"That's quite all right, take your time. I can plainly see that whatever it is can't be too serious, I've never seen anyone look so happy as Faith did this morning, and you as well."

"Oh, it's wonderful, the love, I never imagined… but…" Giles remained silent. "Is it possible to really love someone, I mean really love them in a romantic kind of way, and not want to be with them? You know, in a – sex kind of way?" she asked hesitantly.

"You aren't interested in having sex with Faith?" he asked gently.

"Oh, I am, I mean I really am, but…"

"Perhaps you should start at the beginning, what happened after you left the club last night?"

"Well, we got to the car, and there was some talking, and Faith broke down and cried a lot. Willow said that it was the good kind of crying, that it meant that Faith believed that I love her. And I know she was right, and Faith was really wiped out when we got home. So I put her to bed, and I held her, and she went right to sleep. She hardly moved at all during the night, she just slept like an angel, with this beautiful smile on her face," Dawn told him. Giles had tears in his eyes, but his voice was calm and steady.

"Well I have to say that so far it sounds just about perfect to me," he told her.

"Oh, it was, it was wonderful, and she woke up happy, and said that she'd never slept like that in her whole life, she even said that it was perfect," Dawn told him.

"And then?"

"Well, I kind of suggested that we take a shower together," Dawn blushed thoroughly.

"Quite understandable Dawn, no need to be embarrassed, I have in fact experienced showers with a lover, it's quite nice actually."

"Did you ever shower with Mom?"

"Let's just confine the talk to you and Faith, shall we?" he said, shifting a little in his chair.

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, she said that if she got in the shower with me that we'd be late for more than breakfast. I told her that was fine with me, I'd run all the wind sprints Amanda wanted me to, it would be worth it. Then she said she didn't want to."

"No she didn't," Giles said gently, "what exactly did she say?"

"She - she said that she just wasn't ready for that yet. But that doesn't make sense, how could she not be ready, if she wants me? It's not like she's never done it before. And I really wanted to make love with her, Giles." Dawn was doing a commendable job of keeping herself together, but her chin was trembling a little bit.

"Let's take one thing at the time, shall we? First, I want to thank you for coming to me with this, it means a great deal to me. Next, I can assure you that I can answer your questions without the slightest fear of being wrong, so put your mind at ease."

She didn't see how he could be so certain, but his manner did reassure her.

"Now then, Faith slept like angel all through the night, and she told you that she had never slept that way before, correct?" Dawn nodded. "Let's talk about what that means. I believe that you know of her history, her abuse as a child, her hellish home life, falling in with a bad crowd in school, yes?" Dawn nodded again. "And so then she is called to be a Slayer, thrust into a world that she never knew existed, expected to fight creatures from everyone's nightmares, and never really being given a choice in the matter. Next, her watcher, the first person in her life that she had even begun to trust, is horribly butchered right in front of her, and she is unable to save her. Even after she reached Sunnydale she had no respite, she was hunted by Kakistos, co-opted by the mayor, and I'm sure that you know the rest."

"I do, but it sounds even worse when you say it like that."

"It does indeed, and I still stand in awe of the strength that she has to have fought her way through all of that and become the person that she is today. But… in nearly all of the years of her life, she undoubtedly truly never had slept through the night. She didn't dare, and for most of her life it would have been extremely foolish of her to do so. Her welcome back to Sunnydale was scarcely what you could call warm, and even after this group was formed, Faith stood apart. She didn't dare trust anyone completely, and why should she? And then there was you. And the love that she has for you, and the love that you have for her, has enabled her to completely trust someone for the first time in her life. Think of it Dawn, Faith is quite possibly physically the strongest human being that the world has ever known. She possesses tremendous skill in battle, she lives with a host of similarly powerful and dangerous women, all of whom would fight for her, and yet she only feels safe in your arms. She surrendered completely to you, and knew true peace and happiness for the first time in her life."

Tears were pouring down Dawn's face.

"You say that you wanted to make love with her, correct?" Dawn nodded.

"My dearest Dawn, you did. Lovemaking is much more than strategic friction resulting in orgasm, and I can promise you that you have given Faith an experience far beyond anything that she has ever known. I'm not trying to minimize the strategic friction, you understand, and we shall cover that directly, but do you see the truth in what I have said thus far?"

"Yes; it's almost too beautiful though," Dawn whispered.

"And so it is. Frankly, it is unlike anything I've ever seen. Now then, Faith told you that she was not yet ready for the, err, friction, yes?" Dawn nodded. "And you can't understand this because "It's not like she hasn't done it before" I believe?"

"Yes."

"Dawn, it is precisely like she has never done it before, because she never has," Giles told her gently.

"Of course she has, she even had sex with Xander," Dawn said, showing a bit of temper.

"Oh, I know that," Giles told her, "but whatever physical encounters Faith may have had in the past, and I am quite certain that there were far fewer than legend has it, had absolutely nothing to do with love, and precious little to do with sex. There was no true sharing of two people's most intimate selves, no joyous union of two souls bound together in love. They were acts of anger and self loathing, fueled by rage or adrenalin, an attempt to gain control of some part of her existence, to get some kind of escape from the utter horror that her life had become. Faith has never given herself to anyone; she has never wanted to or been able to. Until now. Until you, Dawn. As great as her power is, in this regard she is as fragile as a newly-hatched chick. She is completely helpless and vulnerable before you, and she trusts you with far more than her life." Dawn drew a shuddering breath.

" She undoubtedly views herself as damaged goods, and it will take some time for her to believe that what she has to give is worthy of you. She fears that you will give yourself to her, and then regret it because of her opinion of herself. An opinion that your love is forcing her to re-evaluate, your love, Dawn, is healing her."

"And as for her not wanting you…" Giles shook his head slowly as he looked down at his hands, and then pushed his glasses up and met Dawn's eyes, "I've seen the way she looks at you Dawn; she wants you, never fear. Can you see this?"

"I think so, but why me?" Giles shrugged.

"Because she's in love with you, and she believes in your love for her, it's as simple as that. And it's absolutely wondrous, isn't it?" he smiled. Dawn ran around the desk and hugged him until he gasped for breath.

"Thank you Giles, you're the smartest person I know, and the most caring."

"That's what I keep telling people, but do they listen? Enjoy your pushups, and trust me Dawn, things will work out before too long. I believe that it would be wise for you to marshal your strength, just to be on the safe side, you understand…"