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Take 42: Life, the universe, and everything
(what else would 42 be?)

Category for this take: Humor / Romance

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"This is great."

"I told ya!"

"I can't believe we didn't do this years ago."

"Yes, well, let's not dwell."

"Didn't that tape say there were no fish in your pond?"

"Close enough."

XXXXX

"So Carter, I hear you finished another book."

"Yes."

"Another book that we have to tell your throngs of scientific admirers is classified so they can't read it."

"Throngs?"

"Yes, maybe it wasn't a good idea to put you on Inside Access. We've had to turn down many requests for your published works on grounds of national security, which of course only increased the interest. On the upside, the number of enlistments, ROTC enrollment, and Academy applications spiked."

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Aren't I always?"

"No."

"Ok. But this time I am."

"Then you better take me off the market soon so the staff can keep up with the applications."

"I'm working on it. Your transfer should be finalized by tomorrow. I'm calling first thing in the morning to confirm. Although Maynard insisted that I not publicize our plans because they like the higher quality of applications at the Academy."

"Now I know you are not serious."

"Actually I am."

"He didn't say that."

"Yes, he did."

"Oh no. This is so embarrassing."

"I hope you realize we have to let everyone at the SGC know. There are a lot of bets to settle."

"So my new book is about integrating Asgard tech with Earth tech."

"Nice topic change."

"You brought it up...originally."

"Fine. Well this book sounds even more classified than your first book on Wormhole theory."

"It is, although it should be very useful at Area 51. I have 42 pre-orders already. The last book only had 40 copies printed."

"I'm surprised 40 people understood the first one.

"More people would understand it. The problem is the book is not completely theoretical. I would have had to redact the references to the stargate. Since the book debunks many of the prevailing, invalid theories in the rest of the theoretical astrophysics world, there would have been a lot of controversy."

"Ooo, physicists getting nasty."

"I would have had to go on a speech tour. I would have been sucked into defending the book without being able to provide proof. Many theoretical physicists have huge egos and would have tried to destroy my credibility. It would have all been an annoying waste of time. The new book is more practical-at least for the SGC."

"I'm sure everyone at Area 51 will be expected to read the new boss's new book."

"Early drafts of the new book were used in the Daedelus's design. The books will help with the production."

"Well congratulations on breaking your publishing record, Sam."

"Thanks, Jack."

"Who publishes classified books anyway? It can't be Random House. Wait. Never mind. I don't care. So I have an idea for your next book."

"I am not writing a Wormholes for Dummies book. Someone sent me drafts for Quantum Theory for Dummies and String Theory for Dummies for peer review. They were riddled with inaccuracies, which I could only refute with classified information. I'd have the same problem writing a Wormholes for Dummies book. No to a Time Travel for Dummies book, too."

"Hmmm. Maybe you could give me marked up copies of the books you reviewed. They might help me. Anyway, my idea is a Stargate Traveler's Guide to the Galaxy."

"Really? I thought you hate sci-fi."

"There's an exception to every rule. I thought it was more comedy than sci-fi."

"Ah."

"So what do you think?"

"With the multiple times you've been stranded off-world, you've spent more time off world than I have. Daniel too."

"I've been flying a desk for most of the last year. You've gone on more missions than anyone else. I thought I could write the forward. I'd tell everyone how wonderful you are."

"I guess that's one way to let everyone at the SGC know about us. So what's supposed to be in this new book? The multiple uses of a towel?"

"Sure. If you think it would help. I'll leave most of the bright ideas up to you. That's always worked before. Although if you can work in the meaning of life, the universe, and everything..."

"That sounds like a chapter for Daniel."

"An SG-1 team book. That could work. Maybe we could get Teal'c to explain in the Interplanetary Edition how Earth is full of Goa'uld and Replicator killers and is not 'Mostly Harmless'."

"Who's going to write the chapter about not falling in love with your CO or 2IC?"

"I think we could handle it. One of those, 'Do as we say, not as we do things.' We could write about not getting stranded together or stranded apart, avoiding Zarax detectors, and stuff like that."

"And when they inevitably fall in love anyway?"

"Use the sexual tension to save the galaxy. Do it enough times, and you can get what you want."

"How about we revisit this after the honeymoon? For now, I'm going to try to catch that fish."