Note: I know it seems like forever since I updated this or my other stories. I am truly, truly sorry. I have no excuse except life happened and the words left me. Hopefully they're back. And hopefully you'll enjoy the next chapter and will let me know if you think they are! :)
Thank you all so much for your continued interest as well as your enduring patience and unbending support!
Mercedes
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Chapter 11
Clark Kent had no home.
No place to rest, to crumble. No place to nourish him or make him well. No place to feel safe and wanted. Needed.
Hugged.
The farmhouse was a distant memory. The Daily Planet, a place to secretly gather information. His mom's in D.C. was too unfamiliar, too distant from where his heart had taken root. The Talon…well, that was willingly discarded as a childhood haunt. At one time, the center of everything.
Now, his everything had vanished.
Without a trace.
No, he had no home.
That's why when he needed those moments of rest, of renewal, comfort…he came here.
To hers.
Where he could hear her voice the loudest.
"Trust your gut."
He wearily leaned back against the door to Lois' apartment and tossed the keys onto a nearby table as his eyes drifted closed. "My gut." Shaking fingers raked through thick, unkempt hair as his whispered sigh broke the eerie silence. "That's all I have left to trust."
"You sure about that?"
Clark instantly tensed at the familiar voice and squinted into the darkness. His heart sank as his entire body coiled, ready to strike. Another unwelcome guest. Another confrontation. He saw movement, then snarled a command.
"Don't."
Oliver Queen's hand instinctively dropped from the table lamp. "So used to the shadows now you can't handle light any more?"
Clark ignored the lightly quipped observation.
"I thought I made myself clear. No more following me."
"I wasn't." If disconcerted by the overtly threatening tone—the suddenly dangerous tenor of the atmosphere—Ollie didn't show it. His answer was as smooth as his step when he moved into the light of the moon streaming through the double French doors leading to the balcony. "I just came to leave this for you."
Clark's gaze snapped to the item in Ollie's hand. It was square and draped in a black cloth. He shouldn't care. He shouldn't want to know. He shouldn't take anything offered from hands stained in blood.
"Trust your gut."
"What it is?"
"The key to finding Lois."
Ollie could feel the heat of Clark's intense gaze on his face. For a moment, he was actually afraid. There were still so many unresolved issues between them and from what Bart told him, with Clark's current state of mind, things could get…unpredictable.
Fast.
He really hadn't come here with any ulterior motives. He didn't even think he'd find Clark there. He was simply going to leave the box and a quick note with his number. It would be up to Clark to make the next move.
But here they were. In the same room. Wanting the same thing. Once friends, allies, now…who knew what.
Clark shifted suddenly. Ollie tensed instinctively.
"Bart said you were the last to lose hope."
"Apparently not." Ollie addressed the shadow quietly, meaningfully. "After talking to Bart, I've done more checking. Clark, I think you're right. I think she's still alive."
Not even the lack of sleep straining his voice could keep out the hint of hope that suddenly, cautiously flooded through him. "What makes you say that?"
"I called your mom."
"Why?"
"I know how these things work." Ollie shrugged then took his life in his hands and sank to the couch with the relaxed air of a stretching feline. He hoped the action would prompt a similar one from Clark.
Clark didn't budge. If anything, he tensed even more. Drawing himself further into the shadows. Cloaking his emotions in silence. His back was ramrod straight against the door, his hands in clenched fists by his side.
Ollie could only imagine what was going on in that head of his. And that heart.
Distrust. Suspicion. Loathing.
Still, if Clark hadn't thrown him out yet, or attacked him, it was a safe bet he wanted to hear what he had to say.
Hope. Desperation. Love.
With Lois Lane as the subject, he was sure of it.
"Any kind of major destruction like Doomsday wreaked and a special branch of the government that deals in unexplained phenomena is all over it, trying to understand it, analyze it...capture, study or kill anything that caused it. They would have run tests on numerous possibilities. And, in our case, they did. Your mom had to pull some very special strings with departments she didn't even know existed, but...the results are in."
"And?"
"There was an increased level of electromagnetic activity at the Daily Planet that night." Ollie paused a moment to let that sink in before continuing. "There's no conclusion, but terms like molecular structure alteration and displaced matter come into play. A lot. That's when I remembered."
"What?"
"Right after…everything…" Ollie paused, his own memory of the destruction he saw flashed before his eyes. He winced. "…before the government could get their hands on anything, I went to the Planet to see what I could find. Anything. Any clue on Lois…"
"And Tess."
Ollie's gaze snapped up at the implication. Two blazing balls of electric blue ice narrowed to slivers in the darkness, daring him to deny it.
Ollie, wisely, didn't take the dare. He nodded once, his gaze lowering. That was certainly one subject he didn't want to address, not even to himself. "And Tess."
"And?"
Apparently, he'd passed a test.
"And I found…this." He placed the object in his hand on the table and removed the cloth. "Does it look familiar?"
Pushing himself away from the door, Clark stepped out of the shadows.
Ollie lost his power of speech. He had expected bad. What he saw was downright unthinkable.
Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined quiet, unassuming farmboy Clark Kent…masked, hidden, secretive Clark Kent…would ever look so boldly unforgettable. One look at him and the image would be burned into a memory forever.
The sense of danger that surrounded him now was palpable. Barely restrained power crackled in the air around him. It was as if he'd come to terms with something primal. Something dark. Something…alien.
That wasn't all.
He was a man, shattered. Defeated. Raw. It went beyond the disheveled appearance. Was more than the dark, dangerous clothes, the longer, wavy hair or pale skin. Went beyond the fatigue weighing his shoulders down or the tension stringing through the veins in his neck, his arms like a terse rope pulled to the breaking point.
His eyes were...indescribably sad, lost.
And in utter torment.
He was barely hanging by a thread. [i]That[/i] much was obvious.
Boy, when Lois Lane gets her hooks into a guy...
But this wasn't just any guy. This was Clark. The strongest man in the world.
Invulnerable. Indestructible. Invincible.
And he was bleeding inside.
Profusely. Profoundly.
Had Clark not spoken, Ollie would have continued to stare in horrified silence. But Clark's quiet admission broke the spell.
"It's a box I put in my desk drawer." Clark informed simply. His next statement held more. "It's empty."
"But it wasn't, was it?" Ollie queried, his eyes narrowing. He knew there'd been something to this box. If he'd only put two and two together sooner...
"No."
"Clark, what was in this box?"
Clark's gaze snapped upward, guarded. Distant. The reasons were obvious. "Why should I tell you? Just so you can shoot another arrow into my back?"
Ollie's lips pursed with the blow. He considered his answer. The answer that had been rolling around his brain and prickling his conscience for the past two months. It was the reason he hadn't stopped looking for Clark. The reason he now wanted, no needed, to help Clark find himself again. After all, he'd played a hand in isolating a man already alone in the world.
"You're right. I deserve that." Ollie stood slowly, cautiously.
Man to man. Eye to eye. Hero to hero. There was truth on both sides. The right and wrong done by both teetered and warred and finally tipped. In favor of unity. In favor of friendship. In favor of truth.
"Clark, I'm sorry. I was wrong. So very wrong...to kill Lex. You have no idea how I've regretted it, wanted to take it back. And...I should have never gone behind your back to the crew and ganged up on you. But, Clark, please understand. I didn't feel like I had any choice."
Arms crossed defensively in front of him, Clark judged him warily. "We always have a choice. You chose another side."
"I didn't want there to be any sides between us, Clark." Ollie confessed openly. No accusation. No defense. Just facts. "But when you made it clear there were, I had to do what I felt was right." He paused before adding, "At the time."
Clark understood that pause. "And now?"
Helpless, unsure, Ollie shrugged. "I don't know."
"Well, at least we have that in common."
Ollie's chest collapsed with a relieved breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "That's not the only thing, you know." He indicated the box on the table. "Clark, I want to help find her."
"No."
The decision came down swift and sharp. The issued command was harsh.
"Go now. And leave the box."
Summarily dismissed and expected to obey, Ollie watched as Clark proceeded to ignore him. Or forget him altogether. Suddenly, intently focused, Clark began a routine he'd obviously perfected over the last few months.
Shrug out of the leather jacket. Toss it to a side chair. Gather the latest mail into a pile. Separate the junk from legitimate. Add legit to another pile sitting on the kitchen counter. Toss junk. Enter the kitchen, grab a glass from the cabinet, fill it with water and pour it into the base of the one and only plant Lois had in her entire apartment. Return the glass to the cupboard...
"Man, you can't keep on like this." Ollie finally addressed the 800-pound elephant in the room. "Searching for her day and night, never stopping, not taking care of yourself. I mean…look at you. You're a wreck."
Clark blinked up at him. The confused…and growing increasingly annoyed…look on his face seemed to imply, 'you're still here?' In that moment, Ollie realized Clark really had forgotten all about him.
"Clark?"
"I'm fine."
Curt. Distant. Shutting down.
Clark crossed the distance of the living room, approaching the double French doors, becoming a shadowed reflection of the moon. He reached up to close the curtains pushed to one side.
Though potentially dangerous, Ollie pressed the point. "Look, you can lie to me all you want, just don't lie to yourself, ok? That's the last thing Lois needs."
That got Clark's attention.
He sighed wearily, his shoulders dropping as a trembling hand ran through his hair, dislodging a mess of hair that fell in harsh curls across his wide brow. Pursing his lips in deep concentration, or fierce irritation...Ollie wasn't sure which...Clark's haunted gaze found a distant silver ball in the night sky. Round, full, shimmering.
It suddenly became the center of his world.
Ollie gentled his tone. "Take the help I'm offering. Please, Clark. I'm afraid if you don't, there won't be anything left for Lois to come back to."
Seconds passed in silence. Then a minute. When Clark finally spoke, it was in a pained whisper.
"It doesn't really matter. I don't intend for her to come back to me."
That was clearly the last thing Oliver expected to hear. Especially given Clark's months-long, single-minded, desperate quest to find her. "What? But…"
"She deserves more than…" Clark bit back his statement and into his bottom lip so hard it turned white. He amended his thought and turned to Ollie, a broken man. "She deserves more."
"Lois would disagree." Ollie responded quietly. "Surely you know how she feels about you by now. And I know you feel something for her too, Clark."
"Something?" A harsh chuckle escaped him. His head lowered with a weary and shattered shake. His breath caught then released in hesitant, shaky ripples. "I wish it were only something. Then maybe I could…"
"You're in love with her."
Clark's head snapped up, his eyes shadowed with intense emotion. "Yes."
"So in love you can't see a future without her. Or anything, for that matter."
Clark's hard swallow was answer enough.
"It's bigger than anything you've ever known. Deeper than anything you've ever felt. You need her like you need air. Crave her like a drug. Love her like…"
"Stop." Eyes squeezed shut against the words reverberating through him…anchoring him, making him soar, echoing the sweetest torture through his shattered and bruised heart. His wounded and bleeding soul. The command was an agonized plea. "Please, just…stop."
Ollie's conclusion was not hard to reach. "You won't be able to do it. You won't be able to look in her eyes then walk away."
"I'll do what I have to do." A whisper.
Clark started to turn away but the sheer conviction in Ollie's voice stopped him.
"To what? Keep her safe?" Memories of a recent conversation flooded him. "Clark, Lois doesn't want to be safe, she wants to be loved. She wants to be needed. More than anything...she wants to be needed...by you."
"Oliver..."
Stopping Clark's protest before it even began, Ollie's open gaze met Clark's, pinning him with the truth. "Clark, man, I couldn't do it, and I wasn't even in as deep as you so obviously are."
There was no defense to that. No counter. No denying.
He didn't even try. He had no energy left. No strength. No more fight.
Clark deflected, asking a question of his own. Needing to know the answer. "Why here? Out of all the places I could go, why did you come here to leave the box?"
"Because it's where I'd come if I wanted to feel close to her."
Simple, honest, open.
Clark let that one sink in.
Maybe, just maybe, he and Oliver Queen weren't so different after all.
For if anyone understood what it was like to hide, to lie, for something greater than yourself. If anyone felt the weight of being a leader, a hero. To face the hardest decisions in life. Decisions few ever would. To make them. To hope and pray they'd been the right ones. If anyone understood walking away, denying oneself.
If anyone knew what it was like to love Lois Lane…
Feeling another shift in the air, Ollie surmised his time with Clark was coming to a rapid close. One more pitch. One more plea. "Clark, please. I'll do anything to help find her. It's up to you now…to let me."
He turned to go.
"Trust your gut."
And made it halfway to the door.
"A ring."
Ollie stopped instantly. "What?"
Clark had turned back to the night. To the full moon hanging, like him, by a thin thread in the vast, inky darkness. It seemed to be his solace. His only connection to a lost soul.
"You wanted to know what was in the box. It was a ring."
Ollie took the information for what it was. The gift of a tentative new beginning. "A ring for..."
"Traveling to any point in time."
Ollie blinked in surprise, unsure he'd heard Clark correctly. "Time travel, Clark? But..."
"Believe me, it's more than possible." Clark's Adam's apple bobbed painfully. "It's been done."
"Do you think Lois..."
"I don't know." It was a whisper of uncertainty. Of hope. "Molecular structure alteration. Displaced matter…"
Uncertain excitement filtered through Ollie's voice. "If she did, where would she have landed?"
"My guess?" Clark turned to Oliver, his blue eyes devastated and drained. "The year 3009..."
tbc...