**Part 2 of the emotional journey that Walt is going through from my perspective. There was so much going on in last night's episode. I hope this resonates with folks. Your reviews are very much appreciated.**
As I stand in my office reflecting on the past, I think of the routine happiness I miss so. Simple things, like saying good-bye, in the morning, the freshness of laundry hanging to dry and my sweet Martha praying me safe.
God, I miss her. No marriage is perfect. Nope, not one but I was happy and I like to think she was too. She never complained about the hours I worked, the time I spent away, or waking up in the middle of the night while my mind went 100 miles per hour trying to put the pieces of a case together. How do you find that kind of love once in a lifetime, let alone, twice in a lifetime? I don't think you do. I think you just survive and if you are truly lucky you have glimmers of happiness and hope.
There is just an ache and a sadness of losing your love to violence. There is a peace with natural death that I will never have in losing Martha and I failed to protect her in Denver. I didn't see the danger coming. I still fail her by not capturing justice for those responsible but as I stand here at this wall of suspects I vow with every fiber of my being that I will be relentless in my pursuit.
Vic interrupts my thoughts. I don't know what to do with her except for nothing. It sounds odd but I want to talk to Martha about Vic. I have wrestled with the Freudian interpretation of that desire but the funny thing is I think Martha would like Vic. She sure as hell wouldn't have liked Lizzie. Martha was more like Vic in knowing who she was as a woman, she prided herself as an independent thinker, and she definitely was smarter than I in so many ways was but in the quiet moments when we were alone, in our most intimate moments, she liked being a soft gentle woman and me taking the lead. She liked having a man as a husband and I enjoyed being that for her. I never would feel that way with Lizzie and I knew it was all-wrong from the get go.
Vic is tough with a mouth to match her brawn but in the we small hours, she is a soft gentle woman who needs a man, a strong man, and as much as I push it out of my brain, she needs me.
I compartmentalize my thoughts, something that is an advantage for the male of the species, and continue my pursuit for justice. Patience of the heart is a virtue and fortunately, it is a virtue I am flush in spades.