I hop back into the Bullet and look at the estate in my rearview as I drive out of the elongated driveway. Barlow was always a bit rough around the edges just like his brother. Sometimes it's hard to believe he and Lucian are blood brothers but when you think about it down deep they are just flip sides of the same coin. Both privileged, both cantankerous, and both definitely their own men. Barlow has never been particularly fond of me and the feeling has been mutual all of these years. It never helped that I am more of a brother to Lucian than he is and never aspired to climb the socioeconomic ladder. Money has never impressed me as much as character and I would rather be rich in the latter than the former. I know the last election sits like a bitter lemon in his craw but we have to put that aside for Branch's sake.
The stillness of the pitch black Wyoming night quiets my thoughts and settles my soul. I darken the doorway to my cabin and instantly notice the steady red flash on the answering machine.
I hit the button, "You have one message"
The familiar feminine voice barks into the phone, "Hey, Walt sorry to call so late, it's me. Listen, I need to take a vacation day tomorrow. I will assume it's okay unless I hear back from you. Ok, ok, thanks." There is a momentary pause, "Hey, I hope you aren't sleeping at the station, again. I will call there just in case. I need you to get this message. Ok, bye for real."
Hearing Vic's voice on the machine is a reminder of the turmoil I ignore. My gut drops as I wonder why she needs the day off. Is she packing? Is she leaving? Is she job hunting? I don't think she is leaving not after the explosive letter she gave me. Hell, she would take more than a day off, Walt. She would tell you if she was leaving you. Leaving me? What an odd way to put it. Sigh. I promise myself not to think about her or it, whatever the it is that is passing between us, and plop down on the couch. I begin to fade and my mind harkens back to my unscripted need to hold her at the hospital, to hold her in my arms, for reassurance and also to really finally acknowledge to myself that I need her. So much for not thinking about her.
Life's confirmations come at such odd moments and in unexpected places. On my knees, in the middle of nowhere, next to Ed Gorski I realized that Vic is much more important to me than I ever imagined. My threat to Ed was very real and I made it before I thought about it but what I never expected was the swelling of emotion as she avoided watching me getting stitched up and the need for me to have her in the room with me and the overwhelming desire to just be with her.
I lay on my back with the back of my arm resting on my forehead. Completely at an emotional standstill. Having gotten over the shock that she may leave, a part of me wants her to go. A part of me wants her to make her marriage work and leave this God forsaken job behind. I want Vic to be happy and Lord knows I do not want to interfere with her marriage. I know I hurt her with my callous response but it was necessary. One day she will see that and understand. I know she will. She's a smart girl.
As I drift off to sleep, I think of why I feel this pulse and desire for Vic, it's not like anything I have really felt before. She is pretty, she is smart, she is brassy but she is also my deputy and decidedly younger. My life is complicated enough between Henry's freedom, Martha's justice and Branch's sanity I don't want another complication. This is the lie I tell myself to make it through the night.