What was I Thinking?

Chapter 3

Friends and Enemies

I woke up the day after the challenge with my face itching. More specifically, the area above my lip itching. I contorted my face muscles in an attempt to see if there was a bug of some sorts crawling on me. There was none.

I sighed, I'm not falling back to sleep.

Reaching my hand out from underneath the covers, I scratched lightly around my lip. After pulling my hand away I examined my fingers only to find that the tips of them were coated in black. I gasped and reached under my bed for my makeup bag. Unlike Lindsay's bag it was small, since I prefer to look natural. I pulled out my mirror compact and popped it open.

I have a mustache.

A mustache.

A FUCKING MUSTACHE!

And no, it's not a real one. It's black and curly, crudely drawn on with a mascara brush.

"LINDSAY AND BETH!"

. . .

I ran as quickly as I could out of the cabin. An eyeliner mustache? How immature is that? Seriously. Who are they, a couple of hormonally imbalanced tweens at a slumber party?

Looking in the smudged bathroom mirror, I restrained a chuckle. I looked silly. If I weren't completely outraged and insulted I'd find this hilarious.

I pushed the button on the soap dispenser furiously and began to scrub underneath my lip.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

After 15 minutes of vigorous scrubbing, it was still there, just a little faded. Damn bimbo did something right for once. Waterproof eyeliner.

I glared at my defaced reflection, took a deep breath, and rested my head against the mirror. It's a shame the cool surface couldn't cool my temper.

Lindsay and Beth need to be destroyed! How DARE they humiliate me like this!I'll teach them not to mess with me!

Maybe… Or maybe I deserved this.

My previously closed eyes shot open at that thought. They are in the wrong. NOT me.

You did vote off their friend. Wouldn't you have gotten mad if last year Bridgette or Duncan got voted off? Or if they voted off another one of your friends who you could totally list if it wouldn't take up too much time?

I groaned out loud and bumped my forehead against the reflective glass. It's that damn voice again. You know, that little voice in your head that's always telling you you're doing something wrong? That voice you always want to punch in the face. Everyone has that, right? Either that or I'm becoming schizophrenic.

I suddenly heard footsteps and the sound of someone grumbling. "Damn rich girl waking me up. 7:00 AM my ass." Leshawna? Yeah, I think so.

Oh God! I can't let her see me like this! I'll never live it down. I glanced at the bathroom. Nowhere to hide except for the stalls, which weren't very pleasant. Sucking up my disgust, I took a step towards the stall but it was too late. Leshawna had already walked in.

"Courtney?" She seemed generally shocked to see me, especially in my current condition. Hmm, good to know she wasn't in on the joke. "What happened to your face, girl?"

Normally, I would have told her to mind her own business or something along the lines of that, but I wasn't in the mood for a fight. "Lindsay and Beth happened." I spat.

The normally loud girl sighed quietly and rubbed her temples, as if she were embarrassed for the two girls who were probably laughing it up somewhere alone. "You sure it was them?"

I rolled my eyes and snorted, "Yeah. You obviously didn't do it, and Heather actually has some maturity."

She tensed. "Watch it. I like those two. They're my girls."

"You've got great taste." I muttered, and I'm not sure if I meant for her to hear me or not.

Once again, she sighed. I found this strange because Leshawna wasn't the type of person to sigh when she was annoyed; she was a person who yelled. "Girl, do you just try to make enemies?"

Ignoring that comment and posing my own, I asked, "Leshawna, are you feeling alright? You're acting strange."

Leshawna moved her fingers from her temples to the bridge of her nose. "This is how I am in the mornings; tired. I'm just tired."

I sensed that she wasn't just tired because it was the morning, but refrained from asking her more. Fortunately, she decided to let me in on what she was feeling.

"I'm tired of this game, I'm tired of my team, and I'm tired of these pain-in-my-ass people!"

I raised my eyebrows. Was she opening up to me? We were never friends back on the island. Granted, I liked her a lot and I think she at least found me amusing; but we weren't friends.

The mention of her team reminded me of something. Leshawna didn't participate in my first challenge.

"In speaking of your team, where were you yesterday?"

That comment seemed to enrage the previously calm girl. "Where was I yesterday? I was locked in a safe. A fucking safe!"

I felt my eyes widen and my mouth become a shocked 'O'. "You were locked in a safe?"

"Yeah, a safe." She leaned against a sink and glared into the mirror, "My damn team was supposed to get me out of it; as part of the challenge. Damn fools didn't even try! They're still pissed about-"

I cut her off, "When you cried to get the reward challenge?" she nodded, and I nodded back. I'd seen the episode. "They aren't over that already? God, what a bunch of babies. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't think what you did was that bad. A little untrustworthy and very unlike you, but still; not that bad."

She smiled softly. "Thanks girl. But enough about me, let's talk about you. Why'd you want back on this crazy train?"

Now it was my turn to sigh. "I got voted off unfairly in the first season. And, you know, I thought that if I'd stayed on the show I probably would have won. And then when I wasn't allowed to get on the second season, I just got mad. If I'd stayed in the first season then there probably wouldn't have even been a season two. So I wanted another chance."

"There's a lot of 'if's in that story, girl." She had a firm look on her face; eyes squinting, eyebrows scrunched, and lips taut. Ah, this was the Leshawna I knew. "And you can stop with the whole 'I got voted off unfairly' crap. I don't know how you got voted off, but I'm pretty sure it was fair."

I scowled, at her. This was one of the few things I didn't like about Leshawna; she thought she knew everything. "You don't know, do you? I wasn't going to get voted off that night. But your little boyfriend switched the votes so he could spite Duncan. I got voted off because of some stupid male rivalry!"

Her eyes widened, "My little boyfr- Harold?" A look of realization came over her, "Oh. Sorry girl."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." I snapped, "But sorry doesn't cut it. Sorry didn't put me back in the game, and sorry won't make me win this season. So everyone can shove their sorrys up their ungrateful asses because I am WINNING this season!"

I stood there, panting and pointing an angry finger at her for a quiet minute. She blinked, and burst out laughing.

"Woo," she wiped away a tear and chuckled, "You're funny, girl. Got that fire in your eyes."

I growled and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm serious."

"I know you are." She began laughing hard again, "That's what makes it so funny!"

I let her get her laughs out and waited for her to speak again. "Hun, sometimes shit happens. But you move on."

I sighed and turned to the mirror on the wall. "Maybe you're right. But I'm not moving on until I prove myself."

Leshawna said nothing but copied my movements, and looked in the mirror over her sink. We stayed like that for a while, not looking at each other but looking at ourselves.

She spoke up suddenly. "What's your problem with Lindsay and Beth?"

I tapped my lip in thought. Honestly, I really didn't have one. "Truth? I don't really have a problem with them. I find them a little annoying, but I don't hate them. It seems more like they hate me."

"I hear you were pretty nasty to them and the rest of your team yesterday." She said that simply, with no spite or anger in her voice.

"If by nasty you mean actually playing the game and showing some leadership then yeah, I was nasty." I stared intently at the mirror and messed with my hair, "I swear, that team needs to get in shape. The only challenge they actually won was the one Gwen threw."

Leshawna gave me an understanding nod but remained firm to her point, "You should be nicer to them. They're good girls."

I sighed and looked away from her. "Maybe. But I'll be nicer when they give me a reason to be nicer."

The previously quiet girl grabbed my arm suddenly and spun me around. "You'll treat them right, you hear? 'Cause I need to defend my girls. You got a problem with them; you got a problem with me."

I'm not sure why, but this aggressive display made me smile.

This, in itself, was why Leshawna was so likeable. She was a great friend; fiercely loyal and defensive of those she cares about. This was also one of her unattractive qualities. Sometimes, people need to fight their own battles. But Leshawna, she's jumps right into the warzone with you. Trent's elimination in the first season would be an example. He accidentally broke Gwen's heart, and Leshawna got him voted off because of it. Leshawna was great at making friends and enemies. I was saddened then, because I started to realize what I was going to end up being.

"You're a good friend Leshawna." She looked at me strangely, as if she were waiting for a biting comment afterwards, "You'll stick with your friends no matter what, won't you?"

"I sure as hell will."

"You'll go down fighting for Lindsay and Beth, won't you?"

"You'll treat them like crap until they start being useful, won't you?"

We nodded in unison.

What we said was simple, but an entire conversation was going on behind our words.

'We can't be friends, can we Leshawna?'

'No girl, I'm afraid not. Well, at least not now.'

'That's a shame. I don't hate you, you know that right?'

'Yes. I don't hate you either. But I stick by my friends.'

'This is probably going to be one of our last cordial conversations, isn't it?'

'Yeah. For now.'

We made eye contact, nodded, and she walked out. I wondered why she came here in the first place. I'll probably never know.

. . .

After dousing my upper lip with makeup remover the mustache was gone, and I was heading to the mess hall- erm, I mean tent.

Seating arrangements were different than what I'd seen in the episodes I'd watched at Playa Day. During challenge days, people seemed to sit with their teams. But now, they seemed to be separated by sex. Duncan, Justin, and Harold sat together at one table and Leshawna, Beth, and Lindsay sat at the table opposite them. Heather was the only exception, she must have decided to skip an altercation with Leshawna and join the boy's club. I took note of where everyone was sitting at their tables, so I could see all the relationships and alliances. Strategy, you know?

Harold sat at the end of the guy's table, close to Leshawna. He'd occasionally tell her something that she'd sigh and roll her eyes at. I almost felt bad for him. Almost; but almost counts for nothing when someone attempts to ruin your life. Duncan sat on the opposite side of the table with Justin, far from Harold. He looked like he was pretending to listen to the model's senseless babble, but his eyes were locked with mine since I walked in. Lindsay and Beth sat opposite Leshawna. The two yammered on in unison, like Katie and Sadie used to. Heather sat at the far end of the guy's table, and kept to herself.

Now where do I sit? NOT with Duncan. Heather? No. Lindsay and Beth? Not in this lifetime.

The unfortunate thing was that there were no extra tables, or Bridgette. I sighed. Bridgette. I miss her already.

Swallowing my pride, I grabbed my tray of food and took a seat across from Heather.

Her piercing gray eyes flicked towards me, and the scowl that was already on her face deepened. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." I muttered simply. The sharp tone in her voice didn't really affect me. "I can sit here and not want anything but to sit here."

She rolled her eyes at my answer. "Well then why do you want to sit here? Aren't you the one who's all against fraternizing with the enemy?"

"Yes." I mused, "But I didn't come here to fraternize with you. I came to sit here. You started talking to me. And aren't you also against fraternizing with the enemy?"

I had her cornered there, we both knew it. My debating skills will make me a fantastic lawyer.

"Whatever. You're acting weird." She looked me over, and her eyes fell on my still slightly red upper lip, "What's wrong with your face? Did you irritate it while shaving or something?" The words were not spoken with concern, but with an exasperated tone. Like she couldn't believe that I even had the nerve to exist in her perfect world.

A thought must have suddenly came to Heather, because her eyes danced gleefully and a sinister smirk grew on her porcelain face. "Or did Duncan get a little too rough last night?"

Most of the things Heather said to me didn't faze me. Granted, I didn't interact with the bitch very much on the island due to the fact that we were on separate teams, but she was still nasty to me. I didn't care much though. But that comment, that comment made me want to hit her as much all the Gophers did.

"For your information," I spat, "Duncan and I are broken up."

"Ooh. Trouble on paradise island, huh?" she smirked and rested her head in her perfectly manicured hands, "Tell me more."

I didn't want to talk to Heather. In fact, I wanted to avoid it at all costs. Knowing Heather, she'd twist my words and use them against me to cause drama and destruction. I was stupid to talk to Heather. But I needed to vent. And more than that, I needed to know that I wasn't insane. I needed verification from someone who wasn't a friend that I'd done the right thing when I broke up with Duncan.

"He cheated on me with that gothic slut Gwen." I swear I saw her smile sincerely when I called Gwen a slut.

"You sure?"

"Pretty positive." I grumbled dryly.

Heather nodded shortly, "I knew there was something going on between those two. I knew. So when did you do it?"

"Last night, when we had a chance to talk alone. The cameras were off and I was walking around. We sort of ran into each other, and that's when I did it."

"How'd he take it?"

"I don't know, I didn't stay to see."

She smirked, "Nice."

It was strange, what was happening then. Heather and I were talking like girlfriends, and there was something natural about it. But Heather and I could never be friends. It just wouldn't work. Would it?

Then, just as I had thought about the situation, it ended. "Well, good luck with your train wreck relationship." She got up and trashed her breakfast, "Have fun with your runny eggs."

Heather pivoted on her heel and strutted out, hips swinging the entire way.

Heather. Hmm, I wasn't quite sure what to think of her. I knew she was a bitch- I mean, she didn't exactly try to hide it- but I always thought there might be another side. She was much less evil this past season, and that further led me to think that she might not be that bad. But then again, it could have been an act and she might be planning something. Whether she was as completely demonic as I thought or not, Heather was most definitely a threat. I had no control of her elimination as long as we were on separate teams, but I'd have to make sure that I'd get her out when the teams merged.

I tapped my fork lightly on my plate and turned my gaze down to look at the 'food' that was in front of me. I'll strategize later, I need to eat now. Got to keep up my A-game.

I spooned some of the 'eggs' into my mouth and tried not to vomit. God, I did NOT miss this food.

I was going for another spoonful when I noticed Duncan get up from his seat. He walked into Chef's kitchen and stumbled out a few minutes later, as if he'd been pushed by the poor excuse for a war hero and a cook. I wouldn't be surprised. There was something in his hand, though I couldn't tell what it was until he got closer.

He walked to the spot where Heather once sat, placed a cup of water on the table, and sat down. "It's for you." He mumbled gruffly.

Oh here we go. This is where he's going to ask for me back.

I glared at him, then at the water, then back at him again. "I bet you got Gwen water too."

Duncan groaned and slumped in his seat, "For God's sake Courtney, I didn't cheat on you."

"Sure you didn't." I mumbled, and rolled my eyes, "What's that?" I returned my attention to the cup.

He chuckled dryly, "My reward from yesterday's challenge."

"Well what did you expect? All of the rewards Chris gives suck. And even if they don't, they do more harm than good." Duh.

He gave me a look that was something like a frown and a smile put together, and looked up like he was examining his memories to verify what I'd said. "You've got a point."

"Of course I do." I huffed and rolled my eyes (which was starting to become a bad habit for me), "Only morons talk and not make a point. Do I look like Lindsay to you?"

He raised his eyebrows, amused. "Someone's feeling crabby today." He smirked, and added, "And don't be so harsh about Lindsay. She's not that bad."

I crossed my arms over my chest, "You're just saying that because she has big boobs."

He instinctively glanced over at Lindsay, and his smirk grew. "You're half right." He winked at me, "I like yours better though."

"You're an ignorant pig." I murmured, feeling my cheeks flush pink.

We sat in silence for a minute or two. Part of me wanted him to leave, and another part wanted him to stay. That seemed to be our relationship; one foot in the door and one foot out. Why couldn't he just admit he cheated on me? It was hard enough figuring it out by myself when I couldn't do anything, now I'm here, and I'm still powerless.

Just tell me, Duncan! I screamed internally, Just admit to what happened and tell me you're sorry! I'll forgive you.

I'll forgive you…

It was strange that I felt that way. I shouldn't forgive him, he won't give me any reason to, but I would, in a heartbeat.

"I didn't cheat on you, Princess." Duncan said, his voice almost a whisper, "You know I don't do shit like that. And even if I did," He looked me in the eyes, pinned me to the wall with those aqua orbs, "I wouldn't do that to you."

You. The way he said that-the way he looked straight at me and said that- it made me want to take him back, right then and there. Fortunately, my better judgment convinced me not to.

I sighed and averted my gaze from his, "I don't know what you'd do anymore."

He groaned and slouched over the table. He looked hopeless. Great, now you know how I feel.

I got up and threw out my tray. He obviously wasn't going to leave, so I figured I would. Picking up the cup, I spun on my heel and started off.

Looking up at me as I walked away, he said, "I'm not giving up Princess. I'm getting you back, one way or another."

"We'll see." I muttered, and took a sip of the water.

. . .

After exiting the cafeteria tent, I debated where to call Bridgette. I'd managed to sneak my phone in, so I at least owed her a chat. Thinking about it then, I probably should have tried to sure to get her back on the show too. Without Geoff. He totally ruined her chances of winning season 2 by distracting her. I smiled bitterly to myself.

At least I won't have Duncan distracting me with kissing since we're broken up.

That probably wasn't going to end up being true… Knowing Duncan, he'd annoy me even more since we weren't dating. That was how our relationship was. Constantly a game, until we were together. It was a contest for who would break first. Either he'd break first and apologize, and I'd take him back; or I'd break first and accept him for who he was, and he'd take me back. Nobody wanted to be the sore loser.

Pushing thoughts of Duncan aside, I walked into the makeup confessional. If my memory from the island served me well, the cameras would be off and I could talk in peace.

I dialed in Bridgette's number and pressed the 'Call' button. She picked up before it finished its first ring.

"Courtney?" She asked.

"How'd you know?"

She giggled, "Speed dial, smart one." I laughed too. "Thank God you called."

I raised my eyebrows, though I knew she couldn't see my inflections. "Really, why? Miss me already?"

"Yeah." She said with a laugh, and what I assumed was a smile, "But no, I'm not suffering through 'Courtney withdrawal' yet. Geoff is being a pain again."

"Ah. Need to bitch?"

"I hesitate to call it that, but yeah."

"Spill."

"Well," she started, taking a deep breath, "He's still acting like jerk. You know, I thought he might snap out of it, but he won't. It's like he's a totally different person. And it's not just the fame hungry stuff. He's so mean, and getting all paranoid. Half the time he swears I'm cheating on him with anyone and everyone! He's pushing around my friends and acting like he owns everything, and it scares me Courtney. Geoff isn't Geoff anymore. Where's the boy I met on the island?"

I sighed. Poor Bridgette, I knew how she felt. Or, at least I thought I knew how she felt. I fear I'm a bit more cut and dry with things like this.

"Why don't you break up with him?"

Bridgette was silent for a moment. I feared I'd said something wrong, until she finally spoke up. "Because I love him."

And just like that, I went silent too. Bridgette always seemed to kick that word around a lot, love this and love that. It seemed so natural to her, like in her mind it truly was what all the fairytales described it as. She didn't fear it, unlike most of the people in the world. Unlike me.

"Well that's a problem."

"No." she muttered softly, "No it's not. This isn't Geoff talking. He's a puppet, a puppet for Chris, but I know that my Geoff is still in there. And I won't abandon him. Because he loves me back."

"Oh."

That was a lame response, but it was all I could say. I didn't understand. I couldn't understand. How could she have such blind faith in Geoff? What reasons had he given her to trust him, to love him?

It didn't make sense.

AN:

Me: Meh, this wasn't so bad. The ending was lame though. I really just wanted the chapter to end XD

Sorry for no updates, school's a bitch. Blah :P

Courtney: Read and review, and maybe (if she's not a total lazy ass) she'll update soon. She's not making any promises.

Me: Exactly. By the way, I figure I'll put in a Courtney themed review question for the hell of it.

Today's question is…

Who do you most support Courtney with?