Chapter XV

The first thing that Kíli became aware of, was the thunder of gushing water, a sound that drowned out all other noise. He kept his eyes shut for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

Where was he? In another dream. Whatever he was about to see was not real.

Why was he here? To find Tauriel. To bring her back. This was important-he could not allow himself to get distracted.

Find Tauriel. Wake her up. Find Tauriel. Wake her up.

He repeated those words a couple of times in his head. When he was confident that this time he would not become so immersed in his dream that he could not remember anything outside of it, he opened his eyes.

The sky above him was a dull grey, overhung with clouds. He shifted and realized that the ground beneath him was hard and rocky. Sitting up, the looked around and saw that he was on a stony riverbank in a valley. The sides of this valley were steep and lined with jagged rocks. The river that separated the valley was not wide, but its current struck him as unusually strong.

The scene held no beauty, no life. What was however most unsettling was the disproportionately loud roar of the river. The sound invaded Kíli's mind, made it hard to focus, hard to think.

Scanning the area, all he saw was grey stone. Suddenly, his eyes lighted upon a speck of color on the other side of the river. Someone was crouched beside a large boulder. Kíli's heart leaped when he recognized that someone as Tauriel. He tried to call out to her, but his voice stood no chance against the thunder of the river.

Cautiously, he approached the water. It was only a couple feet in width and the water did not look too deep. It was only the speed of the current that made him hesitant to wade across. But then again, did he have a choice? So, pulling off his boots, he set one foot into the water. It was painfully cold. When he felt confident that he had found a secure footing, he took a first, careful step. The water was rushing against his legs, making it difficult to keep his balance. Once false step and he would be lost, carried down the river like a piece of driftwood, away from his love.

Inch by inch, Kíli made his way across the river. Sharp rocks cut into the soles of his feet, but he pushed the pain away, trying to focus only on what he was meant to do. Find Tauriel. Wake her up.

When he finally reached the opposite bank, he hobbled over to where Tauriel was still crouched on the ground. As he drew closer, he could see that she was covering her ears with her hands in an attempt to block out the noise made by the river.

Kíli fell to the ground in front of her, and tried to pull her hands away from her ears. She looked at him, her eyes unfocused.

"Tauriel!" he shouted, but he could barely hear his own voice. He cupped her cheek in one hand and her eyes cleared a little. As recognition dawned in her eyes, she said something to him, but Kíli could only watch her lips move. Again, he wondered whether their minds had maybe created a protective mechanism that kept their illusion intact. Now that he had finally managed to remember what it was that he had meant to tell Tauriel all this time, this horrible, deafening noise made it impossible to talk to her.

So Kíli did the only thing that he could think of and pressed his forehead against hers, commanding both their minds to end this nonsense.

Silence. Silence around her, silence inside her head. Tauriel could breathe freely again. For what had seemed a very long time, she had been drowning in noise, in a terrible sound that numbed her senses and made it difficult to breathe. When she had thought that she was finally going to lose her mind completely, Kíli had come and saved her, taking her away from this hellish place. Where they were now it was quiet, the only sound that of leaves rustling in the wind.

She felt Kíli's breath against her face, his brow still touching hers. She smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, delighted that he was finally there.

He opened his eyes and returned her smile. But it was not his usual, bright smile. He looked at her differently than he normally did. Fear clutched at her insides. Something was wrong. "What is it?" she asked, her voice sounding panicked to her own ears.

Kíli cupped her face in both hands and gazed at her intently. "Listen to me carefully, my love. You have to go back. You are not meant to linger here."

"No," she cried immediately, pulling away. "W—why would you say something like that? I am right where I belong. With you." She felt tears gather in her eyes. Why did he want her to be gone? No, she would not allow that. They had both sacrificed so much to be here—together.

She crawled closer to him once again, pressing herself to his body. "Please let me stay with you," she whispered before she claimed his lips in a hungry kiss.

He returned her kiss, but then jerked away rather abruptly. "No, I—I can't. I need you to understand this. I don't know how or why we are here, but you cannot go on like this. You need to wake up. You need to live."

She was crying in earnest now, not even questioning how he knew that for her this was just a dream. Maybe the dead did know everything there was to know. "But then I won't be able to see you anymore. I cannot go on without you."

"You don't have to. Open your eyes, Tauriel. I'm right there with you. This is only a dream—we're both asleep."

"No," she said again, shaking her head. What kind of trick was this? There was nothing to go back to for her. "You're, you're—"

"I'm what?" he said, taking hold of both of her shoulders. "Say it out loud Tauriel."

"You're dead," she said, her voice small. She was dimly aware of the fact that the air around them was changing. The wind was picking up in strength and it had grown quite dark. A storm was approaching. Which was curious given the fact that there had never been such a thing as bad weather in those places of her dreams before.

"This is where you're wrong," Kíli said, squeezing her shoulders. "I'm alive. Waiting for you to wake up."

She shook her head vehemently, not allowing herself to believe his words. Rain started to pour, heavy drops falling from the sky that quickly drenched both of them.

Kíli continued to kneel before her, taking both her hands in his. "I am telling the truth. Please, Tauriel, close your eyes. Can't you feel me right there with you?"

Tears and rain mingled on her face, running down her cheeks in streaks. Tauriel took a shuddering breath and decided that after all it could not hurt to check, could it? So she squeezed her eyes shut, and carefully reached out with her mind. As she slowly drew closer to her own, sleeping body she could feel the familiar presence of her friends, urging her to come back. But this time there was another presence with them, one that instantly made her feel warm and loved, a presence that was drawing her irresistibly towards itself.

She opened her eyes and stared at Kíli who was still kneeling in front of her. "I can feel you," she sobbed. He was telling the truth. He was both here and there—just like she was. "But how—how—"

He smiled broadly, shivering slightly in the cold rain. "See? It is safe to come back now. I will explain everything. I promise."

"I—I'm not sure I know how." She had spent such a long time here that she did not know if she would fit her body anymore. What if she woke up all wrong?

"Just follow me, I will guide you" Kíli said, hugging her close. He whispered into her ear. "On the count of three. One …"

She wanted to tell him to wait, that she was not ready yet. What if it did not work and she was left behind, on her own again? Or worse, what if she got stuck somewhere in between?

"… two …"

No, no, no, I don't know how. Don't leave me. I'm scared.

"… three."

The world collapsed around her.

Kíli's eyes snapped open. Tauriel's face was only inches from his, her eyes still closed. For a moment he panicked. What if it had not worked? What if she had not made it after all? But then he saw her eyelids flutter, her breath quickening.

He squeezed her hand. "Yes, that's it. Follow my voice, my star. I'm right here." His body was trying to drag him back to sleep, but he refused to give in. He had to be there for her now, had to guide her.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, taking a couple of deep breaths. Then she turned her head and looked at Kíli with wide eyes, as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. She started crying in earnest, sobs wrecking her whole body. "I—I do not understand. How—"

"Shh," Kíli drew her close against himself, pressing a kiss to her temple. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Legolas avert his gaze, obviously uncomfortable to be witnessing this intimate moment. "It's alright," he whispered into her ear. "I don't understand most of it either. All that matters is that you are back."

"But—" her breath hitched in her throat, "—but I thought you were gone. Killed in battle."

Over the top of her head, Kíli looked at Legolas, who seemed to have developed a sudden fascination with the floorboards. "There was a… a misunderstanding," Kíli said to Tauriel. "It does not matter now, does it? I'm right here."

Tauriel pressed herself to him, holding onto him tightly, as if she were afraid that he might disappear again any moment. Slowly her breathing calmed and her sobs subsided. After a while she pulled away slightly and looked at Kíli, smiling. She opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment the door suddenly burst open. Four heads turned towards the door in shock.

Kíli pushed himself into a sitting position and saw an armed member of the guard entering the room, looking from Legolas to Nimwen in confusion. Then his gaze came to rest on Kíli and Tauriel, huddled together on the bed. His eyes narrowed.

"A dwarf? What is the meaning of this?" he asked.

Legolas stepped in front of him, shielding the couple on the bed from his gaze. "It is nothing that concerns you," he replied in a stern voice. "He is under my supervision. Go forth and let me take care of this situation."

But the guard shook his head. "No. I need to report this."

Before anyone could stop him, he hurried out of the door. Legolas made to follow him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard voices in the hallway. He turned around and locked eyes with Kíli. "You have to get out of here. Quick."

"No," Tauriel protested immediately. "He cannot go, not now. I—"

Legolas came to kneel next to her bed. "That is not what I meant." His voice was urgent. "You both need to go. Nimwen and I have covered up this whole affair for as long as we could, but I am afraid that the truth is about to be discovered. Trust me, you do not want to be here when my father finds out everything that happened."

Tauriel looked at him sadly. His voice became softer. "Your mind was set on leaving anyway, remember?"

She smiled a strange smile and Kíli wondered what had transpired between the two of them before she had decided to temporarily take herself out of this life. "Then you can see now that this is the only way," she said to Legolas.

He nodded. "I suppose I do. But you must hurry." He quickly strode over to pick up the bundle that he had previously dropped beside the door and threw it to Kíli. "Here. I thought you might like to have that back."

Kíli unwrapped the bundle and was surprised to find in it all the things that had been taken from him when his company had been taken prisoner by Legolas, Tauriel and the rest of the guard. That seemed so long ago. He ran his fingers along his bow and smiled. He had found an adequate replacement, but it was not nearly as good as this one. "Thank you." He meant it.

Legolas merely inclined his head and moved to help Tauriel up from the bed. "Do you think you are well enough to do this?"

"Yes," she replied, but the pallor of her skin as she struggled to remain in a sitting position told Kíli otherwise.

Nimwen, who had jumped into action as soon as the guard had exited the room and had started gathering some of Tauriel's possessions, came over and pushed a small bundle of leaves into Tauriel's hand. "Put those under your tongue. They will return your strength to you temporarily. This amount should give you enough time to put some distance between yourselves and the palace. But be careful. Once the effect wears off, you are likely to feel weak and nauseous once again."

Tauriel raised her hand and put the leaves into her mouth, grimacing at their taste. After a few seconds, Kíli could see some color return to her cheeks. "Feel better?" he asked her.

She smiled at him, brightly but also nervously. "I think so." Slowly she pushed herself off the bed, Kíli following her movement. He reached out to steady her when she swayed slightly. After a couple of seconds she seemed to have regained her balance and looked around her room with renewed strength reflected in her eyes. "How do we go about this?"

Legolas strode over, handing her some of the clothes which Nimwen had laid out for her. "Put those on. We will use the tunnels to get you out of here. We just have to hope that they are not being watched yet."

Tauriel nodded and quickly discarded the soft, flowing gown she was wearing. Kíli quickly averted his gaze to give her some privacy. To his annoyance, Legolas did not imitate the gesture and simply continued talking. "I suggest you head north. Try to go as far as possible, but stick to the woods for the time being. You need to find a safe place where you can recover and gather your strength. After that…" he trailed off. "After that you are on your own, I suppose."

Kíli nodded, grimly. Tauriel was fully dressed now and was busy strapping her weapons and some luggage to her back. Kíli mirrored her movements and exchanged some of his clothes and weapons for the things Legolas had returned to him. It was oddly comforting to feel the rough fabric of his old blue cloak against his skin, to tie the worn leather straps of his quiver across his chest. Like meeting old friends that you have not seen in a long time.

Once they were set to go, Tauriel nodded to Legolas, who cracked open the door, checking if there was anyone outside. Apparently the corridor was empty and Legolas gestured for them to follow him. For a split second, Kíli and Tauriel hesitated, turning to look at each other. Kíli was surprised to find that he was incredibly nervous. All of this was happening so unbelievably fast and neither of them had had any time to process what was happening. Where they really about to set out into an unknown future—together? Just hours ago he had not been sure whether he would ever even see her again outside of his dreams.

But it was too late to go back now, wasn't it? And it was not like he would have changed his mind anyway. Nothing could have torn him from Tauriel's side again now that he had finally found her. Reaching out, he took her hand in his for a brief moment, squeezing it tightly, reassuringly. The smile that she gave him in return held just as much nervousness as he felt, but also happiness.

"Are you ready?" he asked her.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she responded. They let go of one another and followed Legolas out into the hallway.

Legolas was already waiting for them at the top of the stairs that Kíli had used to reach Tauriel's room. He gestured for them to hurry. "Cover your head," he muttered to Tauriel as she passed him. She nodded and pulled up the hood of her green cloak, hiding her red curls. Legolas looked at Kíli and sighed. "You had best stay out of sight entirely in case we run into someone."

Kíli raised one eyebrow at him for stating the obvious and quickly followed Tauriel down the stairs. When they reached the tunnel below, it was empty and quiet. It seemed as if word of his presence in the palace had not spread too far, yet. Nevertheless they hurried down the tunnel, Legolas going first with Tauriel and Kíli following behind while Nimwen made up the rear.

Kíli was wondering how Legolas was planning to sneak them past the guards that they had passed on their way in when the blond elf suddenly turned a corner and led them into a narrow passage that Kíli had not realized was there during his first trip through the tunnel. The passage wound up and down and it almost seemed as if they were going further into the caverns instead of out. But then, suddenly, there was a dim light and soon they found themselves on the edge of the woods. The exit of the tunnel was overgrown with bushes that carried large green leaves and thus effectively concealed it from sight.

Legolas had just reached out to hold some twigs aside in order for them to be able to pass through, when they heard shouts echo down the tunnel. He turned to Tauriel. "Go, quickly. We cannot accompany you any further." When she hesitated for a second, he reached out and pulled her against him in a tight embrace. Kíli swallowed against the sudden pressure in his chest as he watched Tauriel cling to Legolas for a few seconds while he spoke some Elvish words to her in a low, tender voice.

"I am sure we will meet again—eventually," she said in response. Legolas nodded, but did not quite look as if he believed that himself.

Letting go of her friend, Tauriel turned to hug Nimwen, whispering something into the young she-elf`s ear that made her blush fiercely. "Thank you for everything," she said out loud. "Thank you for being my friend in those darkest of days." Nimwen smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

As Tauriel turned to look at Kíli, his knees almost went weak from the intensity of her gaze. She looked just as she had when he had first laid eyes on her—spirited, brave, beautiful. She nodded to him and he held the twigs apart for her to go through first. Legolas stopped him when he made to follow her. "Good luck," the elf said and Kíli felt that he meant it.

"We'll need it," he responded and then, after a pause, "Thank you."

Legolas inclined his head. "Likewise." Thank you for not telling her the extent of my folly, my betrayal.

With a sincere nod to Legolas and a quick smile at Nimwen, Kíli turned around and followed his love, whom he had thought he could never have in this life, into the forest.