Chapter XVI

Tauriel was beautiful as she darted though the forest, like a bird that had been caged for too long and was now testing its wings, finally free again. Kíli vowed to himself that whatever awaited them in the future, that whatever turn their story would take, he would never, ever restrain her or her spirit. He would rather see her run away from him in liberty than watch her wither in confinement.

She stopped and turned to grin at him—a decidedly cheeky grin it was—and allowed him to catch up with her. As he drew closer, he could not stop himself from reaching out, running his hand along her arm, entwining his fingers with hers. She was simply breathtaking. Her cheeky turned into a self-conscious smile and she drew her hand away slowly, biting her lip and averting his gaze. Under different circumstances Kíli might have been hurt, but as it was, he understood her feelings quite well. How were they supposed to act around one another? They had been with each other in the most intimate ways imaginable, had studied the other's body like a map. He knew every freckle on her pale, creamy skin, had tasted every inch of her with his lips, his tongue. But that had not been entirely real, had it? During all this time, they had been hundreds of miles apart and yet so very close. Now were they supposed to continue where they had left things back in Lake-town, as barely more than strangers? Or as the lovers they had become in the meantime?

Kíli dropped his hand and decided to let that topic rest for now. "How much further do you think we should go?" he asked her instead. They had kept up a steady pace through most of the day and evening and now it was growing quite dark. There had been no indication that they were being followed, but then again, Elves could make themselves practically invisible if they really wanted to.

"As far as we can," Tauriel responded. "We need to—" She suddenly broke off and doubled over, sagging against the tree she was standing next to.

Kíli rushed to her side immediately. "It seems that this was far enough," he said, his voice full of concern. Nimwen had warned them that the herbs she had provided Tauriel with would wear off at some point and Kíli had been preparing for this moment all day long. He handed her his water bottle, from which she drank in slow, small sips, leaning her head against the tree behind her, her eyes closed.

Kíli gazed up at the tree, assessing how difficult it would be for them to climb it. "I think we would be safest if we did not stay on the ground for now, wouldn't we?"

Tauriel opened her eyes and followed his gaze, a slight smile stretching her lips. "I'm surprised that you would suggest that. I never thought dwarves would particularly enjoy heights."

Kíli grimaced. "We don't, you're right. I'm just thinking practically. Do you think you can make it?"

Tauriel nodded tiredly, and Kíli helped her up, reveling briefly in the resulting closeness of their bodies, inhaling her scent, so new and yet familiar to him. Slowly Tauriel dragged herself up onto the nearest branch, sluggishly making her way up the tree. Kíli followed closely behind, ready to catch her in case that she fell.

A few feet up the tree, they found a spot were two thick branches forked out of the stem. Kíli was a little skeptical at first, but once each of them had settled on one of the branches, leaning with their backs against the trunk, he had to admit that this was in fact quite comfortable. And much warmer than sleeping on the ground. The only disadvantage was the distance between the two of them. Kíli longed to be closer to Tauriel, to be able to find a physical confirmation from her that what they were doing was right, that this was what she, too, wanted.

Well, maybe it was better like this for the time being. Maybe this would give them the time to get to know each other in this life, to slowly retrace the steps that they had skipped so hastily during their dream-like encounters.

Kíli let his head fall back against the massive tree trunk and looked over at Tauriel. Her eyes were closed again, but she did not look like she was in pain. Just exhausted. "So," he said, "what do you think we ought to do?"

She turned her head into his direction and cracked here eyes open, looking adorably sleepy. "I confess that I do not know. Rest and then keep going, I believe."

"Keep going where?" Kíli asked. He had wondered about this ever since Legolas had announced that they would have to leave the caverns of Thranduil. "We cannot hide in the forest forever."

Tauriel looked at the sky through the canopy of leaves above her. The moon had come out by know and stars where twinkling in the dark sky. "Before... before any of this," she began haltingly, "I was going to come to Erebor. For good."

Kíli's eyes widened in surprise, his heart skipping over a couple of beats. She had meant to come to him? To be with him? He tried his best not to grin like a fool and kept his voice neutral. "Legolas never told me."

Tauriel snorted at that. "I am not surprised he didn't," she said. "When he found out that I was leaving he… he stopped me. Restrained me by force. I do wonder what made him change his mind in the end."

Kíli just stared at her in shock, slowly understanding why Legolas' statements surrounding Tauriel's absence from the battle had been so vague. He debated whether or not to tell Tauriel everything that had passed between him and the Elven prince, but then decided that this could wait. "Well, I think returning to Erebor is out of the question at the moment," he said instead.

Now it was Tauriel's turn to look surprised. "Why? What is wrong?"

Kíli hesitated, pulling at a loose thread on the fabric of his coat. "I… I sort of ran away," he replied. Put like that it sounded childish. But in a way it was true, was it not? "And I don't think that Thorin would easily forgive me. He… he does not approve."

He did not have to explain what it was that his uncle did not approve of. Tauriel winced, letting her head fall back against the uneven surface of the tree trunk once more. "How you must despise me," she said, her voice hollow.

Kíli sat up quickly, swaying slightly on his branch. "Despise you? Why on earth would I?"

Tauriel squeezed her eyes shut. In the white light of the moon, her skin looked even paler, almost translucent. "Look what I've done," she whispered. "I've ruined everything with my foolishness, exiled us both from out homes, our families."

Kíli's heart almost broke when he saw what agony this brought her. He leaned over as far as he dared and brushed his hand against her cheek. "Look at me," he said softly. When she opened her eyes he saw that they were swimming with unshed tears. "I know the feeling of being without a home quite well. I have been raised with it, in fact. I thought that the only way to cure this feeling would be to join Thorin's quest and to reclaim Erebor."

"And you did," she whispered, her voice husky with the tears that she was trying to hold back.

"Aye, we did," he replied. After a short pause he went on, gazing into the distance. "All my life I dreamt of this glorious feeling of completeness that returning to the Lonely Mountain would bring me. And it's not that I was disappointed when we finally made it, no, I would not say that. It's just…" He hesitated, clearing his throat nervously. Then he summoned his courage and looked straight at her. "It's just that the feeling when I first set foot into the halls of my ancestors cannot compare in any way to what I feel every time I look at you. So no, I could never hate you for pulling me away from there. Home— well, home now is wherever you are, I suppose."

He dropped his gaze because he could feel his own eyes burn with the intensity of his emotions, his heart hammering nervously in his chest. Never had he said something like this to anyone, laid his heart open for another person to rip it to shreds if they felt like it.

When Tauriel reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his, he looked back up at her. A few tears were rolling down her face, but she smiled at him shyly. "Thank you," she simply said and despite the fact that this was not what one would normally want to hear in response to such a confession, it was just fine. He understood. A few hours ago, she had still thought him dead. Now she needed some time to process everything that had happened, and he would give her that time. Aside from that, the look in her eyes told him that she felt exactly the same as he did.

Smiling to himself, he rested his head back against the tree and just looked at her. And so they sat there in a tree somewhere in Mirkwood, their hands still linked, grateful for this moment of peace after the battles they had both fought to be with each other.

Kíli woke up from a slight tugging at his sleeve. He groggily opened his eyes, trying to ascertain where exactly he was. His backside felt decidedly sore and his neck was stiff. Still in a bit of a daze, he wondered what had possessed him to fall asleep sitting up. He tried to shift and had to suppress a shocked yelp when he felt his balance slip. A firm hand grabbed his coat and yanked him back, preventing his fall.

He looked around and stared into wide green eyes. Tauriel lifted a finger to her lips and signaled for him to be quiet. Then she pointed down towards the ground, arching her eyebrows.

Right. Now it came back to him. Running away from the caverns of Thranduil, sleeping in trees. He looked down as Tauriel indicated with her hand, wondering what it was that she wanted him to notice. He could not see anything, but, straining his ears, he could heard the rustling of leaves, the cracking of twigs and – grunting?

He raised his eyebrows at Tauriel questioningly. This did not sound like Elves. Orcs, she mouthed, answering his unspoken question.

He nodded and reached for his bow, which he had strapped to a branche the night before, using his belt. Tauriel already had her bow ready and was perched on her branch, scanning the ground below. As the sounds grew closer, his Elven warrior looked at him, her eyes twinkling with anticipation. She held up three fingers, slowly counting down to one. Then they both jumped.

The fall was deep, but Kíli's impact with the ground was broken by the orc on which he landed. The creature went down and roared in outrage, immediately reaching for whatever had just jumped on its back. But Tauriel's arrows were faster, piercing first the orc's raised arm and then his throat.

Kíli whirled around, scanning the scene in front of him, quickly assessing what they were confronted with. It seemed to be only a small band of orcs, probably some that had fled the battle at Erebor unharmed. Two were already down and Kíli quickly took out two more. Mesmerized, he watched Tauriel spin and twirl, her long hair whipping around her body. With incredible speed and precision she killed orc after orc, mercilessly and without hesitation.

Kíli smiled, glad to see her like that once again. No one would have believed that this formidable warrior had looked at him with such heartbreaking insecurity in her eyes only hours ago. He felt privileged and honored to know both the fighter and the elf underneath that armour.

Another orc leaped towards him, but Kíli took aim and hit it straight in the chest with one of his arrows.

"Kíli!" he heard Tauriel cry out and when he turned around he had barely enough time to duck out of the way of a dagger that came flying at him. He felt it graze the skin of his temple before he hit the ground. With an angry cry, Tauriel threw herself at the orc that had thrown the weapon and ended his life with a knife through the throat.

Sitting up, Kíli looked around. That one had been the last of them. He grinned at Tauriel. "Nice work there."

She smiled back at him, but then her expression grew worried. "Are you injured?" she asked, hurrying to his side. "You are bleeding."

Kíli lifted a hand to his forehead and was surprised to find his fingers stained red when he looked at them.

"It's no big deal," he muttered, digging around in his pockets for a rag or something to still the bleeding. Tauriel crouched down next to him and produced a small piece of cloth decidedly cleaner than anything that Kíli carried on his body.

"Here, let me," she said, reaching up and carefully pressing it to his temple.

He winced, but then smiled. "Will I survive?"

She returned his grin. "You just might."

He lifted his hand and covered hers with it. She blushed a little, and lowered her hand from where it still pressed against his wound, allowing him to entwine his fingers with hers. They just sat there for a few moments, looking at each other.

When Kíli remembered that they were surrounded by a respectable number of dead orcs he wrinkled his nose and moved to stand up, pulling Tauriel with him. He looked up at her once they were both on their feet. "Let's get out of here, shall we?"

"Yes, absolutely," she said and smiled. "There is a small stream several miles northeast from here. If we leave now, we should reach it by nightfall. We can refill on water and rest there for the night."

Kíli nodded. This sounded like a good plan for now, but he also knew that eventually they would have to begin making decisions on a larger scale. Figure out where they should go. Judging by the slight frown on her face, he guessed that Tauriel was thinking a long the same lines.

"Do you feel up to the journey?" he asked her. She had not seemed to show any more effects of her prolonged sleep, but he did not want to risk her putting too much strain on herself too soon.

She grinned. "Very much so. Do you think you can keep up?"

He laughed and began gathering their things. No matter how fast she ran, he would follow her anywhere.

Kíli examined the pile of berries and Lembas bread before him, the expression on his face one of utter misery.

Tauriel laughed when she glanced up from her food. "I suppose this is not quite what you are used to," she said.

Embarrassed, Kíli quickly tried to straighten his face, but was not entirely successful. "No, it's alright, really. It's just…" he searched for words that would not insult her. "I'm just so hungry," he finished, feeling very foolish.

Tauriel laughed a little more and looked at him with sympathy. "It's fine, I understand. We can do a little bit of hunting in a few days. I just—" now it was her turn to look a little self-conscious— "I just don't want to kill anything that lives in this forest. Aside from orcs and spiders, obviously."

"Oh," Kíli said, a little surprised. He had not thought of that, but was glad that she did not entirely rule out anything that was not a plant or a grain from their diet. Then he grinned, irrationally pleased at the fact they were doing such a mundane thing as planning future meals together. "So does that mean you now have an idea where we will go once we reach the borders of Mirkwood?"

Tauriel's face fell a little and Kíli was sorry to ruin her good mood, but he also knew that there was no sense in continuously postponing this conversation.

"Not exactly," she replied, poking listlessly at her food. "I thought of Rivendell at first, since the Elves there are much more open-minded than Thranduil and his followers. They might accept..." she hesitated and glanced at Kíli, "well, us."

"But…?" Kíli asked, sensing doubt behind her words.

She grimaced. "I do not really want to go there. I think life there would be… boring."

This time it was Kíli's turn to laugh. "I can see what you mean," he replied, secretly relieved that Rivendell was not one of her top priorities, because it certainly wasn't one of his.

She smiled at him, but then her face fell once more. "Aside from Rivendell I haven't been able to come up with very much."

Kíli, who had abandoned his food in the meantime, poked at the small fire they had built with a stick. After a few moments of silence during which he could feel Tauriel's eyes on him, he spoke up. "I could live like this."

Tauriel's eyebrows shot up. "Like what?"

"Like this," he said, indicating the two of them and the woods around them with his hands. "Just the two of us, journeying, taking out some orcs where we come across them."

She smiled slightly, hesitantly, but then a frown spread on her beautiful face once again. "But what about your family? Your mother, whom you promised that you would return to her? Your brother? I wouldn't want you to give all that up for a life on the road with me. You wouldn't be happy."

Kíli scooted a little closer, looking at her intently. "Let me be the judge of what makes me happy. We are in this together, and I'm willing to face the consequences of my decisions."

And he was. True, when she had mentioned his mother and Fíli, his heart had clenched for a second. But, sadly, right now it did not look as if he could have both—his heart's most ardent desire and his family at his side. And he had made his choice between them when he had set out for Mirkwood on the back of Legolas' horse several nights ago.

Despite his assurances, Tauriel continued to gaze at him with hesitation and insecurity shining in her eyes. He took her hand in his. "Let it go, Tauriel," he spoke softly. "Yes, this is not exactly the path I would have pictured myself taking, but I am quite certain this not what you expected from your life either. It is as it is and I wouldn't want to change a single thing. Didn't you once tell me that we should not grieve ourselves over what might have been?"

She smiled a little sheepishly. "Yes, I did. But that was before I began acting like a complete fool."

He tugged at her hand to make her look at him. "I do not think you a fool. And I'm not angry about what you did. I… I think I might have done the same thing, had I been in your place."

They looked at each other for a long moment. Suddenly a small sob escaped Tauriel's lips and she quickly pressed a hand to her lips. "What is it?" Kíli asked, worried that he might have upset her.

She seemed to struggle to regain her composure. Then she spoke carefully, as if she were afraid that the words would simply tumble out of her mouth all at once if she let them. "I… I didn't know that it could feel like this. That I could have feelings like this. I could—I could sense that something had happened to you. In my bones. In my heart, my soul. And it hurt. It hurt so much that I—"

Tauriel broke off, and Kìli squeezed her hand. "It's alright. I understand. I really do. But everything is fine now. I'm here and I'm not going away."

She half smiled, half sobbed, and he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers, cupping her face in both hands. She covered his hands with hers and they stayed like that for a few moments, silently thanking whatever powers had led them to where they were now. Kíli ached to increase their touch, to press his lips to hers, wrap himself around her to be as close to her as possible. But instead he slowly drew away, determined to give her as much space as she needed for as long as she wanted.

He instantly experienced a sense of loss when the warmth of her skin left his, but forced himself to move away until he had brought a little bit of distance between them. She smiled at him a little sadly, but then moved to clear away the remainders of their meal. When she was done she looked at him over the flames of their small fire.

"You should sleep," she said. "Let the fire burn for some warmth. I can keep watch and get a little rest myself."

He nodded absentmindedly and scooted closer to the fire where he lay down with his coat wrapped tightly around himself. He looked up at the stars and made a wish that everything would turn out well for the two of them. That Tauriel would stop blaming herself for their situation and be happy once more. Because he could still sense her pain, her guilt.

After a while, he rolled onto his side with a sigh and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to claim him. Somewhere on the border between sleep and consciousness, he felt a body pressing itself to his back, a slender arm reaching across his body to hug him tightly. He smiled a sleepy smile and took her hand it his, pressing a small kiss to it, before he drifted off to sleep.