Chapter XXI

Walking down the long corridors with Tauriel at his side, Kíli was overcome by a feeling of being headed towards his own execution. He did not know where this was coming from, but suddenly everything—this whole plan, his own involvement in it—seemed to be afflicted by a distinct sense of impending doom.

He tried to concentrate on Tauriel's presence, to focus on her light instead of the dark that was beginning to hover at the edges of his vision. His feet felt heavy as lead and it seemed as if he was walking forward, but making no progress at all.

They met Gandalf, Bilbo and Fíli at Thorin's private quarters. Kíli wondered if he looked like his brother did—pale, tense—and concluded that this was probably the case. He did not know if it was a coincidence or Gandalf's doing, but the corridors were all deserted and an eerie silence lay over this part of the mountain.

Gandalf nodded to Tauriel and Kíli as they approached, his gaze briefly flickering to their still joined hands. Then he wordlessly pushed the door to Thorin's bedroom open, holding it ajar for the four of them to pass through. Casting another glance down the corridor, he followed them inside and closed the door, securing it with a bolt.

"I made sure we will not be disturbed," he said, turning to face them.

No one said anything for a moment, all of them waiting for Gandalf's instructions. When they did not come, Fíli spoke up. "So, what do we do?"

Kíli could tell from the frown on his brother's face that he did not entirely understand why he was even here. Neither did he, for that matter.

Gandalf hesitated for a split second and then looked at Bilbo. "Did you bring the placeholder as I told you to?"

The hobbit nodded and only now did Kíli notice a bundle that he held tucked under his arm. Slowly unwrapping it, Bilbo produced a rather large, white stone that had been cut and polished to perfection. The two dwarves in the room gazed at the stone with doubt. It was very impressive indeed—but not a rival for the Arkenstone's sublime beauty by a long way.

Gandalf took the stone from Bilbo's hands and enclosed it with his long, slender fingers. Lifting the stone closer to his face, he whispered something to it in a tongue that Kíli did not understand and had never heard before. Then the grey wizard blew tenderly onto the surface of the stone and Kíli's eyes went wide with amazement when he saw the stone begin to glow. It was like watching it come alive with light.

Kíli's expression was mirrored by the three other occupants in the room and Gandalf almost looked a little smug when he lowered his hands and looked at each of them. "Do you think this will suffice?"

"Yes, yes, it just might," Fíli mumbled, unable to take his eyes of the brightly shining jewel. "How long will this last?"

"Forever, if you continue to see it the way you do now and pass this feeling on to others," Gandalf replied. When everyone looked at him with confusion he added, "It is not so much the stone that is touched by magic, but the way that you perceive it. And the mind is much more powerful and enduring than any object could ever be, magic or no magic."

Kíli did not entirely understand what Gandalf was trying to tell them, but he would not complain as long as this worked—and right now it seemed as if it could. "What now?" he asked Gandalf and frowned when the wizard held the fake Arkenstone out to him.

"Please bring me the real stone now, Kíli," he said. "Exchange it for this one."

Kíli wanted to ask why he should be the one to do this, but then he just shrugged and accepted the placeholder stone from Gandalf. It felt cool and heavy in his hands, not warm as the light radiating from it might suggest. He was aware of his heart beginning to beat nervously in his chest as he wondered what the Arkenstone would feel like when he would be taking it into his hands in a few seconds.

Heading over to Thorin's nightstand, he had to be careful in order for the fake stone not to slip from his hands, which had suddenly begun to grow sweaty. He thought he saw Thorin move on the bed when he was just about to pull the drawer open, but when he looked up at his uncle, he lay completely still, only the rise and fall of his chest telling him that he was really still alive. Pulling the drawer out inch by inch, Kíli held his breath. And there it was, the Arkenstone. He looked down at it for a couple of seconds, awed by its sheer beauty. Then he felt like he could not move fast enough and quickly slipped the fake stone into the drawer to be able to wrap his now free hands around this precious jewel.

That was when it hit him. This whole idea of getting rid of the stone, it was madness, idiocy. What on earth had led him to believe that this stone, this magnificent, unearthly treasure could have an evil influence over his uncle? Thorin was not worthy of having it, that was how it was. The stone belonged with him, him only, and whoever tried to take it from him was a traitor, an enemy. They would all kneel before him when he held the stone, and those who refused to do so would be punished, would be…

A high-pitched clink echoed in Kíli's ears and for a moment the air was knocked from his lungs when he fell to his knees. The Arkenstone rolled away from him on the floor.

"Kíli!" Tauriel cried and rushed to his side, falling on her knees beside him. With her hands she searched his body, checking for any harm. His hands were shaking badly, but he managed to wrap them around hers, stilling her movements. He could feel that she, too, was trembling and he tried his best to reassure her.

"It's alright, I'm fine," he said, although he felt far from fine. He could feel cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and his throat felt like sandpaper. "What was that?" he asked Gandalf, who had not yet moved from his spot on the other side of the room..

The old wizard came closer and looked down at the Arkenstone lying right in front of his feet. "The final proof that I needed in order to go ahead with this," he answered. He took the piece of cloth in which Bilbo had brought the placeholder stone and swept down to cover the Arkenstone with it, wrapping it securely before picking it up.

"You knew that something like this would happen," Tauriel exclaimed indignantly. "Why did you—"

"It's alright," Kíli interrupted her. "I understand."

Tauriel looked at him with worry in her eyes, but did not continue. To Gandalf Kíli said, "What are you going to do with it?"

Gandalf studied him for a long moment. "I think it is better for you if you do not know."

Kíli cast his eyes down towards the floor, feeling anger rise inside of him. But he knew now that this was not his own anger—it was the stone that was making him feel like this. So he took a deep breath and tried to push the feeling and the dark thoughts that came with it away, not quite daring to look at Gandalf and the stone he was holding. "No, I suppose that is true," he mumbled.

"I will return before the break of dawn," Gandalf said, grabbing his staff that leaned against the wall next to the door. "Stay with Thorin, observe closely whether there is any change. Tauriel, a word, please, before I depart."

Kíli saw Tauriel glance at Gandalf in surprise and hesitate, but then she got up from where she was still crouched on the floor beside Kíli and crossed over to the wizard. Gandalf spoke to her in a lowered voice and Kíli watched her nod repeatedly.

He looked over at Fíli, who was staring at Gandalf and the bundle that he carried with the strangest of expressions written across his face. "Fíli," Kíli said, drawing his brother's attention away from the wizard and towards himself.

Fíli looked at him and Kíli slowly shook his head, telling him with his eyes to let it go. To let the stone go. Fíli looked like he wanted to protest, but then he sank back into himself, all energy visibly draining from his stance.

Tauriel came back to stand beside Kíli, who had gotten up from the floor in the meantime, feeling slightly dizzy. Gandalf looked at both Kíli and Fíli with concern in his eyes before addressing Bilbo. "Walk me to the gates if you don't mind, dear Bilbo." Bilbo consented, casting one last worried glance at Thorin, who still lay on the bed, unmoving, and without further ado the hobbit and the wizard disappeared through the door, pulling it shut behind them.

Kíli looked at his two companions, the two people he loved most in this world, and tried to swallow against the urge to follow Gandalf, to rip the Arkenstone from his undeserving hands, by reminding himself that everything he needed was right here with him, in this room.

Kíli sat in a chair beside his uncle's bed, looking at Thorin in the dim candlelight. No change yet. His eyes were beginning to grow tired, the warmth in the room making him feel drowsy. With every blink he allowed his eyes to stay closed for a little while longer, telling himself that he just needed to relax for a couple of seconds.

His eyes shot open when Tauriel wrapped her arms around him from behind. "You should get some sleep," she whispered in order not to wake Fíli, who was softly snoring in his own chair on the other side of Thorin's bed. "We can bring in one of the others to watch him."

He covered her hands with his and turned his head to press a kiss to her cheek. "No. I want to stay here." When she looked at him in concern he added, "Don't worry. I'm fine." He simply wished for everyone involved to forget about what had happened earlier that night. To forget how weak he had been.

But Tauriel would not have that. "No, you're not, anyone could see that."

He shrugged out of her embrace and leaned forward in his chair, putting his head in his hands. He felt embarrassed. After giving such great speeches about the danger of the Arkenstone, why did he have to be such a fool and let it get to him, let it surprise him in a weak moment?

Tauriel crouched down on the floor beside his chair. "Please talk to me. Tell me what happened earlier. Allow me to understand."

Kíli did not speak for a while. When he did, he kept his eyes fixed on the face of his sleeping uncle. "I thought I understood what had happened to him, thought I had figured it all out. But I didn't, not really. Not until I touched the stone."

He shuddered. Tauriel put her hand on his back, her touch warm and comforting. He took a deep breath and looked at her. "It was awful, Tauriel. I could feel it mess with my head, mess with my heart. I—" he hung his head low, staring at the sheets on Thorin's bed. "I did not know that I could feel such loathing, such hatred."

Tauriel edged a little closer, cupping his face in her hand and forcing him to look at her. "This was not you," she said emphatically. "You are the warmest, most caring person I have ever met. Greed and hatred do not touch your heart."

"What if that is not true?" Kíli returned. "What if the stone only brought to light was has lain hidden until now? Or how do you explain the fact that the stone had such an immediate, drastic effect upon me?"

Tauriel smiled sadly. "Do not torture yourself with such thoughts, melamin. Maybe the stone sensed what we were planning and reacted accordingly. Who knows what it is capable of." She shivered, her eyes growing distant. "It is a very powerful artifact, I could feel that. I do not know where it draws its power from, but its light is treacherous—it is tainted by darkness." When Kíli still looked doubtful she added, "All I know for sure is that you pushed it away on your own accord, blocked its influence. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Kíli looked at her, touched by her kind words and her concern for him. He took one of her hands in his and pressed a kiss to it. Then he looked at his uncle once more. "Do you think he will have that strength, too?" He thought Thorin looked a little better, despite the fact that he had not moved or given any other signs of change.

Tauriel gazed at the unconscious dwarf king before her. "I believe so. The shadow that lay upon him is lifting. I think he just needs a little more time—time to sleep, time to heal." Kíli watched as another small shiver shook her slight frame. "I just hope that he will find his way back to us eventually."

Kíli squeezed her hand. He knew she was thinking about how she had gotten lost in her own dreams. "You came back, too."

She smiled at him. "I did. But I had you to guide me. I wasn't alone."

Kíli looked down at his uncle. "Who knows?" he said. "Maybe he is not alone either."

"I hope for him that he is not. That he is as lucky as I was," she said, pulling Kíli's head down towards hers, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

Sleeping in a chair, slumped forward with your head resting on someone else's bed, was not such a good idea, Kíli realized when he awoke and felt like he could not move at all for a few seconds. When he finally managed to sort out his limbs and push himself back up into a sitting position, he noticed that the pale light of dawn was beginning to seep through the heavy curtains. The candles had died and Kíli shivered slightly at the chilly air that early morning always brought.

He jumped in surprise when his eyes came to rest on Gandalf, who was sitting in the chair that Fíli had occupied before, staring at him.

"Wh—where are the others?" he asked, slightly unsettled by finding himself in the present situation.

"I sent Fíli to bring the rest of your company up to speed on the latest developments," the wizard replied casually. "Your Elven companion went to find you some breakfast."

"Oh," Kíli replied lamely, not really knowing what to say to the wizard. He did not want to ask after the stone, did not want to show that it was still on his mind, no matter how hard he tried to suppress any thought that had to do with it. He looked at Thorin instead. "There has been no change yet," he informed Gandalf, who nodded.

"Give it some time. After the events of last night, I believe we did the right thing and this will help Thorin." When Kíli did not reply, Gandalf leaned forward in his chair, looking at him intently. "You did well those past few days, Kíli. Did your family a great service and possibly prevented much greater harm than was already done. You should be proud of yourself."

Kíli dropped his gaze. "I suppose there are many who would disagree with you on this. Many who will not forget so easily that I deserted this family."

Gandalf made a disapproving sound and leaned back in his chair once more. "That might be true," he said. "But I believe you didn't have much of a choice in that matter, did you?"

Kíli looked up at the grey wizard, startled by his words. "I—I don't think I did, no… But it surprises me that you would see it that way, too."

Gandalf regarded him thoughtfully. "The kind of bond that you and Tauriel have is something very rare, very unusual," he finally said. "Many would also say very inappropriate."

Kíli frowned and was about to return something, but Gandalf cut him off. "Don't worry. I am not one of them. In fact, I believe that what the two of you have is of great importance in times such as this, when the dark forces in this world are gaining in strength ever so slowly. Love. Hope."

Kíli frowned, remembering something. "When Tauriel said that she could not heal Thorin and you said that this explained a lot—what did you mean by that, exactly?"

Gandalf smiled. "Did you ask Tauriel about that?"

Kíli shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Because you already know the answer." Gandalf did not phrase this as a question.

Kíli hesitated. "When she came to me… when she healed me, back in Lake-town, I could feel her in ways that go beyond anything I have ever experienced. Like we were one. Her energy, her light—it was around me, inside of me, part of me, all at once."

The wizard nodded. "What she did… you see, she shared a part of herself with you. Passed on some of her own life force to bring you back, to help you. Such an action, such devotion, creates a bond that can never be untied, never be undone."

Kíli frowned. "Are you saying that we only feel what we feel because of what she did for me? That this is merely some kind of Elven magic, nothing real?"

Gandalf shook his head. "No. No, indeed not. Tauriel would not have been able to help you without the two of you being drawn towards each other in the first place. Her actions merely strengthened that bond that already existed between you. Strengthened it beyond belief. The only bond stronger than this kind would be one where something where her gift to you was reciprocated, where something was given to her in return, something of yours."

Kíli swallowed nervously. The runestone. Did that qualify as something of his? Something to complete their bond?

His thoughts must have registered on his face because Gandalf leaned forward in his chair once more. "But you did, didn't you? Give something back in return?"

Kíli evaded his gaze. "If I did, what would that mean? That we are married or something?" The thought seemed shocking and intriguing at the same time.

Gandalf chuckled. "No, no, that is not what this means. Marriage is only a custom, a ritual. What ties you together goes far beyond that. That is why I said you had no choice when you left here."

Kíli remained silent, stunned. It was not as if it had not occurred to him many times before that his relationship with Tauriel was special, that it went far beyond the ordinary. But to hear it confirmed by another person was something else entirely. He frowned. Maybe this was the explanation for this whole business with their dreams. Even miles apart they had found a way to be with each other.

Gandalf cleared his throat. "I know that this is not really any of my business, but I am curious… has this connection manifested itself in any way? Did something happen that struck you as out of the ordinary?"

Kíli laughed at that. "It seems as if every single moment is very extraordinary nowadays, full of surprises." Then he fell silent again, his expression turning more serious. Should he tell Gandalf? Try to find out more about the mystery of their dreams? He made to speak, but before he got out a single word, the door opened and Tauriel stepped inside, carrying a tray onto which she had piled some food.

Kíli's stomach growled—he had not realized until now that he was quite so hungry. Since they had arrived at Erebor he had only eaten little, preoccupied as he had been with helping his uncle. He smiled brightly at Tauriel.

Tauriel returned his smile a little hesitantly, looking from him to Gandalf with uncertainty. "I hope I am not interrupting."

Gandalf chuckled as he took in the happy smile on Kíli's face. "No, no, you're not. I was just about to leave anyway."

The wizard rose from his chair while Tauriel made her way over to a table on the other side of the room where she put down the tray she was carrying.

"We can speak more later, if you want to," Gandalf said to Kíli, who had also risen from his chair.

Kíli—feeling Tauriel's eyes on his back—wanted to tell the wizard that this would not be necessary, but was interrupted by a commotion that had suddenly erupted on the other side of the door to Thorin's bed room. Three heads—elf, dwarf and wizard—turned towards the door in surprise.

"Do not dare to try and tell me what to do," an agitated female voice came through the door.

When it burst open, two dwarves—Ori and Bifur—and one dwarf-woman tumbled through.

Kíli's jaw dropped in surprise when his mind registered what his eyes were seeing.

"Mother!"