Chapter XXIII

Once he had pulled the heavy door to Thorin's room shut behind him, Kíli leaned against it and closed his eyes, releasing a breath he had not known he was holding. After this conversation he felt like lying down, to sleep and forget for a while about this whole, complicated mess.

"I see that you are still in one piece." His mother's voice caused him to open his eyes again. She stepped out of the shadows.

He smiled at her, but the gesture felt forced. He was so tired. "On the outside yes. Inside I am torn into pieces." There really was no point in lying to his own mother, she would see right through him anyway.

Dís stepped forward and took one of his hands in both of hers when she saw him begin to falter, the emotional strain of those past few days taking its toll. "It is quite a mess that you have gotten yourself into, son."

"That is no news to me." He smiled wryly. "But it is worth it. She is worth it, Mum," he added in a low voice.

"Is she?" Dís looked at him intently for a long moment, searching his eyes for something. She must have found what she was looking for because eventually she sighed and pulled him against her, patting the back of his head reassuringly. "It will all be alright. Sooner or later it will."

Kíli pulled out of her embrace and smiled at her, grateful for her attempt at reassurance. "Where did she go?" he asked. He had to find Tauriel, had to tell her that for the moment everything was sort of alright, that Thorin knew about her and for now appeared to—grudgingly—accept her presence at Erebor and her presence in his life.

"She went with the wizard." Dís grinned. "It did not look like she really wanted to go, but being alone with me must have seemed like the worse choice at the moment."

Kíli tried not to roll his eyes. "You did come on a little strong in there. No wonder she's unnerved."

Dís was about to reply to this when they suddenly heard hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway. Fíli rounded the corner, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Mother!" he exclaimed as he hurried towards them. "People were saying that you were seen earlier, but I did not want to believe them."

"They were right, I'm afraid," Dís replied, laughing, and opened her arms, welcoming her first-born son in a joyful embrace. When she drew away to look at him properly, her eyes caught on the long scar on his face and she gingerly traced it with her thumb. "Oh Fíli," she said. "I am so glad to see you are whole. Battered, but whole." Drawing him into her embrace again with one arm, she reached for Kíli with her free hand and hugged him close as well. "My sons," she whispered, a little tearful.

They stayed like that for a little while, the brothers allowing their mother this moment which they knew she needed right now. When he pulled away, Kíli looked at Fíli, who gazed back at him, the slight awkwardness that Kíli felt at being so close mirrored on his face. In the turmoil of the past few days, their own differences had faded into the background, but now Kíli was unsure as to how they should act around one another. However, as they looked at each other with their mother standing beside them, Kíli could feel something beginning to break, the wall that misunderstandings and hurt feelings had built between them finally starting to crumble.

As Kíli felt the sting of oncoming tears, he reached for his brother and crushed him against his chest. Fíli returned his embrace with equal fervor and Kíli knew right then and there that everything would truly be alright again between the two of them. Even if things could not go back to the way they had once been, they would always have each other's back.

Dís laughed when they pulled apart, both of them looking a little sheepish. "I am not even going to ask what this was about."

They just stood there, grinning at each other for a moment. Then Fíli frowned and turned to Dís. "But what I don't understand, mother, is how you got here so quickly? We only arrived here a few weeks ago—surely you could not have made that journey in such a short time."

Dís shrugged, an impish smile playing around her lips. "I got tired of sitting around at home, anxiously waiting for news of the fate of my sons and brother to be delivered to my doorstep. Also, the wildest stories of the adventures of your company were beginning to arrive at the Blue Mountains and so me and some others decided to go on a little adventure of our own and see with our own eyes what had become of your quest. I did not believe half of those fantastic tales that I heard being passed around, but it seems that they actually fell short of some of the things that really happened." Here she looked pointedly at Kíli, who blushed.

Fíli chuckled. "A proper family reunion, then." His smile darkened a little. "If Thorin would finally get better, that is."

Kíli looked at him in surprise, having quite forgotten that Fíli did not know that Thorin was awake.

"Oh, he's conscious. Woke up about half an hour ago," Dís supplied. "If he is in any state to be visited after that little conversation that your brother had with him just a few minutes ago, I cannot judge, though."

Fíli turned to Kíli with raised eyebrows. "He knows?"

Kíli nodded. "Everything." He sighed when Fíli's eyes widened, the bitter aftertaste that his conversation with his uncle had left still very present. "But go on in, both of you. I am sure he would like to see you."

"I suppose it is superfluous to ask if you won't come with us?" Now that they were all here, together, the air between the two brothers cleared, Fíli seemed reluctant to part ways again so soon.

Kíli shook his head sadly. "Probably not such a good idea right now. And in any way, I really need to go and speak to Tauriel."

He still felt a little apprehensive at being so open about his relationship with her, always expecting others to react negatively, disapprovingly. And so he was immensely grateful when Fíli merely nodded in acknowledgement and his mother patted his arm. "You do that, son," she simply said.

As the two of them quietly disappeared into Thorin's room while he set off down the corridor, Kíli thought that maybe—just maybe—things might be good with at least two of his three closest family members in the future. He tried not to expect too much right now, but could not stop his heart from giving a small, happy jolt at that thought.

Once again, Tauriel found herself perched on the low, broad window sill in Kíli's room, looking out over the lands at the foot of the mountain. She found that she quite liked sitting there, high above everything else, the wind blowing sharply into her face through the open window. It was not the same thing as roaming the woods freely, the ground soft below the soles of her feet, but it was something.

After the earlier events she had come to Kíli's private quarters immediately, politely but determinedly shaking off Gandalf's attempts to draw her into a conversation. She knew he wanted to know more about her past, her connection to Thranduil. And her relationship with Kíli, of course. But Gandalf's curiosity would have to hold out a little longer, because right now she had too many other things on her mind.

So much had happened in only a few hours. Kíli's mother arriving. Thorin waking up, learning about the fate of the Arkenstone. And—judging by the amount of time that had elapsed since she had left the king's quarters—also about his nephew's relationship with her. Tauriel wondered what all of this meant for her and Kíli. Whether their relationship was really strong enough to stand against the opposition it was surely going to meet with. It had all seemed so easy when they had not yet arrived here, when they had sworn to each other to stay together no matter what in the loneliness of the forest.

Yes, she knew that he loved her with all his heart, knew that the bond between them could not be disrupted easily. And yet, every time she saw him with members of his family, members of his company, she could see clearly how much he loved them, too, and what pain it brought him to think that he was disappointing them, leaving them behind. And each time she thought about this, she could not help but wonder whether he was truly ready to live a life apart from those close to him. Whether it would not be better for him to stay here, at Erebor.

What did that mean for her, though? Could she stay here as well? Ah—who was she kidding? She would try anything to be with Kíli, no matter how unhappy it made her. She just did not know if it would be wise of her to stay, if it might not end in tragedy to do so.

She looked out over the lands into the distance where the edge of Mirkwood was visible in the clear weather and shuddered. Thranduil was close—much closer than she felt comfortable with right now. She had not talked about this to Kíli when they had made the decision to turn around and go back to Erebor because she had not wanted to make things harder for him than they already were, but she was genuinely worried about remaining within her former king's reach for too long. She knew how dangerous he could be, especially when provoked. And a captain of his guard, one that he had favored for many years, disappearing right under his nose to be with a dwarf—the nephew of Thorin Oakenshield no less—would surely count as provocation in his eyes. Tauriel knew that for now she was quite safe—if you ignored the fact that she was guest in a kingdom whose king in all likelihood hated her for taking his nephew away from him—but she would not be so foolish and underestimate Thranduil's potential when it came to revenge.

Tauriel was torn from those dark thoughts when the door opened and Kíli poked his head inside, smiling in obvious relief when he saw her at the window.

She returned his smile a little nervously, trying to judge by the look on his face how his conversation with Thorin had gone.

He stepped closer to her and she swung her feet down from where they had been propped up on the window sill, turning to face him. Coming to stand in front of her, he immediately cupped her face with his hands and leaned down to capture her lips in a long kiss. As their lips touched she could feel some of the tension in his body evaporate, his body molding itself to hers as he gathered her even closer.

She inhaled deeply and felt, not for the first time, that she wanted to crawl into his skin, wanted to curl up inside of him, safe from everything and everyone in this world. When they broke their kiss she pressed her face into the soft patch of skin where his neck met his shoulder, reveling in the earthy, musky scent that was uniquely his.

She felt the low rumble of his voice in his chest when he spoke. "Do you want to get out of here? Just for the day."

She lifted her head and smiled at him. "Nothing more than that."

She felt glorious. Once again he made her body come alive with joys she had almost forgotten while being holed up in the mountain for what had only been a few days, but felt like an eternity. She threw back her head as his mouth traveled across her bare skin, tickling her deliciously in some places, making her gasp and tremble with desire in others.

They had barely spoken since they had left the mountain, both of them silenced by a sudden urgency to be with each other without anyone near, without any obstacles standing between them. Including clothing.

The land at the foot of the mountain was still mostly a desolate area, but if you walked into the right direction for a while, you came across a persistent little patch of green that had withstood the reign of Smaug. It was not a proper forest, but enough for the two of them to imagine themselves completely alone once more with no reason to hold back.

Tauriel could feel the desperate need in Kíli's touch and knew that this was brought about by whatever had passed between him and his family in the course of the day, but since he did not seem inclined to discuss this right now, she would not complain. His desperation was driving them both to heights they had not experienced before, was making them touch each other in ways they had not dared to until now.

She allowed him to push her against a tree, letting her head fall back, the rough bark grazing the bare skin of her back. Together they slowly sank to the ground and he sat back on his heels, pulling her with him until she straddled him, taking him inside of her in one swift motion.

She gasped when his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips, pulling her impossibly closer, causing the most delicious friction against the most sensitive parts of her body. Instinctively she closed her eyes, letting her head fall back again, but with one hand Kíli cupped her jaw and pulled her face back towards his, making her look at him while they made love.

As she stared into his eyes while he slowly moved against her, she thought that she could see the totality of the universe reflected in his gaze, all the constellations in the sky clicking into place. Feeling slightly feverish with passion, she pressed her forehead against his, never dropping her gaze. With a final shudder she collapsed against him, her body suddenly boneless beneath his hands.

When she sagged against him, Kíli lost hiy balance and fell backwards onto the cold but soft, mossy ground, a last, low groan escaping his lips as his body jerked against hers.

Tauriel pulled back slightly once both their breathing had calmed down a little and he brushed a loose strand of hair back behind her ear, the tenderness in his gaze causing tears to burn at the corners of her eyes.

"What is it?" he whispered hoarsely when he saw her eyes mist over.

She did not dare reply at that very moment because she knew that if she did, some things which she was trying to keep bottled up inside of her might spill over, might spoil this glorious moment.

Instead she rolled off of him, immediately feeling the loss of the warmth of his skin upon hers. Snuggling close to his side, she followed his gaze and looked at the pale blue sky above them, trying to imagine that they were actually lying under a canopy of stars, far, far away from here.

"Are you going to tell me what happened today?" she asked, not quite willing to keep wondering what had transpired between him and his uncle any longer.

He smiled weakly. "Well, the good news is that Thorin is not quite as unhappy about the Arkenstone being gone as we thought he would be. Turns out that he was, to some extent, aware of its dangerous powers."

Tauriel nodded. "This really is good news. It will make a lot of things much easier."

Kíli nodded in affirmation of her statement, but they both knew that what she was really asking was something different altogether.

He sighed. "About you and me…" She propped her head up on her arm, looking at him expectantly. "I suppose Thorin still needs to make up his mind about that. For now, though, we are fine—I think."

"So he knows everything now?"

Kíli smiled up at her and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Knows that I love you and won't let you go anywhere unless I am coming, too, yes."

She smiled sweetly at him, his words bringing tears to her eyes once more. Considering everything that they had been through together, considering this larger than life bond which they had both acknowledged a while ago, those few words should really not have much of an impact anymore, but for some reason they did. Tauriel had thought them in her head a great many times, but neither she nor he had ever spoken them aloud in front of each other.

Feeling slightly embarrassed about her sudden tearfulness, she lowered her head into the crook of his neck, pressing a kiss to his warm skin. "I love you, too," she whispered and felt his arms tighten around her in response, the sudden quickening of his heartbeat not escaping her.

They stayed like that for a while in comfortable silence.

"So what does what happened today mean for us?" Tauriel asked after a while, trying to keep her voice neutral. She did not want to push Kíli into a decision about their future, wanted him to make up his own mind about the path he wanted to choose.

He sighed. "Witg the way things are right now, I believe it would be better to stay for a little while longer, help to get Thorin back on his feet and back on the throne. If he'll let me that is," he added darkly.

When Tauriel did not reply for a while, he rolled onto his side and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I know this is not the way we imagined things to go."

She shook her head, trying to keep her face void of any trace of disappointment. "This is not your fault, Kíli. And we are fine for now, aren't we? You just said so yourself."

He looked at her and she could see in his eyes that she had failed to convince him with this brave act she was putting on. "I promise you that things will become easier gradually. People will get used to us. Fíli is finally coming around to the idea of you and me, I think. And my mother is not as capricious as she might have seemed to you this morning."

He sounded so hopeful that Tauriel could really not have born to crush this by telling him of the fears that persisted at the back of her mind, keeping her always slightly on edge. So she kissed him and smiled, determined to be brave for him. "Let us just see how things go, alright? You do what you need to do and I'll make sure to help you in any way that I can."

He returned her smile and lifted her hands to his lips, kissing them. "Thank you. Really. I know that this is not as easy for you as you like to pretend."

She smiled a little sheepishly and he glanced at the sky before rolling on top of her, his smile turning a little mischievous. "But for now I suggest we make use of the last few hours of daylight. Erebor can mind its own business for a while."

She replied to this by wrapping her arms around his neck, drawing him down into a breathless kiss that made every inch of her body tingle with sweet anticipation.