Chapter XXIV

Days turned into weeks and Tauriel could not help being lulled into a sense of safety and security, life at Erebor being much more comfortable and predictable than a life on the road could ever be. While it would be exaggerated to say that she was making friends among the dwarves, there were some who were rather kind to her, even some who looked at her with tentative admiration. And regular outings with Kíli helped to relieve the feeling of suffocation that would sometimes overcome her when she spent too much time in the depths of the mountain, trying to make herself useful were she could and where she was allowed to.

Kíli spent a lot of time during the days with his brother, who was by now acting as a representative of the king and made sure that the different parties that were trying to investigate the reasons for Thorin's absence from the throne were kept under control, keeping the wild rumors that would persistently pop up at bay. Tauriel knew from Kíli that physically Thorin had regained his full strength a while ago, the reason why he had not yet resumed his place on the throne being that they were deliberately taking things slowly, spreading a story about a severe, possibly contagious, infection from which the king was currently recovering. Whenever Kíli returned from one of his secret discussions with his brother and uncle, Tauriel could sense the strain under which they all were, all of them very nervous about the approaching day when Thorin would be resuming his duties as King under the Mountain with a fake King's Jewel as the symbol of his power.

Tauriel also knew that Thorin had so far refused to bring the subject of her and Kíli back onto the table. She did not know if she should feel offended or relieved that he aopeared to turn a blind eye to their relationship. She had the distinct impression that by trusting Kíli so much in sorting out this whole business with his 'illness,' Thorin was trying to draw his nephew back into his role as heir of Durin, deliberately entwining his life with that of his brethren more closely. To what end he was doing this, she had yet to determine—because she did not think that this would work out in the long run if Thorin kept ignoring her existence altogether. Unless, of course—and this thought always made her more than a little nervous—Thorin did not plan for her to be a factor in Kíli's future at all.

But for the time being she had decided to sit back and watch things unfold, to try and be happy for Kíli that his fear of a permanent rift between him and his family had not come true. And she had to admit that the luxury of a soft, warm bed into which she could slip every night, the warm embrace of her lover awaiting her there, was something she would only reluctantly give up, the illusion of an actual place to call home becoming more and more tempting as time passed.

And so the day came when Thorin was to rise from his sickbed and to sit on the throne again. During breakfast, which by now they regularly took together with Fíli and some of the other dwarves of Thorin's original company, Tauriel could feel the tension of knowing what was to happen later that day and everything that could go wrong with this plan radiate off the dwarves. Their nervousness was contagious, making her feel faintly nauseous and out of balance.

When she could not bear it any longer, she turned to Kíli, who was listlessly pushing his food around on his plate. "Do you think we could get away for a few hours before… everything?"

Kíli smiled a half-smile at her, obviously tempted by the idea. "I don't know. There's not really anything left to do now, but…" He trailed off, no doubt picturing the mayhem that this day might result in if things went badly.

"It's fine, Kíli," Fíli threw in from across the table, having overheard their conversation. "I got this. Go."

Tauriel smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you."

"No big deal," he grumbled. "Just make sure that he loses this panicked expression on his face or he will give us away before anything actually happens."

"I'll try my best," she returned while Kíli rolled his eyes at his brother, causing Fíli to chuckle. Kíli had been right when he had said that Fíli was beginning to come to terms with their relationship—while he carefully tried to keep up an air of slightly annoyed indulgence, Tauriel could tell that he was beginning to warm up to her. And she to him.

Once breakfast—which nobody really seemed to have an appetite for— was over, Kíli and Tauriel slipped out of the dining hall and then through the gates, into the bright light of day. It was a mild winter and so they never really needed to worry about the weather during their outings. Today was a particularly nice day, the winter sun so bright in Tauriel's eyes that she had to squint a little against the light. She made to move into the direction of their little green haven which they had frequently visited during the past few weeks, but Kíli grabbed her hand and held her back.

"No. Let's go somewhere else today. I want to show you something."

She cocked her head. "Oh. A surprise?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Just something that I think you might like."

So she followed him, the two of them taking a narrow path than ran along the base of the mountain. After a while, Kíli stopped and let his gaze travel across the stony surface of the mountain until his eyes caught upon whatever he was looking for.

He turned around and grinned. "Follow me, milady."

She frowned, not immediately seeing where he intended for them to go, but then she realized that amongst the rocks a small trail, almost like a flight of stairs that had been carved into the mountain by the forces of nature, was leading steeply upwards.

Intrigued by this new challenge, Tauriel followed Kíli expectantly. When, after several minutes during which they had ascended quite high on the side of the mountain, he suddenly vanished from sight in front of her, she frowned. Quickening her step, she hurried after him and was surprised when she bumped into him standing at the entrance to a small cave, facing her.

He quickly reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her from losing balance. They both laughed at the slight awkwardness of this moment and she looped her arms around his neck, leaning down to press a happy kiss to his lips.

"What is this?" she asked when they pulled apart, looking about herself with curiosity.

"Just something I found the other day," he said and shrugged out of his coat, spreading it on the floor for them to sit on.

Tauriel turned around and gasped at the view that presented itself to her. She had not realized that they had climbed up quite so high and the sight across the lands from this elevated point of view really was magnificent. If you stepped right up to the edge of the cave you could almost imagine yourself flying across the plateau below, free as a bird in the sky.

Tauriel smiled and sat down on the ground beside Kíli, gripping his hand in hers. "This is beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."

"I knew you would like it." He scooted closer to her, cupping her face with one hand, drawing her down towards him.

He dropped his hand and frowned when she cast down her eyes, her smile faltering. "What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head, feeling embarrassed for the feeling that was suddenly nagging at her heart. "No… it's just… you said that you had come here before. On your own I assume?" Even though she tried very hard not to, but she could not help being a little upset about the fact that he had come out here alone while she had presumed that he was holed up somewhere with Fíli and the others. While she had eagerly waited for him to return to her.

He stared at her, clearly taken aback by her question. Shifting on the floor so that he was now sitting in front of her, he leaned forward and caught her lowered gaze. "If you are asking whether I came here because I needed to be away from you, then the answer is no. I would be a complete idiot to spend a single minute more than necessary away from you. And I am sorry that we were apart so often these last few weeks, trust me, I dislike that at least as much as you do."

She bit her lip, smiling a little shyly. If anyone had told her a couple of months ago that a young dwarf would soon waltz into her life that could make her tremble under his smoldering gaze, could bring out insecurities in her that she did not even know she had, she would have laughed into their face, declaring them completely insane. And now here she was, feeling like a blushing little elf-maid before him. The worst of it was that she knew that it was completely unnecessary to feel this way because she knew that he loved her with a devotion unparalleled by anything she had ever seen in this life. And still…

He sighed when she did not reply, lost in her own thoughts. "Look, the reason why I came out here alone a couple of times was that… that I did not want you think I'm weak. That I did not want you to know that some of the prejudices that your people have against my kin are actually true."

It was her turn to frown. "What is it that you speak of?"

He sat back down beside her and gazed out at the horizon. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke again. "It's the stone, Tauriel. It still lingers on my mind sometimes. It is just a damn stone, but sometimes my thoughts will return to it, and I cannot help but wonder what became of it."

She looked at him for a couple of moments and saw that he was really quite upset by this and genuinely worried. "You should have talked to me about this," she said sternly. When he looked at her questioningly, she added, her tone softening, "Because I would have told you that it is completely unnecessary to fret about this. We all have weaknesses. We all have regrets that keep coming back to haunt us—and in your case this was initiated by some mystical power which none of us really understand. In truth, I am not sure whether this even qualifies as a weakness of your character." Her eyes twinkled a little when she said those last words and a small smile flashed across his face.

"Ah, but that's not all of it," he returned, his expression grave once more. "This whole… obsession with power, it's making me feel sick to the stomach sometimes. Politics. I'm really not made for that."

"You don't have to be…" she argued.

"Don't I? As Thorin's nephew? As an heir of Durin?"

Tauriel did not really know what to answer to that. But she felt that she understood now what had been troubling him, why he had needed some time to think. Maybe he was not as reluctant to let go of his life here as she had thought. Maybe he just did not know how...

"Let us wait and see how things go today," she said. "Maybe everything will settle down soon and there'll be less tension, less pressure."

He squeezed her hand. "Yes…," he said hesitantly. "Although I fear that some things around here will never change, some tensions never be resolved."

She pressed her lips together, knowing fully well that he was implicitly referring to the two of them and their standing amongst the other dwarves. After the past few weeks, she was becoming reluctant to believe that they were still met with so much opposition—too comfortable had she already become in their life here, too easy had it become to believe that she was regarded with friendliness by the others, and that she and Kíli might actually have a future here.

Confused by her conflicting feelings, Tauriel decided to let the matter rest for now and make use of the time alone they had so surprisingly been given. And so she lay back and pulled Kíli down into her embrace, trying to achieve with actions what words were not capable of, chasing away the dark thoughts with her caresses, erasing doubts and worries with her lips upon his.

When they returned to the mountain in the golden sunlight of the afternoon, Tauriel felt slightly giddy, both from anticipation of things to come and the very pleasurable hours she had just spent with Kíli. She looked at him and could see the same odd mixture of nervous anxiety and happy restlessness on his face.

Also, despite the fact that they had just had the better part of the day exclusively to themselves, they were filled again with an eagerness to reach the privacy of Kíli's room—which Tauriel had by now come think of as their room since she never spent any time in the quarters that had been assigned to her upon their arrival—as soon as they entered the great hall where people we milling about busily.

Grinning stealthily at each other, they were just about to head towards Kíli's room when they were stopped by a familiar voice.

"Kíli!" Fíli caught up with them, slightly out of breath. Kíli looked at him questioningly. "We have a little… erm… situation that I need your help with."

"Oh." Kíli looked at Tauriel, sorry and disappointed that their time together came to an end so abruptly. "Of course." To Tauriel he said, "Wait for me in our room?"

"Of course," she nodded and squeezed his hand briefly before watching him hurry off with his brother, smiling when he turned back around to wink at her.

Slowly, she made her way through the corridors, hoping that whatever business Kíli and Fíli had to take care of would not take too long so that they would still have some time to themselves before Thorin's formal return to the throne and the celebration that was to be held afterwards. Tauriel had at first assumed that she would not participate in any of this, but Kíli had insisted on her accompanying him, saying that he did not care one bit if people looked at them strangely. So she had agreed to come down with him, even though she was still nervous about how the Dwarves would react. How Thorin would react, seeing that he had never even officially met her.

This circumstance, as Tauriel realized with no small amount of shock when she reached her destination and slipped through the door, seemed to be about to change. Looking out of one of the large windows of Kíli's room stood Thorin Oakenshield himself, his arms crossed behind his back.

"I—I'm sorry," Tauriel stammered and immediately reached for the door handle, intent on leaving again.

"No, don't be," Thorin replied, turning his head into her direction without really looking at her. "Please stay. I have been wanting for a chance to speak to you for a while."

Frozen in place by shock, Tauriel remained standing by the door, unsure how to handle this situation. Thorin glanced at her and slowly walked over to one of two cushioned chairs grouped around a small table in a corner of the room. He sat down and gestured for her to take the seat opposite. Not really knowing what else to do, she hesitantly crossed the room and sank down onto the proffered seat, her back rigid and her senses alert.

As she raised her eyes to his face, she found Thorin studying her. Now that they were face to face for the first time, Tauriel noticed a strong likeness between him and Kíli. However, where there was only warmth and gentleness to be found in Kíli's gaze, an undeniable coldness was etched into Thorin's expression. Never had she seen two people who were so much alike and so unlike each other at the same time.

Thorin leaned forward and reached for a jug of wine which had been placed on the table, pouring two glasses. Tauriel took the glass he then offered to her, mostly to have something to hold onto in order to keep her hands from shaking. Thorin leaned back in his chair and sipped from his cup, staring at her for a few very tense, uncomfortable moments.

Finally he broke the strained silence. "Kíli speaks very highly of you."

Tauriel did not quite know what to return to this. It was not as if Kíli's feelings were news to her. "I think very highly of him, too."

Thorin only looked at her thoughtfully and Tauriel found herself wondering where exactly this was going. "Kíli has a very keen mind. I would be willing to trust him with much more responsibilities than I do at the moment—I see high potential in him," he said after a while.

"You are right to do so, I believe," she returned, trying to keep her expression neutral despite her growing sense of unease.

Thorin nodded, taking another sip from his wine. "However, Kíli is still very young. And bound to make mistakes."

Now Tauriel could not suppress a small frown anymore. "Is there anything in particular that you are referring to?"

Thorin paused. "Kíli believes himself very much in love with you. And I understand him, I really do. To him it feels as if there is nothing beyond this anymore, nothing that comes before or after. We have all felt this way at some point about someone when we were young…"

Tauriel lowered her gaze and stared at the cup of wine clasped in her hands. She now had a pretty good idea of what was coming. And she did not have to wait long.

"But you," Thorin said, still looking steadily at her, "you have lived much longer than we all have, I suppose. You must have seen much more of life than Kíli, must know what suffering love—or the illusion of it—can bring. You should know better than this."

Keeping her head lowered to hide her face, Tauriel squeezed her eyes shut, silently reprimanding herself for ever allowing herself to think—for being so awfully foolish to allow herself to think—that all this would eventually turn out well, that by some miracle what she and Kíli had would be accepted by those close to them. That she might have found something like a home in the depths of the mountain of Erebor.

When she did not say anything for a long time, Thorin spoke again. "I do not mean you any harm, Tauriel. I merely want to reason with you, to make you see where you both went wrong. To urge you to end this before the damage becomes too great to repair."

Tauriel took a deep breath, only lifting her head once she was sure that she had her face under control, that no stray tear would escape her eyes. "I do not mean any disrespect," she said, keeping her voice level, "but I do not think you understand Kíli. Nor me, nor the bond that we have. If I were to walk away from this—which clearly is what you are asking me to do—nothing of the sort what you are hoping for would be achieved. It wouldn't change how Kíli feels."

Thorin just looked at her, not condescending or arrogant in any way, but still Tauriel felt a wave of hot anger rise inside of her. How dare he judge what she and Kíli had as something so easily dismissed, cast aside like an old pair of boots no one wants to wear anymore.

Sighing, the dwarf king rose from his chair and looked down upon her. "Think about what I have said. I only wish to protect someone very dear to me from getting hurt. And, as you might realize once you give this some thought, it might also spare you a lot of pain."

Tauriel did not respond but turned her head away stubbornly, looking out at the sky where daylight was slowly beginning to fade. Thorin lingered for a moment longer, but finally placed his cup back on the table and headed for the door. Tauriel could hear him pause when he reached it and thought for a moment that he might say something else, but he did not, and exited the room without another word.

When the door clicked shut behind him, she wanted to slowly let go of the breath she had been holding, but what came out instead was a small sob, followed by hot tears that burned on her cheeks—tears of anger and disappointment, both at herself and the world around her.