Chapter XXV

Kíli fiddled nervously with the sleeves of his shirt, unable to keep his hands still. Was it just him or was it much hotter in the throne room than usual? Next to him Fíli cleared his throat and signaled for him to be still. Do not draw any unnecessary attention, his gaze said. Kíli sighed and clasped his hands behind his back, standing up straight in his position next to the throne.

They were waiting for everyone to gather, waiting for the necessary amount of tension and anticipation to build up. Then Thorin would come in and resume his place on the currently empty throne. And hopefully his entrance would suffice to convince people of their story and erase all doubts about Thorin's ability to rule that Kíli knew still existed among the dwarven population. And human, he added to himself, when he scanned the crowd and saw Bard, who had arrived earlier to attend the ceremony with some of his men, looking about himself with obvious trepdiation.

But Bard and his company were not who Kíli was really searching for. Once more he let his gaze travel across the large audience, hoping to see Tauriel among them. When he had returned from his business with Fíli—which had turned out to involve a couple of particularly inquisitive dwarves who were unwilling to wait until the evening to see and speak with the king and were quite ready to use violence in order to get what they wanted—his room had been empty, no sign of Tauriel. He had spent some time looking for her in places she would be likely to go, but, running of time, had been forced to return to his quarters to prepare for the ceremony.

Setting out for the throne room, he had felt very uneasy and worried, sensing that something was off. He had wanted nothing more than to search for Tauriel, make sure that she was fine, but it was too late already and he knew that his absence would cause too much suspicion, would put everything they had so carefully constructed at a great risk.

Kíli's heart leaped and he felt relief flood him when he finally saw her slip through the massive doors and circle around the back of the crowd until she came to stand close to Bard's party. Kíli tried to catch her gaze, but she would not look at him, staring straight ahead. He frowned a little and thought briefly about how wrong it felt to be standing there with her on the other side of the room. He swore to himself that whatever their future looked like, it would have to be a future where it would not even be a question for her to be at his side, no matter what the occasion was.

He was torn from his thoughts when a sudden hush went over the crowd, the low murmurs and chatter slowly dying away. This was it. The moment that was to decide over the fate of his family and this kingdom had come.

Everyone's gaze was fixed upon the entrance to the throne room where Thorin had just appeared, a lone figure standing amongst the high stone pillars that held the ceiling of the room. Only once the silence in the room had advanced to such a degree that Kíli could hear his own heartbeat resonate in his hears, could hear his brother trying to breathe slowly, regularly, next to him, only then did Thorin move and crossed slowly into the room, his head held high. In his right hand he carried the Arkenstone, which no one except for his original company, his sister, a wizard, a hobbit and an elf (unlikely as that might seem) knew to be merely a placeholder.

Kíli looked at the stone and, remembering what Gandalf had said about the magic he had endowed it with, focused on how glorious the stone looked, how magnificent and powerful, trying to let that emotion permeate his whole being and pass some of it on to the ones standing closest to him.

Thorin took a couple of steps without anything happening, and Kíli, because he knew him very well, could see the anxiety behind his proud posture. But then the atmosphere in the room changed rather abruptly and dwarves left and right sank to their knees, bowing to their king, bowing to the one who had gone and reclaimed the home which had been lost for so long in a quest that everyone had thought to be a suicide mission. The words Balin had spoken one night during their journey echoed in Kíli's head and he guessed that they captured rather accurately what many of the dwarves were feeling at this very moment. There is one I could follow. There is one I could call King.

Kíli knew then that everything would be alright, that Erebor would eventually become a place of peace and security again. And so he followed his brother's lead and kneeled down, bowing to his uncle, his surrogate father, his king. Glancing up, he could see that even those present who were not dwarves were profoundly affected by this moment, lowering their heads with respect and admiration.

Once Thorin had reached the throne and climbed the few stairs leading up to it, Kíli rose from the ground, flashing a quick, bright smile of relief at Tauriel who finally looked at him and returned his smile, albeit a little hesitantly.

With a voice that sounded much more self-assured than Thorin probably felt at this very moment, he spoke into the silence in the room. "Rise. Rise my friends, my family, my kin, my people. The time has come for us all to rise as one and return Erebor, our home, our kingdom, to its former glory."

Beneath the table, Kíli gripped Tauriel's hand tightly, trying to reassure himself that all of this was real, that he was not dreaming. After so many weeks of tension, of doubt and nervous anticipation, he could hardly believe that they had actually done it, that Thorin was now unquestionably their king, that they had somehow gotten through this crisis brought about by the Arkenstone, which was now gone, hopefully never to be seen in the halls of Erebor again.

Amongst the clamor around them, amongst the laughter and chatter and the sound of jugs of ale clonking together, Tauriel looked at him, her slight smile slowing everything down for a moment, drowning out some of the noise.

"Are you alright?" he asked her, in a voice much too low for her to hear, but she understood him anyway. "I was worried when I couldn't find you before. Where were you?"

She squeezed his hand. "There is no reason to worry. I merely wanted to take a bath before the big event." She smiled again, but Kíli sensed that she was trying to brush him off. He wanted to ask her why, wanted to understand what was wrong with her all of a sudden, but he was interrupted by Dwalin and Bofur coming up from behind, gripping him by the shoulders.

"Let us drink together," Dwalin shouted way too loudly, making Kíli's ears ring.

Kíli laughed and gestured for more beer to be brought to their table. Bofur and Dwalin sat down, Dwalin squeezing himself between Kíli and Tauriel. Kíli wanted to protest, but Tauriel smiled reassuringly and nodded for him to go ahead and celebrate their success with his brethren.

"Sorry, lass," Dwalin commented when he saw the two of them looking at each other. "I need to borrow this one for a moment or two."

Kíli saw her grin in response and thus allowed Dwalin to proceed, the need for a proper drink quite pressing after the day's excitement. In addition to the beer he had called for, a large container of wine was also placed before them. Kíli looked up and saw Bard's eldest daughter, Sigrid, smile down at him a little shyly.

"With my father's compliments," she said, blushing for no obvious reason. "We are all glad that your uncle has recovered and that now your people and ours can begin to rebuild what was lost in the fire. Together."

Kíli returned her smile. "Thank you, Sigrid. And please tell your father that the feeling is mutual."

He looked at Fíli to see if he had something to add to that, but his brother was merely looking at the young woman, a vacant expression on his face. When no one said anything, Sigrid bowed slightly, blushing even more deeply, and hurried away. Kíli watched her go and, when he turned back around, saw his brother stare after her as well, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

Kíli raised his eyebrows. "You hypocrite," he said to Fíli.

The blonde dwarf looked at him with glassy eyes. "Huh?"

But Kíli merely laughed. "Oh, you know exactly what I mean."

Fíli looked as if he was about to return something to that, but was interrupted by Bofur raising his glass. "To us," he simply said, and Kíli had to chuckle at the slight slur in his speech. Obviously this was not the first toast Bofur was making tonight.

"To us," the others simply repeated and, with Tauriel looking on with wide eyes, downed their tankards in one go.

Tauriel watched Kíli and the others with a mixture of amusement and confusion—while she had spent more time amongst dwarves than most of her kin could probably say for themselves, she had never seen them like this, so boisterously happy, strong drink flowing in large quantities.

She sipped from her cup of wine and smiled, the warm feeling that it caused to spread in her belly reminding her of the excellent wine back in Mirkwood. This one was not quite as good, but not entirely bad either. And, most importantly, it lifted some of the gloom that had shadowed her spirits ever since earlier that evening.

Just when she thought that maybe, for a few hours, she could bring herself to forget about the things that Thorin had said to her, cruelly crushing her hopes of ever finding her own place among the Dwarves, and be happy for Kíli and the others that what they had been working towards for such a long time had finally been achieved, she looked up to find Thorin staring at her from the far end of the table.

She felt the smile on her face die when he slowly lifted his own cup to her, inclining his head as if alluding to an agreement that had been made between them. Tauriel frowned and pointedly set down her wine on the table, refusing to react to this gesture of his. But she quickly found that she could not bear this any longer and abruptly got up from the table, needing to get of there, to find a place where she could clear her head and feel—momentarily—safe from this new threat to her happiness.

Careful not to draw any attention, she slipped away, disappearing into the crowd. Once she reached the exit, she turned around to see if Kíli had noticed that she had left, but it seemed as if he was currently engaged in a heated, jocular discussion with Bofur. It was just as well. She needed some more time to herself, time to sort out her jumbled thoughts and feelings. And so she hurried outside, blindly searching for a place that would give her some privacy and much needed air to calm her burning mind.

When she suddenly found herself on a balcony that overlooked the ruins of the city of Dale, she was surprised at first, the cold air of the night hitting her out of nowhere. But once her senses had become accustomed to the absence of both light and sound, she inhaled deeply, immensely relieved to breathe freely once again.

Leaning onto the stony banister with her hands resting on the cold, rough surface she looked out into the night, icy gusts of wind tugging at her hair and making the delicate skin of her cheeks tingle. She fixed her eyes onto the stars sparkling in the black sky, silently calling out to them to help her get through all of this, to show her a way that would make both her and Kíli happy. Because right now it looked as if it did not matter what she did, it would all end in misery for either her or him or, and that was what seemed most likely, both of them.

She gave a loud sigh that almost bordered on a sob and let her head fall forward. Suddenly she became aware of a presence behind her and she stiffened, half expecting Thorin to have followed her. When out of the dark Dís stepped up next to her she was both relieved and worried at the same time. So far she had never been alone with Kíli's mother and had never been able to determine how the dwarf-woman felt about her relationship with her son.

"You seem troubled," Dís stated matter-of-factly.

Tauriel did not dare reply and merely bit her lip, trying to keep the words from tumbling from her mouth. She feared that if she said anything now, all the barriers she had built up inside of herself might begin to break at once.

"May I offer some advice?" Dís asked into the silence.

Tauriel tensed. "If this advice involves me removing myself from Kíli's life, then please don't," she said before she could stop herself. "I cannot take any more of this today."

Dís did not seem offended by her harshly spoken words. Instead she smiled crookedly. "I see that my brother worked his charm on you," she said.

Tauriel looked at the dwarf-woman in surprise. "How do you…?"

"You forget that I do not look at Thorin as my king. I only ever see him as my stubborn, older brother." She turned to Tauriel. "He is a great man in many ways and I love him to death, but he is also prone to prejudices and hasty judgements. He believes that your kind is proud and cold, unable to experience true love and affection."

Tauriel's eyebrows shot up. "But you think differently?"

Kíli's mother smiled mysteriously. "I think you can be just as compassionate, caring and loving as any of us." She paused. "Many, many years ago I knew a kinsman of yours. He showed me to… to look beyond what I thought I knew."

Tauriel looked at her, thinking that she would elaborate on that, but instead Dís merely smiled into the night, lost in her thoughts for a moment. Then she shook her head as if shaking off a memory that would sometimes take hold of her. Tauriel smiled a little. She knew that bittersweet feeling of remembrance—many times she had experienced it herself when she and Kíli had been separated from each other, when she had still thought that she might never see him again.

"So you do not wish that Kíli had never met me? You do not think that I will make him and myself very unhappy? Because that is precisely what your brother is convinced of."

Dís covered one of Tauriel's hands with her own and Tauriel could feel the gesture shoot straight to her heart, the dwarf-woman's touch so warm, so motherly. "All I wish for, Tauriel, is for my son to be loved the way he deserves to be loved. And I can see that you do love him, very much—that is all I can and all I ever will ask for."

Tauriel felt a stray tear spill from the corner of her eye and escape down her cheek before she could do anything about it. "But what should I do? How do I resolve this whole situation?" she asked, desperate for some advice.

Dís frowned. "I'm afraid I cannot help you with that. It is something you need to decide for yourself—but before you make any rash decisions, talk to Kíli first. Tell him what is troubling you. The only real mistake that you can make, is shutting him out."

Tauriel drew a shuddering breath, thinking about the pain it would cause Kíli to learn about this most recent betrayal of his uncle. Thinking about the decision she knew she would have to ask him to make. Could she really go through with this?

Dís squeezed her hand, bringing her back to the present. "Kíli is much more ready to bear the consequences of his choice than you might think he is. Trust me—it is written all over his face. Do not doubt him."

Tauriel shook her head. "It is not so much him that I doubt..." Then she smiled down at Dís. "Thank you. For everything you just said."

Dís inclined her head, accepting her thanks. "Will you keep me company for a while? Tell me something about your life with the Elves? I'm curious to know more about you."

Tauriel smiled at her and gladly accepted the invitation. For one thing, she did not feel at all like returning to the party and secondly she found that the presence of Kíli's mother was surprisingly soothing to her strained nerves, her kindness alleviating some of the doubts that had weighed so heavy on her heart since earlier that day.

Dwalin, Fíli, Kíli and those in the immediate vicinity broke into booming laughter when Bofur, in an attempt to drain his beer jug to the very last drop, lost balance and fell backwards onto the ground, pulling Ori with him when he tried to grab onto something to stop his fall.

Dwalin hefted himself up from the bench they were sitting on and, still laughing, picked Bofur off the floor. With Dwalin gone, Kíli wanted to reach for Tauriel and draw her close to him again, but realized with a start that she was not there anymore. His laughter quickly turned into a frown and he got up and looked about himself, searching for her.

"Where's Tauriel?" he asked Fíli, who was watching Dwalin trying to hold the drunk Bofur upright.

Fíli turned his head and looked at the spot where Tauriel had sat, nonplussed. "No idea," he replied. "I didn't even realize she left."

Kíli swayed slightly on the spot and took that as a sign that he had had enough for tonight. "I have to go look for her," he sad to no one in particular and, without further ado, headed for the exit. He tried to focus on where Tauriel could have gone and why she would have left in the first place, but the noise and the heat in the room in combination with the alcohol in his blood made it almost impossible to concentrate. When he reached the door, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around and found himself opposite his brother, who had apparently followed him. "Fíli, I really need to go," he implored. "Something has been bothering Tauriel all night and I need to…"

"I know, I know," Fíli interrupted him. He bit his lip and frowned. "Look," he said hesitantly, "I don't know if it means anything and I'm not sure if it is such a good idea to tell you…"

Kíli was taken aback. Did Fíli know something that he didn't? About Tauriel? "What? What is it?"

Fíli leaned in closer, obviously not wanting anybody else to hear what he was about to say. "Maybe it's just a coincidence… but this little riot in front of Thorin's quarters this afternoon? Something felt off about it, don't you think?"

Kíli crossed his arms in front of his chest, thinking about what Fíli had just said. True, he had been surprised that right before the evening's ceremony, some of the dwarves would suddenly lose patience. And what had confused him most was that those were dwarves that had until then stayed out of the more heated discussions about Thorin's ability to lead.

Fíli continued. "And then, afterwards, when you had already gone, I went to check on Thorin, but he wasn't even in his quarters. Came in right after me, though."

Kíli frowned. "Are you saying that—"

Fíli held up his hands. "I'm not saying anything. I only felt that something was odd about the whole thing, and Thorin wouldn't really tell me where he had been, so… I don't know."

Kíli whipped his head around and looked at his uncle at the far end of the room. He could sense that it had cost Fíli a great effort to come to him, afraid to stir up unnecessary trouble. But he knew, as Thorin looked up and held his gaze, that whatever was troubling Tauriel had something to do with him, that Thorin had somehow created a distraction so that he would get a chance to meddle with something that was really not his concern at all.

Feeling hot anger rise inside of him, Kíli debated for a moment whither to turn—should he go and confront his uncle or go and search for Tauriel, wherever she was? For a second his temper took hold of him and he took a tentative step back into the room, but Fíli held him back. "No, Kíli. This is not the right place, nor the right time."

Looking at his older brother, Kíli felt some of his rage evaporate only to be replaced with gut-wrenching worry. "No, you're right. But I swear to you, if she is in any danger whatsoever because of something that he did, I will not simply let this go."

Fíli nodded, looking slightly terrified at the prospect. With a last glance at Thorin, who was still looking into their direction, visibly confused by the exchange he had just witnessed from a distance, Kíli left the great hall in a hurry. Never had the city below the mountain seemed as vast as now, when he did not have the slightest idea where to begin looking for Tauriel.