Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, any of the characters in Twilight, or anything related to the books and/or movies. If I did, I would be way too busy- doing dirty things with the Cullen boys- to sit down at my laptop and write this story. The scenes that I did borrow from Stephenie Meyer have been revamped to fit my story.

A/N: I hope that you were all able to go out at midnight and get your copy of the Twilight DVD. I know that I've definitely been enjoying mine!

Learning to Live Again

Chapter Nineteen: Confessions

Jasper had gone hunting with his brother and father. Esme was out at a cooking class that she had enrolled in to ensure that she would be able to make edible dinners for me since I would be spending much more time at their home now. I was still having separation anxiety from the reality that they had left me. This left me alone in the house with Rosalie and Alice. I didn't stand a chance in hell of surviving this.

I was sitting in the living room, watching Dirty Dancing play on one of the movie channels when they came out of nowhere, turned the television off, and stared at me without explanation. I knew what they were planning, and I was so terrified I did the only thing that came to mind. I used sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

"Should you have gone hunting with the boys as well?" I teased the older girls who were still staring at me.

"Very funny, Bella," Alice replied back with mockery in her tone. Rosalie just rolled her eyes. "Why can't you ever just humor your sisters?"

"I'm not your little human toy. I don't need to humor you. I am just trying to enjoy a classic romantic movie while waiting for my boyfriend to come back from hunting. I'm completely innocent in this," I defended myself. I started to stand but Rosalie gently shoved me back down onto the couch.

"You're not innocent, so don't even go there. I heard moaning coming from my brother's room last night," she stated. Alice just snickered on my other side.

"It wasn't like that, Rose, and you know it."

"Oh, I know that you didn't have sex, Bella. Jasper is too much of a gentleman to do that with us in the house," Rosalie assured me.

"But you will soon," Alice informed me. She smiled innocently when I looked at her with shock registering on my face. "Don't act so surprised. Jasper could never deny you anything."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Alice," I admitted. My old insecurities were showing themselves again. I knew that Jasper was not Edward and that it was wrong to compare my relationship with them but I couldn't stop myself. "We haven't really talked about anything since we've gotten together. Neither of us has mentioned our future or me becoming one of you. I don't know if he's ready for that just yet."

"Don't be ridiculous." Rosalie sighed, exasperated with my uncertainty. "Jasper is head over heels for you, dear. We all see that. He's probably just a little tentative because Edward doesn't know yet. He doesn't want to betray our brother."

"It's not that he doesn't want to spend forever with you, Bella. I can see that he's already made the decision to not live one more moment without you by his side," Alice answered. "He doesn't want to make anything final until the family is back together. It's the first family he's had in so long. I know that he hasn't told you about his past yet, but he will and then you'll understand."

I nodded my head, knowing that Alice was right. "When is Edward going to return, Alice?" I had been curious these past couple of days as I started realizing that my feelings for Jasper were more than platonic. I needed to be prepared for when my former love would come back to be with his family. I needed to prepare my heart to not be swept up in our history.

"He has figured out that we came back to Forks and is very upset with us all. He doesn't know about you and Jasper, though. He's on his way back here, but he's not close enough to read our thoughts yet." I looked at Alice and she continued. "He'll be here tomorrow afternoon, Bella."

"Who else knows?" Rosalie asked, hearing this information for the first time.

"I told Carlisle and Esme this morning before the boys went hunting. Carlisle was going to tell Jasper and Emmett while they're out."

I looked at the clock; the boys had been gone for an hour now. Knowing that Edward would be returning home tomorrow had suddenly exhausted my mind. I stood slowly from the couch and looked down at the girls that were now my sisters. "I think I'm going to take a nap until Jasper gets back," I whispered so low that a human would not be able to understand what I said. They just nodded and settled back onto the sofa, picking up on watching the movie that I had started.

I climbed the stairs, clutching the railing the entire time. My head was spinning. It was all finally registering with me how much had happened this last week. Jasper had almost killed me, my family had abandoned me, my first love had broken my heart, Jasper had come back for me, Jasper and I had fallen in love, and now Edward was coming back because he was upset with our family for not leaving me alone.

I didn't even notice when I had walked into Jasper's room but I was thankful for the bed that had been delivered this morning because I collapsed on it. I don't know if I fell asleep or passed out, but I was soon dreaming.

I was standing in the middle of the clearing that the Cullens used for their baseball games. I couldn't see anyone with me; however, I could feel someone watching me. I slowly turned to come face to face with Edward.

"You look beautiful," he said as he placed his hand on my hip. I looked down at myself and noticed that I was wearing a short, flowing white sundress. He tried to pull me closer to him, but I didn't move. I felt a strong hand on my right upper arm holding me back.

"Jasper," I whispered. I smiled up at him and took a step toward him, into his arms. "I missed you." I rested my head against his shoulder and snuggled my nose into his neck, taking in his scent. I opened my mouth and clamped it over Jasper's throat, biting him.

"Bella!" Jasper and Edward yelled my name together as they struggled to push and pull me away from my boyfriend. I continued to look at Jasper and licked the blood off my lips.

"What did you do to her?!" someone yelled from behind me. I turned to see Jacob standing there. He was looking at the three of us with a horrified expression on his face. I still had no clue what was going on.

"We didn't do it," Jasper explained to the younger boy as he reached up and touched his neck where I'd broken the skin. I whimpered and he smiled down at me. "It's okay, baby. You couldn't control yourself."

"Who did it then?!" Jacob demanded to know.

"I did," someone whispered from a clearing in the trees across the field from where we stood. I looked over but couldn't make out the person standing there. All I saw was red fire.

"Bella." I heard my name but all I saw was darkness. I felt a pair of cold, strong hands shaking my shoulders. I tried to bat the hands away, but they were too strong. The person decided to change their tactic and placed a soft kiss on my lips. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Jasper's face above mine.

His eyes were creased with worry, but I saw the relief that flashed across them as I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. I lifted my hands to his face and pulled him back down for another soft kiss. I pulled back after a few seconds and let my head rest against the pillow again. "Hi."

"Hello, sleeping beauty," he teased as he lay on his side next to me. I rolled to my own side so we were facing each other. "You were screaming in your sleep."

"Was I?" I asked, embarrassed. I hadn't been screaming or crying in my actual dream. "That's strange."

"What were you dreaming of, Bella?" He rested his hand on my hip and started tracing soft circles on top of my jeans with his fingertips. Wanting to be closer to his comfort, I reached my own hand to his side and tugged him against my body.

"I bit you," I stated. I saw his eyebrows raise in question. "I was standing in the baseball clearing all alone and then you and Edward came up to me and I smiled at you and then all of a sudden I was biting your neck. I couldn't stop myself, so you and Edward had to get me off of you." I stopped for a moment to stroke the side of his neck where my dream self had attacked.

"Why were you biting me?" I could hear the fear in his voice, but I ignored it for the time being.

"I don't know, but Jacob was there too and he asked what you two had done to me. Then there was another voice that I didn't recognize and I couldn't see who it was. All I saw was fire. And then I woke up next to you." I was still groggy and must have sounded insane to Jasper. He simply wrapped his arms around me tighter and kissed my cheek.

"It's okay now, darling," he whispered against my skin. "You must have just been worried because Edward's returning soon."

"I'm worried that I'll hurt you. I don't want to, Jasper, but I don't trust myself around him," I confessed. "I love you so strongly, but I can't understand or try to explain the pull that he has over me." I moved my hands underneath Jasper's tee shirt and lightly scratched at the muscles that were hidden from my view.

"Bella, I only want you to be happy." I saw the sadness and confusion in his eyes as he said this. He thought I would leave him.

"Jazz, you're the only person that I want to spend forever with. Please know that. Have faith in it. Just like I have faith in us," I begged him, moving my hands to the hem of his shirt and tugging it upward wanting to remove it from his body.

Jasper complied with a smirk on his face and let me throw his shirt onto the floor by our new bed. "I love you, Bella, but I need to confess something to you." I could feel Jasper clutch my hips tighter, an action to show his nervousness. I kissed his cheek to encourage him to continue. "I'm not worried about Edward returning or your strange dreams. I'm worried that I will be the one biting you and not vice versa. I know that I've been better with my self control around you, but I'm still learning."
"Jasper, you've been nothing short of amazing. It's like my blood doesn't even call to you anymore," I stated.

"That's where you're wrong, dear. Your blood has been calling to me more than ever this past week. The only reason that I've been able to control my thirst is because I've been hunting three times more than usual. Emmett even commented on how often he's seen me slinking away to the woods. If I keep this up, there won't be any more wildlife in Forks," he explained.

"Jasper, where are leading this conversation?" I asked, not understanding. I knew that he had been hunting more frequently because of our closeness. I didn't know why this was a problem, though. It was helping with his control, wasn't it?

"While I am getting better at controlling myself around you, the thoughts are still there. Every time I'm close to you, I still think about sinking my teeth into you and draining your blood. I can smell it pumping through your veins right now, Bella. It's like it's calling to me." I saw his eyes darken a shade as his nostrils flared.

"I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to make this easier. The obvious one is to turn you into one of us, but I don't want to do that if you're not ready for it. And it's important to discuss that with the others as well, because we would need to move first. Another alternative would be for us to keep our distances from one another until I've gotten used to your scent. I don't think either of us would be comfortable with that decision." I shook my head slightly in agreement with his words. There was no way I was going to be kept away from Jasper after we had just gotten together.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Bella. I just know that I can't continue with what's going on right now," he admitted softly.

"I can't be away from you, Jasper," I told him. My hands clenched tighter onto his body, my need for him once again overpowering my mind. "I don't think I understand fully why it's so much harder for you to be near me than the others. Is it really just because you're the newest to this lifestyle?"

"No, Bella, that's not the only reason. I'm not as innocent- as pure- as the others. I'm more of a murderer than you understand."