HI guys sorry for taking forever to update I'm a horrible person I know... don't hate me please! thank you to everyone who's been review and stuff you all seriously make my day thanks I love you all :)
I don't own the mortal instruments or it's characters Cassandra Clare does :)

Enjoy...

Alec sat with his back against the door freaking out, he didn't know how long but he knew that he was sitting there for a while. He was pulling at his hair and trying to get the tears to stop falling, the pain shooting through his body was almost too much to bear. He just wanted everything to stop.

You can make everything stop, the little voice said, it's very easy just one jump or one slice and it'll all be over.

Alec slammed his head against the door repeatedly trying to get the little voice to stop.

You could swallow some pills… the little voice said, I'm pretty sure that your foster parents would have a few dozen pills you could swallow.

Alec slammed his head against his door again, "Stop!" he whispered, "Just stop."

Or you could stop eating or poison yourself, the little voice continued.

"Stop it" Alec muttered, slamming his head against the door again, "Just stop."

Maybe if you hit you head hard enough you could black out and never wake up…

"Stop!" he whispered, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his sore arms around his legs, "please" he whimpered.

He heard someone banging on his door and he quickly stood up and tried to wipe the tears away.

"Alec, could you please open the door?" Jeffery asked.

Alec tried wiping away the tears some more and opened the door, "Sorry" he mumbled.

"No Alec I should be the one apologising to you" Jeffery said, walking into Alec's room and shutting the door, "I understand you're going through a hard time and you're getting bullied and everything" Jeffery said, placing a hand on Alec's shoulder, "And I understand that me yelling at you might've hurt you."

Alec shrugged Jeffery's hand off his shoulder, because one: it was starting to make the bruise there hurt even more and two: Alec didn't like Jeffery's hands on him.

"It's okay" Alec whispered, "I understand what I did wrong and I shouldn't have done that with Magnus, I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you understand what you've done wrong" Jeffery said, "I understand that you and Magnus like each other and I know that Vicky supports you two and your being together" Jeffery paused and Alec hoped that Jeffery would just let Magnus and him do whatever they want and not tell him that he and Magnus weren't allowed to be together, "But I told her that I didn't want you two to be together, You're meant to be brothers not boyfriends."

Alec felt his eyes fill up with more tears but he willed them not to fall, he nodded, "okay" he whispered, "You're right Magnus and I won't see each other anymore."

"Good" Jeffery smiled and clapped a meaty hand on Alec's back almost making Alec fall over, "I'm glad you understand."

Alec nodded and tried to smile but he couldn't turn the corners of his mouth up.

"I'll see you later" Jeffery said, "I got to go drop Magnus back off at school and go back to work, I wrote Vicky's number down and stuck it on the fridge if you need to talk to her or something."

Alec nodded, "okay, bye."

Jeffery left and shut the door. Alec sat down on his bed and let the tears fall freely down his face now that he was alone.

Maybe Magnus wanted that to happen, the little voice said, it's pretty obvious actually… maybe Magnus just wanted you to think you were loved that you were special then get you yelled and have your heart ripped out then shoved back into your chest.

Alec shook his head, Magnus would've never done that, he argued, Magnus is good, it's my fault, it's always my fault.

Your right, the little voice said, it is your fault for not seeing how it was all going to turn out.

Alec hit his head a few times trying to get the voice to shut up, he sighed and pulled out his journal and a pen.

Hey mum and dad,
it's me… again, how are you? I hope you're both okay… I'm not at the moment, stuff has been happening. Hopefully you've seen it because I really don't want write it down it probably wouldn't make sense any way, it probably just be embarrassing.
So I don't know how to make this little voice stop… it just won't and I don't want to talk to anyone about it because they'd probably think I'm crazy or something.
So yeah… I love you and I really wish you two were still alive and stuff.

-Alec.

Alec shut his Journal and threw it under his bed so nobody can find it and ask him about it. He sighed and laid down on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow, He hated life at the moment he just wanted to leave this place and never look back.

I've been giving you fantastic ideas on how to leave this place and never come back, the little voice said, nobody's home at the moment you can do it now… nobody will notice for a while.

Alec shook his head, "no" he muttered, "I don't want to kill myself."

Are you sure about that? The little voice asked.

"I'm sure" Alec said.

But am I really? Alec thought.

Come on Alec you know that you want to die, the little voice said, what's holding you back? It asked, oh I know… you're scared to aren't you? The little voice laughed, I don't know why you're scared I mean you've already killed your parents how hard is it to kill yourself?

"Stop it" Alec whispered, "Stop talking."

Why don't you ease yourself into death? The little voice suggested, it could be easier.

Alec lifted his face up from the pillow, the little voice made sense. He knew that he wanted to die but he was too scared to do it, Maybe the voice is right why not ease yourself into it Alec? He thought.

Alec nodded and got up off the bed, ignoring the pain shooting up his body and walked downstairs into the kitchen. He pulled open some draws looking for a knife sharp enough and once he found one he sat down at the table and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt. It was only when he bought the knife up to his arm he realised he was shaking.

Toughen up Alec, the little voice said, you need to do this, it's for your own good.

Alec took in a shaky breath and nodded, why are you listening to it Alec? He asked himself.

It makes sense, he answered before taking the knife up to his arm and making to quick cuts just belong the nook in his elbow. It stung for a little bit but then the pain merged into the pain he was already feeling and the pain from his injuries.

Alec made a few more cuts underneath the first two then repeated the action on his other arm. He blinked back the tears and watched as the blood flowed freely from the small yet deep wounds.

After a few more minutes he got up and washed the knife and put it in his pocket and washed his cuts. After that was all done he walked back upstairs slowly, trying to ignore the pain and hurt he was feeling but failing miserably.

When he got to his room he hid the knife under his bed's mattress and laid down on his bed and fell into a restless sleep.

The rest of his evening was spent avoiding everyone, especially Magnus and Jeffery, He did go down stairs for dinner but he ignored everyone and didn't eat. Later at night when he was supposed to be asleep he wondered the house and listened to Vicky and Jeffery argue over him and Magnus from the kitchen.

The rest of the week went by normally, with Alec avoiding everyone and everything and getting bullied by everyone and everything. Magnus approached Alec a few times but Alec kept making up excuses or he'd run away so he didn't have to talk to him. He kept trying to make death easier, the cuts were getting longer and deeper.

"Alec" Vicky said, knocking on Alec's bedroom door, "Have you packed for the camping trip yet?" she asked.

It was Friday night and everyone one was running around packing up supplies and clothes for the camping trip they were going tomorrow.

"No I haven't" Alec answered, "I'll started now." He got up from his desk and pulled out his bag and started throwing clothes in at random.

"Alec" Vicky said walking into the room, "why don't you pack some t-shirts and shorts, not jeans and sweaters, it's going to be hot there."

Alec shrugged, "it's okay, I can deal with the heat."

"Alright" Vicky said, "don't forget to bring swim trunks or something you can go swimming in the lake there."

Alec nodded, "I'll try not to forget."

Vicky nodded and smiled, "I'll be back up in a bit, to check on you" she said.

Alec nodded, "Okay, bye."

Vicky sighed, "You know you can talk to me, right" she said, "about anything."

"Yeah I know" Alec said, "I don't have anything to talk about so can you just go or something?" he asked.

"Oh… alright, I'll see you in a bit" Vicky said, walking out of his room and shutting the door behind her.

Alec kept packing his bag and tried his hardest not to think of how much of a failure he is. His bedroom door opened, but he ignored it, it was probably Vicky.

"Alec" an all too familiar voice said, "hey come on, quit ignoring me."

Alec looked at Magnus quickly then looked at his bag, Magnus is the last person he wants to see at the moment.

"Alec!" Magnus whined, "Please just talk to me!" Magnus sat down beside him, but Alec quickly moved away and tried his hardest not to cry at the sight of Magnus's hurt expression.

He's faking it, the little voice said.

"Go away" Alec whispered, zipping up his filled bag and standing up, "I don't want to talk to you."

Magnus stood up, "fine then be that way" he said, turning around and storming towards the door, Magnus turned around and Alec looked at him, "but just so you know, Alec" Magnus said, looking Alec directly in the eye, "I've missed you."

Alec watched as Magnus walked out the door and slammed the door shut. Alec felt horrible.

Why can't you see you're hurting Magnus? He asked himself.

He's not hurting Magnus, the little voice said, Magnus is just faking it all, he's trying to make Alec feel bad.

Alec felt the tears fall down his cheeks, stop crying, he told himself, crying is stupid, just stop it you're acting like a girl.

Alec groaned and threw himself down onto his bed and buried himself under the covers. He just wanted to die.

Vicky came in a little while later and took his bag downstairs and told him to get some sleep because they had to get up early in the morning so they could beat traffic and stuff like that. Alec just nodded and hid under the covers some more.

After about three hours of trying to make the voice's in his head to shut up, he got them to and he closed his eyes and fell asleep dreading the next few days.

Don't hate me! I'm sorry for what I did! please tell me what you think about it all review and stuff PIES FOR EVERYONE WHO DOES!
-Kate.