In His Eyes- Christian & Syed
A/N: I sadly do not own Christian or Syed... they belong to Eastenders. Neither do I own the lyrics to this song But the bits inbetween I do!
CPOV
Ha and do you know what's even worse sis? Sometimes at night I sit and watch the rain,
And see my tears run down the windowpane...
SPOV
I sit and watch the sky. And I can hear it breathe a sign... a sign telling me that it doesn't matter where I look, what I do, he is always there in my heart. Sometimes I don't see him there, sometimes I don't know he's there and it's like tonight. Sometimes I can see the moon, and it's a stunning full moon but within minutes the glowing ball is put out by a black cloud sweeping past. But I know that even if the thickest cloud was to pass tonight and I wasn't able to see the moon until tomorrow, or even the night after that, it'd still be there. Waiting. Shining. Just simply caring on doing what it has always done, not once faltering and although sometimes it seems as though the moon comes and goes, really it's always there glowing in the background just holding out for the cloud to pass and for someone to see its true beauty and understand that no matter what passes in the way it'll still be there. And that's where I see my sign, the moon is just like Christian and the love he has for me. Always there, shining, waiting, beautiful and although sometimes I don't see it, sometimes I don't want to see it, it'll still be there doing as it always has done. As much as I try to block him out, no amount of clouds can hide his love forever.
CPOV
I think of him, How we were...how we were when it was just me and him and he forgot everything that brought him troubles. He just let himself live and love when he was with me Jane. And now I don't know what to do. I just want him to admit that it's me he loves and needs. I need him to forget his family and faith and remember what it's like to be loved unconditionally . . .
SPOV
And when I think of him, Then I remember... I remember everything that he's ever said or done for me. Everything he's ever said or done to me. And I don't know how to stop those feelings, in fact, I don't even know if I want them to stop because when I'm with Christian the feeling is just indescribable. I've found someone who I care about more than life itself, someone who, who I love and loves me back. I can stand here now admitting this freely and yet when it comes down to it I shall deny it. I shall lie to Amira, to my mother, my family, my mosque, I shall lie to myself. But most importantly I shall not and cannot admit it to Christian. How do I admit it though whenever I'm with him I feel happiness and joy but then I'll think of my family and their pain and I'll remember . . .
Both (whispered) Remember...
CPOV
In his eyes I can see, Where my heart longs to be!I just wish he could see it too Jane. I wish he could see how much he means to me, I wish he could see that all I need is him, he doesn't have to provide me with fancy clothes or buy me gifts like he does with Amira. I just need him to realize that my heart is his and yet he's stopping it all.
SPOV
In his eyes I see a gentle glow, And that's where I'll be safe, I know!That glow, that spark, it's love and it's aimed at one person. Me. And yet I'm the one who constantly puts out that light, when I smile at him in the street but my mother interrupts the light in his eyes dies or if I am fussing over Amira I'll see the glitter in his eyes fade. And I know I should stop it, do something about it . . .
CPOV
Safe in his arms, close to his heart...that's all I ask for. To be closer to him than anyone is or was, for me to show him that Amira doesn't have his heart, his mother and family cause him unhappiness and yet I still don't know what to do. Funny thing is Jane, I drone on and on about love and him having my heart yet there's one part of him that he does open up. One part of him that no one else can see; his eyes. Sure you look at his eyes, brown like his fathers. But when he's with me it's a completely different story. I know you don't really want to hear all this Jane but . . . but . . . his eyes show me so much and it's those looks that make me hold on so tightly. When it's just me and Sy he'll show me everything through his eyes, if they gleam and glitter he's happy, if his pupils increase and he stares at me just like a puppy dog I know he's content. When he avoids eye contact I know he feels he's upset me, when they turn from brown to almost black I know it's because he wants me and best of all is when they are a rich, deep, chocolate shade. That's because when they turn that colour he opens up and lets me see into his soul.
SPOV
But I don't know quite where to start...if I try to explain to my mother about how Christian makes me feel she brushes it off, wants to clean it away like a stain. And I can't say anything to Amira for it will just tear her apart. But then I remember how it tears me apart and worse- how it tears Christian apart. I should be there to protect him, love him and care for him yet all I seem to see is pain reflecting back in his eyes.
CPOV
By looking in his eyes, Will I see beyond tomorrow?Jane I don't even know where I stand and that's one of the biggest struggles of them all. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow, or the day after or if anything will ever happen between us again kills me.
SPOV
By looking in his eyes, Will I see beyond the sorrow, That I feel?I don't want to hurt him; I don't want to see the glow in his eyes fade just as much as I don't want the clouds to pass by the moon. Why hide such beauty from the rest of the world? Why? Because I'd rather hurt myself than look into Christian's glittering pools of green and see them cloud over once more as sadness captures his heart when he hears the lies I tell. There is one thing we both know though-
CPOV
Will his eyes reveal to me, Promises or lies?Will today be full of a future we could have together or of the future he is supposedly building with Amira?
SPOV
But he can't conceal from me, The love in his eyes! With Christian he tries to hide how he feels but he knows that I can see right through his facade- just like he can with me. We can shout at each other, scream and lie. We can be spiteful and hurtful and yet it all boils down to one of things I love best about him. No matter how what he says to me, what he does to me when I look into his eyes and our souls connect there isn't a doubt in either of us that what passes between us is love.
CPOV
I know their every look, His eyes! Love, lust, hunger, hatred, jealousy, anger, pain, sadness, Jane I've seen it all and still they drag me back in . . .
SPOV
They're like an open book, His eyes!Not once does that book close, his eyes are always so expressive . . .
Both
But most of all the look, That hypnotized me!
CPOV
If I'm wise, I will walk away, And gladly...the thing is Jane, I don't want to walk away. How can I walk away from the only thing that's keeping me alive? So I'm not wise sis, I'm stupid but I'm done caring about anything else other than the love me and Syed feel for each other. It doesn't matter what he says or what I do, nothing is going to stop what is set deep within us.
SPOV
But, sadly, I'm not wise, It's hard to talk away, The memories that you prize! It's so hard, each and every day is a struggle because I don't want to give him up. I want to hold onto that feeling of warmth and happiness. I want to be able to wake up and see the sleep leave his eyes to reveal the glowing pools beneath just like when the wind blows the clouds away so people can see the moon. I need to make Christian see, I need Christian to understand, I need Christian. I need him because I love him.
CPOV
Love is worth forgiving for!And I forgive everything Syed has ever said or done to cause me pain Sis, why? Simply put – I love him. And if that isn't reason enough then I don't know what is . . . all you have to do is look into his eyes to know when he says he loves me he means it.
SPOV
Now I realize it doesn't matter what my family say or do. It doesn't matter how much I spoil Amira and feed her lies, nothing and no one will ever compare to Christian.
Both
Everything worth living for, Is there, in his eyes!
CPOV
Love is worth forgiving for! Now I realize ,I see now Jane that it really doesn't matter what they say or do, so long as they love you that's all that matters and that's all you need because
SPOV
Now I realize all I have to do is make my family and Amira see that what I say about Christian, how I feel about Christian, is the truth because
Both
Everything worth living for
Is there, in his eyes!