Hey, hey, hey! I hope everyone had a great holiday on Sunday! I know I sure did. I always love spending time with my crazy family! (Even if my dad did set fire to the baked apples I was making…grrr.)
I would like to give a quick shout out to IHeartPOTO my totally cool artist friend! She did a fun pic of Brielle for me on Christmas which I totally loved. I am only sorry that my poor computer skills prevent me from allowing all of you to see the pics she does for me. But if any of you are interested in seeing some of her other work you can go to one or both of her websites.
www. freewebs. com/artfanatic07/index. htm her personal website.
(by the way I added a space after every period so when you copy and paste you will have to undo that to get it to work)
allisonsmith. deviantart. com/ is also another one of her sites.
Oh and I have decided to stop being lazy and actually put the new review reply option to use. So to the select few of you who do review regularly…or even just once…feel free to ask questions or make suggestions in your reviews along with your comments. I would be happy to discuss things with you. And thanks to all of the nice reviews you all sent for the last chapter! I loved each and every one of them!
And of course another huge thanks to my beta terpsichore314. She never fails to keep my chapters on track. But anyway enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 46: Finding Forgiveness
With a deft movement, Erik flicked a hidden lever to his right and the secret panel slid back into place with a soft click. Complete darkness wrapped around them like the warmth of an old quilt on a winter's day, huddling intimately close, blotting out all light. A strange expectant silence fell between him and Brielle as they stood perfectly still, both listening to the voices on the other side of the panel crescendo then fade away. He could feel her holding her breath as they waited, then let it out in a long shaky sigh after the danger outside had passed. Somehow the sound of her soft breathing in the darkness so nearby was unnerving. It felt different than he thought it would; it felt dangerous. At this realization, his heart rate picked up speed, thundering in his ears until he was sure she could hear it over the hush between them.
Shaking his head to rid himself of these odd, clinging thoughts, Erik turned his eyes away from where he knew she stood, less than a foot away from him. Looking off into the shadows, he tightened his fingers around hers and wordlessly took a step further into the corridor. A hesitant pull met his sudden movement but only a moment passed before he felt Brielle take a step to follow his forward motion. Her wary trust in him sent an electrifying jolt of hope scoring through his blood. Maybe Conner was correct. Maybe the damage is not irreparable.
It wasn't until that very moment that Erik allowed such a possibility to enter his brain. A week ago, when Conner had enlightened him to the full extent of his misunderstanding, the anger Erik had been cultivating dropped away, leaving a gaping hole in his soul, and in its wake a fear like nothing he had ever felt before, wrapping druglike about his thoughts. With nothing but endless amounts of time in his hands since that day, Erik had tormented himself over his own actions, not believing that this time it had been entirely his own stupidity which had snatched another glimpse of happiness away from him. What had happened was entirely his fault, and he knew that it would take a miracle for another human being, even one as patient as Brielle, to forgive him. The only problem was that he had long since stopped believing in miracles, especially where his own life was concerned.
How could I have been so wrong? Could it have been my anger alone which blinded me or was I born missing something vital, was I born without the capacity to be happy? It is so obvious now…how could I have forgotten a thousand acts of kindness after one moment of doubt? I can remember it all now; it is painfully clear. I can still see her smiling shyly at me when I expressed interest in her research…or the way she laughed when I dipped her the time she taught me to dance. And Aria…I forgot her as well…how could I have left without even saying goodbye? I was her teacher…she relied on me…she didn't deserve to be abandoned. I must really be a monster.
And so like a coward he could not bring himself to face the accusation he knew would be in Brielle's eyes, so for the past week he had flitted about in the shadows, watching, waiting for the courage it would take to talk to her, too unsure to make the first move. Small opportunities, such as filling an empty bucket or retrieving some lost item, had presented themselves almost every day, giving him a convenient alternative to facing her outright and the chance to repent for the crimes he had previously committed against her. And he had been content to allow that to be the full extent of their contact with one another, having no other idea as to how to deal with the situation, but earlier that morning when he had overheard the name of the new patron everything had changed.
He had been moving through a corridor, which happened to run parallel with Andre's office, when a chillingly familiar voice had drifted through the wall. It had not taken long, listening in on the conversation between the young lord Donovan and the two managers to figure out what was happening. And it likewise hadn't taken long for him to realize that if Andrew should happen upon Brielle or Aria something truly terrible could happen.
Images of Brielle's face as it had been when she had first arrived at the Opera, battered and stitched, had flashed before his eyes in those first moments, sending a blinding wave of fury washing through his body. Fury at the man who had put the bruises upon her face, but more so fury at himself for turning a blind eye toward her plight. Ashamed that he had ever thought she could deserve such brutal treatment, he had allowed the anger free rein for several moments, wallowing in the cleansing fire of his rage. Erik knew then that if Andrew should in any way threaten her he would have to step in. Fate, it seemed, had finally decided to force his hand.
His eyebrows drawing together in the darkness, Erik fought to free his mind of all thoughts about Andrew and what he had done, needing all of his faculties completely focused on the woman now following behind him. Moving slowly to allow for Brielle's unfamiliarity with the surroundings, Erik carefully maneuvered the corridors without the need of any light. He had traveled these dim paths often enough to have a complete map of the Opera laid out within his head. Leading the way up a gradual incline, the masked man headed far away from where Brielle would be in any danger of being spotted, or being heard. The time had come for them to speak to one another, and based upon past experiences Erik was certain Brielle would not hesitate to verbally thrash his foolishness; so he headed toward the roof, where she could scream at him until her voice gave out without the fear that someone would interrupt them.
Reaching out a hand, he pressed a concealed button causing a door to open up directly in front of them. Blinding white light streamed through the new opening along with a blast of wintry cold air. Using his free hand Erik raised the hem of his cape to momentarily shield his and Brielle's eyes from the harsh sunlight washing over them. As soon as enough time had passed to allow his eyes to adjust, he slowly stepped out the door and onto the Opera Populaire's roof, releasing Brielle's hand as he did so. Taking several quick steps out onto the light dusting of snow, Erik distanced himself from the woman still standing within the safety of the small doorway.
"Why have you brought me up here?" Brielle demanded tensely, her voice cutting through the isolated silence of the rooftop.
Looking over his shoulder, Erik internally winced at the wild, furious light burning in her eyes. "You were trying to get away from our new patron. This place is about as far as you can go without leaving the building," the masked man hedged.
At his reply Brielle's kohl-darkened eyebrows rushed together into a fierce scowl. "Don't lie to my face like that," she hissed, coming out from the shadows of the doorway. "What is the real reason? Did you think it would be funny to bring me up here and scare me a bit?"
"No, no of course not!"
"Because I have news for you, based on how the rest of my day has gone nothing you do can frighten me right now!" she barreled on, her small body beginning to shake in the cold.
Raising both hands in a conciliatory gesture, Erik turned to face Brielle fully, forcing himself to meet her burning gaze. "That is not the reason. Far from it. I in no way wished to put you on guard. I merely chose this place as our final destination so that we would have a quiet place to converse."
Surprise flickered across Brielle's face as she raised her arms to wrap about her midsection. "What in the world is there left for us to say to one another?" she asked quietly, the temper still smoldering in her eyes unable to completely veil the hurt darkening her gaze. "I daresay you said it all the last time we spoke. You hate me…I hate you. That is the end of it."
Erik opened his mouth to respond but shut it again when he registered what she had said. The tentative hope struggling to take root in his heart shied from this new assault, leaving him feeling empty inside. "You hate me?" he inquired, before he could stop himself, his voice sounding terribly hesitant even to his own ears.
Brielle stared unblinkingly at him as the winter's wind picked at her dark hair, dragging long tendrils from the confines her bun to blow across one cheek, her face set in the firm, cold lines of a marble statue. Only in her large stormy eyes, the one weakness in her defenses, could Erik see glimmerings of the emotions her face hid. The hard flinty edge to her gaze wavered, becoming uncertain at the sincerity and vulnerability of his tone. Quickly dropping her eyes from his Brielle took a deep shaky breath. "Don't do that…"
"What? Do what?" he asked, studying her face intensely as he struggled to discern what she was thinking. A slight trembling in her bottom lip finally gave away the same turmoil he had been sure he had seen in her eyes. Clenching his fists at his sides, Erik forced himself to ignore the urge to smooth that slight tremor away, for he wanted very badly to trace a thumb over the stern lines of her mouth, to take away the pain he could see etched there. I did this to her. I was the one who hurt her, turned her smile cold as a winter sun. Funny isn't it…that it was my ignorance this time that destroyed someone else's happiness…instead of it being the other way around.
Hunching her shoulders, Brielle pressed her lips together into a tight line, steeling herself to look up once more and meet his gaze. "What you are doing right now," she snapped, detaching one arm from about her waist to wave expressively through the air toward him. "Putting on this show. Pitching your voice in just such a manner so as to shake my resolve. Acting concerned and contrite and civil…and like your old self."
"I am not acting!" Erik blurted, amazed at the fact that she should think so.
"I don't believe you! Maybe I would have once. But from your own mouth you have admitted to your duplicity! I am not an idiot, Erik…" Brielle bit out, righteous fury once again painting her cheeks a bright pink.
Grimacing at her words, Erik cursed his own foolishness. Why did I have to go so far as to tell her all those things? "I said many things to you then that are not exactly true…" he stated stiffly, his mind racing for a way to explain.
Not giving him a moment's peace, Brielle started forward a step. "You said that you were the man that everyone fears. That you are the Phantom…"
"Yes, I did…but…" Erik conceded, not liking where the conversation was going.
Barreling on, Brielle stabbed a finger toward him. "You told me that you have acted as this character for some time. By all accounts I have heard the Opera Ghost has been a plague on this place for years."
"Yes, I said that, but you haven't let me explain…I…"
"You admitted to being behind the disaster last year…that you dropped the chandelier onto a crowd of innocent people. You killed the lead tenor…you killed a stagehand…!" she continued, her voice climbing dangerously close to a scream. "Try and tell me these things aren't true…"
Shaking his head violently back and forth, Erik turned his face away from Brielle, looking off over the snow-covered city laid out below them. What do I tell her? How do I explain…especially to her…she won't understand. I know she won't understand. Someone who holds human life in such high regard…nothing I say could ever change that. Damn it! Raising a hand to rub over the exposed half of his face Erik whirled back around, his entire body tensing in anticipation for the scorn on Brielle's face to change to repulsion.
Some of the desperation he felt building inside of him must have leaked out into his expression, for Brielle relaxed her battle stance slightly. "I know nothing I say now can in any way alter the things I have done in my life," he stated quietly, fixing his eyes upon the snow-covered stone at his feet. "But do give me the opportunity to defend myself. The things you have heard are not exactly unbiased."
Uncrossing her arms, Brielle let out a breath. "Fine. Say what you need to."
Nodding vaguely, Erik paced nervously to the edge of the roof and back again. "I have never told another person what I am about to confide to you. Excuse me if I do not make complete sense. I am not accustomed to…to revealing…er…personal information."
Throwing a quick glance toward where Brielle stood, apparently unconvinced, Erik continued to pace, rubbing his gloved hands together. "When I was very young, perhaps around eight years old, my mother met a very nice man. After years of only having me for company it was easy for him to sweep her off her feet. I knew that I could no longer stay there…she would never be happy so long as she had to look at me over the dinner table. And so I ran away, and intelligent as I was I didn't even think to bring more than just the clothes on my back. It wasn't a surprise that I did not get far." Pausing there, Erik found his mind automatically turning back to those times. The recollection of that late night flight flashed through his head; every detail down to the cold dampness of the air upon his skin still clear within the vaults of his vast memory.
"How did you know that she would never be happy in your presence?" Brielle asked suddenly, her unexpected interruption startling Erik out of his momentary silence.
Looking back over his shoulder at her Erik felt his eyebrows raise up in surprise. "I may have been only a child. But I wasn't stupid…I knew when I wasn't wanted." Unconsciously he raised a hand to trace briefly along the outside edge of his mask. "I stumbled into a camp of gypsies. As soon as they saw me they knew that I would be of incredible use to them. They ran a freak show, you see…and I became their star performer."
Brielle made a small, almost indiscernible, sound at his words. Glancing up Erik thought that he caught a subtle change in her features. The bright angry flush staining her face was slowly draining away, leaving her features pale with dismay. Whatever she had expected to hear, this was not it. "I lived with them for about seven years before I could escape, before I found the incentive to leave them behind. The man who kept me…instead of beating me…he one day decided upon a far worse punishment. You see…he did not like women and by that time I was in my early teens so…" Clearing his throat, Erik walked over to lean back against one of the many statues dotting the rooftop. "When he attacked me, I strangled him with a nearby piece of rope. I ran from their camp…Madame Giry, who was a young ballerina at the time, helped me escape and hid me here underneath the opera. I have lived here ever since...for twenty years I have lived here…"
"So young…to have to make such a choice as that," she whispered to herself. "You were right to protect yourself." Twisting her hands in her apron, Brielle took a hesitant step forward before coming to a hasty stop. "I always wondered about where you were from…you never talked about your past when…well when you lived with me…er us…Aria, Conner and me that is," she murmured, her eyes pained as she dropped the cloth in her hands. "But I don't see how that explains anything that I mentioned."
"No, but I was getting around to that. I just wanted you to know…because you should know…because I never told you before." When Brielle merely nodded, Erik worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "You asked about what happened last year. I don't know how it happened, really. How things changed…but one day three years ago I noticed a young girl…noticed her voice really. She had amazing potential…and I took it upon myself to school her. Somehow, my love of her talent turned into obsession. She was the only contact I had with other people…I became very protective of that. When she fell in love with another young man…something inside of me shifted…I became someone I didn't recognize."
"And so you killed those people trying to hold onto a girl?" Brielle asked sharply.
"No!" he shouted, whirling from the comforting support of the cold stone statue back to face her.
"Then what? I am trying to understand what you are telling me, but all I can wonder is why you are even bothering to. What is the point?"
"I need you to understand that what I told you the last time we met wasn't completely true. I wanted to scare you away because I was foolishly still mad at you over something that turned out to be a fatal miscalculation on my part. It is true that I killed both Buquet and Piangi but both cases were out of self defense. Buquet got it into his head that it would be a good idea to try and capture the infamous Phantom. While he was trailing me up in the rafters I defended myself and he fell to his death. And Piangi was a similar instance…if he had just stayed quiet everything would have been fine. But he pulled out a gun during the final performance…and so I subdued him with…er…some rope I was carrying…but…but I hung on too long. When I let go…he wasn't moving…I didn't even realize that I had killed him until later. The chandelier…well, no one died because I rigged the thing to swing forward and onto the stage. I wasn't insane…I just needed a distraction."
"From where I was sitting at the time…it seemed far more than a distraction, I can assure you," Brielle snapped as she tucked her hands under her arms to keep them warm.
"I know…I have no excuses for my behavior," he mumbled, hanging his head.
"How convenient that every crime you have committed is so easily explained away…"
"Do you not believe me! I was telling the truth!" Erik demanded, his head coming up again with a snap.
"No," she replied simply, her expression showing signs of uncertainty. "Do you honestly expect me to just except that story when two weeks ago you showed clear signs that you are not in the least repentant for your past actions…when you dropped those sand bags onto of Carlotta's head? Was that the action of a changed man?"
Throwing his hands into the air Erik let out a curse. "I didn't do that! It is possible for a simple accident to happen in a theater! This is what always happened! If I did something or not everyone blamed me for it!"
"Yes, and based upon your infamous career I find myself disinclined to believe that," she said unsteadily, carefully picking her words in order to draw as much blood as possible. Opening her mouth to continue Brielle was interrupted when Erik raised a quieting hand.
"It doesn't matter anyway," he growled hurriedly, hurt over her disbelief. "I didn't bring you up here to tell you these things…I just needed you to know the truth so that I could…well…" Sighing raggedly, Erik hastily swept around and strode over to stand only a few feet before her. "I wanted to apologize for what I did to you. For trying to frighten you…and for leaving as I did. I left for almost the very same reason I left my mother's house. I thought you had found someone else to give your affections to…I thought that you loved Andrew…and I couldn't bear to stand by and watch…well…"
A deep silence fell between them as Brielle stared at him, obviously shocked by his clumsy apology. Slowly her eyebrows rose up and her open mouth tilted up at both corners into a high, hysterical laugh. Concerned by the hollow, unnatural tone of her unexpected cackling Erik reached out a hand to take hold of her arm but Brielle evaded his touch. Turning away from him she raised both hands to her head, the laughter morphing into a scream. Bending in half, she screamed until she couldn't force anymore air out of her lungs.
Startled by her erratic and seemingly insane behavior, Erik jerked backward a step just as she whirled upon him. "I cannot believe this! You are the most…most…" Stopping to gather her thoughts she pressed a hand against her forehead. "You are deficient sir!"
"What?" Caught off-guard, Erik responded with irritation. "Is that all you have to say? How am I deficient?" he snapped, before thinking better of it.
"You are just a child in the way you deal with people. A stupid fumbling little boy! You react to things without thought or any concern for the future. You have it in you to be kind and gentle but constantly choose to lash out, even at those who have never hurt you. And so you are deficient."
Not knowing what to say, and not trusting the temper rising up the back of his throat, Erik clamped his mouth shut. Seeing her barb miss its mark and fail to incite the masked man's temper, Brielle blew a piece of hair out of her eyes. "You thought I loved Andrew and so you decided to leave without discussing the matter with me at all?" she demanded harshly.
"Yes, well at the time I…I thought that…I know it is foolish but I thought that you were keeping me around to make him jealous," Erik blurted, his eyes widening as she froze, a small tic at the corner of one of her eyes the only warning of the explosion that was about to come.
"What did I ever do to you that would lead you to believe that I would do something like that!" she shrieked, advancing toward where Erik stood with a wild light burning in her eyes.
Backing up slowly as Brielle came at him, Erik shook his head dumbly. "No…it was nothing you did. It was because of my very limited experience that led me to that conclusion. When Christine left…I had a very dim view of people in general…when I heard you say you loved Andrew, out of context…I had nothing else to think but that…"
"You could have had faith in your friends!"
"I know…" Erik replied tiredly.
"And do you think you can just apologize for what you did and that will be the end of it? That things will just go back to the way they were?" she bit out, leaning forward to give Erik a hard shove against his chest. "Do you have any idea what you did to my family!"
Opening and closing his mouth like a grounded fish, Erik stumbled backward, nearly knocked off his feet by the force of her fury. "No…I, well…I"
"After you left Aria's speech deteriorated. She lost all the confidence you had given her. When you didn't even say goodbye to her she felt abandoned by the only man she had ever looked upon as a father! Her stuttering became so bad that she stopped talking to strangers…then she stopped talking to family members…until one day she stopped talking altogether! She didn't say a word for months, just sitting at the piano playing one piece over and over again. For the pain you caused her alone I could hate you for the rest of my life!"
A sick, churning wave of guilt crashed over Erik's heart at Brielle's words. She didn't speak? I didn't know…god…what did I do! "Brielle I did not know. I didn't think that…You have to know that I would never purposely hurt Aria. You know that!"
"I know nothing of the sort!" she hissed, shaking from head to toe with a violence that was barely controlled. "I knew a man named Erik who I once thought would never hurt anyone, but it seems that man never existed. You, sir, are a stranger."
"Don't say that…I am still…"
"I am not finished!" Brielle screamed, lurching forward to shove Erik back again. "I said for that alone I could hate you…but that is not all. Conner never said anything about it…but I could tell he missed arguing with you. You broke his trust. He let you play his blessed violin…something he never lets anyone do. He considered you a friend…he trusted you to look out for us when he was away. And you just left without any explanation!"
A friend…I had a friend…Damn it...I never really thought…well I mean he was so unusual. "Brielle…I shouldn't have…"
"Shut up…I didn't even get to what it did to me, you blasted idiot! Before you came into our home I had forgotten how to laugh…I couldn't pull myself out of the grief I felt over John…but somehow fighting with you over your strange moods and tempers brought me out of it. I opened my heart again…I felt almost as if you…as if you were a part of the family."
"Like family…" he repeated dumbly, the dark hole in his heart widening ever farther, her words reminding him of what he had had within his grasp. A family…I never felt like a part of something before…but I was…I was a part of theirs…wasn't I…But somehow, despite the enormity of her revelation Erik couldn't help but feel a niggling of bitter disappointment. Yes…a part of the family like a brother…or close cousin…or…
"At the time I couldn't have imagined what a day would be like without seeing you. I came alive when you walked into the room, and you broke my heart when you left," she finished brokenly, the fury draining out of her demeanor, replaced with a blank expression of grief. She raised a hand to cover her mouth as a strangled hiccup rose up into her throat, her eyes staring unblinkingly up into his face.
Erik watched with a strange sort of awe as tears gathered in her remarkable fog gray eyes. "Do not cry…" he moaned halfway to himself, her tears creating a sad sort of panic to spring to life within his chest. Reaching up to the clasp of his cape he deftly unhooked it from his throat and with a quick movement swirled the warm material about her shoulders, fastening it into place before she could protest. "I never could stand it when you cried," he said softly, his hands still resting lightly upon her delicate shoulders.
Gathering the heavy black material more closely about herself Brielle accepted his concerned gesture without comment, but after a moment the weight of his hands drew her notice. "You make it so hard to stay angry with you…" she muttered accusingly. "I should never forgive you for what you have done, but…when you look at me with those eyes I can see the man I once knew looking back at me and my resolve begins to crumble."
Unsure of what she was talking about Erik merely blinked down at her in confusion. Somehow, something in her tone sent an embarrassed flush working its way up his throat and he snatched away his hands from her body as if the touch of her had burnt him. What about my eyes? I forgot how odd she often was…saying things like that…it is almost like…well… "Believe me…" he began uncertainly. "I am in no way trying to force you into feeling that…"
Waving one fistful of cape dismissively between them, Brielle shook her head. "No, never mind. I should have known that was something else you wouldn't understand."
"What…what are you talking about?"
Something like bashfulness forced Brielle's gaze from his, turning her eyes to the ground. "You have absolutely no idea how compelling the force of your personality can be," she replied with some irritation.
Not believing he had heard her correctly, Erik leaned forward slightly. "Pardon me, but if you are trying to imply that…"
"Oh, never mind!" she blurted out, interrupting him. "I can't believe I am talking about this anyway! When did I loose control of my own tongue!"
Taking offense at her patronizing tone, Erik tilted his chin up slightly. "I am sure I haven't the slightest idea!"
Color rose up in Brielle's cheeks as she shot him a heated glare, but to Erik's surprise he caught an altogether different tone to her looks and speech than just ten minutes ago. The fear was gone. The hate was gone. And in their places was a frustrated sort of temper and a lingering sadness. Well…maybe this is an improvement. The Irishwoman struggled for some time gathering her thoughts, the irritation fading and the sadness blackening her eyes.
"The one thing that I suppose that stings the most about this whole sad tale…is that in all the time we spent together you never did trust any of us at all," she murmured.
"No, you are wrong," Erik argued immediately, incensed that she should think such a thing. "In all my life you and your family were the only people I have ever trusted. I would have laid my life in your hands without a second thought."
"It was not that type of trust I was talking about. It is easy to rely upon someone to look after your welfare. But you never did trust us with something far more important…you never trusted us with yourself."
"What are you talking about now?" he snapped.
"You never trusted me…eh…us with your heart!" Brielle cried suddenly, one hand emerging from the warmth of his cape to stab him in the chest.
"Of course I did. I cared for you all deeply and…"
"No, you didn't trust us in the least. You ran off without trusting that my character was above betraying you! You can't deny that…"
"That was one example I hardly think that…"
Reaching out quickly, Brielle laid her hand lightly across his mouth, the tears which had been swimming about her eyes threatening to spill over at any moment. "You never trusted me with your past. Did you think I would judge you because of the things that happened when you were a child? Or the things at the Opera? I would have understood if you had only told me…"
Throwing out his hands in frustration, Erik gritted his teeth. "What do you want me to say, woman? Don't you understand I couldn't tell you those things…and it wasn't about trust, it was about…"
"What!" she cried out, just as a single tear fell down her cheek.
Biting his lip Erik reached up and with his thumb gently stopped the tear's progress, wiping away the wetness with an intensity that was beginning to frighten him. "Don't you see? I couldn't allow the darkness in me to touch you. You were too good for that."
Caught off-guard by his rare display of tenderness, Brielle could only gape up at him for several moments, the fighting light in her eyes dimming to a dreamy haze. "Do you really think that was your decision alone? I wanted…I want to see all of you. The darkness and the light," she whispered, raising a tentative hand to cup his jaw just below the edge of his mask. Closing his eyes Erik tilted his head into her touch. "The beauty and the ugliness."
Starting at her last word Erik's eyes flew open, automatically in a panic. The insidious voice within his head screamed that she was no better than anyone else, that she just wanted to see what was under the mask, that she would pull it off any second. Tensing his entire body Erik waited for that gut-wrenching moment when her fingers would tear the mask from his face, but that moment did not come. When his panicked brain was able to focus back upon her face, he registered the fact that she was not trying to forcibly remove the hardened piece of leather from him. Instead she was calmly watching his every move with those blasted tear-bright eyes. Ashamed with himself, Erik realized that he had just proven the woman's point for her. I don't trust her enough to believe that she is not secretly trying to humiliate me. That she won't scream and run in terror from what is under the mask. God…what a bastard!
Cursing inwardly, Erik fumbled for the right words to say. How did my apology to her turn into this strange study of my character. She looks so disappointed…she should be mad. I can deal with mad…this disappointment…it feels like a knife through my chest.
"I wasn't going to pull your blasted mask off, Erik," Brielle finally stated dryly. "I do have an ounce of respect left to not violate you in such a way."
"I know. I know! It was an automatic reaction. I just…I mean…" A sickening dread filled his stomach as she just continued to watch him expectantly. Can I do it? If it means earning her forgiveness could I do it? Could I?...I don't know…I don't know…"If you feel you have to see…I…I…" he sputtered incoherently, as he raised a shaking hand up to the side of his mask, the terror coursing through him thick enough to choke the words out of his throat.
His panic-numbed fingers were fumbling for the mask's ties when a small hand lay over the top of his, stopping its clumsy activity. Stilling at the touch, Erik stood stupidly for several moments, understanding slowly dawning upon his terror clouded brain. Focusing in upon Brielle's face the masked man felt her guide his limp hand away from his head and down to his side. Vaguely he felt her hands return to his face, her cool fingers cradling his jaw just below his ears. With a slight pressure she tilted his head downward as she rose up upon her tip toes and placed a soft kiss upon his forehead.
"That is all right little boy…" she crooned as a mother would to a fretful child. "I don't want to see that kind of show." Stepping away from him then Brielle looked off to the side, as if suddenly embarrassed by her actions. With a start Erik felt the loss of her touch like a tear to the soul, longing, if only for a moment more, to have her hands holding his face.
"I think I should get back inside now. Madame Dubois will wonder if I am missing for too long," Brielle said, after clearing her throat. Turning hastily away from Erik she crunched through the snow toward the still-open door in the wall nearby.
"Wait! I have to know…are you still angry with me?" Erik blurted out, some of the giddy fuzziness in his brain fading at her departure.
"Yes," she replied quickly. "I am furious."
"What?" he asked quietly, despairing at her words.
"But that doesn't mean that I won't eventually change my mind," she continued thoughtfully, as if surprised by this conclusion as much as he was.
Jumping on the chance Erik hurried after her. "There are no words to express the depths of my sorrow and regret over the pain I caused you and your family. I would happily spend the rest of my life to try and make it up to you…till the day I die," he babbled.
"The rest of your life?" Brielle asked, amused interest flickering across her face as she turned to look at him.
Suddenly realizing how presumptuous his words must have sounded Erik felt a blush begin to burn up his cheeks. Good god what is wrong with me? Great Erik…what a stupid thing to say…that almost sounded like a twisted proposal! "I meant that I will try to the best of my ability to…"
Shaking her head, Brielle stepped through the doorway. "I know what you meant. Just lead the way back before I get fired for my lengthy absence." Nodding, happy to hear the lightness in her tone, Erik followed, shutting the door behind them.