AN: This is a short chapter that just helps keep the story realistic. Hope you enjoy!

"Ugh" the sound Olivia has been making for the past week and half. Since returning to LA things has returned to somewhat "normal". She had returned to work a week ago and she hated it. Being around the office reminded her of what she'd lost. Working there didn't bring her much joy as it first used to. But instead she felt trapped and isolated doing something she really didn't want to do anymore. Some days she would dream that she was out exploring the world seeing it through the lens of her camera. Even though her edits were coming along nicely for the December issue she could care less about it. She felt unmoved and dispassion. Even though she has been feeling this way she did her best to hide it from Fitz. She came home and put a smile on her face as if all was well in the world when it was totally the opposite.

Sometimes when she'd shower she would cry underneath the water allowing it to wash away her tears. Wearing makeup and using eye drops as a means to camouflage her tears. She loved Fitz and she could see the struggle in his eyes every time he asked for them to talk and she would tell him "another time" it went on like this over and over again but that "another time" never comes.

Tonight they'd ate a nice home cook meal compliments to her and they watched TV. Their sex life wasn't the same either and Olivia wondered if Fitz would eventually grow tired of her and leave. He never complained when she requested they cuddle instead of making love. She didn't know what's wrong with her but she had an urgency to escape everything. She wanted to feel alive and adventurous. She went asleep lying in the arms of the man she desperately love craving to run away from everything with him.

xxxxx

Fitz has been struggling with how to handle everything. He wanted to talk, they needed to talk but Olivia wasn't ready. She always shuts him down telling him another time but when he broaches the topic she repeats her statement. He was feeling like he was losing her. She thought he didn't notice her spending extra-long times while showering and noticing the puffiness that surrounds her under eyes. No amount of makeup in the world could help ease the pain he saw in her eyes. His every feeling is controlled by the look on her face. He sees her trying to fight her demons for him and he was grateful but something more had to be done. He refused to let his Livvie go.

While holding her tightly in his arms he couldn't sleep. Instead he watched the back of her head thinking of ways to help them get through this rough patch in their lives. His mind raced through all potential solutions he could think of to make it all better. He listens as she breathes in and out causing him to feel complete tranquility. It was when she was asleep his heart would beat a little lighter. He wondered about her job and if anyone was giving her a hard time for her leave of absence due to health reasons. His mind continued to race about her wellbeing instead of his own.

He was so far in thought that he didn't hear her first audible moan she made in her sleep.

"No no no don't leave me" she cried as her body twists and turns in his arms.

"Liv, Livvie wake up honey. You're dreaming" Fitz tried to calm her down by holding her tightly against his chest.

"Don't leave me Fitz. Don't leave me!" This time she was sobbing as she cried out in her sleep.

Fitz's heart broke to see her in such distress. Shaking her firmly he called out, "Olivia please wake up baby. I'm here I'm not going anywhere" he could feel the tightness in his chest as he continues to shake her body.

This went on for a minute before Olivia's eyes flew open. Gasping for air she felt the sweat on her forehead. She was too hot and Fitz was holding her tightly to his chest. She needed a drink.

"Fitz" she spoke her voice barely a whisper. She tried to remove herself from his firm grip but he held on tighter.

"I need water" she spoke again surrendering to being held in his arms.

"Stay right here I'll go get some for you" with that he untangles his arms from her body and makes his way to the kitchen for a glass of water using his phone as a torchlight.

Returning he was about to flip on the light switch when Olivia objected to it. Instead he moved his way back to the bed and hand her the glass. Once she'd finish drinking from it she handed it back to him and he rested it on the bedside table. They were both sitting in the dark with their thoughts to themselves.

Fitz decided that enough was enough something had to be done before it was too late. "I think we should go to therapy" he spoke casually.

Olivia twisted her body in disagreement before saying, "No. I don't want to go to therapy."

Fitz sighed he was frustrated but he couldn't come off that way. "Well if you don't want to go to therapy please talk to me. I'm begging you to talk to me Olivia" he pleaded with his heart.

"I don't know what to say Fitz" Olivia twisted her hands in front of her. She was nervous and didn't want to feel bare in front of him. She wasn't ready for him to see her soul - the very thing that troubled her the most. That was one of the reason she'd objected to therapy.

"Just tell me anything" he clasps his hands in front of him in a silent plea.

"For starters what were you dreaming about? You were begging me not to leave" his voice was soft reaching out for answers.

Olivia looked down barley could make out her hands in the darkness. She was grateful for the darkness at least she could've hid a bit within it. With her eyes downcast she opened her mouth several times to speak but was inaudible.

Fitz sat nervously afraid of what she may say. His eyes strain to make out her face in the darkness. He wanted to see the lines that he knew were forming between her forehead. The tight ball that her lips turned into whenever she's either thinking or is upset but again the blackness hid it from him. He waited making up his mind that he would wait forever for her answer.

"I... I was dreaming that you were leaving me because I lost the baby" her voice was so low.

If it wasn't for the complete silence cast in the room he wouldn't have heard her. He wasn't expecting her to say this and he was lost for words.

Continuing in this same hushed tone she said, "what if I can't carry a baby to full term would you still want me?" Her heart was caught up in her throat and she could feel it pounding wildly all over her body.

Taking a few seconds to control his emotions and to formulate his words Fitz replies to her, "Olivia I would want you anyway I could have you. You're the love of my life. I love you more than life itself. We loss a baby and my heart aches that we would never know them. But you know what has been tearing me apart ever since? It's seeing you day by day drifting away from me. When I see you walk out from the bathroom with your makeup on, I could still tell that you were crying and it kills me because you won't talk to me. I don't want to ever do this life without you Olivia. I don't blame you for the miscarriage please hear me loud and clear when I say it wasn't your fault."

Olivia's emotional well was overflowing and her tears were falling from her eyes. She knew he was in pain but for her sake he kept it inside just like she was. All of the right words but her mind still tells her maybe if you didn't take the job to Europe none of this would've happened.

"You always tell me to have faith right?" He watches as she nods her head slowly. "You told me that God always has his reasons for doing things. Maybe he had a reason for this too" he remembered how many times they would talk about life and she would say this to him.

"If it takes weeks, months or whatever we'll be ok. Just don't give up on us Livvie."

Her tears were still flowing and she nodded her head in agreement with him. "I won't give up Fitz. I want to fight for us but right now I'm all fight out. I just want..." She sighs thinking before she speaks, "I just want to escape from this all. From work, day to day stuffs, I want to find myself but I want to do so with you by my side."

Fitz watches her taking in what she's saying and internalizing it in his mind. He understands where she's coming from. Sometimes day to day living would become a burden to someone who's adventurous or is flat out tired.

"So what do you want to do about it? I'll support you 100%"

Olivia shrugs her shoulders she knows what she wants to say but is afraid that it may come off as silly or trite. Summoning up some courage she tells him what she wants to do, "I just want to travel the world. I know it's silly and stupid but I just want to explore it all" she added dreamily.

Fitz took in as much of her his adjusted eyes could see in the darkness. "And what about work?"

"I don't know. I'm staying there because it's a good job but I think I've lost my passion for it. It's depressing and the grown up thing to do is to be responsible but that's the last thing I feel like doing right now. I just want to pick myself up by a plane ticket and leave with whatever little clothes I have on."

Fitz had never heard her crave so much for an escape and he was sorry that she was feeling that way for a while.

Silence fell over them again and he was mulling over all the things she'd told him. Since she'd poured her heart out and it was time for him to do the same.

Both of them lying on their backs he called out, "Livvie?"

"Yes, Fitz."

"I'm sorry for being a jealous jackass. How I behaved in London was uncalled for."

She listens as he speaks whatever it is that has been weighing him down.
"You've never giving me a reason to question your faithfulness and I could make all sorts of excuses about why I behaved that way to you but it all comes down to me. I'm working on my jealousy because I want to be a better man for you. A man who's worthy of one day being your husband if you so desire. Like I said thousands of times before I love you with all of my heart and I'm in this with you."

She reaches out to grab his hand and interlaces her fingers with his, "I'm in this with you too" not being able to help herself she rolled over and kissed him softly in the lips. "I love you so much baby" she whispered against his lips looking into his eyes.

"Then we'll do whatever it takes to make it?"

She answered seriously, "yes we will."

xxxxx

A few days later Olivia was driving home from work thinking about their plans for Christmas. Fitz had told her he was working on it and not to worry. She'll like whatever he had planned he said. She didn't argue with him but she was curious as to what he was planning. After all this was their first Christmas together. She'd asked him what would the temperature be like and his response was "brrrrr cold" Olivia already shivered at the thought of the snow. However, she didn't mind as long as Fitz was there. Pulling into the driveway she pressed the button to the garage door allowing it to open. Stepping out of her Mercedes Benz she makes her way inside of the house.

"Hey Martha" Olivia called seeing the older woman spraying the coffee table with wood wax.

"Hey Livia how are you darling?" She asked stopping her activity to acknowledge the young woman.

Olivia sat on the couch relieving her feet from her heels with a sigh of satisfaction. "Better now" she answered and they both laugh.

The two spoke about the weather and other mundane things. Olivia looked on as the woman she'd come to love and respect continued her work.

"Oh before I forget there was a package in the mail for you. Let me go and grab it."

"Oh that's fine you don't have to go for it, I can get it myself just tell me where" Olivia said interrupting the woman from having to move to the next room. She got up and went to the kitchen as she said it was on one of the counters. Returning with the small box that was from Amazon she was curious to find out what was inside as she didn't order anything.

Returning to her seat she and Martha continued to talk with each other. Olivia slowly opened the box and withdrew two purple books which seemed normal but when she turned it around the title caught her by surprise: "Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg." She let out a loud gasp that startled Martha. She fumbled around the box for the invoice and that's when she saw it was Fitz who'd bought it. Letting out a sigh she tossed the books back into the box.

Looking over Martha saw the books and was genuinely concern as to why she needed it. "Is everything ok Livia?"

Olivia smiled weakly, "I'm fine it's just that..." She stopped not knowing if it was a good idea for her to share with their housekeeper personal issues but she'd thrown all caution to the wind and entertained her. She smirked, after all in order for her to heal she would need to talk about it, she'd read that somewhere. "I don't know if you know this but about a little over a month ago Fitz and I had lost our baby" she took a deep breath before she continued, "I had a miscarriage and the hurtful thing was I found out I was pregnant after the miscarriage happened."

Martha placed her cleaning supplies down and made her way to the couch. "Livia I'm so sorry honey I didn't know" she grabbed her hands into hers and give her a gentle squeeze.

"It's ok I guess. We're just trying to heal and move forward I guess the books that he bought are for that."

Smiling softly at her, "he's a keeper don't beat on him too hard. He's just trying to do the typical man thing which is to fix things."

"I guess and which I appreciate. It's just sometimes I'm not ready to face all of this pain. You know?" Olivia looked up at the woman praying that she understood where she's coming from. Fitz was her support system but sometimes she would've loved to talk to someone who had been through the same thing as her.

"Actually I do know where you're coming from. Do you want to hear a story?"

Olivia's heart already blossomed within her chest at her understanding point of view. Without hesitations she said, "Yes."

"Ok buckle up because it will be a long ride" they both laughed and Martha begun her story. She'd told her about her own miscarriage. She was a young girl already married at the age of sixteen which wasn't uncommon in the Hispanic culture. After being wed they'd soon found out that she was pregnant which she was thrilled and terrified of. As the months progressed she enjoyed watching the physical changes her body undergoes. By 8 months her belly was in full bloom in front of her. Sadly to say the pregnancy was taking a total on her body and there were a lot of complications where one morning it all ended when she'd miscarriage the child. She'd relayed her feelings of feeling alone and hurt that this would happen to her. What she'd felt Olivia could've identified with as she'd felt some of the same emotions. What Olivia didn't count on was her telling her the disappointment she'd felt returning from the hospital with empty arms. The crib that was already set up was empty. In that moment Olivia was truly grateful that her pregnancy didn't go that far for her to feel such sense of loss as Martha had. This was the silver lining she was looking for in all of this. She was ecstatic that she'd taking a leap of faith (here we go with that word again FAITH) and have found console in her housekeeper.

With a lighter heart Olivia lunges forward and hugs the woman, "thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this with me."

Martha returns her hug, "Livia I'm not worried about you. You're a fighter and I know in my heart that you'll allow this experience to make you a better stronger woman" she squeezed her in her arms one more time before letting her go.

"Thank you" Olivia whispered again. She felt like dancing and singing all through the house but she'd refrain herself. Instead she'd asked for an excuse and made her way to the kitchen to order takeout for her and Fitz's dinner.

xxxxx

After dinner they'd watched a movie before making their way to their room. Fitz watched as something was truly different with Olivia. Good different, even after their talk they had a few days ago things improved but it wasn't fully there. But tonight she was bubbly and happy; she'd remind him of his old Livvie. He didn't mention anything but enjoyed the spectacular view of her glee. He watched as she moved through the room getting herself ready for bed, a routine he would never grow tire of seeing.

Flopping herself onto her side of the bed Olivia pulled the two books from underneath her pillow. "So guess what I got into the mail today?" She asked and before he replied she produces the two books for him to see.

Fitz swallowed hard afraid that she would be pissed at him. Since she didn't want to go to therapy he thought that maybe they can read an inspirational book about overcoming miscarriages together.

"Livvie" he started trying to explain himself but she cut him off.

"It's ok babe. I love you for trying to make this work. I appreciate you and I'll read the book with you. If that's what you want?"

Fitz was taken back, "wow. What's gotten into you? Not that I'm complaining" he added quickly.

Olivia breathes deeply before replying to him, "I was reminded today that in all things give thanks. Sometimes what I'm going through not to downplay it or anything is nothing compared to someone else's problem."

He was genuinely happy to hear the hope in her voice. He leaned over and kissed her firmly on the lips. "Welcome back Livvie."

AN: It's that time again after next chapter there will be a time jump and guess what? We'll be moving along into the next phase of Olitz's life. And no you will not miss out on any important things ;). I just wanted to write a chapter that brings healing to them especially to Olivia and it's good to hear other people's testimony of overcoming the same struggles that you have. Hope you guys enjoyed this and like always thank you thank you for reading. Please review :) Until next time, XOXO.