Author's Note: Thank you everyone for your kind and very detailed reviews. Now I think I can grasp the fact that I could very well be doing something right. The reviews are so kick-ass...I should try to kick my own ass, but that's not going to happen (That'd be too DiNozzo of me, wouldn't it?-ahh...I alway pick at him, don't I?). Anyway, I hope that everyone continues to enjoy this fic and that I hope the reviews keep on coming in. I enjoy them more than words can explain. I'll seriously catch all ya'll on the flip side. Later Days!-Geek (Sabrina).
Chapter 26: I Remember the Words You Wrote
Her hands collide in a small burst of nerves as a fake laugh leaves her throat, making her feel like a rotten, stupid liar. "Where do I begin..." She is speaking out-loud, somewhere inside hoping he has spontaneously become hard of hearing.
He feels disappointment in her starting to settle inside the pit of his weak stomach, but he stays quiet, wanting her to have the decency to utter two words he seldom accepts from anybody.
Words upon words are starting to create a looming tower inside her brain. She feels her head expanding in directions she never knew it could, but she can not help it. "Gibbs I'm..."
His head turns at a slant, making his neck work for the angle. His eyes are full of waiting, but she feels his eyes are playing tricks on her. The thought alone makes her turn her head and begin to pace; she is embarrassed for thinking of such a thing.
"Don't say anything you shouldn't say." The words fly from his mouth as if it were rapid fire.
His words leave her even more confused. She begs for him to ease back into a deep sleep so she is able to make her way out of his room and give Tony the turn he rightfully deserves.
A slight summer breeze consumes the nearby tree outside of his window, causing a large branch to smack against the glass. His ears twitch on instinct, but his eyes never leave hers.
"Don't say anything you wouldn't say." His words are said sorely, causing her weakness to increase.
She feels hatred because of the control he has over the situation, but her thoughts are so tangled she is not able to find something to say.
He can sense her delay, but the way his body feels from the extreme torture pains him to his very core. He wants to scream out in rage, but he does not want her to consume all of his anger as if she is the only one that caused it.
"Don't say anything you couldn't...say." He grits his teeth as one of his hands twitches, the bandage scraping gently against the flesh that is open at his knuckles.
"DAMN IT, GIBBS!" Her tone is a frustrated whisper.
"That all you can say?" He raises an eyebrow; his lips forming a thin line.
"If you are doing this to spite me-to make things harder for me, stop it!"
"Why should I?" He growls, wanting nothing more than to stand from his bed and face her full on. Instead, he must lay there, watching her pace before his bed. "You have any idea what you've done to the team?"
"I have made my peace with them..." A mental image of Abby flashes before her. "...with most of them and they've come to accept me."
"You think that's anything to feel proud about?" His tone is raw and unfiltered. "You put their lives on the line-you put our lives on the line."
"Sometimes things such as this...happen."
"That's not good enough." He shrugs, throwing his gaze to the window. "Nope, not good enough-not for my team-not for the people I care about!" He wants to hear a statement from her, but she chooses not to speak. "Damn it, Ziva...haven't I taught you anything? Haven't you learned anything?" He snaps his neck to find her eyes, but she is purposely refusing to look at him. "You're supposed to be responsible for your own bullshit and if backup is required, we all rush in full force. That's the way it works. You're not supposed to write a goddamn letter explaining to me why you can't seem to be completely honest with what you're doing, where you're going, and just why the fuck things are happening-"
"I was in no position to be completely honest!"
"Then you're not as worthy as I once thought!" He corners her with his words and they pin her to the wall that stands tall directly in the center right smack-dab in front of him.
"This is something I can not change. Time can not turn its self around!" She sighs heavily. "I will not tell you that I was entirely correct with my decisions, but I never once fell back on what I chose to do until..."
"One of my finest decided to become a Legend." He laughs bitterly. "Yeah, he's an Legend alright-killing the Director of Mossad really has its perks." He can hear the low hum from her general direction; it stands as a muffled cry. He feels like a bastard for tormenting her in this way, but he is too fired up to change his tune. "Thanks to the situation you put him, Tony's got a real long way to travel down the already broken road he's already on."
Her eyes light with fire. "I did not break that road." Her finger can not help, but point at him. "Do you understand?"
"Roads don't break...all by themselves." He smirks. "Roads are driven on...walked on--plowed on...then they begin to chip and crumble...then comes the pot holes and then comes the decisions to either fix whats been broken or to walk away as if everything on that road doesn't really matter anymore."
"The Director of NCIS took advantage of Tony!"
"You took advantage of my team!"
She balls her hands into tight fists and they come to rest on the sides of her head in misery.
"I can not...do this, Gibbs." Her eyes are squeezed shut. "I can not...take this...not again."
"You're right." He finds himself sweating, as his will begins to diminish. "It isn't worth it."
"I did not say that." She is stressing uncontrollably.
"No...but you wrote it...in your letter." His face draws a far away landscape that only she is familiar of knowing. "Perhaps we are ships that pass in the night...I'm afraid to believe that our time to mend our broken friendship has fallen short...and can never be corrected...I am truly sorry our time had been a limited supply we used so poorly..." He swallows the lump in his throat, finding it hard to keep himself together, but needing to find any means of strength in order to continue. "You left me...to make the team understand that your leaving was never intended...how the hell was I supposed to do that when you left without making me understand first?"
With her face pale, her breath catches in her throat. She tries to move, but she can not. Never did she think he would remember her words exactly as they were.
His eyes find hers and with her unshed tears, they shown a reflection of his pitiful self; laying in a hospital bed, so many bandages and so many wounds both inside and out.
"What happened between us...with Kyle Branson...we put the best lid we could put on that, but we did that together...what you did towards whatever friendship we could have had...shutting it down as if any sliver of possible hope never existed...you did that alone."
The discussion officially becomes deeper and the need for her to say something is finally forcing its way to the surface, then there is a loud knock to interrupt her.
Their attention falls on the door of the hospital room and before either can prepare themselves, Abby swooshes through the door and looks as if she is about to jump on top of Gibbs as he lay completely still.
As she nears the bed at a rapid pace, a horrified nurse begins to open her mouth to yell for her, but then closes it quickly as Abby stops abruptly in front of his hospital bed. Bending down, she pulls him into a light and gentle hug, squeezing her eyes shut as if he is a teddy bear.
Ziva blinks back her tears, but a few manage to escape. Wiping them away with the back of her hand, she can sense Tony and McGee staring at her from outside the hospital room.
"Gibbs you're awake!"
"I know that, Abs." He offers her the smile he never could find for the former Mossad lingering in the shadows of his room. "I heard Agent Huntington caught the guy."
"You betcha!" She squeals, pulling up her chair and parking it to the side of his hospital bed. "Want all the gore-y details?"
Ziva takes a step back, knocking her shoulder into the corner she never knew she pushed herself into. A nurse looks to her and notifies her with a nod that two visitors is a crowd the Hospital can not stand to have.
Gibbs looks past Abby's shoulder to look at her, causing Abby to turn around slightly.
Tony and McGee are observing the situtation from outside, but neither is moving because he they want to absorb the actions of all the characters on the storyboard at this very particular moment.
"We finished?" He asks her flatly.
Fresh tears begin to form in her eyes, causing her to nod her head quickly. Looking to her side, she slips out of the door to his room and comes face to face with Tony and McGee. As the door behind her closes softly, she can almost hear the muffled voices of the Marine and the Goth.
"You gonna let her do that to you, David?" Tony's voice is calm, yet stern.
"I didn't let her-he did." She inhales, then exhales slowly. "I told her she deserved to be the first one to see him wake...I robbed her of that right."
"Come on, Ziva...you had no control of when he was going to wake up." Tony pushes. "It's not like he was in a coma...he probably saw Abby a million times over already...lying awake as she slept in that very chair she clearly put her name on."
"It doesn't matter!" Ziva snaps, her anger finally controlling her better judgement.
"What's that supposed to mean?" McGee asks quietly.
"It means that..." She shuts her eyes and swallows, her face paling even more. "...that what they have with each other is something I will never have with Gibbs."
"What are you talking about, Ziva?" Tony demands, his eyes burning into hers.
"Friendship."
The men watch her eyes become large and blank; her expression wounded and defeated.
"He couldn't have said that...he wouldn't have said that..." Tony swallows, feeling light-headed. "...would he?"
With her expression lost, she pushes one foot in front of the other until she reaches the end of the hospital hallway.
McGee sighs harshly, trying to make it past Tony in other to catch up with her, but Tony holds him back. "Let go-come on, I can't just leave her like this-we can't just leave her like this!"
"Let her go, McGee." Tony's throat is tight and his eyes ablaze. "Let her find out what a true bastard Gibbs can be."
"Tony-"
"No...that's what he is, McGee-he's a bastard." Though Ziva has disappeared from sight, he still stares in the direction she once was before.
"We don't know what happened in there!" McGee argues. "Don't...do this, Tony. Stop...picking sides...stop...going back and forth." McGee tries to move forward, this time not getting held back by Tony. "...it isn't worth it."
"What do you know about worth, McGee?" He squints his tired eyes. "Gibbs threw you into the lions den like a piece of raw meat-did he know your worth?"
McGee opens his mouth to answer, but the words can not form.
"Did he really think you had it in you to conquer whatever obstacles would be thrown in your direction?" He huffs. "Nah...he just took what was left of the team."
McGee begins to feel anger rise within him. Tony's words are taunting him and teasing him.
"Didn't bother to care about what how you felt about Abby being followed by some mad man!" He emphasis's with a loud tone of voice. "He didn't bother to trust you with protecting her-his favorite, now did he McGee?"
"Stop it, Tony..." He warns.
"Not with Abby...not with the same person who's getting some sort of victory over tormenting Ziva-"
"Abby...Ziva...Abby..." He twists with confusion. "Ziva..."
"How's it feel, McGee?" Tony questions. "Huh? ... how's it feel to be torn between two members of the team?"
"Why are you doing this to me, Tony?" He grows embarrassed at the crack in his voice.
"TO SHOW YOU!" His tone is a violent whisper. "...to show you that if Gibbs doesn't change his attitude, our team will never be put back together again."
The confusion is still alive, but in some twisted way, Tony is making sense to him.
"So this is about Gibbs-"
"It's about all of us, McGee...if we want to be able to decide as a group...to trust as a group...we need our Team Leader. He's the only one that can put us back together again."