Title: Let's Have Some Fun
Characters: Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, and Gwen Cooper.
Rating: PG
Author's note: Set during season two, but before Reset, written for a French challenge, the prompt being: shape-shifter, I took it as an opportunity to take out my personal sweet-shape-shifters; the Water Flowers you already met in Intergalactic Turkish Bath. There will be a sequel.
Disclaimer: Still not making money out of this. Characters are still belonging to RTD and the BBC.
Beta: Jooles34
...
There was an alert, the fifth in two days, and even Jack was exhausted. But he had taken the wheel, being the only one still able to drive.
"Break!" they had all exclaimed.
Sort of.
"The Home Showroom," Tosh announced.
At the next junction Jack negotiated a nice U-turn on two wheels.
"Sorry, I thought it was at the shopping centre," he apologized to his passengers who were feebly protesting.
"Are you sure you're really fit to drive?" Gwen said trying hard to keep her eyes open.
"The cops are already on site and have secured the perimeter," Ianto said, suppressing a yawn.
"They sometimes need to prove they can be useful," Owen commented. He was feeling a little stranded tucked between Tosh and Gwen on the back seats, Ianto had taken the front passenger seat.
"Does anyone have any useful information?" Jack asked.
"Five humanoid life forms, moving with a lot of grace," Ianto said, relaying the information on pirated police airwaves.
"Didn't I always tell you that everything was about style?" Jack commented with a grin.
...
When they arrived near the Showroom, it was far from panicked, in fact everything was calm and quiet, and if the police seemed to have any issues it was mainly about evacuating the curious witnesses.
"In the spa and swimming pool section. There are five of them," Andy yelled at them recognizing Gwen.
"What do they look like?"Jack asked while, given the general fatigue, he opted for heavy weapons and went straight to open the back of the SUV.
"Sex being difficult to determine despite their nudity. Pretty pastel colours, slightly translucent," the young cop said, and then, looking at the kind of bazooka Jack was about to take, he added: "And absolutely no sign of hostility. No one was hurt, no -"
"The ambulances and fire-fighters are they here for decoration?"Owen asked.
"No, they are on duty for the duration of the Show," Andy explained.
"Translucent, pastel colours, and a lot of grace, I'd say that our day job is improving," Ianto summarised stoically.
"Could it be Fengeldubbitomîode'n?" Jack asked himself aloud.
"Bless you, Harkness!" the doctor replied.
"Swimming pool, or spa, no determined sex," Jack listed.
"Despite the nudity," Gwen and Tosh added watching their Captain storing back the weaponry in the 4x4.
"I'd say: Fengeldubbitomîode'n,"Jack said with a smile from ear to ear. "Did I ever told you how much I loved this job?" he continued, addressing his colleagues who were really too tired to argue about anything. Then, turning to Andy he said: "You lot better got the area evacuated and don't let anyone inside under any circumstances."
"Come on, kids. We've got a job to do," he said, pushing his hands up to the wrists into his trousers pockets before heading toward the showroom entrance.
On the way, Jack could not resist scaring a few latecomers toward the exit; for his small team who knew him, he was clearly in play mode. They were all too tired to worry any more about it.
"Jack, what do you know about fuldgébiton?" Gwen asked.
"Fengeldubbitomîode'n," Ianto corrected without thinking.
"You know about them?" Jack asked, only mildly surprised.
"No, but you just mentioned them. Don't you remember?" Ianto explained with a puzzled look.
"Can you repeat that word once again without biting your tongue?" Owen asked.
"Uh... Too tired, I'm afraid," the archivist finally admitted.
With a broad smile, Jack turned towards Ianto to straighten his tie and reward him with an encouraging slap on the cheek.
"We're going to have fun," Jack cheered him.
"I'm afraid, I'm too worn out to share your definition of fun, Jack," he replied.
...
As they finally arrived in the spa display area they spotted a group of five humanoid forms who looked like interesting customers.
"Wait over here until I call you. You're going to scare them. They are a little timid," Jack said.
"Isn't it what we're supposed to do? Be the terror of aliens?" Owen reminded him.
Jack looked at him with an evil eye, "If anyone of you does any harm to any of these creatures, I strangle him or her with my bare hands! Understood?"
The four teammates looked at each other, once again clearly worried for their Captain's mental health. They let him walk ahead and followed at a safe distance to watch an intriguing scene unfold.
The afore mentioned strange creatures seemed interested in a huge spa, but reluctant to try it.
"I wouldn't recommend it either," Jack said, who advanced with the rolling gait that he usually adopted when he was hunting a quite different type of game. "Too much chlorine, I'm afraid."
It wasn't just an impression; their Captain was now clearly on flirt mode.
"Chisghuepj hdjyrpsk seujojki?" one of the lovely things asked.
"Yes, I know they can't stop themselves from adding it to thesethings ," he replied scratching the back of his neck like he was searching for some idea. He came by the large tank and plunged his hand in it.
"Iepeidoejyhrpq?" the creature asked looking a bit worried.
"I should be able to fix it," he replied, looking around him. "Tosh: copper tubing there. Ianto, the generator there," Jack pointed at them. In the meanwhile, he continued to talk with his new friends, but by adopting their language with an amazing ease.
"You talk fenjudtruc?" Gwen asked.
"They're using a pretty basic Common." Jack replied as if it was obvious.
"Common?" she asked puzzled.
"Interstellar Esperanto," Tosh translated with a shrug.
Jack had connected the copper tube to a cable connected to the generator and plunged it into the water.
"Ianto! When you're ready, man," he said to the young man who was nearly sleeping on his heels by the generator. Ianto casted a suspicious eye at the connection, but turned it on anyway.
Jack opened his wristband device to study only God knows what.
"Ok, that's enough," he called out to Ianto who turned the generator off.
Meanwhile, the creatures who happened to be less timid than Jack's attitude may have suggested, came closer to the human team, inspecting them with kindness and a keen interest. They had wide eyes of vibrant colours that contrasted with their granular epidermis.
"All right. Bath is ready." Jack called out, already undressing.
"Jack what do you think you're doing now?"Ianto asked, as if seeing Jack naked had suddenly forced him out of his lethargy. Although Owen appeared frozen in stupor at the spectacle.
"I'm initiating a conversation with our lovely guests," he replied, stepping over the edge of the pool.
"Naked?"
"That's how I take my bath, but if you prefer to keep your underwear that's your problem, Owen. I don't think they'll get upset."
"Jack, are you planning on getting us into an orgy with those aliens?" Ianto asked suspiciously, while the Fengeldubbitomîode'n had undertaken to join Jack.
"Come on, just give me some credit," Jack said with a mischievous grin.
"Ok," the young man replied undoing his tie.
For a while the girls watched, chuckling, and then began to undress. Ianto had dropped all his clothes, no more embarrassed by his nakedness than Jack, and joined him.
"Oooh! That's good!" he exclaimed, letting himself sink into the bubbling pool.
"And that just the beginning," Jack said lasciviously.
The girls climbed over the spa's edge. To Jack's amusement and to the aliens' wonder they had kept their panties.
"Ouuuh, right, that's good" Gwen agreed, while trying to slip into the water without touching one of Fengeldubbitomîode'n.
"Owen, don't play shy," the Captain said to the doctor who was taking his time to finish undressing, grumbling that he hadn't signed on for this.
Two of the creatures seemed very interested in Jack, not only looking but touching under Ianto's worried watch. They seemed to be doing a systematic review of his anatomy. But when the young man tried to slip between them and his lover, one of them, the blue one, obviously took it for an invitation, and Ianto was quickly overwhelmed by so much familiarity.
When Owen had finally decided to join them, it was to see the young man being literally swallowed by an enormous sea anemone.
"Help!" Ianto screamed without much conviction.
"Relax, I've warned them that you can't breathe under water."
"What the hell is that?"Owen said with a grimace.
"Water flowers. They can take a pseudo-human appearance," Jack said while his lover was trying hard to recover a minimum of his balance, as his flower was almost completely wrapped around him.
"However, they are very cuddly," he said sheepishly. "Oh lord! It feels so good," he continued, sinking.
"Hundreds of fingers, their massages are famous throughout the entire universe and saved their kind from extinction," Jack explained.
"This is exactly what we needed," Tosh said, letting herself sink between the pink tentacles attacking her with extraordinary dexterity.
Owen had entered the water warily, watching the two big purple eyes that were looking at him.
"They do not bite! Owen," Jack said, mockingly, as he urged the flower that had remained with him to go help her friend to take care of Ianto, who wasn't asking for so much.
"I'm fine with adopting them," the archivist managed to say before disappearing submerged once more.
"I knew you would like them," Jack said, watching Owen being tackled by the beautiful shape-shifter.
"And think, right now, there are people out there, who think we are risking our lives to protect them." Gwen pointed out with a not so guilty smile.
"Yep, for once, it'll make a change," Owen replied, ultimately pleased with the turn that had taken this mission.
End