I wanna thank all those who have been following this story :) You're a bundle of joy! Also for the brilliant comments and reviews.

Just wanna say that this chapter is INTENTIONALLY short. Read on and you'll see why. There's n fun without a cliffie, is there?

Nonetheless, I'll be by tomorrow night with the continuation for this, I promise. Love you all!

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Day six.

Not been able to find a bean yet, Killian's not getting any better, and I am seriously terrified at this moment. I can't lose him, not him of all people. I can't even think straight. His fever's running high, he's been completely unconscious since the last entry (that's the reason why I've not written anything in this stupid little book of his for two days, but I know he'd kill me if I didn't so here I am) and his injuries look purplish and don't smell too good. This stupid realm has medical aid that would put medieval bullshit to shame. This is infected and painful and every time he winces in his sleep I wince too. I hate to see him in pain, I hate to not be able to just grab that stupid hand of his and go home.

My babies are doing ok, though… Henry's been a great big brother, our own little hero. I don't know what I'd be doing now if it weren't for Henry. His father would be proud… and I know Killian is.

But I swear, if Killian dies, I will never, ever EVER again even put my nose out the door. I can't see myself living life with him gone. He's my everything, he and my kids… our kids. It's so strange, how we found each other and how we just seemed to fall into each other's lives, like two missing pieces of a giant puzzle. How we were just meant to be and how strange and crazy and fantastic and twisted and beautiful our journey together has been. We've come this far… why the hell would this happen now?

Stupid pirate, who would have thought, right?

Don't fucking die on me Killian. Don't you leave me, too. Not you.

Day seven

Killian:

I know you will have come to when you read this, because you're strong and you're a survivor and because if you don't survive, which you will, then our children will be orphaned like you and I and neither of us wants that, so… don't be mad.

I found a bean… but we are paying a pretty dear price for it.

ME.

I'll find my way back home; I swear it. Or you will come for me. Whether I save myself (which I usually do) or you save me like you did in New York, we'll find our way back to each other. But for now, the only way for me to close the deal is to stay here, much like Belle stayed with Rumple, in exchange for the bean. That was the deal of the negotiator. He's a wizard of this realm, a powerful one. (Maybe I can also pick up a trick or two).

Nobody knows of this.

And I'll be damned to all hell if I stay here for too long, anyway. I'll die without my three boys and my little girl.

I will not be hurt, Jones. Don't worry. Just, for the love of god, before you do anything stupid, get the hell well, completely. And be good to the kids, especially Henry, he will be very, very sore.

Killian, you will be reading this and feel sad and angry and all sorts of pissed, I know so, try to understand, you needed professional medical care back home. Losing you, letting you die? Na-ah, you dumb pirate, NOT an option, so don't even let that cross your mind for a second. None of that "What did you do?" bullshit from you, Captain. I did what had to be done to get you, our children, our family and friends and all the other countless kids back home. I'm the savior; it's what I do.

Tomorrow, we will all go to the ship. Henry, Gold and my dad will carry you. Regina will give you something for the pain. I will go with you, but I will jump ship just before you all take the ship to the portal. Mary Margaret will help with the children, to keep them calm. If they wish it hard enough, they will each start reappearing back in their realms. That's how these damn things work, I will never fully understand the physical qualities of bean magic, but hey… they'll be safe and sound with their families. And you will be in a hospital, getting treated with real medicine instead of mud pies and leaches and bleed-outs and god knows what other primeval hocus-pocus they did to you.

You've taught Henry well, so he will be captaining the ship. It's a lot for a young boy, I know, but he's the son of the savior, so I'm sure he can handle it. He always did long for that shot at being a hero, now is his time to shine.

As soon as you are able, please read this to everyone. They need to know what really happened. And please, please please take care of our children. I hate not being able to tell you all about this plan, but no one, not my parents, Regina, Gold, Belle or Henry, would let me do this... and the price of that would be your life, baby, and I'm NOT willing to pay that much for a rescue. Time is running short for you. When you do come round, you have to know that you had what I know as scepticaemia, or blood poisoning, which means you are VERY sick and need the help ASAP. You have fallen into deep shock and if you don't get real help, you'll be gone within the next 48 hours. These ignorant medics don't have the first friggin' clue. So I'm not chancing this, not if it means I'll lose you. I don't want Henry to once again feel the pain of losing and burying another father, or for our little ones to grow without their pirate dad... NOT happening, Killian, can't let it.

At least this way we'll know we're both alive, even if we're apart.

Never lose hope. I love you more than anything and I WILL see you again! Alive! And sooner than you know, because I know it too and because I miss you and the children too much already.

Yours in life, death and any other stupid, meaningless obstacle that may come around,

Your Swan.

PS: Don't cry captain. Or do cry. I'll shed one on this side, you shed one on the other, and we'll be in touch. And try dreaming of me, I'm quite skilled at getting into people's dreams Maybe there we can meet and plot on how you will get me the fuck out of this place and back into your arms!

You are the love of my friggin' life Jones, don't you dare give up on me, ok? GET WELL! Please tell my mother that she's my lucky charm, she taught me to never lose hope, to have faith and to be strong, that I love her and miss her already. This one's a bit tough for you, but suck it up, Killian, because he actually does like you: Tell my dad I'd be lost without his advice and his trust... and that I love him too and will miss him till I see you all again. Tell Regina that in spite of everything, she's not too bad, she did well with Henry and that she should be damn proud of his too. And please tell Henry, Liam and Lizzie that I love them so sososososo much, they mean the world, the stars and the whole universe to me... and I love you too, Killian, with all my heart. Don't let go of me. I'll come back to you...