"What do we do now Albus?" A woman asked as she stood beside James' bed in the medical wing at Hogwarts, James was lying beneath crisp white sheet, his skin a similar colour. "We're at a loss."

"I think this has gone beyond love and care, perhaps a stay in St Mungo's, he can get specialised care there," Albus suggested, his manner was deflated, he'd been there when they found Becca and Lily, he'd seen the state they were both in, and he had seen what it had done to James.

Now he was seeing this, the downfall of a brilliant man.

"I just… I don't want to believe it has gotten that bad Albus," The woman admitted, looking guilty as she watched her son.

"Abigale, you couldn't have known this was how it was going to go, different people cope in different ways, poor Lily Evans lost her best friend and witnessed the horrors they did to her, but nothing will stop her," Albus told the woman, she nodded, knowing he was right, there was no way she could have determined James' reaction to Becca's death.

"He's so stupid," Lily decided firmly, sitting between Sirius and Remus, they were in Gryffindor common room; they had just visited Abigale, James' mother, who was in a rather sorry state having visited her son. "So selfish."

"Come on Lily," Sirius said, pushing his dark hair form his face and looking at the redhead. "He's hurting; it's not been that long since she died."

"I know Sirius; I feel her blood on my face every single day… I feel her hand loose it's grip on mine, I heard her crying stop, I felt the judder of her body as they did that to her… I remember very well what happened to her, I remember better than any one has ever thought to acknowledge!" Lily snapped at Sirius, her voice getting louder with each word, and his dark grey eyes were pity laced as he looked at her, because she wasn't wrong. "I was with her when she died, she was my best friend, but everyone has overlooked that, no one cares that I was in so much pain! James was hurting! It's all been about James! And you want to know what makes me feel really sick about the whole situation! People are forgetting Becca in favour of James!"

She was on her feet now, standing before the two teenage boys, she was a vision to behold as she yelled at them.

"Lily, it's not like that," Remus tried to reason, but it was, people had forgotten why James was upset, and focused more on what he was doing in his pain… People had forgotten Becca.

"It's exactly like that, and now because of it he's done something even more stupid, he nearly died, he nearly killed himself!" Lily had tears in her eyes now, they started running down her cheeks, and her arms flapped about as she struggled to control herself. "We lost Becca, for the life of me, I can't loose another friend! I can't do that! I can't be the person they're with when they die! I feel her blood trickle down my face all the time, I close my eyes and I see him lying there on the floor! I can't do that!"

"Go on Evans tell us how you feel," A weak voice broke out from behind her, Lily whirled around to see James lent against the wall supporting his weak body, and looking somewhere between anguish and amusement.

"You're an arse, and absolute arse, and I can't believe you would put us all through that again."

It was quiet the following day, James had explained to Sirius and Remus that his mother had discussed putting him in St Mungo's for help, but the idea hadn't really appealed to him. They had promptly informed Lily who was nearing the point of not caring anymore.

James was present at breakfast for once; he was sitting opposite Lily, who refused to look at him. He didn't bother attempting conversation, she was quick to anger and he could not deal with that right now.

They moved silently through the corridors, reaching lessons on time the four of them, there was a sense of surprise with the teachers when James appeared in the classroom between Remus and Sirius. It was tense but bearable in Sirius' mind, Lily refused to speak to James and James refused to speak at all, but it was a better option then him downing a bottle or two of firewhiskey before lunch.

The day passed them by without incident, and soon they were settled into the common room, Lily was unwilling to go back to the Heads dorms, she kept seeing the memory of James body lying before the entrance way. Instead she settled on the sofa, taking in the warm fire before her.

"Lily," It was the first time he had spoke all day; it should have been a good thing if his voice hadn't been so grave. In fact looking at his face he looked hollow, his eyes were completely empty, and she knew what he was about to say. "It's time we talked."

"What do you have to say James?" Lily asked tiredly, as she sat in the room of requirement with James, they were sitting opposite each other in high back chairs, comfortable, as they soaked in the warmth of the fire by them.

"I kissed you didn't I?" He seemed distant as he said the words like he wasn't sure, but knew himself well enough to know it was a possibility, Lily nodded in reply, he had.

"I was sixteen, you weren't ever going to date me, you'd have never given me a chance, and I had known Becca for so long… For a while we had been talking, mostly about you, and we grew closer," James told her, he seemed tortured talking about it. "Then one day I saw her, actually saw her."

"I just blurted it out 'you're beautiful', she laughed and said I'd never see anyone but you, yet I had, I'd seen her… She never believed me y'know, she never believed that I loved her as much I could love you, she always believed that it was you and me, and somehow it would all work out… I know she was going to buy me the broom, always trying harder to win my affections…" James wouldn't look at Lily as she spoke.

"She always thought you were more than her to me, it wasn't true, not then, and now… Now I don't know… I got to kiss you, I kissed you, and all I could think at the time is what about Becca."

"So you're ruining your life?" Lily asked him, sounding harsh.

"Maybe, she ruined hers for me," James replied, Lily jumped to her feet, and slapped him across the face, his cheek stung, he could feel the redness already appearing.

"She didn't ruin her life you ignorant bastard!" Lily hissed at him, grabbing his jaw, forcing him to look her in the eye. "She was killed, murdered, she didn't have a choice, they killed her in cold blood, I was there I saw it I heard it and you don't have the bloody right! She didn't die for you, she lived for you! She died because of a monster, so how bloody dare you!"

Tears fell from his hazel eyes as Lily forced him to look into hers, and he begun to shake, Lily dropped her hands, and watched the boy before her.

"I miss her, I miss my best friend!"