Author's Note: Sorry for the delay everybody. I had begun the chapter a while ago, but I never found the chance to finish...until a few minutes ago. Two weeks ago I ended up getting "Bell's Palsy" meaning that the nerves in the left size of my face were deactivated from a virus. I still have to tape my eyelid shut with a cotton ball and tape in order to keep it properly close at night. I also have to put artificial tears in my left eye during the day so I can protect my eye from damage. My mouth has begun to straighten up so I'm able to eat more easily now. I still can't smile properly though-you can only see my teeth in a full-blown smile on the right side of my face, not the left. Believe me when I say, it really brought me down. I had fought with my father two nights before it happened-I'm sure the stress and my nerves brought on the virus and then ended in the result of "BP". I panicked-thought that I was going to be stuck like that for the rest of my life. I've got about two more weeks to heal, but I'm getting there.
Anyway, just wanted to explain why I disappeared. Hope everyone enjoys the chapter. If not, I'm sorry to disappoint! LATER DAYS-GEEK!
Chapter 36: Waiting for the Goth
McGee sits in front of his typewriter; coffee mug filled to the rim with a sweet and sour tea. A few pebbles of sugar cover a part of his work desk.
His mind is blank regardless of all the issues that run laps through his educated mind. What has happened is something he never wants to extract from his mind to use for someone else's reading entertainment. What has happened is as dear as anything worth keeping…and it is important to him that he never changes his mind about what it all means.
So he refuses to write; his hands do not even extend to touch the blackened keys. Instead he reaches for his coffee mug and tries to settle on the breathing of his partner and friend who is sleeping somewhat peacefully on his living room couch.
The plane is crowded, not only with people, but their gadgets. A long flight from one country to another calls for extensive usage of mp3 players, mini DVD-players, hand-held video game consoles, and the usual attachment to every-day cellular phones.
It is as if the seating set-up flying out of DC is the exact same as the seating set-up flying into DC; aside from the much younger woman that now sits besides Tony.
Gibbs is washed out and warn, but his deep and determined eyes plays with any onlooker's opinion on what he could be feeling. He wants it this way so he makes it this way; just another attempt at keeping his hard demeanor strong, in fear that if he gives what is inside, away, he will be without protection…without ammo to fight back with.
He moves in his seat, well aware of the quiet female next to him. Her eyes are locked on something ahead of them and her body language is stiff; unwelcoming. In the back of his mind he can not help, but think that his presence alone is the majority of the reason why she appears this way. In the front of his mind, he can not help, but understand that his words alone are the majority of the reason why she feels this way.
He remembers what he saw. Her eyes never focused on his; so comfortable and so strong, since the incident, the way they had with his eyes.
Then he tries to remember what he never knew by approximating the runtime for their time spent together. All the times where he was too busy blocking the mere thought of her out of his mind and verbally pushing her away from him.
It grips him in the pit of his stomach, but it also makes his blood boil. It is a terrible feeling. A dual feeling; a split feeling that provokes different choices for his actions. The reason for his verbal lashings and his cold shoulders.
The squad room simmers with silence as the buzzing of the computers come to a halt. It is time for everything to shut down; for everyone to go home, but the shadows that scatter across the far away walls and the well-kept floors are created by three individuals who have been severely thrown off the beaten path.
The light from DiNozzo's computer screen pops out of its blackened shell as soon as his foot hit's the side of his desk. He mutters something about 'sleep mode', which goes unknown to Gibbs and Ziva.
Ziva finds McGee's desk chair and senses comfort and warmth. Her eyes instantly fall on her old desk, diagonal from where she is sitting…and nestled to the direct right of a man she has no idea on how to clearly read.
Gibbs hovers in front of his desk; his seat empty and waiting, but his stomach too nervous to relax.
"Gonna go see Abs."
"She's not here yet." Tony informs him while typing slowly. "Said she'd call."
Gibbs knits his eyebrows. "You talk to her?"
"I did." Tony is much more firmer than he needs to be.
"When?"
Ziva can sense trouble about to bubble, but know she is trapped. She lacks the authority to wander around the Federal building these days.
"About an hour ago." He easily clears his throat. "She's with McGee."
Gibbs's lips purse for a second, then he shrugs. "Where are they?"
"His place. She fell asleep on his couch."
Gibbs turns at the corner of his desk and sits down in his chair. He jabs the return key on his keyboard to bring his screen to life, but it does not budge. He then takes his hand and whacks the side of it, but the hard plastic only stings the inside of his hand.
"Why's this thing not working?"
"What 'thing'?"
He glares in DiNozzo's direction and finds annoyance that Tony is unable to look at him in the eyes. "My computer, DiNozzo-why's it not working?"
"Don't know boss, my name's not Probie McGee." He says with a tone of voice filled with boiling annoyance. "Maybe you finally broke the damn thing."
"I didn't break it." Gibbs says lowly, mostly to himself rather than the other two people in the room. "You using yours?"
"Um…yeah." Tony gives him a weird look as he creates an invisible circle around where he is and what he is doing. "Use McGee's."
Ziva's ears register the suggestion and in a matter of seconds, she wheels her chair to the middle of the two desks.
"It is yours." She tells Gibbs.
He jerks his neck sharply and his eye twitches, but he gets out of his chair anyway. "Don't gotta move…" He mutters, and she does not hear.
Ziva sits with uncertainty as she tries to find comfort between the hostile vibe that has instantly formed between the two men. Finally, after a few more minutes, she stands from her chair and walks into the center of the room.
Gibbs watches her hold her arms protectively around her chest. Her back faces him as she studying her old working quarters.
Standing hunched over, he sighs loudly as he feels the strain of the muscles in his neck. Shooting out of the position, he walks over to McGee's chair and roughly grabs the back of it.
DiNozzo quickly glances to the right, but doesn't think much of Gibbs action and instantly returns to checking his email.
Suddenly a loud slam causes Ziva to spin around and DiNozzo to jerk his head to the right.
Gibbs stands behind the chair he had previously slammed into McGee's desk. "Well-that got your attention." He makes his remark to Ziva. "Yours too, DiNozzo." He continues. "Something goin' on that I should know about?"
DiNozzo flashes Ziva a look. "Don't think so, 'boss'…" He clears his throat, then licks his lips quickly. "We've been with you for the last 72 hours."
"Then why do I feel like I'm being left out?" He crosses his arms over his chest; something so uncharacteristic of himself.
"Probably because you weren't really 'there'." DiNozzo stares at his fingers as they hover over his keyboard. "You don't know what it felt like to be caught in the middle…of a crossfire."
Gibbs grows wild-eyed. "You tryin' to tell me I don't understand?"
"I'm not trying." DiNozzo now looks to him. "You don't."
"You don't know what you're talkin' about, DiNozzo-"
"Oh, I don't?" He breaks into a sneer, cutting his superior off with total force. "Right-and you do." He sneers again. "You've never been in a position to make the decision that I made."
"You had a choice."
"I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!" He finds himself on his feet; his chest rapidly rising and falling.
Gibbs unfolds his arms and advances towards the raging Italian. "Bullshit. You had a choice. You had a choice to come to me before going to the Director." Gibbs bites back on a growl. "You put yourself in that position-"
"Gibbs…" Ziva says quietly.
"What the hell were you thinking, DiNozzo?" His voice echoes down the empty hallways of the level they are on. "Huh?"
Ziva takes a step towards Gibbs, but does not close in on him. "Gibbs, drop it."
"Obviously I was thinking approximately. Obviously I was thinking about someone special. Obviously I wasn't trying to find the easy, yet STUPID route of handling whatever feelings I had." He swallows hard. "Obviously I wasn't behaving like a fucking coward."
"TONY!" Ziva overreacts through the usage of his name. "Enough."
"He's the one that started it."
"Don't let me be the one to finish it." She warns them both, but chooses to look DiNozzo in the eyes.
Gibbs appears inches away from DiNozzo's face. "She's right, DiNozzo. Don't let her be the one to clean up your dirty work."
Tony raises his hand; his fist is tight and ready. Ziva extends her hands and catches his arm before he extends it. "Don't."
Gibbs takes a step back; his eyes tired, saddened, confused, and alarmed. He clears his throat as he stares at his feet for a few seconds.
Tony realizes what he almost did and falls back in the same fashion as the older man. He sighs as he massages the sides of his forehead inwardly with his left hand.
Ziva's eyes brim with tears, but in seconds they return to normal.
"Boss, I…" He swallows and takes another step back. "…got to get some fresh air.
DiNozzo walks from the inside of his desk to the outside and shoots straight for the elevator.
Ziva looks after him, her mouth beggin' to call for him, but her mind telling her to give him his much needed space.
Turning back around, she realizes how close she is to a pain-stricken face. Her breath catches in her throat as she registers the mist in and around his eyes.
After a beat, she speaks. "I would not provoke him, Gibbs." She lets him walk away from her, thankful for the space he has created between them. "He is not in the position for this sort of treatment."
"I'm not in the position for it either, Ziva." He admits weakly, then finds his gruffness again. "DiNozzo made a mistake and he doesn't want to own up to it. I won't stand for that type of behavior-not from a member of my team."
"Tony already feels the error in his decision, Gibbs!" She grits her teeth in annoyance. "Will he ever admit that? No, most likely not. You never gave him a chance to admit his mistakes. You never gave any of us a damn chance!"
He shakes his head from side to side while keeping his head hung.
"You never wanted any of our apologies."
"It's a sign of weakness!" His voice falls short as if he finds the stupidity in his famous saying.
"Is it? Or is it a sign of weakness when you are the one that is unable to apologize?"
"I DIDN'T KILL YOUR FATHER, ZIVA!" He shakes slightly from anger. "…I can't apologize for that."
She looks sadly at him, but he is unable to figure out what her sadness is caused from. "I never asked you to."
"…then what do you want from me?"
"…I could ask you the same question…"
The elevator dings and a hyper-active woman in pig-tails shoots out of the elevator.
"GIBBS!" She lungs for him. "You're back! Where's Tony?" She twists and turn, unable to find Tony. "…Ziva…" She says once she locks eyes with her for a moment. "…funny seeing you here."
"I'm being followed by the FBI. I do not think it is wise for me to go far, Abby." Ziva states.
"Oh…yeah…right…hmm…" She returns to looking at Gibbs. "So what did you bring me?"
"A cell phone." He notices how she is lingering. "…and a Caf-Pow…" She continues to linger. "…and this." He gives her a peck on the cheek.
As Abby rushes away, Ziva turns away and allows a moment to figure out how she feels about his display of affection to the quirky Goth.
"Ziva-find DiNozzo." He gives her an order. "Tell him…tell him to just forget about it…all of it…for now…" He looks weakly in her direction. "We've got a case to solve before you two end up paying for something you shouldn't."
"I think it would be best if you explained things to him directly."
"Now's not the time." He wait's a second, but soon grows impatient. "GO. ZIVA. NOW!"