Review please! Xx
With that i walk off the stage strait into the arms of Haymitch. A warm hug is what i needed right now. We walk in silence into the elevator and up to the 12th floor where i just walk into my room and quickly take off this dress. I feel like trash when i wear it, even though it probably costs thousands upon thousands to make. I slip on my robe and walk back out to the lounge area and ask an avox for a hot chocolate, my favourite.
Haymitch and i just sit on the couch for about an hour and a half watching pointless capitol tv, most channels have my face plastered on it or are talking about my new image or games, we just skip those channels.
In the midst of all this channel surfing the elevator pings open revealing a cocky grinning Finnick Odair. Since my little talk with snow i have come to the conclusion that Finnick Odair who has been known as the capitol boy toy for years is actually in the exact same position as me. He is being forced into prostitution.
i can see why. Finnick has to be one of the most handsome men i have ever seen, if not the most handsome. He is down right gorgeous. His wavy bronze hair falls over his forehead in a perfectly messy way and his facial featured are perfectly shaped. His bright emerald eyes are captivating even here from 15 feet away i cant help but stare at them. Not even mentioning his body i will just say that it is clear he works out from his right shirt.
He saunters his way in with a cocky walk that makes women's pants drop with a devilish smirk on his face and plonks himself down on the couch right next to me, his arm draped over the back of the couch in a casual, yet sexy way. I cant stop staring at him.
"Like what you see, girl on fire?" he asks with a smirk raising an eyebrow
i feel a blush rise in my cheeks and he early chuckles
"what you doing here fish boy?" haymitch asks, he not so subtly drapes an arm around me and shuffles closer, if i didn't know any better i would have thought haymitch was being protective over me.
"no need to get cranky old drunk. Im just meeting the newest victor" Finnick says innocently with the same grin on his face he looks at me and keeps his gaze there for a few seconds of awkward silence
"mmhhmm. Im convinced otherwise fish boy" Haymitch turns his attention back to the tv. Even with the TV on there is still an awkward atmosphere in the room. I haven't even said a word to Finnick since he came in the door.
"Alright then" i get up off the couch and give myself a quick dust off "i'm just going to go to bed now" i slyly make my way out of the room then run down the hall to my room.
I enter my room and take a shower and shove on a pair of black underwear and a loose silk night dress. I snuggle into bed and think about life for a short time and just as i'm gradually beginning to fall asleep there is a soft knock at my door, i groan in irritation.
"what do you want Haymitch?!" i shout to him from the other side of the door. The door creeks open and in enters Finnick, looking as dashing as ever.
"Not Haymitch, you got one better" he says cockily before bouncing towards the bed and jumping on top of it lying himself next to me quite comfortably. I scoot further away from him, slightly uncomfortable with the situation.
"and your here because..." i trail off
"cant i visit a friend?" he asks gazing at me
"friend? we've known each other for all of 5 minutes" i reply. For a second i see slight hurt cross his features but as soon as they appear they are gone, as if they were never there at all.
"that may be so pretty kitty. But you and i are the same" he reply's cooly not looking at me.
I chuckle lightly "oh we are, are we?" i would love to hear this
"Yes kitty kat, we both won the games by killing a lot of people. We are both adored by the capitol. We will both do everything we can to protect the few people we love. and were both tied down as snows little whores. So yeah, id say we were pretty similar" he says nonchalant
the sheer bluntness he said it with made me cringe slightly "y-you know?" i ask
"katniss, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that your a very beautiful, desirable woman. Any man from the capitol would be all but willing to choke up thousands to have you for an evening." now he looks at me in the eye and i can see understanding and sympathy in his eyes. i look away.
He was right, Finnick Odair and i are the same person on the inside. We both have really shit lives and there is very little we can do about it. I decide in that moment that finnick is the only one in the same situation as me as far as i know so really he is the only one i could turn to for answer. I spit out the question before i could chicken out.
"what's it like?" i was very brief with the question but i knew that he knew exactly what i would mean.
There is a long intense silence where we both just sit staring at the wall until he takes a deep breath and begins
"at first, unbearable. but now, after 7 years of doing it, i'm numb to it. I just go, act, leave. Its simple now." i didn't know that when i asked finnick what it was like i was expecting a good answer, i wanted him to tell me that it isn't that bad, that you get over it, but its clear that i don't. and somehow that makes it all the more real.
"kat, can i ask you something?" he asks, for the first time Finnick sounds venerable, scared even. I don't want to answer his question if thats how he is going to act but i know it would be unfair to him if i didn't so i just nod.
"have you even had sex before?" he doesn't say it in an accusing way like most people would he says it almost compassionately, it makes me want to be honest with him.
"no" i say truthfully, where is lying going to get me. I don't want to lose my virginity to some random man in the capitol but i don't have any other choice.
I look at Finnick to see his jaw tightening and his eyes focusing on a certain point on the wall, his green orbs filled with rage and hatred. "Its not fair" he says and i don't fully understand what he is saying. "you shouldn't have your first time be with some desperate capitol sleaze who is out for nothing but pleasure and doesn't give a damb about you. Your first time should be with someone you love and loves you" he looks at me with such a boyish expression. He looks young and venerable like this.
"Finnick, i don't have a choice" I run my hand through my hair in stress and rest my head in my hands. I stay like this for a few minuets before i start breathing heavier, almost in tears, i am not normally one to cry, i haven't cried since my father died. I feel a soft hand reach underneath my chin and pull my face up. I am now looking into his eyes and i see nothing but admiration, respect, determination and compassion.
"i could help" those three words made my breath hitch in my throat and made me freeze in place. Is he suggesting what i think he is suggesting?
"Katniss, i would only do it if you were completely ok with it. I just don't want you to have to suffer through your first time being something you found unbearable like i did" he explains softly
I finally found out how to breath again. Finnick is right, i don't want my only first time to be with some capitol man who just wants to take advantage of me. I want what every girl wants, i want to be loves and respected and have my first time be special. Finnick cant provide that but he is sure a hell of a lot better than any of my other options right now. But can i do it? i barley know him?
"Finnick, I barley know you?!" i exclaim quietly
"Kat, you and i are closer than you think. Over time we will become the best of friends. I will help you with everything i can from now on because no one should have to go through what i did alone. I can help you, but i only can if you let me" i realize that this is the best option and after Finnick's little speech it makes me feel like i don't have to do this all by myself. Someone can help me, Finnick can help me.
I slowly nod in agreement to his proposition. Not sure if i will regret it later. he takes a deep breath obviously processing my decision.