I lay in bed, completely naked, next to a man who i only met an hour ago. To say the last hour has put me through hell and back is an understatement. I thought i could just do what Finnick did, i would block it out, i wouldn't have to feel anything. But i did. I felt it all.
I thought maybe they would be nice, and gentle. But no, the man i had, mr younsworth, was anything but gentle. He was rough and possesive, he even hit me once or twice when i didn't give him the reaction he wanted straight away. Im pretty sure i have a lot of bruises on my lower region now because of the vile man lying next to me. But i have to keep up the act now.
I look at the clock and see it is 6, time to go. I roll over to look at the yellow faced freak that bought me for the evening, i affectionately place my hand in his cheek and move a piece of blue hair that has fallen from its ponytail.
"I got to go" i whisper. I move forward so my face is just a few millimeters from his. "I had an amazing time" With that i move closer filling the gap between our lips. I hold the kiss for a few seconds then pull away and get out of bed to get dressed.
I feel his eyes admiring my body from behind as i get dressed and it makes me very uncomfortable. When i have finished getting dressed and look remotely presentable i am about to leave when i hear the man say "worth every penny" I feel bile rise in my throat and i resist the urge to throw up at that moment, i turn around and smile at him before i leave the room and basically run to the elevator at the end of the hallway.
When i exit the building i am once again hounded by paparazzi, asking for a picture, or asking a question.
"Katniss, who were you just visiting?"
"Katniss, what were you just up to?"
"Katniss, smile for us honey!"
I just try my best to ignore all the questions and make my way to the end of the pavement to get to the limo that is waiting for me. The limo comes into view and i see the door open, Finnick steps out of the limo looking as dashing as even in a tuxedo. He smiles at me and i suddenly feel the urge to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time. I settle for pushing past the paparazzi and going up to him where without hesitation he envelopes me in a secure hug. He hugs me tightly and holds me close, kissing my hair once in front of all the press. But right now i don't give a fuck about them.
Finnick pushes me into the Limo and climbs in after me. We slam the door and thats when i cant take it anymore. I let it all out.
I burst into tears in font of Finnick and he holds me, I sob and sob and sob all the way back to the training centre wrapped in Finnick's tight and secure arms, for the first time since my little sister was reaped i feel safe.
"It's ok" he whispers into my hair every once in a while to comfort me. When we are almost at the training center i try and calm myself down, but to little success. Finn turns my body so that i am facing him. "Katniss, don't worry, the first time is always the worst, it only gets better from here on" He hugs me one last time and kisses my forehead. "I have an appointment now. You go up to your floor and i will come see you later" I nod in response and get out of the limo.
When i get out i am instantly once again hounded by paparazzi, they see my tear streaks and the constant tears still rolling down my face.
"Katniss, why are you upset?"
"Katniss, did Finnick do something to you?"
"Katniss, are you upset because your pregnant?"
The questions keep coming and coming, being thrown at me left and right. When i get into the building i only then realize that, that is the first time i have cried since my dad passed away. I never cry, it just goes to show you that only places like this can make someone who has been so strong for years break down like i just did.
They say winning the games brings you pride, that winning the games is the best thing that can ever happen to a person, but its not, it it most definitely the worst. I wonder now if it would have been better to die in the Hunger Games.
I reach the elevator and press 12, the ride is at least 30 seconds and i now realize that i am sore all over, so i sit. I sit in the elevator in the corner, the elevator walls are mirrors at either side and glass at the back. I look into the mirrors and see multiple versions of me. Going on, and on, and on. They never stop. I now realize that all of these Katniss' are just other versions of myself, my personality. There is the Katniss that was fun energetic and loved to hunt when her father was alive. Then there is the strong noble katniss that volunteered for her sister in the games. Then there is the Katniss that killed 19 children for her own benefit. Then there is the whore Katniss, the one who sleeps with random capitol men for money. Then finally, there is the venerable Katniss, the one that i only now just learned existed, the one that is crying in an elevator staring at her reflection. This is the Katniss that i just learned about. This is the Katniss that scares me the most.
The elevator pings open at 12 but i don't even notice because i am too busy staring at the different versions of me that all look the same on the outside. I feel someone touch my shoulder gently and that brings me out of my trance.
"Welcome back sweetheart" I look up at Haymitch with fresh tears still in my eyes. The heartless face haymitch always wears is just a mask and i have known this all along. All careless emotion from Haymitch's face disappears the second he sees my face. He looks honestly a bit scared. He looks like he doesn't know what to do, he gives me a sympathetic pity filled look and bends down to my level and picks me up. I must really look broken to Haymitch if he is doing this for me.
He carries me to the couch and sits me down on his lap where i curl up in a ball and cling onto his shirt, he still smells strongly like alcohol, but i don't care. He wraps both arms around me and gives me a tight squeeze like my dad used to do. Its then i realize that Haymitch is the father figure i have craved since my dad died. He is the one that took care of me in the games and he is the one that is helping me get through this now by comforting me.
Haymitch keeps planting soft kisses on my head and rocks me back and forward like a father would when trying to put his daughter to sleep. And soon enough i drift off.