Because I haven't used this in a while—bold is Randy. Italics are John.
This is a short, dark chapter so I suggest that you hold a teddy bear... or someone. ;)
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Stars
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"I cannot believe that they're making us stay together."
Randy and John are all curled down onto the grassy ground, staring up at the sky because that seems to be the only thing they can do. The air's cold, crisp cold, and Randy's biggest concern is that John's right beside him, it's that John's going to possibly—probably—find him with pills and he doesn't want anyone to find him with his pills and that's the last thing he wants to happen.
He sighs as he lets the cold air suffocate his body. Piercing and stabbing right through him. It's making him numb. The stars are barely shining and—what's there to shine for? Nothing. Nothing's worth anything anymore. And they know it better than anything and as Randy stares at him, blankly, at that face, at those blue eyes that still dazzle him and as the anger burns, he still feels numb. The anger's there, just so dimmed and dulled, just like the rest of him.
All dim and dull and broken and hurt and nothing's there to spark anything up.
"I like being around you, Randy. I just can't understand why you won't give me a second chance."
"You? A second chance? Didn't I say goodbye to our 'love' or whatever the hell it was—"
"No," John's voice's soft and as he touches Randy's waist and brings him close, and even with the struggling, Randy's too tired to fight back and John knows that as well as anyone can and Randy's face pales at the certainty in John's voice. "Sometimes, goodbye is a second chance."
"I can't forgive you."
"Why, baby? Why?"
"Shut up. Don't call me baby."
"Okay. You might not like me anymore but I'd give myself for you. I want you to know that. I'd rather die than watch you suffer like this. You know that—"
"NO! I don't know that! You keep making me feel safe and then you take it away and crumble my trust of you away all the time! What makes you think that I can trust you again? I've given you more than a second chance, I've given you my heart, myself and you just shattered it away like it's nothing! Well, John, I know what you mean… it really is nothing."
"No! Randy! Please, you gotta trust me on this. I really do love you. And if I can, I'd throw my life away to save yours."
"Oh yeah? I don't believe that!"
The sound of a gunshot collides in the air.
Out of fear and shock, their bodies collide and they find themselves trying to stand up when they see Derek walking towards them, with a gun in his hands and a baby in a baby blue blanket in the other. "Oh, Jonathon, Randall…"
"What the hell was that?!"
John's eyes stir into a darker blue.
Derek brings the baby forward, letting the blue blanket fall out of her chubby body and Randy's heart stops. "Alanna!"
His Alanna.
His precious little baby girl, with such a beautiful, beautiful face, and such pretty beady eyes, with tiny hands waving around in the air, completely unaware of where she is or what's going on or the chances of her being hurt—Randy's heart just tears into shreds. Nothing's left. Too much blood. Randy feels shaky as he steps backwards, having John grab onto his shaking body, tears threatening to fall out of his face.
His Alanna.
His beautiful, beautiful Alanna.
Randy's head exploded. He would not watch her get hurt. He'd rather burn in Hell for all he cared. But not her. She didn't deserve this. Randy whipped his head to look at John's face, pale, so shocked, and he grabs onto Randy's shoulders, bringing him close, and whispering into his ear, "sometimes, goodbye's a second chance," he whispers. Kissing his cheek and walking over towards them.
Randy can't hear a word. Panic arises. What's John doing?! He watches as Derek's smirk widens and his heart thuds darkly into his chest. He's falling back down. He's numb and he's scared. He watches as John stares back at him, with a distressed look on his face as Derek willingly gives him Alanna. John walks back towards Randy, letting the child protectively slip into his arms and all that Randy can feel is a bang of fear deep inside of him.
"John—"
"It's the only way I can make you trust me…"
"Oh, John…" tears fill Randy's eyes, slowly cascading down his face. "Please, don't…"
John walks back towards them, and they motion for John to walk with him. John looks back at Randy, sighing softly. "I-I…I love you."
Before Randy can say anything, John walks away with them. And Randy's left alone. And as he looks up…
What are you shining for, stars?
I'm shining for you.
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I know…poor John. ):
Next one? 'Hold My Hand'.
Summary: John has one last night with Randy.
Review?
;) Sam