Standing Still

You stand and you're waiting for some sort of miracle to happen.

Randy's body is bathed with cold water as he moves away, feeling as if his airways are closing and he hears the sound of the bathroom click open, only to see John standing there and a blush creeps on Randy's face, hidden by his tan, he moves quickly to wear a towel and move away and John doesn't say a word as Randy shuts the door from behind him. John hears the sound of Randy's soft, and steady breathing even from where he stands, replaying in his head, as he makes his way towards the shower, opening the still cold water as he steps in, trying to collect his thoughts.

It's his fault that Alanna's dead.

He bites down his lower lip, remembering the replay of yesterday's talk with Sam, seeing Randy's face crumples in pain and anger and rage and agony all at once as he throws the phone to the floor and says that he's going out for a smoke. John can practically inhale the smoke all over again as he takes a deep breath of fresh air around him, looking around with sad blue eyes, thinking of Randy and Randy only. How can he fix this? How can he love Randy? Randy wants it so much, he wants to feel loved yet John doesn't know how to help Randy, how to make him feel the type of love he needed to feel and as he steps out of the too cold shower, letting the water drip from his forehead to his back and he feels like every step takes an eternity as he changes in the bathroom, the already soaked black cloth of his Attitude Adjustment shirt and his drenched ripped pants are cold but slowly warm and infuse in his skin and he knows that he's supposed to be out of the bathroom yet he stays, his thoughts still made of Randy.

After what feels like an eternity of thought, he walks out of the bathroom to see Randy on his bed and a phone in his hands, "what?!"

Just in that moment, John's eyes trail up and down Randy's body. There are tiny spots of white along Randy's neck from the lack of blood and his body's drained out of body fat, his once full thighs had reduced in size, but Randy looks normal. He doesn't look like he's suffering from leukemia and he looks like any normal person that he's pass across the street and that just makes the pain harder, knowing that something that looks so perfect has to break into nothing and nothing at all. "I have a year, John. A year."

John's heart is swallowed up by an ocean of pain, seeing how those blue eyes are cracked and ruptured. It's painful. It's completely and utterly painful.

"I swear that I'm going to make everyday count."

"Promises are made to be broken, Cena." There's an edge to his voice, that edge that he used to hear from the Randy that hated every fiber of his being, but the twinkle in his eyes suggest that he's just angry and John can relate, knowing that your life is limited is too much to bare and John's just glad that he's here to bare it with him, to make it less sufferable for Randy, and he sits beside him and the silence overwashes them for a while.

"Why does this have to happen to me? Can't I have one day of peace?! Why does something bad always have to happen...? Why can't anything just leave me alone?"

"I don't know, Randy." John doesn't know how to respond to Randy's sudden outbreak as the anger burns in Randy's eyes and he tries to stand up but feels so fatigue and so tired that he sits back down onto the bed, feeling the ache burn to every muscle in his body and Randy presses his head against John's chest. "Can I do anything, Randy?"

"You can't stop time."

"But I can make it all worthwhile."

"No, you can't! I'm tired of all of this! I just want it to stop!" Randy exclaims, and the rage slowly fades from his face, the redness of his face fading into paleness as he sighs softly, clutching onto his stomach and presses his head into John's chest as hard as he could, wanting to smother in his scent. "...I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Randy. I wouldn't been upset, too."

The silence passes through the room.

John kisses the top of Randy's head, watching him move from above him, both of their soaked and drenched clothing sticking towards each other. "Let's just stand still in time."

"I don't think I can do that either...I can't just go on with my life like nothing's happening. I can't act like I did before. I've been a complete and utter stranger. I don't even know who I am, John. How messed up is that? I'm scared...I don't want to die," Randy's voice cracks towards the end and John watches as Randy's heavy eyelids just shut tight and he runs his hand down Randy's back as he hears Randy's snores across the room.

And tomorrow, time would just stand still.

He'd promise that he'll make it worthwhile, wouldn't he?

He just doesn't know how...

Why does this all have to be messed up? Why can't anything be right for once? Why...?

I'm not sure what to think of this...

Next one. 'Dying'.

Summary of Chapter 43: John tries to make a day in the fair enjoyable for Randy. Miz finds a boy on the street that knows more about him than he does about himself. Cody wants to play but Ted is afraid of him getting hurt.

That's basically it.

X Sam.