Lily leant against the wall outside the room of requirement, her breathing heavy.
"Alright Lily?' Someone asked, she turned to see Peter standing there smiling in a friendly manner at her.
"Merlin no." Lily replied grinning. "Have you ever thought you loved someone to find it isn't what was expected, and then the person you hate, it just feels so damn right when they kiss you, but there's always this tension between you, it makes you so angry and yet you want it, you crave it. Oh God I'm so messed up." Lily groaned.
"Is that why you hate James so much, because you want to be around him?" Peter asked confused.
"Yes." Lily replied softly, staring at nothing in particular. "I hate him because he'll only break my heart." Lily said.
"Maybe he won't." Peter said quietly.
"He will, I've seen it all before." Lily whispered, sliding got the floor, eyes closed.
Neither was aware that just around the corner someone was listening.
Lily groaned as she woke up, her head was pounding, but she had Quidditch practice in about two hours. She crawled out of her bed and into the bathroom, she washed herself, and felt so much better, forget coffee or potions, the one thing that worked wonders after a hangover was brushing your teeth and washing. It got rid of the nasty taste and started to make you feel more refreshed.
She got dressed into a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt; she threw on her green cropped jacket and walked down to breakfast. Lily grinned when she realised the only person who managed to get up that morning was Severus.
"Morning." Lily said cheerfully as she sat beside him on the Slytherin table. Severus nodded at her, not taking his eyes from the book he was doodling in. Lily didn't bother to speak to him after that, instead just enjoying his company. She'd almost finished breakfast when James and Marlene dragged themselves into the Great hall. Lily smirked at her pair and rolled her eyes.
Eventually Lily found herself standing beside Carter and Sirius as Dean and Frank Carried the box with the balls in and James talked to McGonagall.
"Alright guys, McGonagall said we have to win the next game, it's just before the Christmas holidays, I think by then we can be the best team Hogwarts has ever seen. But this means you lot will have to put in a lot of effort." He looked at the group and his brows knitted in confusion. "Where the hell is our seeker?" Everyone looked around, but Lily was the first to spot the fifth year girl running towards the pitch.
"She's coming." Lily told him and nodded in the right direction. James sighed and waited impatiently for the girl to reach them.
"Terri, where the hell were you?" James demanded. Her only saving grace was the fact she was wearing her quidditch gear.
"Er…" Terri said looking away and blushing. Lily felt sorry for the flustered girl.
"Look she's here now, can we just get on with it." Lily said, Terri thanked Lily silently, to which Lily replied to with a smile.
"Alright then Evans, Chasers come on, we're going to try a new formation I've just researched, Terri I want you to catch the Snitch in a five minute time frame, Sirius, Frank I want you two to do everything to ensure the bludgers don't hit the seeker or Chasers, Dean I want you to try and catch every single shot at the goals alright." James said. Everyone nodded and it started.
Two hours passed before James let them off the pitch, everyone was aching, Lily glared at James before she walked with Terri into the girls changing rooms.
"Thanks for saving me back there." Terri said quietly.
"Don't worry about it." Lily replied with a smile at the younger girl, before climbing into a shower, the boiling water running over her body, soothing her muscles. She was faintly aware that Terri had called good-bye to her, but she was elsewhere in her mind.
When she opened her eyes and reached for the shampoo she was very aware that someone else was in the room.
"Hello!" Lily called from behind the shower curtain; she reached to the bar and pulled her towel down, turning the water off and wrapping it around her body. She pulled the curtain back cautiously and stepped out of the shower, very aware of the fact that the towel barely covered her body, she walked quickly and silently towards the door, she reached for the door handle when she saw someone lazing in the chair beside the door, she let out a terrified scream.
But she quietened when she realised it was James.
"WHAT THE HELL?" Lily demanded. James simply smirked at her. "Go away Potter this is the Girls changing room!" Lily seethed.
"Y'know, it's really quite interesting what people say when they think no one important is listening." James said lazily standing up, Lily was short, and James was very tall, it was intimidating.
"I-I don't know what you're on about, now go away so I can change." Lily stuttered.
James grinned at her, as she backed against a wall, before leaning down and capturing her lips with his own.
And she felt it again, the feeling that this is, James' lips on her own, which was so very right, no matter how much she knew it shouldn't happen, no matter that she knew she would only end up hurt, right now it felt so damn right.
He pulled away slightly, tracing his fingers down her neck, still covered in small droplets of water, as he kissed her ear lobe softly, almost lovingly.
"Please don't do this." Lily muttered. James stepped away from her as if he was burnt, his face was almost pained. Lily couldn't look at him; she stared at her feet, the puddle forming around her as the water dripped from her hair.
"Why?" James asked.
"Because I don't… Because I can't. Just don't." Lily whispered.
He left her there, lips bruised, hair tousled, and feeling so alone. And for some reason she felt tears prickling at her eyes. She didn't want this, but she did want him. Feeling the pain of knowing it can't work – that it just wont – she couldn't go through that again.
Suddenly the door opened once more and he was there again, why couldn't he just leave?
"I was there, you were talking to Peter, I heard everything… everything." James told her, almost icily. "You refuse to believe I won't hurt you." He spat at her. Lily looked up at him.
"You will hurt me James; you've left a trail of broken hearts everywhere you've gone. Dorcas is a brilliant liar, you hurt her, the masses of muggle girls in the neighbourhood, you think I don't know but I do. What about the other girls here? What about them? Every single girl… James, all of them, you hurt them, because you don't know what else to do. And you don't mean it but it happens all the same. A drunken night, a one time fling, Damnit James! How can you not see it?" Lily screamed at him.
"I-I"
"James you don't need to explain it, but you do need to leave me alone… I'm not one of those girls, I refuse to let you get to me, because while they think it's worth the broken heart after, well, they soon learn don't they." Lily said softly, and once again James left her alone.
Later when Lily finally reached the Gryffindor common room she was surprised to find Sirius sitting on the sofa alone. She smiled at him and sat down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, he ran his fingers lazily through her long crimson locks and sighed.
"What's up?" Lily asked him sitting up and crossing her legs as she watched her brother curiously.
"Ever thought you knew something, like, really known something deep down in your heart, but things happen and change." Sirius explained. "Suddenly what you once knew so certainly isn't right anymore."
"Hmm, maybe." Lily said softly. "But nothing can stop things changing, what happens was meant to happen, and maybe we don't understand but we will eventually." Lily said before kissing her brothers cheek and disappearing up into the girls' dorms.