Personally, I don't really mind Wolfe.
As long as he doesn't touch my comics, he won't get any trouble from me.
Unfortunately for him, he's going to get a lot from Zoe and Seth…
Watching them from the couch, 'Dark Victory' in my hands, as they oiled the tops steps was a pretty big clue.
I considered warning him as they hid behind the couch, but decided against it.
Wolfe's a big boy, he can take a little fall.
I was at the good part, anyway…
"AH!"
BAM!
CRASH!
…
That didn't sound like Wolfe.
Looking up, I saw laundry all over the stairs, a basket overturned against the railing, and Helga sprawled on the landing.
…
We might have a problem here…
Who do you think would win in a fight, a Navy SEAL or a nanny?
Personally, I'm excited to find out.
Seeing the combatants size each other up across the kitchen table, I immediately wished for a video camera.
Carefully maneuvering to the other side of the counter to avoid any collateral damage, I went completely still in the hopes of going unnoticed.
We all went still when the phone rang.
They eyed each other and the phone, and I hoped the call was REALLY important as Wolfe lunged for the phone and Helga for the exit.
Leaning over the counter to see Wolfe grab the nanny's suitcase before she escaped, I winced when it eventually broke open from the tug.
I did NOT need to see Helga's underwear, thank you very much!
Aren't I emotionally scarred enough without more trauma?
Quirking an eyebrow when the SEAL dove to catch Helga's ankle, all the while talking into the phone as if nothing was wrong, I decided that everyone that entered this house was insane.
I considered trying to distract them, or even trying to make peace, but Helga has a nasty bite…
Now, if I had a ten-foot pole, I might reconsider…
Stepping out of the kitchen once both were out the front door, I looked at the suitcase and the innards it had spilled all over the floor.
A leopard-print thing stood out, and I immediately felt sick to my stomach.
I am NOT cleaning this up…
"Okay, everybody. Listen up. There's been a change of plans."
Why do I get the feeling this 'change of plans' was going to be worse than what's already happened?
"Your mother is not coming home as soon as she expected."
"When IS she coming back?"
That's a good question, Lulu, even though I doubt I'll like the answer…
"Soon…So for now, we're just gonna have some more big fun."
"THAT'S what we've been doing? Having FUN?"
No need to be so sarcastic, Seth…
"But tomorrow's a school day!"
"I have wrestling practice."
"I need a signed release for driver's ed."
"I have Fireflies."
The urge to block them out was strong, their words blending together before they even reached my ears, and my neck muscles twitched in annoyance.
Trust me, it feels REALLY weird when your neck muscles do that.
"Okay, HALT. We'll take this hill one inch at a time. Only then can we rise to the challenge."
Then Tyler pooped.
NICE ONE…
"Okay, who's going to change the baby?"
Everyone else just walked away, most likely still angry with him, but Wolfe looked so lost I couldn't bring myself to do the same.
Damn me and my empathy…
So, with a self-frustrated huff and a grumble, I walked up and grabbed the startled SEAL by the arm, dragging him to Tyler's room.
He better appreciate this…
…
I don't think you're supposed to take a diaper off with salad pincers, but who am to question a Navy SEAL?
I WOULD have showed him I know how to change a diaper, but when would I ever see something like this again?
Besides, what's the worst Tyler could do?
…
Oh, THAT.
Taking the situation into my own hands to stop further trauma, I quickly changed my baby brother's diaper.
"…Why didn't you do that sooner?" Wolfe demanded, clearly frustrated.
My expression must have mirrored my thoughts; 'You never asked.'
"Did I have to?"
'Pretty much.'
Lifting Tyler off the changing table, I handed him over before patting my hands free of baby powder.
'We done?'
"…Yeah, we're done."
Walking down the hall only moments later, I realized I'd just had a full conversation without having to write anything down…
Wolfe suddenly realized, once Cece was gone, that he'd had an entire conversation with a mute…
And he'd LOST.
A nice hot shower after a day like today is like heaven.
Every muscle in my body relaxed under the spray, and I closed my eyes as water dripped into my face.
I really don't want to get out, but I've been in the bathroom too long as it is.
Opening the curtain, I mentally cursed at the frigid air beyond, mainly words that should never be repeated even in private.
Toweling dry as quickly as I could manage, I changed into my Batgirl t-shirt and Batman pajama shorts.
With my dirty clothes under one arm, I stepped out while still drying my hair.
"Zoe says you look like the Hulk...but I think you're cute!"
"…Thank you…"
"Do you do Kung Fu?"
"Yes…"
"Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off?"
"NO…"
"…Why are your boobs so big?"
"…They're NOT boobs."
…
"Do you have to wear a bra?"
As they went into another room, Wolfe most likely trying to escape Lulu's questions, I could only stand there as my imagination supplied things I didn't want to know.
Rubbing my temples as a headache set in, I groaned.
Oh, the IMAGES…
"Okay, troops. Breakfast."
Poking the bag that supposedly held my breakfast, I considered using a knife to stab it open.
Their faces would definitely be worth it…
"What are you waiting for? Dig in. Feel free to mix and match, and stay away from the cheese if you don't want it to come back up."
YEAH, I'm not really hungry anymore…
"Don't worry about running out, I can get lots more of these. I've survived months off this stuff."
"Okay, like I'm really going to eat all these carbs?"
I wanted to tell Zoe that carbohydrates helped you lose weight by speeding up your metabolism, but held my tongue.
The urge to talk was coming more frequently nowadays…
"I can cross my eyes. Wanna see?"
No, Lulu, I really don't…
"…No."
Tyler started crying when Lulu ignored my look and Wolfe's reply.
"Tyler hates it when I do that."
"I know how he feels."
Blinking when the tablecloth jerked, I watched Peter drag it after him onto the floor and walk out of the room.
OKAY…
Time to go get my stuff and get ready for school, then…