And then we didn't see each other for three months, I was single for a long period of time, and Asuma-sensei died. I stood next to Ino at the funeral. Next to her was Temari. Next to her was Shikamaru. On the other side of him was Kurenai-sensei. I can't even begin to describe the pain that I felt, standing so close but so far away from him. I could only imagine how hurt he must have been then, and I didn't feel like I could be there for him at all. It was selfish and stupid and painful. And I couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just went up onto the roof after Choji had come back down, and sat next to him. I couldn't... Do anything. I was useless. I just sat there next to him as he laid there, curled on his side, his back to me. So much pain.
He got up after everyone had gone, stretched. I smiled weakly at him, wanting to do something, anything. He lit up a cigarette. The distance between us grew so large that for a moment I feared I had lost sight of him completely. Then he put out his cigarette and smiled at me, halfheartedly, placed his hand on my shoulder. He left. I didn't follow. I could still smell faint cigarette smell.
I sat there for an hour or so, and then Temari came up. I was crying by then. I really really don't like crying in front of people though, so I turned away from her. She's a really nice girl. Very understanding, and I mean that. It must come from having had to look after her younger siblings. But she just stood there silently, waiting for me to talk to her. See what I mean?
"Yeah?" It sounded rude and forced, but it was all I could manage.
"It's hard for me too." She responded. "I'm a little lost when it comes to comfort. If that's any comfort to you."
"God. Yes." I said, my emotions now under more control. "I mean, it is comforting. I feel the same way. I am the same way, I mean."
"I know. It's a little obvious when ever I see you around girls." I smiled at that.
"I won't deny it. I'm pretty horrible, right?"
"I don't really see it that way. I think you're just lost."
I didn't respond to that, so there was a silence while I sat there and she stood there.
"You know, I'm homosexual."