From PimpinSushi
Dear Kiku,
It is I! Mother Russia!
How are you these days? I hope you are well, but I guess I do not have to wish you much, Tokyo is quite the attraction to some people.
I wish Moscow was as popular, da? But people do not like my colorful buildings. Do I have to make them bland and gray like England's buildings? Will that make people become friends with me?
That also reminds me, you kind of shelter yourself from the rest of the world. As do I, comerade. We are both a bit lonely, would you not agree? Let us be friends, Kiku! Become one with Mother Russia! :D
Lastly, I have a favor to ask.
I was on the internet, uhm, what is "yaoi"? Why is it so popular? Is that your way on brainwashing teenage girls with ridiculous hormonal rage? If so, Kiku, kudos, lad, kudos.
Sincerely Yours,
Ivan Braginski.
P.S. Also, a "seme" and an "uke." Defenition please? If you would be so kind.
Dear Ivan,
I will not deny anything when I say I regretted reading your letter, Ivan.
Genki desu. Or at least, I was fine until speaking to you. On a lighter note, Ikaga desu ka?
I would rather you didn't send me any wishes, Ivan, for last time you "wished" me something, I was hit with an earthquake... I will curse you one day, just you wait...
Maybe if you simply tried being less threatening, then maybe people would consider even looking at you.
Gomennasai, I'm being so rude today.
-disregards his own apology-
Zettaini ariemasen. Feliciano-kun will do something useful before I ever think of joining you, baka. You won't be lonely for long, because I will end you soon!
... You are asking me what Yaoi is? Hontou? I was not expecting such a bold question from such a... bold man. If you really must know, just watch what all the other countries do. They have no respect for public laws and go ahead and have sex right on the streets! People are so indecent...
I don't brainwash them. It's not my fault my drawings are the best thing to ever happen to teenage girls. It is also not my fault they prefer watching two men have a more successful relationship than a straight couple. If they want to worship at my feet and be my army, then so be it. I know you're just secretly jealous you don't have teenage girls at your feet like that... Oh my, I sounded like rapist just there... –slaps self- Bad Nihon!
Seme is what you are, an evil tyrant who breaths flames and forces sex onto others! A uke is what poor Toris-kun is to you... unable to say no as you breathe your radioactive breath on him!
Baka,
Honda Kiku,
-Japan/Nihon
P.S... you are the product of nuclear fallout... I almost pity you.
Genki desu: I'm fine
Ikaga desu ka?: How've you been?
Gomennasai: I'm sorry
Zettaini ariemasen: Never
Hontou: Really?
Baka: Idiot
LJHBLBLNV-! Got a letter from Russiaaaaaa~3 I need to go and write to PimpinSushi now... :'D
Also, notice how I made Japan not use honorifics on Ivan :'D