Disclaimer: See Prologue
A/N: For anyone wondering, of course that's not the end of the Bachelor Party but this is randomised so you'll probably get the next instalment sometime next week.
Harry looked to Lupin for an explanation. He was the only person who would speak any sense.
"Just don't ask," was all he got in return.
"You are straight though, aren't you?"
Sirius snorted. "As a beanpole. Besides, Moony wouldn't blush around attractive women if he was gay; unless he wanted to be one. That could be a reasonable explanation."
Harry was about to laugh…until the look on Lupin's face silenced him for quite some time.
"Next photo, Harry," said Sirius in a rather distressed tone. "Double quick. I've become rather fond of my limbs."
July 1980
Her screams could be heard down the corridor. Screams and profanities; all aimed at James Potter and indeed, almost every man in a mile radius.
"Don't worry, mate. It'll be fine. She'll snap out of it."
Despite such words of comfort, James was not calmed. Although it had to be said that if one had to be trapped in a hospital ward, it was a much more entertaining experience if one was in the company of Sirius Black.
"It'll be the Morphine," Sirius assured him. "She doesn't know what she's saying."
James' head shot up. "Oh I think she does, Padfoot. I really think she does." He continued to pace and after a moment of silence, added, "I'm starting to fear for my cock. Listen, if she's true to her word - which she always has been – then she'll chop it off and it's the sort of thing that I'll miss, know what I mean?"
Sirius laughed. "She won't castrate you. She'll miss it as much as you will."
"I beg to differ!"
"Look, Prongs, how many times have I been threatened with it? I've still got mine."
James raised his eyebrows. "Sirius, the only reason you still have it is because little Miss Perfect missed."
Sirius shrugged. "Just call me Lucky."
James ran a hand through his untameable hair and sighed, enjoying a rare moment of absolute silence while his wife prepared herself for more screaming.
"Where's Remus anyway?"
Sirius shrugged. "Probably in work…or with Peter, seeing as neither of them are here yet."
"He said he would be though. Pete told me he couldn't make July. He's in France."
Sirius was astounded. "Apparation seems to have passed him by then."
"Nah," James assured him. "It's fine. I wouldn't want to come back in the middle of my holiday either."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Right so if me and Electra were expecting, you wouldn't come back then, would you?"
James snorted. "Of course I would and that's just so I could see it with my own eyes. After she threw a butter knife at your crotch, the chances of you and her having offspring don't seem very high."
"You underestimate the Black charm, Prongsie."
James laughed. "Charm? What charm?"
Before Sirius could reply, the door opened and a red-faced young woman emerged, smiling with relief. "Mr. Potter?"
James swung round. "Yes?"
"You have a son."
Very slowly, realisation dawned. A son; someone to discuss Quidditch with, someone to teach Quidditch to, someone to play with, someone to take out for a drink.
Words failed him.
"Can I be godfather?" asked Sirius. "I'm the only one here, after all. Besides, Peter would be shit and Remus would spend all his time teaching him about zooming in and lighting effects."
James beamed. "I was going to ask you anyway."
"Nice try."
It was seconds later, once the door had been shut and the baby had been passed round to his father and godfather, that James heard his voice.
"Madam," he snapped, obviously standing just outside the door. "Not only am I authorised entry but I'm probably a better midwife too."
James handed the boy to Lily and flung the door open.
"Remus!"
Lupin gestured towards his friend. "See? I wasn't making it up, you know."
Grudgingly, he was allowed to pass. Turning to James, he said, "Don't worry. I managed to remember the camera."
James rolled his eyes. "If you're telling me that you missed the birth of my son so you could pick up that bloody camera-"
Lupin grinned. "My apologies. Is that him?"
Sirius laughed. "No," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "We kidnapped him on the way in. This is all just an elaborate ruse to confuse the hell out of you next week when Lils really gives birth."
Lily raised her arms and allowed her closest friend to take her son, watching him with a great deal of fondness as he stared down at her son's tiny face, seemingly confused.
"Should his eyes be blue?" asked Sirius, peering over Lupin's shoulder.
"Should he be surrounded by so many people?"
Lily smiled. "All babies have blue eyes for the first few days. I hope they go green because otherwise he'll just be a clone and I'll have no claim on him at all."
James' subsequent smile made his cheeks hurt. He took the child from Lupin and paced yet again.
"What to call you," he muttered. "Obviously, your middle name will be James. Anything else would be wrong."
"I think you should name him after me," said Sirius, earning himself a disapproving glance and a click of Lily's tongue. "What?" he protested. "Sirius is a great name. Think of all the puns."
Lupin laughed. "Sirius, there's only one and it's not even funny."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well it's not," Lupin objected. "Now, everyone budge closer together."
CLICK!
"You're never in these pictures," Lily complained. "I don't have any photographs of you."
Lupin smiled grimly. "I'm not exactly photogenic. Besides, I don't want to ruin your family photos."
James smirked. "If you say so. For that alone, you can help me think of a super hero name for the kid."
Lupin frowned in concentration. "Flash Gordon," he said eventually, earning a weak laugh from Lily who was too tired to explain the joke to her husband.
"Flash Potter? Remus, if you're being serious, I pity any future offspring."
"The Lone Ranger!" cried Sirius. "Batman! No, better! Robin!"
James was horrified. "I'm not calling my son Batman, Sirius."
"Why not? That would be so cool."
"Yeah; until he got to Primary School."
CLICK!
"Remus, put that thing down!"
CLICK!
"Jamie, I love it when you're angry."