~**~**~

"How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again"

by Janet Jackson

~*~*~

Bret and Shawn hurried off the plane after another really awkward moment. They headed out of the airport lobby straight to the parking lot. Bret had to catch himself to keep from hugging Shawn before they parted ways. Shawn got into a small rental car with another mid carder while Bret headed straight for his brother's rental car. Once inside, Davey and Owen cast knowing looks. Bret groaned.

"Don't…start. Just drive the damn car Owen." Owen grinned as he started the car and drove off. Owen and Davey talked the entire trip to the hotel. Twenty long minutes they fed Bret every mind boggling detail of the pranks they pulled on their sleeping co-workers. "You know, one of these days you two are going to get your asses kicked."

"Oh shush Bret," Owen said. "You know full well you would have laughed too."

"No I wouldn't. Well…not this time anyway. I was actually pretty beat which is why I ended up on the other plane. It was like heaven and I slept the entire trip until my pager went off."

"Oh really? You didn't stay awake and entertain a certain blonde?" Davey teased. Bret rolled his eyes.

"No I didn't. He…was actually asleep the entire trip too."

"Really now?" Owen asked, raising his brow. "So…"

"So what?" Bret snapped. "Where are you going with this?"

"Nothing. I just…I've noticed that you two hang out a lot. Heard you guys had drinks a few weeks ago."

"Yeah we did but it was only once and we spent the entire time talking about me and his upcoming match against you."

"Hey! You didn't go telling him stuff about me did you?" Davey asked. "You know that's cheating!"

"Oh quit your bellyaching," Bret grumbled. "If he out mats you during your match then you'll be dropping that belt to him. And I would never tell our family secrets. We mostly just talked about growing up and things like that. He seemed like he could use a drink that night considering Sherri."

"Oh yeah," Davey said thoughtfully. "I forgot about her. So they're done?"

"I guess so," Bret shrugged. "Not that he needed her. He's starting to draw without her anyway. Bunch of screaming women."

"You're one to talk!" Owen teased.

They arrived at the hotel minutes later and headed inside. Owen was rooming with Davey this time which meant Bret had to room alone. He made his way to the check in to get his key.

"What's your name sir?"

"Bret. Bret Hart." The blonde lady started going through several notepads in search of his name. Unfortunately for Bret, he was not on any of the lists.

"I'm sorry sir but there's no Bret Hart on the list."

"What? You gotta be kidding me! Are you sure?" he asked irritably. She looked over at the notepad and started going through the names again shaking her head.

"We have an Owen Hart but no Bret," she winced.

"Alright. Fine. So is there any other rooms available?"

"Well…" She looked down at the list, her hand shaking as she held the pad. "I'm…sorry sir but…all the rooms are taken for the evening."

"Great. Just great," he mumbled.

"You could room with me." Bret spun around to find Shawn standing there nervously. "Uh..I just…I mean…if you don't want to drive all over town looking for a vacant room. But you don't have to if you don't…Your brother—

"Shawn…Shawn!" he laughed. "Calm down. I don't have a problem rooming with you," he reassured. "And I could care less about Owen right now. I just don't feel like driving all over an unfamiliar area looking for a vacant room so if you don't mind, I'll crash in your room." Shawn blinked a few times and then he smiled.

"Yeah. So I'll just…get the key." Shawn moved past Bret to talk with the clerk. A minute later she was handing him his key and the two men were heading towards the elevator in silence. Bret wasn't entirely sure what Shawn was thinking but he knew he had to have been feeling some kind of anxiety. If not then good for him because Bret was nervous as hell. Sure Shawn probably didn't mind rooming with him but Bret wished he felt the same way. He was the one kind of weirded out by it. Not because he didn't like Shawn. The problem was that he liked Shawn more than he should and he wasn't sure if it was going to be a problem. The awkward tension between them had come and gone during the last several weeks but not by much considering the plane ride. Anytime they were alone Bret was practically all over him which was wrong. It was wrong on so many levels and he really wanted it to end. However, it was so hard restraining oneself when the other person wasn't exactly pushing you away. So what did it mean? Bret was hoping he wouldn't have to think about it. In fact, he planned to stay out of Shawn's way as much as possible in order to prevent himself from doing something stupid. He wasn't sure yet what that "something" was; he just knew it couldn't happen. Ever.

The elevator opened up and Bret followed Shawn down the hall towards their room. Bret watched as Shawn fumbled with the key. His hands were shaking like crazy and Bret could only assume it was because he felt the tension rising too. But Bret promised himself he would ignore his curiosity. He'd already found out what he wanted to know and that was enough for him. To feed his curiosity more would only make things worse between them and he liked Shawn enough to protect their friendship. Shawn finally managed to get the door open and headed inside. Once inside however, he stopped dead in his tracks causing Bret to bump into him. Bret laughed.

"Dude. You okay? What's the…hold up?" Bret's voice trailed off when he saw what Shawn was looking at. One. Only one and for a second all Bret could do was laugh. God must have had it in for him because if this was a joke it wasn't a very funny one.

"Damn," Bret said under his breath.

"It…it'll be alright," Shawn said forcing a smile. "I could sleep on the floor later. It's no biggie."

"But it's your room. If anything I should sleep on the floor."

"Not going to happen Hitman. After your match tonight you're going to want to sleep on something soft."

"But—

"We're friends. I insist," he grinned. "Now shut the door and let's get settled in before we're late." Bret sighed.

"Alright. If you insist."

Shawn and Bret spent the next hour getting their things put away. Since they were going to be over seas for the next two days they decided that they might as well unpack what few things they had. As soon as they were done, they took turns using the restroom to change for the night's show. Shawn took the longest in the restroom considering he had to make sure his hair was perfect. When Shawn finally emerged from the restroom, Bret had a hard time keeping his eyes off of him. He wasn't wearing a shirt but his hair was hanging freely stopping just a few inches over his shoulders. He was wearing his favorite red tights with the hearts on them and they were (or so it seemed to Bret) tighter than usual. Bret tore his eyes away long enough to get the door.

"Ready to go Cinderella?" he teased. Shawn grinned his perfect grin.

"Of course. I suppose my chariot's waiting."

"You lucky I like you," Bret grinned shoving the blonde out the door.

*~*~*

"Bret is this really necessary?" Shawn interrupted. Bret rolled his eyes.

"Of course it is princess," he sang dryly. "You've told your side—

"Yeah but nothing like this!" he snapped.

"Marty." And I had to sit through every excruciating detail…

"That…that was different," Shawn stammered. "I needed to tell it for you to understand why—

"And I need to tell this in order for people to get a better perspective on the next chapter of our lives. Besides, it's all coming back to me now and if I don't get it off my chest I'm going to explode."

"Bret please," Shawn begged. "I don't…" he sighed. "I'd rather not…That night…" Shawn's voice trailed off. He was scared. He was scared to death. He'd buried that night deep into the back of his mind hoping to never recall it again. That night is probably the single most emotional experience of my life and it took me years to get over it. Why can't he skip it? Why can't he…?

"Shawn, I'm not doing this to make you angry. You told me things to better help me understand some things and I understand now. I understand what Marty meant to you but if I don't tell this then how can you possibly know how much you actually meant to me before things went bad?" Shawn remained silent for a long time deep in thought leaving Bret to wonder what was going on inside that head of his. It was unlike Shawn to be so afraid…at least of a little story so what was up? Had he really changed so much over the years that now he was actually afraid of something? Bret wanted to know but he was too afraid to ask. So he nodded at Chris.

"Uh…" Chris cleared his throat and continued even though Shawn seemed completely out of it. In fact, his head was down and Chris was sure he saw tears dripping on his thighs. He forced himself to ignore it and continued. "So the show…How was it and what happened later that night?" Bret chanced a glance over at the divider but all he could make out was Shawn's shape. From the looks of it, he was just sitting there quietly though Bret was pretty sure he was either sad or pissed. I don't want to hurt his feelings… I've never wanted to hurt him. I loved him…I loved him so much. I just hate him for making me realize it all over again but I have to do this…

"We both had a good show," he answered. "He wrestled a trial match against Davey and they rocked. I also had a match that night against Jarrett and we brought out the best in each other. After work Shawn and I both waited to get a shower back at the hotel. Shawn insisted that I shower first since I was "older". We laughed and joked all the way back to the hotel. No tension outside the ordinary ya know? I mean we always felt awkward around each other but we'd been friends long enough to get past it. Well…at least that's what I thought until I saw him come out of the restroom."

"Bret don't…" There was a desperate sounding plea in Shawn's voice that almost made Bret change his mind but he couldn't. The scene was already playing in his head like an old movie and it was doing crazy things to his body. On the other hand, that plea in Shawn's voice was all too familiar. It was the trigger that always made him feel sorry for him. That plea…It always led to tears; tears that Bret hated with a passion. He hated seeing that blonde cry but hearing him cry was just as bad. He's going to cry through the entire thing and probably scream at me for putting him through this. I didn't want to relive these events anymore than he did but if I stop talking now then I'll go home and drive my family crazy. I can't… Not now. I need him to know that I really did care for him but if he won't listen then this will turn out to be just another one sided interview filled with gaps. We both promised each other we'd tell the truth…I have to…I have to do something… I have to make him stay.

"Shawn I have to."

"But you any idea what it's doing to me Bret?" he cried. "I'm…I'm trying so hard to keep my mind on John. I keep telling myself that everything we felt for each other has gone out the window but the more we talk, the more I'm proven wrong and I hate it!"

"Don't you think it's the same way for me princess?" he snapped.

"I don't know! I just…and don't call me that!"

"Shawn look. I just want you to know that I'm actually telling the truth for once. If you're in hysterics over there then how can you hear my sincerity? I need you to stop crying—

"What if I can't Bret?" he choked.

"Then I'll help you…like I used to." Shawn's eyes darted towards the divider, tears streaming down his face.

"You can't…You won't," he stammered hysterically. "You'd have to see me in order to do that and—

"I wanna see you," he said softly. Both Shawn and Chris' jaws dropped.

"Excuse me? I…I—

"I want to see you Shawn. I want…I need to see your face when I tell this story." Because at least if I see you, your eyes once more, I can see what you're feeling and you can see what I'm feeling.

"Bret, are you sure?" Chris asked. "I mean, I have no problem lowering that divider but…"

"I…I don't know if I can…I…John…" Shawn was still freaking out because his emotions were all over the place. He hadn't felt this confused about anything since his entire ordeal with Hunter, Chris, Jeff, Cena and John a few months ago and that was pure hell. But compared to this, it was like heaven. At least with them, there were no deep rooted feelings stashed with chain after chain of secrets, painful memories, and love.

"I want to see you again Shawn," he managed. "I think I'm finally ready to face you again after all this time."

"Why Bret? Why now?"

"Because I…might…still…possibly…love you…a little and it would help if I could see you to make sure." Bret buried his face in the palm of his hands cursing himself silently. What have I done? He'd said it. He didn't want to say it but he did. He didn't know why he said it either considering Shawn was stubborn enough to ignore his confession but it was the truth. The entire hour or so that Shawn was away for lunch, Bret had entirely too much time to start sorting through his feelings. The longer this interview goes, the more trouble I'm going to be in.

"Don't," Shawn whispered. "Don't say that. I can't…I can't…I don't want to know. Keep it to yourself. I love John!"

"Then at least let me look at you once more." His voice was almost as desperate sounding as Shawn's. Fuck it. He was through being a stubborn bastard for today. For years he'd been contemplating ways to see Shawn again; mostly because he wanted to see if Shawn would actually apologize but as the interview progressed, Bret longed to see his face. He wanted to see those eyes he fell in love with once more and he wanted to see Shawn's reactions to everything he said during the interview – good or bad. It didn't matter. All that mattered was seeing him again.

"Bret—

"I promise…I promise not to cross the line. I just…I just want to see you. I'm not going to hit you like I told the Canadian Sun a year ago nor will I scream at you. Too much has happened during this interview and to be perfectly honest I don't think I have the heart to hurt you. I hate it when you cry. You know that so will you please…please let me see you?" After a long pause Shawn finally nodded towards Chris though he still had the same, guilty yet sad look on his face. Chris nodded towards the camera man who in turn, reached behind him to press a button on a remote. Slowly the divider starting lowering itself down into the floor, the baritone sound of the machine whirring as it lowered exciting Bret with each passing second. Shawn on the other hand, was on the verge of a mental breakdown, his body shaking uncontrollably from his crying. This isn't happening. Bret's not in this room. Bret's far away from me and I'm about to leave to see John. The man I love. The ONLY man I love… Shawn covered his face with his hands sobbing uncontrollably until he felt warm hands clasp his wrists. I won't look. It's not him. I won't…I won't…

"Shawn," he whispered. Shawn's body just froze, his heart stopping too in the process. That voice…Only that voice could make his body react in such a way. He closed his eyes as his hands were lowered from his face then came warm hands cupping his face. "Please…please look at me." Shawn shook his head violently, his eyes refusing to look. He wasn't ready. He just wasn't ready and yet… "Please. I…I need to see those eyes Shawn. Remind me why I fell in love with you." Shawn's eyes finally opened meeting Bret's for the first time in almost 12 years and yet…

Bret's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest it was pounding so hard. Those eyes…those eyes are the same… Bret almost burst into tears himself at the sight of them and what was worse, Shawn was crying. His beautiful jewels were flooded with tears and they were streaming down his face as he stared back at him. It was the same. It was the same feeling he felt the first time this happened only this time he knew what he felt. Bret pressed their foreheads together but Shawn lowered his eyelids, refusing to meet his gaze.

"No, no, no…this isn't happening," he sobbed.

"Shawn I'm here. I'm here because I want to be." He kissed his forehead then wrapped his arms around him pulling him to the floor. He held Shawn tightly against his chest, entangling his fingers in his hair while the blonde just sobbed against him. "Oh Shawn. Don't cry. I need you to stop crying."

"Why are you doing this to me?" he choked. "You hate me remember? You're supposed to hate my guts! You're supposed to be screaming at me, blaming me for everything that's happened between us!"

"I don't wanna blame you right now," he pleaded, his voice cracking as well. "I just want to hold you like I used to. I just…I just want to…dammit Shawn I want to hate you! I do but when I hear your voice…and see you like this, my heart won't let me. Shawn…Shawn look at me." Shawn shook his head. "Shawn…please? Princess?" Shawn allowed Bret to raise his head so that their eyes met again. Bret held his face, using his thumbs to wipe his tears. It felt so natural. So right. It was like 12 years never happened. Just the two of them – alone – with Bret taking care of him like he used to.

"I don't want to let you take care of me," Shawn choked. "I want you to hate me and I want to go back to hating you." Bret chuckled softly.

"I'm sure by the end of this interview we'll be back to normal but for now can we at least pretend we still care? If you at least pretend then I won't feel so stupid about wanting to kiss you." A frown followed by raised brows and a gasp led Bret to do the unthinkable. He pressed his lips to Shawn coaxing him into a slow kiss. Shawn gripped his shoulders kissing him back for reasons unknown. Both men claiming the other's lips, the fire burning within them with each passing second. For a minute Chris wasn't sure if he should leave or beg to join them. Finally after what seemed like forever, Shawn willed himself to push Bret away and made a run for the door. He pulled and twisted at the knob but it wouldn't open.

"Dammit," he choked. "Open…up…"

"Shawn don't…" But Shawn ignored him. He continued to fight with the door until Bret's arms enclosed him from behind. "LET ME GO!" he yelled.

"No, Shawn…please…I need you. I need you to stay!"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT WHEN YOU LEFT ME!"

"Let's not get into that right now."

"NO, GOD BRET PLEASE!" Shawn's body went limp in Bret's arms and he once again gave into him. He was tired, he was hysterical and his head hurt. Bret whispered comforting words to him, kissing the back of his neck.

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but if I don't tell you now then I may never get the courage to tell you later."

"No," he moaned. "Let me go." I don't wanna know… Shawn twisted furiously in Bret's arms until his grasp tightening rendering him motionless.

"No! Shawn…princess listen to me," he breathed in his ear. "Listening to you tell that story about you and Marty gave me the courage I needed to finally come to terms with my feelings. I can't lie anymore Shawn. You ruined that the moment you let me see you again."

"Please," he pleaded. John…I love John…

"I regretted my marriage for the first few years of my life," he continued. "I regretted it with every fiber of my being because I didn't love her. Over time I grew to care for her but standing here right now, I can honestly say that I never did learn to love her properly."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're the only person I ever loved and right now, at this very moment, I am still in love with you."

Oh boy. That can't be good… Chris let out a slow steady breath. This is going to be a long day. JBL, you and Shawn have a problem…

AN: Ahhh well sorry about the delay but life catches up with me sometimes. I really need to wrap this one up soon but I can't just yet. Don't know when I'll be updating this one again because it usually takes me a day or two to figure out where I'm going. (I type everything from my head so I NEVER know how each chapter will begin or end.) Thanks for reading as always. If you haven't been reading the little series of Shawn OSTs I have out, you should because I plan to add some Bret (for me) and Marty (for Seraphalexiel) later. All of them aren't smutty. Decided to do several different types to keep my muses running. Plus, I usually update it when I hit a block with this one. Thanks goes to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoyed it! (It was a pain in the ass to write, especially since I'm at home with annoying people.) Let me know what you think :D