Ashley's Point of View
Beeping. That was all that I was hearing and it was annoying beyond belief.
Can someone please stop that beeping? PLEASE?
I wanted to scream for someone to turn it off so that I could go back to sleep, but my mouth felt dry like paper and all I could get out was a demented breathy sound. I swallowed a few times and it didn't help much, but I managed a weak whisper. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times. Sunlight. I squinted against it. One of the positive things about living in a garage was no big windows so the light was a change for me.
I looked around and noticed two things. One, that I was in a hospital room with needles and tubes in me and two, that Ricky was sleeping in a chair that was against the wall on my right. I smiled a little and used what little energy I had and took one of the pillows from behind my head and threw it at Ricky. I gasped when I released the pillow because there was a sharp pain in my stomach when I stretched. The pillow did manage to hit Ricky, though, right in the face causing him to hit the back of his head on the wall behind him. Ricky fell out of his chair and looked around angrily before realizing that I was awake.
"Ashley." Ricky said, making my name come out very breathy. Ricky lifted the pillow off the floor and put it behind the other pillow I had behind my head, then moved the chair he had been sleeping in next to me and sat on it.
"H–ey," I said, my voice cracking.
"Hey, you know that most people ask if they're alive after they have a near death experience, but you use a pillow as a weapon instead." Ricky said, giving me only a few sips of water because that was all that I was allowed, according to what my doctor told Ricky.
I rolled my eyes at him and said, "I think that's only in the movies and even if it isn't, I know that I'm not dead."
"And how would you know that?" Ricky asked, smiling.
"I hate hospitals, but they're not number one on my list of hate or like so a hospital is neither heaven or hell for me. You're here, so unless you died between me vomiting up blood in a bathroom and now, you wouldn't be." I explained. I coughed a little and winced at the pain.
Ricky's smile faltered for a second and concern showed, but the smile return when I lightly touched his hand and told him that I was fine. Ricky loosely held my hand after that. I was aware of it, but I wasn't so sure that he was. It seemed almost natural for him to do that, but I wasn't complaining and I sure wasn't going to mention it to him in case he would move it.
"And if there isn't a heaven or hell when we die?" Ricky asked.
"Then when Grace dies she is going to be very angry." I said.
"Then you just know that she'll hunt down a clipboard and make creating heaven her project while she's in the afterlife." Ricky said.
"Think that they'll toss her out?"
"Isn't that where the theory of reincarnation comes from?"
"From the possibility of Grace having a past life?" I asked, scrunching up my face in overdramatic thought.
Before Ricky could answer, a nurse came in. The nurse had grey eyes and blonde hair. I wanted to ask if she really was a nurse and if she was how long she had been one because she looked really young and one near death experience was enough for the week.
"Excuse me, but I have to change her dressings now, so if you can please wait outside." The nurse said.
"Okay." Ricky said. Ricky removed his hand from mine and he lightly kissed my forehead. It felt nice, really nice.
"Thank you, I'll be sure to tell you when you can come back in." The nurse said.
Ricky left and I breathed out a little heavier when Ricky was gone. I didn't love him, I couldn't. Whatever it was between us wasn't love. The both of us just had small crushes.I couldn't love the father of Amy's baby, but I think that I did love him and that just made it all the worse.
"Is that your boyfriend?" The nurse asked as she checked something off of my chart.
"Not really." I said.
"But he wants you to be his girlfriend?" The nurse asked, prepping me so that she could change my dressings.
"I don't know." I said. LIAR.
The nurse looked at me sceptically and said, "Really?"
"Well, maybe, but it's complicated." I said, wincing a little when she took off my old dressings.
"It always is." The nurse said.
"How complicated does that guy, Ricky, being the father of my older sister's baby via one night stand sound?"
The nurse looked at me for a moment and then said, "I'm generally not supposed to talk about personal things with patients, but I will right now. Technically, I have two dads. My mother's husband raised me because he believed that he was my biological father and it was his responsibility to take care of me. Fourteen years later, as my grandmother on my dad's side was dying, I found out that my biological father was really my grandfather and that the person who had been my dad for fourteen years was actually my half-brother." The lady used the tone I had used before, "How complicated does that sound?"
I ignored her tone and asked, "So, what happened?"
"Well, my mother denied it at first, but after my dad or half-brother, whatever you want to call him, got three DNA tests all saying that I was in fact his half-sister, she told the truth." The nurse said.
"What happened to your parents' relationship?" I asked.
"My non-biological father divorced my mom and when he did, he gave me the option of living with him. Neither my dad or myself have spoken to our biological father. My dad is the one who raised me and he has been my dad since the day that I was born and the day that genetics said I wasn't his. My half-brother by blood is my dad by bond and it's complicated. People talk about my mother, about him, and about me. People are always going to talk about things that they think they wouldn't do. I learned that in situations where people say that by dating a certain person or having a certain person in your family you're complicating things for yourself, that's not true, those people that judge you for your family or your feelings are the ones that complicate everything. Not the people that are in that family or feel those feelings."
The nurse let me think about that while she finished putting on the new dressings. After the nurse finished she said, "You can't eat anything for another two days, at least, but you can have the tube that's in your nose removed later today."
I nodded and the nurse left. Okay, so some people had more complicated lives than I did. I had to admit that.
The door opened and Ricky came in, taking the seat next to me.
"Griffin wants to see you," Ricky said. "Are you up for visitors?"
"You're here aren't you?" I said sarcastically. Then I really thought about it. Ricky really was there, so how long had I been asleep? I had definitely needed a surgery and that took time, plus recovery from the anaesthetic, plus whatever complications might have happened. "How long have I been in the hospital?"
"Two days. It's Wednesday today. You would've woken up yesterday, but for whatever reason the anaesthetic kept you sleeping longer than necessary, though it's probably better for you to rest anyway so it wasn't too big a deal."
"What was wrong with me?" I asked.
"You had two ulcers. One of them perforated the wall of your duodenum and the other one was bleeding badly, they had to take out a portion of your stomach, more than they had intended to, even. They also had to create a passage between your stomach and duodenum because the previous one had been damaged."
"Well that's just great." I said sarcastically. "I don't follow the normal patterns do I? Instead of a baby I had two ulcers that almost killed me."
"I doubt that it's more normal to be a teenage mother than a teenager with ulcers." Ricky said.
"Around here it is." I said.
"Once again, I doubt that." Ricky said.
"I bet my parents were happy that ulcers were all I had." I said.
"Your mom was confused when the doctor told her–"
"Because, of course, she thinks I'm a slut." I interrupted.
"And your dad looked like he was going to pull out a cake and throw a party for a second."
"I expected that reaction from him. He would be the happiest man alive if I decided to become a nun." I said.
"I think he'd want you to have children once you were above the age of thirty." Ricky said.
"Want to bet on that?" I asked.
"You would bet money on something that won't be decided for another 15 years?"
"I never said that we'd be betting money."
We were interrupted again, this time by Griffin who knocked on the door and then stood in the doorway looking at us. Griffin had an unreadable expression on his face and that unsettled me because usually I could read Griffin very well.
"Hey, Griffin." I said.
"Ashley, Ricky." Griffin tilted his head in the direction of the door while looking at Ricky. Nice way to get your point across, Griffin. Ricky got the message and left, but Griffin looked at him without any annoyance or anger, so something had to have happened between me blacking out and me being in surgery for the two of them to form an alliance without any harshness.
"Did one of you get a lobotomy or something?" I asked.
"No, we just came to an understanding." Griffin said, sitting in the chair that Ricky had been sitting in.
"And this incredible, amazing, extremely surprising understanding was reached... how?" I asked melodramatically.
"By me getting the point across that if he hurts you I'll hurt him." Griffin said.
"Oh." I said, a little high pitched, "And you're another person that thinks he loves me, aren't you?"
"I think he does, but I do know that you love him." Griffin said.
"How do you know that I love him if even I don't know if I love him or not?" I asked.
"Because I'm your gay best friend, ergo I know you better than even you know you."
"Of course." I said.
"He looked like he was about to die when he found you in the bathroom, you know." Griffin said, changing the topic.
"The two of you found me in the bathroom... what were the two of you doing in the girls bathroom?" I asked.
"We were looking for you. I was worried so I went to check on you and Ricky was worried too, and he texted me and I said you weren't in class and where I was going to look for you first and then Ricky went there because he was worried, just as much, if not more than I was."
"Did he really look like that?" I asked, hating how my voice sounded hopeful.
Griffin noticed the hopeful tone of my voice and said, "Yes, he did, but I'm not sure if him looking like that as you were internally bleeding to death is something to be cheery about."
I rolled my eyes at Griffin and then he talked to me about his brothers and their relationships. Griffin's eldest brother wanted to get married to his boyfriend, but the courts and the churches were either against it or in the process of changing rules for same gender couples, so they were having problems. If they wanted to get married, they should be allowed, but not everyone thought like that.
Griffin continued talking until he noticed that my eyes were closing and then fluttering back open because I was tired. It had nothing to do with what he was saying, I was just that tired, which was odd considering I had slept two days already. I needed sleep, though, and Griffin told me to rest and that we'd talk later. I was asleep before he even shut the door.
I dreamt about Ricky.
I opened my eyes and saw Ricky in the same chair he had been in when I last woke up, except this time he was next to me and wide awake, reading a book. I also noticed that the tube that was in my nose before had been taken out.
"Don't you have work or something?" I asked.
"Switched with Ben. He's been trying to find distractions from Amy and Adrian so he is happy to do it." Ricky said, looking up from the book.
"Was he here?" I asked.
"Yeah, Ben, Adrian, Grace, their parents..."
"Who else?" I asked, noticing a little evasiveness in his tone.
"Madison and Lauren..." Ricky said.
I sat up so fast at the mention of them possibly being there in the hospital that a sharp, horrible pain hit my stomach. Ricky tried getting me to sit back down but I refused.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE LET THEM BE HERE WHILE I WAS IN SURGERY?
"Are they still here?" I asked, attempting calmness, but not succeeding too well.
"No, Adrian broke Madison's phone beyond repair and Lauren's phone kept ringing loudly after that and since you're not supposed to have cellphones in hospitals, they had to turn it off. After that they gave up and went home because it got too boring for them." Ricky said, still looking concerned, which brought up something that Griffin had said earlier.
"You really were that scared when you found me." I said.
Ricky's eyes met mine and for a second I lost my breath. I could vaguely hear the heart monitor spike up a little.
Ricky and I leaned in, mostly Ricky because I couldn't lean too well, and kissed. It wasn't fireworks, bright lights, or pretty rainbows. It was everything I wanted and needed.
Ricky and I pulled away and I rested my forehead against his.
Holy hell. Amy is going to kill me. I'm in love with Ricky Underwood.
I have a question about the characters' birthdays and I'm hoping someone can help or at least tell me if this makes sense.
Amy's supposed to turn 17 or something close to the end of June or early July, so I won't change that. Ashley is a year and a little bit younger, being born sometime in either September (Labor Day) or November (Thanksgiving) so either of those dates she will turn 16 because Amy and her are born in different years, but only a year apart. Ricky had to be 16 before the start of the first season as he was able to drive, and then since Amy is about a year younger than him, he'll turn 18 late July, early August, or has he already turned 18 because he's going into his Senior year in high school? Help me. And according to what I researched, Ricky shouldn't have ever been driving Grace or anyone else around in his car because he hadn't had a license for 12 months... but since it's a TV show nobody cares :D
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing recognized to be a part of The Secret Life of The American Teenager. No characters at all, I did read Ashley's Diary that got published, but that DOES NOT COUNT! :P