Disclaimer: See Prologue

A/N: Wow. It's been a while…

"Dare I ask why you're on the table?"

Sirius beamed. "It was for my speech."

1979

"Ladies and Gentlemen, pray silence for the Best Man."

Sirius exhaled and somehow managed to stand. If this ended badly, Remus Lupin was going to be strung up by his cardigan and publicly castrated.

"It's alright," he assured the guests. "You don't have to listen. I'm fairly sure that James would much prefer it if you didn't. Those of you who practise Occlumency will no doubt be aware of his hope for a fire alarm or a nice, juicy murder to distract you."

There were a few titters and at this, he got into his stride, standing on the table and pulling Lupin up with him.

"Now, I'd like to say this was all my idea but it was Remus' brainchild so I will be requiring him to provide me with some of his excellent impersonations."

Lupin grinned down at James who was rather confused by the whole affair until his own voice filled the hall, imitated perfectly. He was almost sick. They were not about to do this. Remus Lupin was going to die.

"So," said Lupin, turning to Lily. "This is my wedding present to you. It's 'How to live with James Potter from someone who already has'."

"We're thinking book deal, a succession of films…"

James seethed. Much as he loved Sirius, he would have to be killed too.

"I'd like to say that I'm not going to embarrass you, James, but I'd be lying. Besides, it's my Best Man's speech and I'm going to make this a real moment to remember."

James hid his face in his hands.

"When he says, 'I bought you some flowers', he means…"

Lupin smirked and in a cockney accent, added, "I was debating whether the redhead selling them was wearing a bra and I had to get closer."

"'Will you marry me, Lil?' is only…"

"My mother says I am old enough now to do my own laundry."

Lily gasped and laughed in shock. James squeezed her hand and bit his lip.

"I bet you thought we were going to make her divorce you before the hour is through, didn't you?" Sirius grinned down at his friend who refused to look at him. "Well, anyway, that was not the plan. What we'd like to give you, James, is a last gift from the three of us to remember for the rest of your life."

James raised his eyebrows and managed to speak.

"Oh I don't think I'll forget it in a hurry."

Sirius smirked. "I'm going to say three words."

"As long they're not: 'Amsterdam: the photos', then that's fine."

"James Potter, this is your life."

Lupin frowned slightly. "Sirius, 'this is your life' is four words."

"Must you be such a pedant?"

Lupin made a face. "I'm just saying."

CLICK!

"Well don't," snapped Sirius. "Peter, put that camera down and get up here!"

Once Peter and a rather strange contraption that Lupin swore that he had not stolen from the Primary School in which he taught, had been heaved onto the table, Lupin tapped the projector with his wand and gestured for Sirius to place his first photograph onto it.

The baby in the picture had a tuft of dark red hair and eyes black as night. Sirius smirked and James raised a dubious eyebrow.

"This is my wedding, isn't it? Yes? Just checking."

Lupin's eyes widened and he hissed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm embarrassing you, Remus. I thought you'd recognise the signs by now. Sorry everyone, my mistake. That's not James. It's Gingerpubes here."

The new photograph was of a small child on a miniature broomstick, breaking pots and harassing a ball of fluff that appeared to be a disgruntled Kneazle.

Sirius grinned back at Lupin who silently seethed.

"As we can see, from a very young age, James was a Quidditch fan. Which led to…"

Peter, in charge of the photographs, placed the next one on the projector.

"No that one, Peter."

Peter clicked his tongue. "Maybe you should have put them in order."

"Well I would have if Remus hadn't sprung it on me."

"I didn't spring it on you! We talked about it on the way back from the Church."

"Exactly!"

Lupin sighed and took over. "His being appointed Quidditch Captain."

"And Head Boy!" Peter piped in.

"Indeed," seconded Sirius. "Which also led to a strange relationship with his best friend's best friend."

Lily gasped as a photograph of their first kiss was projected onto a wall. "Was my hair really that frizzy?"

"Although," Lupin interrupted. "I am fairly sure that it was only because he dug her a Well."

A photograph of the four boys, James leaning on a shovel, covered in mud and grinning, filled the wall.

Sirius grinned. "I'm not entirely sure how to begin telling you about these two. They have forced me to believe in love at first sight."

Lily scoffed.

Sirius, unperturbed, continued. "You see, they showed me that there was such thing as hate at first sight so I was forced to conclude that the opposite existed. Yes, so we were the childish prats she described us as but I am actually a very nice person so as long as you wash your hair before you speak to me. Sorry, I couldn't resist. So anyway, they just despised each other for four years and no-one cared but unfortunately, in fifth year, through Remus being made Prefect, she and Moony became friends which meant that she had to spend a little more time with us than she deemed necessary." He smiled at her and winked. "And in sixth year, our dear friend Moony started going out with a girl who we all hated. Lily spent a lot of time with us while we worried about him and she came to the conclusion that Remus was normal and sensible and Peter was quiet and shy and a genuinely nice person. So now it was only myself and James that she couldn't bear to be near, which, as James said, was a step in the right direction and so was born the plan to ensnare Evans."

James groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"As you can see, it worked. And now, I will tell you how we did it. We got Remus drunk and then told him to tell us what it was James needed to do to make her love him. What was it you said, Moons? 'Nothing says I love you like a freshly dug well'. I had no idea what the hell he was on about and apparently, neither did Remus who spent the whole next morning assuring us that he was an imbecile. After that incident, we were all stunned when James received a letter telling him that he had been made Head Boy. He was forced to grow up and all's well that ends well. Lily eventually saw sense and realised how sexy his hair looks and Remus and I took photographs of them without their knowledge that we are willing to sell to anyone interested as soon as this speech ends, which is now. Thank you very much for listening and please have exact change."

James took a deep breath and attempted a smile. "You do realise that I am going to kill you and eat the evidence, don't you?"

Sirius grinned back. "Oh yes but I think it was worth it, wouldn't you agree?"