Disclaimer: See Prologue

"I don't believe you," murmured Harry. "I do not believe either of you. How could you?"

Sirius laughed. "Your mum said the same thing."

"Sometimes, Harry," said Lupin. "You have to make a difficult choice. Do you do the right thing, or do you laugh until your sides are sore?"

"Speaking of laughing until our sides are sore," said Sirius, pulling out the next photograph and handing it to Lupin.

Lupin nodded slowly. "Yes, when you say our, you mean your sides were sore. I don't believe I laughed at all. In fact, in this picture I look as though I am about to go into therapy."

"You did, didn't you?"

Lupin nodded. "I kept seeing you everywhere wielding scissors."

Harry was rather worried by this. "I'm sorry, what?"

1980

It had not been Remus Lupin's best full moon. In fact, he might go as far as to say that it was one of the worst.

He lay on the sofa in the middle of the flat, groaning and swatting at his flatmate who was currently trying to fasten a flea collar.

"Sirius, that wasn't funny the first time and this time, it just might earn you a knee in the balls."

James laughed. "Come away, Sirius. I've forgotten to put the muzzle on."

Lupin groaned something intelligible before giving him the finger. "I need you both to disappear. Nance'll be round in a few minutes."

"No problem," James assured him. "I'm getting good at the Disillusionment Charm."

"Fuck you."

"You know you love it."

However, even Sirius complied, following James into the kitchen where they waited for her key to turn in the lock and the slight Northern accent to fill the corridor.

"Hello, my lamb."

The sound of Lupin groaning a greeting made Sirius snort. "Yeah, he sounds like a lamb…in a slaughter house."

"Poor darling, are you terribly ill?"

James frowned slightly. "I know that the older woman is supposed to be really hot but is it just me, or does she sound like his mother talking to him like that?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know but she's not half as good looking at his mother."

"One of these days, mate, Remus is going to tear you apart and I'll just sit there and laugh."

Through the door, they caught:

"I'll get you a nice glass of wine, alright, sweetheart?"

"It's only five o'clock."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and grinned, flicking his wand so that four glasses hovered from the shelf onto the cabinet. Casually, he poured large quantities of Firewhiskey into each glass and gestured for James to open the door for him.

"Yes, Remus but the big hand's pointing to party and the little hand's pointing to time. Alright, Nance, how's it going?"

Nancy accepted the glass and sniffed at it, gingerly taking a sip and trying to conceal her surprise. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips but could not conceal her raised eyebrows and upturned nose. She cleared her throat and replied, "Very well, thank you. How is it er…going for you?"

"It's splendid," said Sirius, slightly mocking. "Have you heard that James here is going to have a baby?"

Lupin laughed to himself. "No, James is going to be a father. James isn't going to have a baby. That would be rather frightening."

James laughed with him. "Thank God."

The flea collar on the floor had become the elephant in the room. No-one dared to even look at it until Nancy, the only person in the room who was not filled with horror at the sight of it, asked, "What's that doing on the floor?"

Lupin's eyes widened and darkened a shade.

Oddly, it was Sirius who came to the rescue. "It's the cat's. She wrecks everything. Oi! Rowntree!"

A large, black cat stalked into the room, throwing a look of utter disgust towards Nancy before settling on Sirius' lap.

"Oh, Remus, you didn't tell me you had a cat."

Lupin shrugged. "She's not around much. She can take care of herself. She only comes in for a bed for the night. Very much like Sirius, who should probably be getting off to wherever he's supposed to be right about now."

Sirius took the hint and shifted Rowntree off his lap. She was keen to leave after he had fastened a collar round her neck and made her hate him almost as much as she used to.

"Alright, we'll see you later, Remus. Bye, Nance."

It was nine o'clock before Sirius dared to go back, hoping that Nancy had left. Unable to let the joke lie, he also returned with a cardboard box full of squeaky toys, tripe strips and a shock collar.

The lights were off when he strolled into the living room and switching them on, he wished he hadn't.

"Oh dear Christ! Remus, I sit on that sofa!"

Nancy leapt to her feet and hurriedly made her excuses. "I'll um…I'll speak to you in the week, Remus, alright?"

"Let me see you out."

"No, no, no. I know the way."

Sirius dropped the box. "I came with a peace treaty. I think I'm going to need it."

Lupin winced, propping himself up against the arm of the sofa. "Can you hand me my shirt?"

Sirius picked it up as though it were about to explode and flung it at his flatmate. "You have ruined that sofa."

"She was only kissing me."

Sirius breathed in deeply. "You were shirtless."

"So? Sirius, that's nothing. I mean, I've had s-"

Sirius stared at it. "I've sat on that since Gemini."

Lupin stared at the floor.

"There's only one thing to do now, Remus," said Sirius, sombrely, heading into the kitchen. "I think we're going to have to get you snipped."

Lupin looked as though he was going to be sick when Sirius returned wielding the kitchen scissors and his camera.

CLICK!

"April fool!"

"Bastard!"