Disclaimer: See Prologue

The photograph showed a room full of strained smiles. Sirius' arm wound around Electra and their smiles were wide enough to pull facial muscles but neither reached their eyes. Sirius, despite the false beam, had a face like thunder and Electra looked as though she was about to burst into tears.

"What?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "That wasn't taken by Remus. That was from Peter's camera."

Lupin stared at the carpet. "I met him the next day and he gave it to me. He said that he wanted me to have something from last night because not only had I lost my dignity but I almost ruined it for you. Christ, I am so sorry."

Sirius shook his head. "No. I brought that on myself."

"You could have had a family."

"What would I have done with a family - I mean other than screw them up? I didn't really want to go through with it anyway. She sort of talked me into it. All I did was accept her proposal because I don't believe anyone knew how to refuse Electra while keeping their arms and legs."

"You were going to get married?" Harry asked, his mouth falling open.

1981

Really, Lupin didn't know why he had been invited. He wasn't sure that Sirius had actually asked him. He only came because James told him he was going and Lily had found him a tie for it. He accepted the drink from what had been his drink's cabinet. The real hurt was watching his friends party in a flat that he had wanted to buy, where he and Sirius had partied before. He shook his head. He had been the one to move out. Sirius hadn't thrown him onto the street.

"He probably wanted to," he muttered to himself, downing the overly large measure of Firewhiskey.

"Who probably wanted to what?" Peter asked.

Lupin shook his head. "Doesn't matter." It didn't seem like long ago that he had been dancing on that coffee table. It was only three months ago that the Prewitts had tried to intoxicate his cat.. Six months ago, he'd been dancing with Marlene McKinnon, trying to teach her to tango round the room. He smiled at the memory. He'd told everyone about that at her funeral. His friends were being picked off one by one. He reached for the next drink.

"Remus, don't you think you've had enough?"

Lupin laughed bitterly. "Er…no, Pete, I don't think I have; not quite yet."

"You're embarrassing yourself."

Lupin turned on his heel and spat, "No! Do you know what's embarrassing? The fact that I am standing in my own home as a guest that wasn't even invited. I am having to ask for drink that I paid for with my bloody wages - what little I get. Everyone in this room thinks I'm a traitor and no-one wants me here. They won't even speak to me, Peter. That's what's fucking embarrassing." His eyes flashed dangerously, shining like burnt topaz in the light, like the wolf's. "So, yes please, Peter, I will have that drink. Thanks very much."

Peter handed it to him wordlessly. He watched as Lupin knocked it back and said quietly. "It's dangerous, Remus - the drinking."

Lupin grinned wolfishly. "You know what's dangerous? I'm dangerous."

"Well, we're all dangerous, Remus," replied Peter. "I'm dangerous. Do you know why? Because I'm not as stupid as you lot think I am."

Lupin frowned and refilled his glass. "I don't think you're stupid."

Peter laughed. "You're the only one who doesn't. Although, you're the only one who doesn't look at me like I'm a skid mark on a hotel towel so maybe they're connected. I don't want to be stupid, Moony. I'm going to prove I'm not and I'm starting to think this is the right sort of time. You know, this is just a game, Remus - life. Life's a game and let's face it, you should be one of its losers, but you're not. Whatever it throws at you, you get up and dust yourself off. I want to be like you. "

"Pete, I'm not quite drunk enough for that to make sense."

"Then have another drink," said Peter. "It's funny. Isn't it?" He laughed hysterically and Lupin began to wonder whether they had both been drinking before they came.

"I don't think there's anything funny about it."

"Don't you? It's a joke, Remus. Life's a joke. Don't you see? We're all going to die! Sirius, over there. Sirius is a winner. So's James, look at them. Don't you think it's time they lost for once?"

Lupin nodded. "Yeah, I think it's time Sirius lost." He cleared his throat and tapped the side of his glass. "Well, can I just start by wishing the happy couple good luck? They'll need it. I haven't felt so much love in a room since Sirius looked into his own eyes so it should be a happy marriage as their both so in love with him. Although she fell in a light so dim, she wouldn't choose her lipstick by it. Frankly, Sirius, I cannot for the life of me fathom why you would marry any woman who would take you for a husband. Now, talking of marriage without mentioning divorce is like sending people into battle without telling them that they won't all make it back. Fifty per cent of marriages end in divorce but the other half end in death so you could be one of the lucky ones. Have fun having your genitals dragged through your wallet. Don't get me wrong, the first part of your marriage might be perfectly amicable but after the ceremony, it's down hill from there, sweetheart, trust me. No matter who you marry, you wake up next to someone else and the next morning he will be a total bastard because that's what he does, Electra. He lulls you and he tells you that he needs you and you mean more than the earth and then he just discards you and starts treating you like you're a love letter he hadn't meant to send. I mean he'll stay with you and he won't stop your friends from seeing you but it's only out of spite. That way, he gets to treat you like shit for twelve hours a day. And you know what? I want to wish you every happiness that you couldn't bring yourself to wish me. I want to see you live a long life with absolutely no regrets even if that means I'm wrong. I want you to have a fantastic time of it. I don't know why you can't believe me. I'm not a coward and I don't sell out my friends but we can't all be Sirius. Some of us have to sit on the pavement and clap as he walks by. I would give anything, I mean anything to be able to…" Lupin trailed off, his voice losing all sarcasm and spite. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm here. Goodnight."

Lupin stalked out, leaving a speechless Peter.

CLICK!

"Well, now," said Peter, nudging his former Transfiguration professor. "That was really quite something, wasn't it? I never thought Remus had it in him."

McGonagall blinked twice. "No, I don't think any of us did."

Peter smiled strangely. "These are strange times, aren't they? We've all hidden something somewhere."

1995

Lupin hid his head in his hands and mumbled, "I was just so drunk. I was so completely blinded by this constant belief that it was you that I couldn't see."

Rather suddenly, Harry realised what Lupin had been talking about earlier that afternoon. The words echoed round his head: "Living in the moment, you are forgiven for not realising the true meaning behind a gesture, behind an odd look, behind the expression on someone's face. However, when you watch that gesture, that look, that expression, every day, well…" and Harry wondered whether he could forgive.

"I had a different kind of loss pictured in my head, Sirius. I just wanted to piss you off. I didn't want this. I'm not-"

Sirius nodded and cut him off. "I know. Moon, to be perfectly honest, if you'd told me, I wouldn't have believed you and neither would James."

Harry's head shot up. "Why?" His anger had transferred now to Sirius and his resentment to his father.

Sirius smiled grimly. "Because we were both so sure it was - I'm sorry, Remus - but we both thought we knew it was you. I know you pulled the Lycanthropy card on us too many times to count but we thought Voldemort would see past it if he could find a spy. Christ, I can't apologise enough. Harry, I'm so sorry."

Harry ignored the apology. "So why didn't you get married then?"

Sirius winced. "Three days later, Harry, your parents were murdered."