Hello, I know it has been a long time and I'm sorry for that.
"Liam," Kahlan said, "I want you to act as normally as you can. Don't change anything."
"Yes Mistress, but-"
"No Liam, don't call me Mistress. And whatever you want to say, I don't want to hear any of it."
She put him on the bed as carefully as she could and told him she'd be back with medicinal herbs to make him feel better. She didn't want people to see him wounded like this, they would ask questions because Liam is a strong man. And the bruises on his skin wouldn't fool the elders of Aydindril, he was touched by an agiel.
So Kahlan spent her whole night healing and looking after him as best as she could.
"Thank you Mistress." Liam managed to say. He managed to whisper at least.
"I told you not to call me Mistress. And don't thank me, if I wasn't the Mother Confessor I would kill you for trying to have sex with Cara. When I said she should have given you what you wanted I didn't think about what you could have asked her. It was a mistake, of course there's only one thing you want from her. Everything I told her, I didn't mean it. I was just upset by the fact that I have to get married in one week and more than ever I needed her support. I wanted to hear from her it is going to be ok. How fool I am, it's can't be ok for any of us. When I saw her doing this to you I just didn't recognize her. I saw in her what she used to be. At least I thought I saw in her what she used to be. I was wrong, I should have known it. I should have trusted her. Cara with her agiel and the wedding, I just couldn't think straight." The brunette sighed.
"She doesn't deserve you Mother Confessor."
"You're wrong, the problem is me. I don't deserve her. Everything she does, she does it for me. She remained faithful to me when you threatened to tell everyone about us. I still think she should have told me but I understand her choice to deal with it on her own, this is just who she is." Kahlan said with a small smile. "But when she said that it was ok for her to be executed as long as I don't have problems, it killed me. She doesn't seem to realize how important she is to me. I'd rather have problems with Aydindril than lose her. And I just let her go. I blame you Liam for what happened, but this is nothing compared to how much I blame me. There is not a single word strong enough to say how much I hate myself right now. She once told me she wasn't good at relationship. Well, she's much better than me. So don't thank me because, after me, you're the one I hate the most."
After that, Kahlan just sat against the wall, next to the bed. She put her head on her knees and tried to think of a solution to bring her lover back to her.
Cara found a cheap inn to stay at. She didn't eat, she wasn't hungry. She went straight to her room, locked the door and collapsed on the bed. Then she buried her face in the pillow so that nobody could hear her cry. But even after that she still felt angry.
'What have I done? I messed up everything. I suck at relationship! That look on her face when she saw me, I disappointed her. But I didn't mean to. I thought it was the right thing to do. Yeah that's the point; what seems right to me seems wrong to her, how can this even work then? I'm sorry Kahlan. I guess it was an illusion from the start, we acted as if we could be together, but we just can't. We knew that one day you would have to marry David, but we chose to ignore it. That was a mistake. I don't have any regret though, it has been the best days of my miserable life. But if pretending was good, maybe we can continue to do so.'
Cara suddenly sat up.
'Yeah that's it, we can still pretend, even if she gets married. Maybe if I tell her I won't use my agiel again she'll forgive me and give me another chance. No, I'm not worthy of her love. I'm sure she doesn't want to see me again. Whatever she thinks I didn't betray her. She must be thinking I'm becoming the Mord'Sith I used to be again, but it's not true. I can't go back to that Cara, even if I wanted to. I understand now that one of the reasons why they choose young girls is that it's easier to erase feelings from someone who didn't experience the strongest one yet. She showed me that feeling which can't be erased, she changed me. If I had to go back to my Mord'Sith life, what kind of Mord'Sith that would make me? I've wasted so many years of my life, I know that now. And I don't want her to think that I miss it. It's true I used to enjoy it but this life doesn't satisfy me anymore. Only a future with Kahlan seems good to me. She must hate me now, she's thinking I'm not the Cara she wants, but I am!'
And so the night went on, each one thinking the other hated her. Cara decided not to go to talk to Kahlan since she thought she was too mad at her for the moment, and Kahlan thought it was impossible for Cara to forgive her since she had no reasons to react like she did.
Kahlan wasn't listening anything the councilors were saying. She didn't care. Well she did care, it concerned Aydindril after all, but she couldn't think of anything but Cara. It wasn't very professional, she knew it, but the subject was always the same and yet they still didn't find any solution. Neither the Mother Confessor nor the councilors would give up. Kahlan once thought 'ok, let's just wait and see. They will get it when Aydindril will be in danger.' but she quickly forgot this idea, she didn't want her people to be in danger just because she hadn't been persuasive. She truly hoped they would trust her before anything happens to the city.
"Mother Confessor are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't sleep much last night and now I have a terrible headache that's all."
"Is it because of your engagement?" a man asked. He knew it didn't please her to get married. He understood that, but since he didn't like her, he was almost happy the wedding would take place soon. Kahlan knew it of course.
"The wedding is bothering me if that's your question. And it is bothering me to carry his children. Yet I will do it. This is my duty not only towards Aydindril but also towards Confessors. My kind is threatened, but you can be sure, there will still be Confessors when I'm dead. Like I said it bothers me to carry his children, but I can't think of a greater honor than carrying the new generation, the saviors of my kind."
The men were speechless. They didn't expect Kahlan to say such thing.
"Well, I'm glad to hear that."
"So do I." said another man. "Your duty is to do it and being proud of your duty isn't part of your job. So I guess it's time for me to say that... you are a good Confessor. I mean a great Mother Confessor."
Kahlan was surprised by their reaction. After all that had happened between them, she never thought she would hear that from them. However the problem remained about the neighborhood.
"Thank you. I think I may have an idea for the Alliance. Since we can't agree, maybe it's time for us to make compromises." Kahlan proposed to the Council.
"Compromises? What do you suggest?"
"You don't want Aydindril to borrow other villages money, I'm ok with that."
"Seriously?!"
"BUT, we are going to help them in a different way. We will send people to work there for free."
"Is this some kind of a joke?"
"It could be dangerous, they are pretty... hostile for now."
Kahlan rolled her eyes.
"They are asking for help, why would they refuse?"
"Because they want money."
"The Mother Confessor is right, our hands are as useful as our money. And we don't have money. Not enough at least."
"You are being too optimistic! Who would agree to work for free?"
"It would be good to have volunteers but it won't be enough. We won't execute any prisoner for now, they are going to be useful. However we will need guards to keep an eye on them."
"With all due respect Mother Confessor, we need guards here to protect the city."
"I know. I won't let anything happen to Aydindril. They will be chained. Yet not fully chained, we need them to be productive. But they won't be enough neither."
"Maybe we could send young people too. I mean apprentices. We could teach them how to build houses. The kind of house who can resist a storm and doesn't give you the impression it's raining inside."
"Very good point. That would help us either." Kahlan confirmed. "However I want hospitals to be built first."
"We could also send healers to train new healers over there."
"Builders, farmers and healers." The Mother Confessor nodded. "That sounds good. Do we need a vote?"
Two councilors disapproved and the eight others agreed; some because they thought it was a good idea and some because they were tired of arguing and wanted the Council to work with the Mother Confessor. She was right about compromises after all and it won't be the last time they would need compromises. The fight against the Mother Confessor had lasted too long, now it was done.
"Fine. Send a message to Occudunt. It's the nearest village so we will help them first."
"That is not the way we should proceed Mother Confessor. The other villages will ask why Occudunt is being help while they must wait."
"The problem would be exactly the same if we were giving them money. We can't help everyone at the same time. If they can't understand that then so be it and we will never help them." Kahlan said, surprising everyone. "They can't blame us for the crisis. The only thing they can blame us for is not doing that earlier."
"Couldn't we help more than just one village at a time?"
"I don't know. All I know for sure is that we need a meeting. As soon as possible."
"The message will be sent before midday." A man stood up and headed to the door. He stooped a moment. "I'll be back to show you the message Mother Confessor."
"I hope so."
"Hello Cara." John said with a bright smile.
"Hello." Cara mumbled.
"Still no news of Liam? It's strange..." John said more for himself.
"As if I cared." She groaned this time. Why Liam was the first subject of the day? Why was he even a subject? 'I hope she killed him'. John noticed that Cara was not in a good mood so he didn't say anything after that. But even without saying a word he was upsetting her. "Don't you have anything else to do than just look at what I'm doing?" She finally asked. "No wife? No children?"
"Ok, calm down, I got it." He rolled his eyes. This woman in front of him was definitely inaccessible. Sometimes giving up is the right choice. And in this case it was, however he was too blind or stupid to see it. Well, he was both in fact. "I'll be back when you're in good mood." He winked at her and smiled.
He was just like Liam. At that very moment she just wanted to... she didn't even know what she wanted to do to him. Something hurtful probably. Maybe ruin his life. She knew it wasn't fair, he didn't do anything but he was just like him. Just like Liam.
'It all started when I decided to have fun with Kahlan. But it's not my fault if he followed us! I should have wait until we were back. Make love to her in the street? Ridiculous! We had great time but if I had known what would happen next I wouldn't have touched her. I hope I'll have a chance to touch her again one day. Just kiss her, or even just hug her it'd be enough. Creator please I just want her back.'
Lost in her thoughts she didn't even realize he was gone. He was also gone from her thoughts since now it was just her and Kahlan in her mind.
The students arrived and soon the room was filled with a smell of sweat. She wasn't being gentle today and now most of them hated her.
"We want to learn magic! I still don't understand why we need to do this." a teenager said to Cara angrily after he received a blow on his temple.
"I don't ask you to understand, I ask you to be stronger. If you don't like it, you're free to go."
"Really?" he didn't expect Cara to allow him to leave. "I thought the Mother Confessor insisted-"
"I know what the Mother Confessor said." Her tone was rising. "She wants me to train wizards who can face every situation, wizards she can rely on. I doubt you'd be any support for her, kid." Cara insisted on the last word. "You all in this room can't provide her any support. Not yet. That's why I'm here. Why we're here. The great Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander and I hope you know this name, once said 'Magic is dangerous. The hardest part of being a wizard is knowing when not to use magic'." Cara approached the teenager. "You can use your brain or strength. But you, you don't seem to have neither of them."
"And how could you know that?" the teen asked, holding her gaze.
"Easy; the way you fight would get you killed in battlefield. Quickly killed. You only attack the right side. Every time you make a move your enemy just has to protect this side. He doesn't even need to think about his defense so he has more time to think about where and how to fight back."
"What if this is exactly what I want? What if I just want him to think I won't attack anywhere else?"
"It can be clever that's true." She shrugged and a victorious smile appeared on his face. "You're theory is good but your practice is so wrong." She rolled her eyes. "It's been more than an hour that you're attacking your partner at the same spot. Like I said you would be dead on a battlefield. You're defense is ok, but you wouldn't last more than ten minutes. You gave him an advantage, remember? Time to reflect is one of the most important thing. If the enemy finds your weakness, you can either try to desperately fight back or pray your end will be quick. Another thing that makes me think you don't have a brain is the way you talk to someone who could easily defeat you." The blonde added coldly. "Now get out."
"You just explained to me the reasons why I need to train more and now you want to kick me out?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I said."
"The Mother Confessor won't appreciate." He answered back.
"What's your name kid?" her voice was threatening.
"Henry."
"Henry what?"
"Henry Datford."
"Well Henry, you won't be allowed to attend my class anymore but you can be sure your name will be the first I'll put on the list when wizards are needed. You're right though, the Mother Confessor won't like it. I don't know what she'll do, maybe she'll just give me a warning or find another teacher, but whatever she does you won't be here to see it." 'She already hates me anyway'
Everyone was holding their breaths and Henry was as blank as a ghost now.
"Get out now, I won't say it again."
No one said anything after that. For the first time they realized how important those lessons were and for the first time they were extremely focused on the training. Cara was glad they finally got the message. She could see fear in their eyes and she liked it. Not because she wanted them to be scared but because she'd learnt long ago that it was one of the best ways to get stronger.
"Ok, you're doing great guys. We will take a break for half an hour. You are free to go but if you are late, you won't be welcome in my class anymore, is that clear?"
They all nodded and most of them left the room. Cara wanted to leave too but a student, always the same, came to see her.
"Hey." Edwinn said shyly. "I was wondering if you could show me how to protect myself better. I am pretty sure I do it wrong."
"Yes, you do it wrong." Cara laughed. Not a mocking laugh though. "Alright, come here."
"Thank you. Please don't be too gentle."
"I didn't plan to." This time she had a slight smile on her face. It was almost imperceptible but it was here. She definitely liked him. He answered with the exact same smile. "You need to know your body."
"Know my body? Do you mean I have to know my limits?"
Again the students in the room held their breaths. Would she be angry because he didn't understand? After all she was now seen as a cold and heartless teacher. And Edwinn was seen as suicidal. But Cara didn't even raise her voice. Actually she laughed again.
"First, your body will tell you when he reaches its limits. Trust me you will feel it. And second I have this bad habit to ignore my limits. You shouldn't do the same. I can't even tell you how many times it almost cost me my life. I just can't help myself. But no, that's not what I meant. I'm talking about coordination. Look at me in the eyes and don't break eye contact."
"OK."
"Now try to dodge my blows. I'll do it slowly first." she said before she headed her fist for his chest. He succeeded in countering the blow without breaking eye contact.
"Come on, you can do better teacher." He teased her but she ignored him.
"I know my eyes indicate you where I'm going to hit you, but you need to have a very clear idea of the spot I'm going to hit. That's what I meant by you have to know your body. Another exercise you can do to understand: close your eyes." She waited for Edwinn to comply. "Now with your index finger and thumb you're going to catch your earlobe."
His first attempt failed but then he quickly found it.
"See? Not so easy. It's even worse when you're moving, especially fighting."
"Thank you, I'll work on it."
"You're welcome. And just so you know, you can't tease me and pull through just like that. Yes, I can do better and I'll show you when you don't expect it."
"Well I'll be on my guard."
"You won't always be. I'll just be waiting for the right time. It's going to hurt boy." She said smiling.
"There won't be a right time." He winked at her.
"Fine, let's say one day. My threat will last one day, you just have to be on your guard for one day. But you should really, really be careful because I didn't plan to let you go so easily."
"Two days. I know you're going to win this fight quickly and it would be a miracle if I manage to survive tomorrow but still I want to try two days."
"Ok, two days then. Good luck."
"Can luck really save me?"
Cara pretended to think for a moment.
"No, I don't think so. I was just being polite. Especially because you have to concentrate on the training as well."
"Maybe I should see it as a bonus. I like it when it's difficult." he grinned.
"Good, you'll really like it then." Cara told him before she left the room.
"What the hell! Edwinn how did you do that? You talked to her and you're not even dead." A guy said behind his back.
Five men came to see him.
"Guys, you must have missed the last part of the conversation." Edwinn almost laughed.
"She smiled. I didn't know she was capable of such a thing after what she did earlier. It's like he's under sentence of death now."
"He was being disrespectful."
"Do you really think it's a reason good enough?!" his voice raised slightly.
"We don't have the right to question her authority. I can understand she doesn't want to waste her time. I don't want to waste mine neither. Like she said, Aydindril will need us one day and it's a great responsibility. We can't just say 'I don't want to do that' because it may cost a life in the future. She gave us a warning because most of the students here don't understand how serious the lessons are."
"Whoa, nice speech." a blonde guy said ironically. "I think you have a crush on her. You're acting like her pet now."
"I'd better not." Edwinn laughed loudly. "My girlfriend would kick my ass so hard I don't think I would be able to sit for the rest of my life."
"Is she pretty? How long have you two been together?"
"She the prettiest girl on earth and I've been dating her for two years now." he said proudly.
"And you never cheated on her before?!" a young man said. Edwinn could say he was a Casanova; he was really beautiful with his short blond hair and his blue eyes.
"What?! Of course I didn't! I love her more than anything. I want her to be proud of me and I'll fight hard for that."
"Stupid romantic! I can't stay with a woman more than a month."
"four months, it's my record of all time."
"Why?"
"I like changes I guess. Don't you feel the need of something new?"
"I am perfectly satisfied with her. She's perfect in any way. No one can do better than her so why would I feel the need of something new?"
"When you say no one can do better, are you talking about sex? You can't compare if you didn't try the other girls, you know? Hey I think our teacher is very skilled." The Casanova grinned.
"What makes you think that?" Edwinn asked. He wasn't the only one intrigued by the answer.
"First, she's supple. She also has strong hands which could be useful if you know what I mean."
"Strong hands which could kill you the second you put yours on her. She's out of your league man."
"Yeah I know. I'm too young to die anyway. But still, I wonder what kind of man she likes."
They all started to think, except Edwinn who couldn't believe the conversation was now about their teacher's sexuality.
"I think she wants someone who could almost handle her. But despite his strength she would dominate him."
"Do you think she's sadomasochist?"
"I'm almost sure she is the kind of girl who likes to be fucked hard." They all nodded.
"Seriously? Don't you think this is none of our business? We can't have this conversation, she's our teacher!"
"Oh come on, would you refuse if she asked you? Just because she's your teacher? Don't be silly!"
"I think it's a pretty good reason. And by the way I prefer passionate sex, it's more exciting."
"Maybe I would decline too. She's really impressive and she must expect a lot."
"Well I would gladly accept!" The blonde guy was being a Casanova again.
"Sorry to disappoint you but she said she had a girlfriend."
It was too much for Edwinn. Maybe it was because of his education, her mother wanted him to act like a gentleman, or maybe it was because he had a lot of respect for Cara, but he had to leave them. They wouldn't stop talking about it.
'I have better things to do than to be so childish.' he rolled his eyes.
Cara came back fifteen minutes later. As she had expected everyone was already here.
'What if she doesn't train the wizards because she's mad at me? I meant it when I said she would be a great teacher. No one here could compete with her. The other teachers would be too gentle compared to her. What if she's already left Aydindril? I could understand that, even if I don't want her to. I want her to be mine. I want to be hers. Well I want things to be like before. I have never felt happier than when we were together. Maybe we are still together and it is nothing more than an argue. Every couple has arguments, we're not the first one. No, I'm getting married next week and I told her horrible things. I screwed up everything, all I have now are my duties and a city to rule. Great. No Confessor before me had the chance to be with someone she loved. I'm the first Confessor who has the chance to be with someone I can't confess. And I rejected her. I want to go back in time. All I had to do was being grateful, she was just protecting our relationship. Does it really matter how she did it? Ok, maybe it matters a little, but what really matters is that I ruined all her efforts. I have to talk to her, then everything will be clear.'
When Kahlan was finally decided to go to see Cara, her mind stopped her again. If Cara tells her it's over then it would definitely be over. She didn't want to hear this. As long as Cara doesn't say it, as long as it was not official, there was a tiny hope inside Kahlan. Without that hope she would feel so much worse. But on the other hand she had to know.
"Excuse me, do you have any piece of advice for tomorrow please?" a voice asked her. She knew who it was.
"Edwinn I think you're not human." The blonde sighed. Seriously, he was always asking for more...
"And I think I'm as human as you. People usually tell me I'm ambitious. I want to be the wizard of the Mother Confessor. That's why I need to train."
"You want to be the wizard of the Mother Confessor?" Cara raised an eyebrow. She had totally forgotten that Kahlan was supposed to have a wizard on her side.
"Yeah, I know I'm far from it right now. But with your help there's no way I can't succeed!"
"Ok, then I'll train you more. Only if you manage to be into the top 5 tomorrow" Cara added, which made his smile go away.
"I'm not sure I can do it." he whispered.
"And I'm sure you can. But if you can't, you'll have to find someone else to train you. I have to warn you it'll be harder than what we're doing with the other. I can't let an amateur be her wizard. And you have to be ready to die for her, is that clear?"
"Is there a better death?"
"You know, you're giving me the impression that your only goal in your life is to die a hero." Cara said to tease him.
"You may be a good teacher but your jokes suck. I can't die now, I'm not even a father yet. That is a better goal."
"How old are you? 19? 20? I think you have time for this."
"I'm 18. That's funny, my girlfriend told me the exact same thing. She doesn't want a baby yet."
"That's understandable. And you want a dangerous life, she may have to raise your child without you one day."
"That's why I came to you, I want to survive as long as I can."
"You're a smart boy. But maybe you won't survive the training I planned for you." She said with a grin.
"As if! No matter what you have planned for me, I will survive."
"So confident!" she couldn't help but smile. "You're going to cry." she whispered slowly this time.
"What about you? Did you ever cry during a training?"
She didn't expect that question, which made Edwinn's smile grow bigger. He had his answer when he saw how uncomfortable she was.
"I was too young to handle the pain at that time." she muttered, ashamed.
"I knew it!"
"Oh shut up."
"No I mean I knew you started to fight when you were young. It's obvious, you're like a fight machine. Another goal in my life is to fight like you."
"Are you flirting with me?" She joked. She was flattered she couldn't deny.
"What everybody's problem today?" he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Like I said to Casanova earlier, I don't have a crush on you!"
"Calm down I was just kidding. They really think you have a crush on me? No offense but you're just a kid."
"I told you I'm 18, I'm not a kid."
"Yeah sure." she added. He looked at her a minute. "What?"
He started to laugh and Cara had no idea why. It was not the kind of reaction she expected. Well she didn't expect anything actually.
"Nothing. It's just that Casanova and his crew were wondering what kind of man you liked." He laughed again.
"That is none of their business. Did they ask themselves other questions about me?" Cara raised an eyebrow. This time it was Edwinn who was uncomfortable. "Tell me." She said with insistence.
"They were wondering what kind of..." he stopped there but continued after Cara told him to go ahead."What kind of sex you preferred. They think you're... you know, masochist."
"Ok I got it, no need to continue. They're assholes. Kick their asses tomorrow for me please. Especially the one you call Casanova, I don't really like him."
"I'll do my best. But you know it's too bad they remembered you have a girlfriend otherwise they would have keep trying to imagine what kind of man you like." his smile was back.
"I...," Cara stopped a second to think. "Actually she's not my girlfriend anymore. She's getting married in one week."
Kahlan, who finally had the courage to go and see Cara, had her answer now. At least she thought she had her answer. This couldn't be a worst timing. And the fact that Cara was talking about this so openly with someone else bothered her even more. Who was that guy? Cara didn't usually make friends. It had taken Kahlan a lot of time to be friend with the blonde.
She had to go, she couldn't stay here. She was suffering and Cara seemed quite fine. She wasn't of course but Kahlan couldn't help but think the contrary. And even if she wouldn't admit, she was jealous.
A/N: the quote from Zeddicus is from the 4th book (temple of the wind). I just finished to read him and I think Terry Goodkind was very sadistic with Cara, especially at the end when she was being tortured by Kahlan's husband. And Kahlan was heartbroken and desperatly tried to save her (ok, that part was sweet).
Anyway, I'll post the next chapter in less before next week.