I didn't think it would take me so long to write this one. Well writing isn't the problem, translation is. I hope you'll enjoy this one, I really had great time writing it =)
When she woke up, Cara realized she was holding a pillow. Hugging a pillow actually. It should have been Kahlan. And the sheets were cold next to her. She missed Kahlan so much that the brunette was haunting her dreams.
'Come on Cara, don't think about it. Today is a big day, there is the competition.' She threw the pillow. 'As if I cared seriously! I lost Kahlan. And I can't move on so easily. Maybe I should leave Aydindril. I don't belong here, I belong to D'Hara. But I like being here though and I like Edwinn. I'm lucky to have that kind of student. If he was a girl, he would make a great Mord'Sith.'
Cara got up and dressed. She looked at the empty bed. She didn't like to sleep in an empty bed. She had woken up many times during the night; her arms were always looking for something, someone who wasn't here. They never found the warm and comforting presence.
'I have to do something. But I can't compete with David, they have to be together. I may have had her love once, but he has her from the start. It's not fair.'
She ate her breakfast and left the inn.
Kahlan's eyes were red. Whether it was because she cried all night or because she didn't sleep that night again she had no idea. What Cara said was echoing in her head: She was not her girlfriend anymore. It was definitely over. And she was going to be David's wife soon. Her dream with Cara was now a nightmare. Kahlan sighed as she heard him coming into the room.
"Ok so the rule is simple: the only thing you can't do is to use magic. The fight won't end until I decide it ends, is that clear?" she waited for them to nod. "Good."
Cara called two students, Jason and Charlie, who were the strongest. Jason was young and tough, Charlie was older (probably 40) but he had his own qualities: he was experienced and wiser. If most of the fights would be boring, the Mord'Sith knew this one would be interesting.
"Start."
Everyone, including the two fighters, knew that the winner of this fight would be the winner of the competition.
Charlie was the first to charge. He wanted to punch him in the face but Jason had no problem to dodge it. He replied with a knee kick in his belly, which caused him to collapse. Cara found it weird, it didn't sound like him to put his head in the lion's mouth. And now that he was on the ground he was almost at his opponent's mercy.
Jason took advantage of the situation and hit him. But the older man managed to stand on his feet. He struggled to dodge Jason's blows who thought he had gained the victory. To mock his opponent's inferiority, he slowed his blows. That was exactly what Charlie was waiting for. From the start he wanted him to guard down
"You fool." He simply said with a smile on his lips before he gave a sharp blow to his throat. Fast and efficient, Jason collapsed, unconscious.
"Whoa, I must admit that was well done. I'm impressed, you've literally humiliated him. This is something you should all remember: never underestimate a wounded opponent." The blonde explained. She should have known he had something in mind. "Next: Edwinn, Justin, your turn."
That was the fight she wanted to see.
'I knew I would have to fight Casanova. I have to stay focus, he's strong. Stronger than me probably. Ok, coordination; I have to know my body.' Edwinn breathed slowly. 'I know my body. I have to think; my best chance to win is to be smarter than him.'
Cara noticed Edwinn was thinking too much. It wasn't a good thing, the blonde had learnt this long ago. If he didn't stop, there was no way he could win.
'His eyes will show me where's he's going to hit me. I have to focus on his eyes. I could also use mine to disrupt him. I could look at his right side and attack his left.'
'Come on, stop thinking!' Cara wished he could hear her.
Like Cara predicted he spent more time thinking than to attack. However, he had retained what she had told him about coordination, which allowed him to have an effective defense. Cara could see fear in his eyes. He didn't fear his opponent, he feared the defeat.
'I think I put too much pressure on him. He wasn't very confident yesterday when I said he had to be in the top 5. If he was confident he would be totally capable of doing so.'
Justin took advantage of Edwinn several times but he kept holding on. He finally decided to attack Justin; he moved his fingers towards Justin's throat to knock him out, like Charlie did before. He knew his blow would be dodged, his goal wasn't his throat: once Justin took his wrist he used his elbow to hit his face.
Cara couldn't believe her eyes. This trick wasn't common, but every Mord'Sith knew this one. She doubted he would ever stop surprising her.
Justin growled in pain before he head-butted Edwinn in revenge, who was knocked down. Before he could get to his feet Cara took the floor.
"Ok, I've seen enough. Justin you're the winner."
"What?! Why?! I'm not knocked out, there's no reason why this fight should end."
"I said I've seen enough. You'll have your chance in other confrontations, it's not a good idea to give all you have now."
He didn't say anything else but it was obvious that he was annoyed. Cara could understand him, it was quite humiliating, especially when you had a disproportionate pride. Edwinn was not as proud as Cara but he was pretty close. The blonde liked to see this anger in his eyes. This feeling made him incredibly stronger for the next fights.
'He has potential. Kahlan will be safe with him if I train him enough. This is the only way I can protect her now. I won't stop to take care of her, even if I can't do it myself.'
Once the competition was over, Cara wrote the ranking on a paper and gave it to the closest student.
"Pass it out once you're done. For those who are on the top of the list: be careful, the others will seek revenge next week."
Edwinn was disappointed to learn that he was 7th. He wasn't in the top 5 like Cara asked her.
"Why did you stop the fight?" He asked Cara with a bit of anger in his voice. "It wasn't over, I could have won."
Cara waited until the room was empty to answer him.
"Because I need you alive to protect the Mother Confessor. This blow you gave him, he really didn't like it. You may not have noticed but he had a knife in his pocket and he intended to use it."
"I'm not going to thank you if that's what you want."
"No, I don't expect you to thank me." she laughed slightly, which surprised Edwinn. "I wouldn't if I were you."
"Good, because I don't need your protection." He said firmly. Then his face softened. "I'm sorry I'm not in the top 5. I'll do better next time."
"Don't be sorry. No offense but you had no chance to be in the top 5. I'd never thought you would manage to be 7th actually. For this you can thank me, you are really good when you're mad." She teased him.
"So you're ok to train me?" He smiled brightly. Cara could hear excitement in his voice.
"The Mother Confessor has to be in good hands, and I have to make sure of it."
"Speaking of the Mother Confessor, I heard she's going to get married next week. It's her, isn't it? Your ex-girlfriend I mean."
"The Mother Confessor isn't the only one who's getting married next week, idiot." She tried to hide her concern.
"True, but you were a couple not long ago and now your ex-girlfriend is getting married with someone else. That's weird, unless she has to get married."
"You really have to stop thinking today." She was growling now. Why would he even want to know this?
"So it's really her?" He insisted, a smile on his face.
"I didn't say that!"
"No, but your face said it for you."
"Even if it's her, I don't want to talk about it. And you shouldn't talk about it neither, something really bad happened to the last person who tried." She didn't want Edwinn to know that she loved the Mother Confessor. She liked him but if he was a threat for Kahlan's reputation, she would have to take care of him. And she didn't want to.
"You could have been confessed." Edwinn continued, ignoring what Cara had just said. "You're not confessed, are you?" He raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not confessed, idiot."
"Hey, stop calling me that!"
"Not my fault you're ARE an idiot. We still don't know why but she can't confess me."
"How can you know? Did she tried to confess you and failed? Hmm no I think it's because True Love is in the air!" He joked.
Cara looked at him for a second. No, he wouldn't be a threat.
"Actually she did." Cara smiled. "Soon after we met. But I deserved it, and not only because of what I did to her. We almost hated each other when we first met, you know? I guess it couldn't be otherwise, I was train to hate her after all." She realized she made a mistake once she finished her sentence.
"You were trained to hate her?" he raised an eyebrow. Cara knew he had understood the meaning of it.
"No, yes... I mean... don't you ever stop asking questions?" She said, uncomfortable.
"You're a Mord'Sith! I should have understood when you said you started to train when you were young. That's damn cool! I heard that agiels hurt like hell, is that true? Can you teach me how to handle the pain like a Mord'Sith?" He had so many questions in his head right now. Cara couldn't believe he was so happy to learn that she was a Mord'Sith.
"You definitely have a problem." She rolled her eyes but a small smile appeared on her lips.
"What? Do you want me to be scared of you? Most of people here may hate Mord'Sith because of what happened in the past but I don't. And if the Mother Confessor trusts you then I can trust you too. Now please show me your agiels." Edwinn implored her with puppy eyes. "I have to be strong for the Mother Confessor, remember?" He continued.
"Ok. But again, don't tell anyone."
"I'm not a fool, I know what will happen to you if they learn you're a Mord'Sith. Who would train me then?" He teased her.
"Thank you." She answered with a genuine smile. It was good to be able to trust someone.
The day finally came. The best day in a woman's life. Except for Confessors. Kahlan was prepared for this, but it was hard all the same. It would have been easier if Cara was here to support her.
'She must be with her student right now. She spends a lot of time with him. I don't expect her to be here, it's been a week now. But I want her to be here. It can't be over, it felt so good when we were together, we never thought it would end.'
Kahlan was lost in her thoughts as the maids dressed her. Before she realized it, she was on the balcony of the Palace before the crowd. David was holding her hands. He couldn't be happier; he had feared this day would never come because of Cara. Kahlan, On the other hand had hoped this day would never come thanks to Cara. Now more than ever her name was echoing in her head.
'Think of something else Kahlan.' She kept saying to herself.
"David Scott, will you have this woman as your wife, and will you love and honor her in all ways for all time?" The priest asked David.
'Do we really have to do this seriously? Our relationship is not about love, it's about duties and confession. Why doesn't he adjust his speech to the situation? Cara please take me out of here!'
"I will." David answered.
"Kahlan Amnell, will you have this man as your husband, and will you love and honor him in all ways for all time?"
'Take me out of here Cara, please. Anyone help me. I don't want this, I want my True Love. It should be Cara in front of me.'
"I will." Kahlan finally answered. Those two words broke her heart, yet she said them.
"Then before your people," the priest continued, "and before the spirits, you are now wedded for all time."
The crowd cheered as Kahlan fought hard to stay still. Her legs were weak. David kissed her to conclude the ceremony.
'Cara please, I need you so much. Take me away from him.'
Could a ring be heavier than the one David just gave her? She doubted it. If the situation had been different, she would find the ring lovely. But it looked so ugly to her.
Cara couldn't be in Aydindril today. Everybody was talking about the Great Wedding. The celebration would last all day. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Even if she was far from the Palace, she heard the crowd.
'Shut up you bastards! Fuck you all!' Cara put her hands on her ears and cried loudly. She wanted it to end, she wanted her feelings to disappear, she wanted to forget everything. But people didn't stop cheering. 'I'd rather be tortured by Darken Rahl himself. Physical pain is so much easier to bear! Why do I even have those feelings? She's a Confessor. Plus she killed Ruby. I would have done the same thing, I can't blame her for that. It's useless to try, I can't hate her. How can I possibly hate her when she's all I want? Come on Cara you know how to end this pain. Just do it. Try at least.'
Kahlan knew exactly what she had to do now. First, she had to find Cara; it has been too long and she decided that it was time to take the risk to see if Cara had forgiven her or not. She was tired of regrets. She was anxious but confident at the same time. She would do anything Cara would ask her to do and it'd be fine. She couldn't wait to kiss her again.
She thought she would find her in the training room, like every evening, with the teenager. She knew it because she followed her and just enjoyed looking at her, though it was painful too. But tonight she wasn't here. Edwinn was here though. Yes, by now she knew his name well. He was his best chance to find her since they became pretty close.
"Hello." Kahlan said without showing any emotion. Edwinn couldn't answer, he was impressed. "I know you spend a lot of time with Cara, so can you please tell me where she is?"
"She told me she needed a break for tonight. Her exact words were "I need to breath" but I'm sure she just meant she needed a break." He said with a nervous tone.
"Which means?"
"I think she's in the woods, this is where she goes when something's bothering her."
"What?"
Kahlan was confused, she didn't know about this. She didn't like the fact that Edwinn knew more about Cara than she did.
"I said I think she's in the woods, this is where she goes when something's bothering her. And today isn't a good day for her."
"Where exactly in the woods?" Kahlan's impatience grew.
"I don't know. But you won't find her if she doesn't want to be found."
"I will find her, boy." She said coldly. It was unfair from her and she knew it. This guy spent the week with Cara ad she didn't like it. Not that she was scared about him stealing Cara's heart but she was jealous of the time they had together.
"I'm sorry if I offended you Mother Confessor, I didn't mean to. All I am saying is that she's really impressive."
"I know that. And if you knew her better, you would realize that she's even more impressive." A small smile appeared on the brunette's lips. She wanted to show him she knew Cara better than him. He knew that of course since he knew they were once together. "Thank you for your help."
"You're welcome Mother Confessor."
Even if Cara was good at covering her tracks, Kahlan had spent a whole year with her so she had time to learn how to follow her. It wouldn't be the first time she'd have to look for Cara in the woods. The closer she got, the smaller her confidence became. She knew if she stopped to give herself more time to think about it, she wouldn't go further. She had to keep going. Kahlan could hear her heartbeat echoing in her ears.
'I have to try. It's not easy but I don't want to spend the rest of my life without her. And I don't want Edwinn to know her better than me. I have to try.'
When she finally found Cara she was sitting near a fire she had made. She had spent the whole day here. The fire was dying but Cara didn't really care. And since the sun was almost gone, it would be dark soon. The blonde jumped on her feet when she saw Kahlan. She didn't expect her to be here. She was about to say something but Kahlan didn't give her time to do so. She ran into her arms and held her tightly. Maybe she wouldn't like it but hell it's been a whole week!
"Cara listen to me; I know you're mad at me and you've got quite good reasons. Really I wish our last conversation never happened. I'm glad you didn't accept his offer Cara. It would have killed me if you did. There was no option left for you and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." Kahlan was speaking very quickly, as if she had only few seconds to tell her everything she wanted. "I've missed you so much and, even if it's selfish, I hope you felt it too. I should have come to see you earlier. I'm sorry." She finally stopped to take a breath. "But when I did come to see you, you said I was not your girlfriend anymore so I... well I didn't know what to do."
"Kahlan-"
"No let me finish. You know it was my wedding today."
"Yeah, how could I forget?" Cara growled. "How was it?"
"I said let me finish, otherwise I may lose my courage to talk to you. It was pretty awful. When he gave me the ring I realized how much I need you to bear this life. Actually if I'm being truly honest with myself, I just can't live this life without you." Kahlan noticed Cara's smile but she tried to stay focused on her speech. "So I closed my eyes and I told myself it was you. Now I know what I have to do." She took Cara's hand. "Cara marry me. I swear I'll do anything you want. From the start you're always making sacrifices for me; my sister asked you not to be a Mord'Sith, I asked you to train the wizards... you always have to adjust your life according to mine. But I swear if you say yes, things are going to change." She stopped breathing as she waited for Cara's answer.
"Isn't the Mother Confessor already married?" Cara raised an eyebrow.
"She is, but I, Kahlan Amnell, am asking you to marry me."
"I can't accept Kahlan."
"Why?" This is why Kahlan was hesitant to go to see her. Tears would soon invade her cheeks. So what now? "I said I'd do anything. Just ask and it's done." Kahlan said desperately.
"When I understood there was nothing I could do to prevent you from marrying David-" she didn't have time to continue.
"But you know he doesn't mean anything to me." Here they were, her tears.
Cara put her hand on Kahlan's mouth so that she could finally stop talking.
"You're talking too much tonight Confessor. So, when I understood there was nothing I could do to prevent you from marrying David, I felt bad at first. I felt dead inside actually. And then I thought about something. The Creator gave me, and only me, the chance to be with you since you can't confess me. It must mean something. So, even if you're his wife, it's not a reason good enough to give up on you. It seems we've got the same idea." Cara said as she pulled out a ring from her pocket. "BUT I thought about proposing you first so your proposal doesn't count."
"Why did you have to scare me?!" Kahlan's head fall onto Cara's shoulder and the brunette sighed in relief. Cara wrapped her arms around Kahlan and kissed her hair.
Kahlan thought the hug would never end. She wanted to stay in her arms forever. That was where she belonged.
"It's your fault, you ruined my speech with your proposal."
Kahlan raised her head and kissed Cara. It felt good after one week to be able to smell her scent and yeah, Kahlan couldn't deny she was happy to feel those wandering hands again, it made her giggle.
"Thinking about something is one thing, doing it is another. Even if you thought about this before me, I asked you first." Kahlan teased her, she knew it was important for her to be the one who asks. "I will annul my proposal if you promise me something. If this is just a dream then you'll propose me again when I wake up."
"What kind of promise is that? If you're dreaming then I'm not the Cara you love and she won't know about this. But ok, I promise."
"Good."
"Just so you know, I was just waiting for the right time. And look, this is an engraved ring." The blonde said proudly. "Impressed?"
'Forever mine' was written on the ring. Kahlan smiled when she read it.
"The engraving is supposed to be inside."
"I know, that's what the guy told me in the shop. But I want people to see it, even if they can't really understand what it means. With this, I can show people you're mine. Well, in a certain way. You don't like it? Is it too much?" Cara started to worried.
"No. No it's perfect Cara. But mine is not engraved and I'm not going to give it to you before I take it back to the shop to make an engraving too."
"Oh no, you're going to give it to me right now!" Cara said, trying to catch Kahlan's hand but the brunette hold it in the air so that Cara couldn't reach her. "Ok, it doesn't matter. It's time to do it properly now."
The Mord'Sith took Kahlan's free hand and was about to slip the ring onto her finger when Kahlan stopped her.
"Not this finger." She whispered.
"Why? Do you prefer this one?" Cara pointed the middle finger.
"The ring must be on the ring finger. Besides, this is why it's called ring finger." Kahlan restrained herself from laughing.
"Sorry I didn't know. Mord'Sith are not supposed to get married so they never told us about this." Cara blushed. She was afraid she had ruined the moment but Kahlan encouraged her to continue with a kiss on her cheek.
"Go on Cara, I can't wait to be your wife."
"You're not going to be my wife tonight but my fiancée. I have bigger plans for our wedding. Sure it won't be as majestic as yours with David. There won't be a lot of people nor musicians. But still, I have great plans for our wedding." Cara lied. It was true she wanted the wedding to be amazing and unforgettable, but she had no idea how she would organize it yet. She would take time later to think about it seriously.
"Then I can't wait to be your fiancée."
"Already tired of David?"
"You have no idea!"
They lost themselves in each other's eyes for a second, and then Cara finally put the ring (on the right finger!).
"And now, what I am supposed to do?" Cara asked anxiously. 'I should have make researches about how to propose someone! Cara you suck...'
"Now it's time for you to kiss me. A very long kiss." She added.
"Definitely the easiest part." Cara smiled and crushed her lips onto Kahlan's. She had promised herself earlier that if they got back together she would be more careful when she kisses Kahlan outside after what happened, but Cara totally forgot about this promise at this moment. She made an effort though; her hands stayed on Kahlan's cheeks. The butterflies in her belly were back.
They both ignored their lungs which were asking for air. Their tears of joy melt and finally, Kahlan broke the kiss.
"Cara you're crying, you must have something in your eyes." Kahlan teased her.
"Shut up and give me my ring so that we can kiss again."
Kahlan's lips slowly approached Cara's right ear.
"As you wish Mistress." She whispered.
"Kahlan don't say that, now I have dirty things in mind." Cara sighed. "I'm trying hard to do things right, but you don't seem to care."
"Whatever you do is perfect, so you can stop trying. And yes, Cara I do care about what you do. You're definitely doing things right."
Cara smiled at first but then she looked at Kahlan suspiciously.
"I know what you're doing Kahlan."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You're changing the subject. You really don't want to give me the ring now, do you? You are smart, but not as smart as me."
"I'm not changing the subject. I was just giving you an idea of our 'engagement night'."
"Fine, so you're ok to give it to me then?"
"Absolutely." Kahlan said, trying to be convincing. She quickly put the ring on Cara's ring finger and kissed her so that she couldn't look at it. She was afraid Cara thought her ring wasn't good enough, since the one Cara had just offered her was, according to Kahlan, better than any other. But like she said, Cara wasn't dumb.
"Let me see it." Cara managed to say between two kisses. Kahlan understood that kisses were not enough to prevent Cara from looking at the ring, so she started to caress her in a subjective way. She even started to undress herself to tempt the blonde. "I said let me see it. But I must admit, you almost had me with your faked sexual impulsions."
As Cara looked at it, Kahlan didn't even breathe.
"It's... It's perfect." Cara said slowly. There was no smile on her face though.
"You don't have to lie. I'll choose another one tomorrow." Kahlan said, constrained.
"No really Kahlan I mean it, it's beautiful. I'm just surprised that's all."
"Why is it surprising?"
"Well I didn't expect you to give me an engagement ring with a ruby."
"I know red's your favorite color so I wanted something red for you. You don't like rubies?"
"I do like rubies. Thank you Kahlan." Cara kissed her.
"Oh Creator!" She slapped her forehead as she understood. "Tell me I didn't just give you a ruby! I'm so sorry Cara, I didn't mean to hurt you. Trust me I had completely forgot about her. Ok, I'll definitely take it back to the shop. What the hell were you thinking about, Kahlan?!"
Cara leant with her back against the closest tree and crossed her arms. She found it funny how Kahlan was worried, angry at herself and panicked at the same time. She clearly didn't know what to do, her gestures were unsure and quick. Cara knew that whatever she might say wouldn't prevent her from this state of mind. So the blonde just looked at her with a smile on her face. It took a minute for Kahlan to realize it.
"Are you done? You should stop thinking for a while and take time to realize that we're engaged. Isn't it wonderful after all the obstacles that got in our way?"
"Yes, but the ring-"
"What's the matter with the ring exactly? You are right, red is my favorite color."
"I don't want it to remind you of Ruby. Not that I hate her, well maybe I do but that's not the point, I don't want you to feel hurt or sad when you look at it."
"This ring will always remind me of how it feels to have you by my side, especially after having losing you for what seemed an eternity to me." She winked at Kahlan. "I told you, the ring is perfect."
"Are you sure?"
"Like I said, I was just surprised at first. In fact I don't want it to remind you of Ruby since she killed the one who should have been the most important person in your life. But now it's too late, if you want to take it back to the shop, you'll have to step over my corpse. Or cut my finger, but we both know you're too kind to do this, you wouldn't hurt anyone for no reason."
"I'm definitely not going to cut your finger but trust me, it has nothing to do with kindness nor compassion. This is more about selfishness if you know what I mean." Kahlan whispered in Cara's ear before she started to lick her earlobe.
"You naughty girl!"
"Something I've learnt from you."
"Yeah, I'm a pretty good sexual teacher."
"I'm sorry I've missed your lessons this week."
"Don't be, abstinence can be good. It keeps all your sexual energy which, once released, will give you a lot of pleasure. I didn't know how I would tackle this lesson, well now it's done. And I hope you understood it well, because I won't show you again."
"I'm going to retain this one for the rest of my life, you can be sure of that. I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too Kahlan. You and your lips. And I definitely missed your body."
"I've missed it too."
"You've missed your body? Something must be wrong with you, maybe you should see a doctor." Cara joked.
"Haha, very funny." the Confessor answered ironically.
"Ok, let's go back to serious matters." Cara wrapped her arms around Kahlan's waist. "You said you were willing to do sacrifices for me, right?"
"Yes, I did." she nodded.
"Then I want us to have our own home, our own house."
"My place is at the Palace, you know that. This is where all the Mothers Confessor always belonged to. And I'm glad to be the first one to break that rule."
"Really?! You would leave the Palace?"
"Not officially."
"What do you mean not officially?"
"I'll let them believe I do live in the Mother Confessor's room but every night I'll join you in our house. I'm sorry but it can't be officially, like I can't marry you officially. For that I'm sorry too."
"Who cares seriously? First we're engaged and now we're going to leave your room for our own house. Kahlan you shouldn't be sorry, it's just amazing. I can't believe it. Especially after the week we had." She said as she hugged her. She was as happy as a child on Christmas morning.
"It feels good to make sacrifices for you. But I'm not sure we can call that sacrifices. Ask me something else Cara."
"Don't say that, I may take you away from Aydindril in the end."
"I know you won't. It doesn't matter, I'll choose for you."
"No!" Cara said quickly before Kahlan could say anything else. "I have something in mind actually. What about you don't see your husband tomorrow?"
"I think I owe you a whole week." Kahlan winked at her.
"A week?! You know you're supposed to get pregnant, right?"
"It's just a week, I can procreate later. And David won't say anything if I ask him not to."
"Don't promise me anything else otherwise it'll definitely be a dream."
"I think this is more than a dream. This is happiness, and it's just the beginning."
Cara stroked her cheek gently. She kissed her forehead and let her lips linger more than necessary, and then she kissed her cheek which wasn't being stroked.
"Your heart is beating so hard, I can hear it." Cara whispered in her hear.
"I know, I can feel it too. It's probably because I thought I had lost you for good. Not only because of what I said to you. You had every reason to blame me for that. Honestly, I can't even tell you what the hell happened in my mind. However, what I know for sure is that I'm sorry because it was all my fault. And I shouldn't have told you about the wedding this way."
"Is there a good way to tell your girlfriend you're going to marry someone else? Who decided this? The Council?" Cara asked and took Kahlan's hands in her own. She wasn't really interested in the answer because it wouldn't change anything and it didn't matter anymore by the way, they were engaged now.
"Of course it wasn't my decision. I had almost forgotten about that. Well, not completely of course, but there was a certain blonde who were on my mind."
"Were?"
"Is." Kahlan corrected her mistake and kissed Cara to apologize. "Anyway, I could have refused. But it was useless to postpone the wedding. My mother used to tell me "the quicker, the better". And I guess the councilors would have suspected something.
"You did what you were supposed to do Kahlan. And I must admit you are very strong. Not that I didn't know that but, the more I see you, the more I'm impressed. If I were you I wouldn't have married David and not only because I don't like him but also because I'm not strong enough to fake a wedding. Well maybe I could if you were not here. It's really hard for me to know that you're married but I know it's nothing compared to what you must feel. And I let you do this alone. Very clever Cara! You can say it, I suck." The blonde sighed. "If I could change that I swear I would do it."
"First, like I said before, it was my entire fault. I completely freaked out and I rejected you. Second, I'm conditioned for this since I'm a little girl. I know that this is what I have to do."
"Yes, this is what you're supposed to do, but I'm supposed to stand by Richard's side and as you can see I'm not. Whatever I have been told I can't stick to it."
"And you'd better not! I can be possessive too."
"As if I didn't notice before." Cara rolled her eyes. "What I'm trying to say is that you can do your duty no matter how hard it is. And because of that you're going to do great things here in Aydindril. Yeah, I'm the girlfriend of a hero!" Cara said proudly.
"I'm not a hero. And I'm more than your girlfriend now, remember?" Kahlan teased her. "I am not flawless Cara, I know you know that, don't deny it."
"A hero is not flawless. No one is flawless. People who pretend to be are just idiots. I know you're not perfect, well technically you're not, but I do think you're perfect. But how can I be objective when I see your lovely face? When I taste your lips? Or when I see in your eyes how much you want me? Actually I don't want to be objective. I wish I was more like you Kahlan."
"That's funny because I wish I was more like you too." Kahlan wrapped her arms around Cara's neck and gently kissed her lips. "And just so you know, you're perfect to me too. I feel good when you're near me. More than good actually, I feel safe."
"You shouldn't see me that way, I'm the kind of people you used to hate. I can really be a bitch sometimes."
"I don't like it when you do that."
"I know but I can't help myself. Do you forgive me?" Cara asked with puppy eyes. She also had a big grin on her face.
"I'm not talking about the way you act, I'm talking about you degrading yourself. I think it's time for you to see who you really are. Sure you are impulsive and overreacting sometimes, but that doesn't make you a bitch. Next time I hear you say that, you'll regret it."
"What are you going to do?" The blonde raised an eyebrow. She had learnt long ago that Kahlan could be persuasive with her threats.
"I would sleep in the Mother Confessor's room, which means of course that I'd spend the night with David. You've probably already heard of him, he's my husband. And since he is, he's supposed to live in the Mother Confessor's room with me."
"I don't care whether it's David or anyone else, I don't like the fact that you spend the night with someone else."
"Me neither. So just stop doing it, ok?"
"I promise. So what's the other reason?"
"What?" The brunette had no clue what she was talking about. "What other reason?" she raised an eyebrow.
"You said you thought you'd lost me for good, not only because of what happened that night. So what's the other reason?"
"It's not important anymore, I didn't lose you."
"It's important to me, I want to know what else I did wrong."
Kahlan shyly turned her head so that Cara couldn't see it anymore. Cara was pretty sure she was blushing. She cupped her face and smiled. "Kahlan you know you can tell me anything." Cara said before she kissed her cheek.
"Edwinn."
"Tell me you didn't just say that!"
"See, I knew you would be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you. Actually I don't know why I'm not laughing right now."
"He told me you always go to the woods when something's bothering you."
"So what?"
"I didn't know that! He knows things I don't know about you."
"Ok so you think I'm in love with that child, is that it?"
"He's more than just a child to you. I know you don't love him the way you love me but you really, really like him. And you don't usually make friends so quickly. You seemed to have so much fun with him, I thought you would forget about me." she whispered, almost ashamed.
"Yeah sure," Cara said ironically. "One more day and you would have been completely erased from my memories. And one more week and I would have had wild sex with him." she rolled her eyes again. "He has a girlfriend, you can relax."
"That's not what I meant."
Kahlan sat near the fire. Cara followed her and sat behind her so that she could wrap her arms around her waist and put her chin on her shoulder.
"We're not having our first argument as fiancée and fiancée, are we?" the blonde joked.
"I don't think so." Kahlan laughed slightly. "I'm not jealous of him because I have you and he doesn't. It's just that it took you so long to let me in. He managed to do in one week what I did in months."
"That is only because you changed me. If I had met him before you, there's no way I would have liked him."
"I think you would have, he's a lot like you. He's proud, always ready to fight and stubborn."
"Wait a minute, how could you possibly know that?"
"I... I may have spent some time watching you." Kahlan said shyly. "I needed to see you, even if I couldn't talk to you."
"Why didn't I notice? I didn't see you. How did you do that?"
"I've learnt long ago how to be discreet."
"Don't be discreet next time, because I needed to see you too. You're right though, I was pretty much like him when I was young. Except that we don't have the same education. What about you? What kind of teenager were you?"
"I was always worried for Denee. All I could think of was to protect her. I was pretty studious, I read almost half of the books which are in the Palace. It's a lot, trust me. I wanted to travel, to see the world. I was so naive at that time. When I finally left Aydindril to find Richard I realized how dangerous the world was outside. I was almost killed before I could find Richard. I also wanted to be a mom, but now it scares me. What if I am not good enough? What if I am the worst mother ever?"
"If you become the worst mother, I'll become the most selfless woman on earth. That won't happen, neither of them." Cara reassured her. "You will develop the maternal instinct and you'll be a great mom. Is this why you don't want David to touch you for a whole week?"
Kahlan turned her head to face Cara. The blonde could see she was worried.
"I should be pregnant by now but I'm not. What if something's wrong with me and I can't have children? Maybe the Creator knows I can't be a good mother so she -"
"Kahlan stop." Cara interrupted her. "When I was in the future with Richard you had a son."
"I don't want a son."
"Darken Rahl used magic for that. But that's not the point, you can have children. You may be scared now but I know I will have to use blackmail to hold your daughters in my arms." She smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Honestly, I can't wait for you to be a mom. You'll be an awesome mom, and I'll be here too. "
"Were you scared when you were pregnant." the brunette asked slowly.
"One of the scariest thing in my life actually. I was too young for this and I didn't have any support. A pregnant Mord'Sith is a burden you know?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring back bad memories. How young were you?"
"I was 17." Cara said in a whisper.
Kahlan knew that tone, she was lying. But she could understand that she didn't want to talk about it, it must have been really hard for her.
"Cara, I think I'm going to fall asleep in your arms. I hope it doesn't bother you."
"Really? What about the engagement night you talked about earlier?" The blonde smiled. She could see how tired Kahlan was, it had been a long week for the both of them. Neither of them slept much, but now that everything was ok between them, now that all the stress was gone they could sleep properly. "Get up, it's time to go."
"I have to talk to David, I have to tell him that I'll be only yours tomorrow. And that even if we're supposed to sleep in the same bed now that we're married, I'll spend my nights with you."
"I want to see that!" Cara grinned.
The end of the night in the next chapter ;)