Disclaimer: See Prologue

A/N: It took a lot to be able to write this one.

They were legal adults but they still looked like boys in their overly large black suits. Lupin who usually dressed like a tramp among tramps for, Harry assumed, the hell of it, looked particularly out of place. He stared off into space, looking toward the sea and biting his lip, holding back tears.

"When was that taken?"

Lupin took a deep breath and made to speak but Sirius silenced him with a mere finger. "July the eighteenth, 'seventy-eight. It was Remus' father's funeral."

1978

CLICK!

Sirius had a lot of respect for John's widow. She managed to keep her head when all around her had lost theirs. Of course, Remus had a perfectly legitimate reason to fall apart. He and John were more like brothers than father and son, but Sirius really couldn't understand how people he had never before seen (and he had spent an awful lot of time at Sleepy Cottage) had any right to weep and leave Emma to plaster on a faint smile and struggle on.

"There. You all look so grown up. Well, you are grown up. You know what I mean." She was a remarkable actress, she had once made a living from the ability, but she couldn't bluff the grief out. She reached for her son and straightened his tie. Sirius caught sight of her shaking hands and had the decency to engage James and Peter in conversation about rising sea levels as what was left of the Lupin family clung together as though letting go would mean losing one another.

Eventually, Emma pulled away and flicked imaginary dust from her son's shoulder. "You look ever so handsome." She stepped back. "Just like him." She was secretly relieved that this statement was not completely true. She didn't think she would be able to stand if her late husband's eyes twinkled at her.

Lupin smiled weakly. "We'd better go."

James watched him turn away and walk along the cliff path to the church and muttered, "He's going to go to pieces."

Sirius nodded. "Let's hope we can get him out before he does, eh?"

And so they waited with baited breath throughout the service, surreptitiously glancing in Lupin's direction as he sat, stony faced beside them. Eventually, he stood and walked towards the lectern. He licked his lips and immediately James froze. This was it. This was the breakdown, in front of all these people. In a Church for Heaven's sake.

Lupin glanced into the casket. The silence was deafening. Nobody even coughed. "It's been said that a man's greatest fear is public speaking," said Lupin. "This is followed by death." He took a deep breath and attempted a smile in his friends' direction. James shook his head slowly. Please God, Lupin wasn't opening with a gag. "So at funerals, a man would rather be in the casket than reading the eulogy." He laughed weakly, alone. "Well, I can second that one. I'd certainly rather be dead."

He leant on the lectern. "When I was eleven, I was sent to Boarding school. My father wanted desperately for me to be in his House and I wasn't. I was placed in what I think was the best place for me. I told my dad and I was terrified of his response. I waited two days and at the end of the week, the letter came. I never showed it to anyone but it meant to much to me."

He pulled a yellowed piece of parchment out of his pocket and read, "Remus, well done. My son the Gryffindor. It could be a lot worse. Congratulations. Your mother could tell you the story better than I ever could but in Greek myth, Icarus flew too close to the sun and his wings burned. People always say that the moral of the story is not to fly too close to the sun. Bullshit!" He paused and looked up from his sheet. "I was eleven." His eyes flickered back down. "Who tells you how high you can fly? Build better wings, kid. Build better wings and if they melt, I'll catch you."

His voice cracked and the tears pooled in his eyes. "He used to watch Casablanca every week with my aunt Charlie and when he wasn't doing that, he was throwing things at me because he thought I ought to improve my reflexes. They were his hobbies. He was that sort of man. I really can't put into words how I felt about him; how I still feel. He is my hero. Was; was my hero."

He wiped his eyes and peered back into the casket. "Well, here's looking at you, kid." He gasped for breath. "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

Emma Lupin got to her feet but James and Sirius were quicker, pulling their friend out of the Church just before the howling started. James shushed him, fearing a repetition of the Anna debacle in the Shack, screaming and scratching until he bled.

"Remus, please."

Lupin was immediately silent, watching James as the wolf might, with a vague curiosity that frightened both James and Sirius. It was almost as though they spoke to a vegetable.

"My father is about to rot in a churchyard and Voldemort is allowed to keep on killing. John Lennon stood in the street and was shot while Yoko Ono stood beside him in the bloom of health. Albus Dumbledore had the power to end a war and won't do it. You explain that to me." He leapt to his feet and screamed. "Explain it!"

James was struck dumb. Luckily, Lupin had enough to say for both of them.

"And do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to find that bastard Travers and I'm going to take his wand off him, tie him to a chair and light my cigarette. I'm going to get the name of the curse he put on my father and then I'm going to put it out in his eyes."

James took a deep breath. "Well, it's a decent enough plan, Remus. It's clear that you've really thought this through and of course, I'll stand by you, but that doesn't really solve any problems, does it?"

Lupin laughed bitterly. "If it gets another Death Eater out the way, it sounds good to me."

James sighed. "It also gets you out of the way, Remus. Being what you are, the Ministry will immediately shove you in Azkaban and let the Dementors have you."

Lupin shrugged. "That sounds pretty good to me too."

James' eyes blazed. "Sirius, can you give us a minute?" He turned back to Lupin. "Remus, I have never met anyone more deserving of happiness than you or your family but the world doesn't work like that. I don't know if you've actually really looked at your mother today but if she found you after they'd done that to you, she would die, Remus. I mean it. She would actually die."

As though slapped across the face and waking from a trance, Lupin met James' eyes and shook his head slightly. "I need to see her. She's worse. She's-"

James held out a hand. "Sirius is with her in there." All four boys had been aware of Emma Lupin taking on Sirius after hearing about his treatment at Grimmauld. None of them had failed to notice his extremely large portions nor the praise heaped on him for the most trivial achievements. She had attempted to make up for any lost love and as a result, Sirius was crazy about her.

Lupin sank down onto the grass with the easy grace he had inherited from his mother. "I just feel like I've been cheated out of everything. I'm not cursed, James. I am the curse."

James sat beside him. "Don't be ridiculous." He sat in silence with him for a moment before the thought occurred to him. "Do you want to go back in, Moon?"

Lupin shook his head. "I'm not going to the wake either." He saw James open his mouth to protest and pressed a finger to his friend's lips. "I'll have one myself."

James nodded. "We'll have one for him together."

Lupin nodded and managed a faint smile. "Thank you."